Althouse: "24 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Texas."

June 21, 2014

"24 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Texas."

"Once you leave heaven, earth just isn’t all that."

Oh, you think you could do 24 things about a state you left and now miss? Try!

50 comments:

RobertW said...: Well, I'd miss Texas every time I had to pay state income taxes!; 6/21/14, 1:08 PM
SteveR said...: Well I've lived in Texas and still go back, the list really isn't very good.; 6/21/14, 1:08 PM
bleh said...: The breakfast tacos one is soooooooo true. It's not that hard to do right.; 6/21/14, 1:17 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: 3. Luckily, when I lived in Texas (Austin), the local beer was Shiner, and not Lone Star.

7. They may have a point about the tubing. Here, in Colorado, due to the high runoff, people are dying in uncharacteristically high numbers in the rivers this year.

8. Y'All is one of those things that I brought back from living in Texas. It is a very useful language construct.

9. I think that you need to be a little drunk to appreciate WhataBurger.

12. My grandparents actually did ride horses to school, but that was in the OK panhandle, and, maybe a century ago. I know that some of the cousins ended up going south (into Texas), while my grandparents went north (into Colorado).

14. I would put the night sky throughout much of the West, and, esp. here in the mountains of CO, well above what I could see in TX. We have less humidity than much of TX, and are much higher up.

It was living in DC, and on the east coast, where you couldn't see stars at night. You would get used to that, and then go somewhere where you could see the stars, and all of a sudden realize what you were missing living with all that humidity and city lights.

15. Ok - they have 85 mph on a few selected roads. Just hope that they aren't still using beers as a proxy for distance.

16. The ice tea is one thing that I don't miss from TX. That sweet s**t is a southern thing, and I can't drink it. Have a gallon or so in the refrigerator here that is about a year old - because no one will drink it. Bought it accidentally, intending to buy real tea.

17. I actually kinda like having snow at Christmas time. I found it weird not having it.

20. I will say that the music in Austin is very good. One of the few things that I miss.

21. The problem with Texas state pride is first that they are so obnoxious about it, and secondly, that it is, from my point of view, based on so little justification.

23. The sky is no more open in TX than in the western Great Plains. Maybe less so. From my point of view, what they are bragging about is that their state is so flat that there is nothing to see. I can get that in Eastern CO or MT, western KS or NE.

For me, I would prefer to see the sort of unlimited vistas you get from being high up. Took someone from VT to the top of Lookout Mtn, west of Golden, CO, last Sunday, and showed them the view over Denver, and out onto the plains. Much more impressive, to me, than seeing nothing for hundreds of miles.; 6/21/14, 2:07 PM
Richard Lawrence Cohen said...: Summer Anne is cool, but my humble(?) ripostes are these:

1. Every place has its own, e.g. Schoepp's in Wisconsin.

2. This is very true, and I'm proud that a lot of the show was filmed in Austin, including the tattoo parlor where a very dear friend and relative of mine gets his skin decor.

3. Oh, please.

4. I agree. Good stuff, cheap.

5. Take a knish! Or a brat.

7. Would that it did!

8. Yes, this usage should be worldwide. Distressingly, one sometimes overhears people in Texas using "y'all" in the singular. Call the grammar police, and pronto!

9. Urrgghh... The best fast-food burger in Austin by far is In-n-Out, recently imported from L.A.

11. This is South-wide and rightly subject to mockery.

13. Yeah, but try having four liveable seasons for a change.

16. Yeah, but they know that "tea" refers to a hot drink.

17. Nice for the first few years, but one gets tired of it. In other places, people don't panic when there's a quarter-inch of snow on the roads.

18. True enough, alas.

19. The photo fails to include the best one, Dr. B, the HEB house brand, sweetened entirely with pure cane sugar. HEB house brands in general are a minor godsend.

20. I've never completely bought into Willie, much less Stevie Ray Vaughan. But I love Lucinda, Jimmy Lafave, Emmylou (not Texan, but she was amazing live at the old Backyard), among many others.

21. Oy. I do think, however, that "Texas" should be taught as one of the basic geometric shapes, along with the circle, rectangle, triangle, and square.

22. I sometimes ship barbecue to the starving in Connecticut: Salt Lick or City Market.

24. Well, I came here in my forties.

Robert W.: Absolutely.; 6/21/14, 2:11 PM
jimbino said...: Best things about Texas:

1. It's so close to Mexico, with its bargain medical and dental care and prescription-free drugs.

2. We confine our socialists to Austin, keeping the rest of the state quite livable.

3. Girls can legally go topless in public.

4. You can buy beer & wine in Walmart on Sundays.

5. It is the most metropolitan of the states: Texas has 6 of the nation's 20 largest cities, while poor California has only 3.

6. You can almost always dine al fresco, year round.

7. We can all work here without having to deal with a union.

8. Most of us can refuse to pay bills incurred in other states and countries and refuse to pay, since a creditor has a hard time collecting on a judgment.; 6/21/14, 2:23 PM
Kelly said...: When I was subbing for a high school class in Texas I made the mistake of referring to the class as "you guys". After that I made sure it was "y'all". On leaving Texas for the first time, we hit Memphis and I realized how much my eyes missed the sight of green, lush trees.; 6/21/14, 2:25 PM
Jason said...: Hawaii. I could write thousands.; 6/21/14, 2:25 PM
Kelly said...: When I was subbing for a high school class in Texas I made the mistake of referring to the class as "you guys". After that I made sure it was "y'all". On leaving Texas for the first time, we hit Memphis and I realized how much my eyes missed the sight of green, lush trees.; 6/21/14, 2:26 PM
madAsHell said...: I spent four years on Planet Texas.
I tried to avoid saying "y'all".
I failed.
I can't quit you.; 6/21/14, 2:36 PM
richard mcenroe said...: To be fair, Lone Star is OK but I keep it for the folks I like but don't want them to stay all night. My real friends get the Shiner Bock.; 6/21/14, 3:05 PM
richard mcenroe said...: Bruce, can you say 'y'all' to a paraplegic? I mean...; 6/21/14, 3:06 PM
richard mcenroe said...: 9. As an escaped Californian and Texan on training (big hat but plain band, and I can't wear the huge belt buckle for another year) I give Whattaburger the edge over In & Out in Los Angeles at least.

Texas could use some Krystals franchises though...; 6/21/14, 3:09 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: I sometimes ship barbecue to the starving in Connecticut: Salt Lick or City Market.

When I lived there, it was south of the river, and my brother lived even farther south, in, I believe, Hays county. The result was that trips to the Salt Lick were rather common. I do miss it.; 6/21/14, 3:14 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: To be fair, Lone Star is OK but I keep it for the folks I like but don't want them to stay all night. My real friends get the Shiner Bock.

Never could see the reason that Texans were so taken by Lone Star, except for its name. Now Shiner Bock is a different story. That was mostly what I drank when I lived in TX, and typically still do to this day if available (being a rarity here in Colorado, and north and west of that).; 6/21/14, 3:17 PM
ken in tx said...: I heard someone say Virginia was the mother of Texas, but no one knew who the father was. I nominate South Carolina, Manse Jolly was a local SC hero who died in Texas. However, the Alabama Indian reservation is located in Texas.

Shiner is the real Texas beer. Lone Star was bought out by some big beer company and it does not taste the same anymore.

You do not have to be drunk to enjoy a Whataburger.

Diet Dr. Pepper is the only diet soda that actually tastes like the original item.

Where else can you go to a MexTex, Chek-German polka bar with a mariachi band playing oompa music.

I am moving to Austin some time this year. I look forward to it.; 6/21/14, 3:19 PM
Wilbur said...: Texas gets good thoughts from me for being the birthplace of Bob Wills. And that's enough.; 6/21/14, 3:24 PM
The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...: California:
1. The Bay Area climate
2. The North Coast scenery
3-24. Can't think of a damn thing.; 6/21/14, 3:25 PM
Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...: Well, yeah. Especially if you live on a flat earth!; 6/21/14, 3:26 PM
paul a'barge said...: Texan here - the 24 item limit sux. I could go on for hours and hours.

Now, Iowa. I've got an Iowa list. I love the place.

Nevada. I've got a list on that one as well.

Florida. All that sun and palm tress and water - that's a list right there; just getting started.

That's about it for me. The Yankee places, you can stuff them. Srsly. They suck. No lists for them.; 6/21/14, 3:45 PM
paul a'barge said...: By the way, the best breakfast tacos (and all the other Norteno-Tejano food items) outside of Texas?

Milwaukee.

No freakin' kidding. Under the big clock tower. La Perla and all the other fantastic eateries. Mind blowing.; 6/21/14, 3:48 PM
Carol said...: I do miss Bluebonnet season...and barbecue. It was always the same type brisket and sauce, wherever I got it, and it was always good.

Also I missed W.L. Weller bourbon but finally they got it in Montana.; 6/21/14, 4:05 PM
somefeller said...: All true, though if you live in the Houston area #3 is St. Arnold's rather than Lone Star. But Lone Star longnecks are always refreshing.

Regarding #21, only one state can pull off having its own student club at Harvard Law School and it ain't California. And our annual party was always the best campus-wide one of the year.; 6/21/14, 4:07 PM
Big Mike said...: And then there's #25, those Texas women.; 6/21/14, 4:20 PM
Jason said...: William Tecumseh Sherman famously said "If I owned both Hell and Texas I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell!"; 6/21/14, 4:21 PM
Big Mike said...: @Bruce Hayden, please be aware that Austin is only technically a part of the state of Texas. Though Austin on a football weekend is quite something.; 6/21/14, 4:22 PM
FWBuff said...: 24 other things I love about Texas:

1. Fort Worth.
2. Storms in the Panhandle.
3. Spanish.
4. Women's names in West Texas (Juanelle, Irita, Wyvonne, etc.)
5. Church music.
6. Aggies.
7. Allsup's.
8. Mesquite trees.
9. Horny toads.
10. Van Cliburn.
11. Fracking.
12. October.
13. Cotton farms.
14. Bowling for Soup.
15. Palo Duro Canyon.
16. New Mexico.
17. Wyman Meinzer's photographs.
18. The beach at Port Aransas.
19. Wind.
20. Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott and both George Bushes.
21. Girls' high school volleyball.
22. Bob Wills.
23. The Alamo.
24. The Lone Star Flag.; 6/21/14, 4:31 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: @Bruce Hayden, please be aware that Austin is only technically a part of the state of Texas. Though Austin on a football weekend is quite something.

My first introduction to Austin (and really Texas) was when I went down to interview for the job I eventually took there. And, it turned out to be the weekend of the A&M game. Now, football weekends in Austin are notable, but I suspect that none of the others compare to home games with A&M. Aggies are a cult. GM apparently had a custom Aggie color, and you saw a lot of those purple Suburbans and the like on the streets of Austin that weekend. And we had a bunch of cadets in the hotel, complete with what looked like operational swords.

Dated a woman there who was an Aggie, whose family were Aggies, and she ended up at UT law school. Not apparently an easy thing to do.

One of the funny parts of that rivalry is that the Aggies are always trying to steal Beavo, the UT mascot. So, where to hide him between games? In a herd of beeves (long horn cattle), of course.; 6/21/14, 4:59 PM
Pettifogger said...: Never ask a man if he's from Texas. If he is, he'll tell you soon enough. And if he's not, it's no call to make him feel bad.; 6/21/14, 5:00 PM
Strick said...: To be fair, no one says all y'all (point of correction: "y'all" is singular; "all y'all" is plural) have to love Texas. We do enough to make up for any obvious short fall.; 6/21/14, 5:02 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: What do I miss (positive) about other states I have lived in?

DC/MD/VA
- the Monuments. White House, etc. Used to drive by them on the way to work from VA to MD every day.

Utah
- powder skiing. Best in the continental U.S. (but I think that the Canadian Rockies are better).

Arizona
- the stark landscape.
- women without underwear

Nevada
- casinos (though I never gamble)

What I don't miss:
DC/VA/MD
- traffic
- obnoxious drivers
- horrible weather
- no stars at night
- lack of good Mexican food

Utah (Salt Lake area)
- the weather (unique in the Rocky Mountain west for being overcast much of the winter)
- Mormon judgmentalism and morality.

Arizona (Phoenix area)
- heat
- crime
- crowded

Nevada
- Las Vegas
- Casinos
- lack of scenery, except up where I was S. of Reno and the Ruby Mtns by Elko.
- the number of losers who live in Las Vegas and environs. And, the number of scam artists, and the like.

Texas
- weather (esp. hot and humid summers)
- Fire ants.
- no snow skiing
- liberal, politically correct, atmosphere in Austin.; 6/21/14, 5:14 PM
Michael said...: One thing not memtioned about Texas is its fierce entrepeneurial streak. Failure is not frowned upon, in fact bankruptcy is often just a temporary side step for which little is held against you. When John Connally went bust his supporters showed up at the courthouse steps to bid in his stuff. Which they then gave to him.

Love the place. Couldn't live there myself but love to visit.; 6/21/14, 5:36 PM
Unknown said...: Wilbur said...
Texas gets good thoughts from me for being the birthplace of Bob Wills. And that's enough.

Just in case anyone is unaware, Bob Wills is still the king.; 6/21/14, 5:41 PM
The Godfather said...: The longest time I spent in Texas was basic training at Fort Bliss in July and August. I don't have fond memories of the experience.

Several years earlier I drove through a large part of Texas, and what I remember was seeing civilians packing. If it was concealed carry it was mighty ill-concealed.

Y'all of course isn't limited to Texas, but it is a very useful locution. I'm told that in Pittsburgh the second person plural is younce. But every time I get called "you guys" I wish I were that fellow I saw in Texas way back when with the S&W 44 on his hip.; 6/21/14, 5:57 PM
Austin said...: Speaking of Hell, Sherman also said:

"Gentlemen, niggers and cotton caused this war, and I wish them both to Hell"

Sherman used the "n-word" quite often.; 6/21/14, 6:21 PM
Oso Negro said...: By God, I love my state! I don't feel safe anywhere other than Texas. Here in Galveston, I used to walk over to the Tremont Hotel for breakfast and be able to sit at a table next to George Mitchell, the billionaire who made fracking happen. George passed this year, but he made his mark.; 6/21/14, 6:30 PM
Oso Negro said...: Oh, and let us never forget - normed for race, Texas schools outperformed those of Wisconsin in 17 out of 18 categories!

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2011/03/longhorns-17-badgers-1.html; 6/21/14, 6:32 PM
Doug said...: Richard Lawrence Cohen said: Distressingly, one sometimes overhears people in Texas using "y'all" in the singular. Call the grammar police, and pronto!
Send your grammar police ... and we'll stop them at the NC border. And individual certainly is 'y'all', and a group of people (like 'your mom and them') is 'all y'all'.; 6/21/14, 6:57 PM
Doug said...: #16. For real. Sweet tea is the house wine of the South, and you find a pitcher in the refrigerator year 'round. And you don't buy it ... you brew it.; 6/21/14, 6:58 PM
rcocean said...: “If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell” - Phil Sheridan.

No doubt air conditioning has made Texas much more livable.

Contrast California and Texas. Texas has great people and bad weather, California just the opposite.; 6/21/14, 7:31 PM
rcocean said...: Texas has drive-in Gun stores and Liquor stores.

You can't beat that.; 6/21/14, 7:32 PM
Anonymous said...: There -- coincidentally -- are also 24 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Althouse.; 6/21/14, 7:38 PM
Badger1972 said...: My loves of Texas and what I remember vividly:

1 - Granada Royale Hometels in the 1970s.

2 - Southwest was an intrastate carrier way back when and it was fun. Loved checking at Love field and watching the hot pants clad tall Texan chicks walking on the baggage belt when they had the time to do so. Only in Texas.

3 - Otto's B-B-Q on Memorial Drive in Houston - now unfortunately gone.

4- El Paso Truck Terminal for breakfast.

5 - "Bidness". Let's do "bidness". Like oil bidness or any bidness, but lets do "bidness".

6 - In the '80s gray market Mercedes SL and SEC bargains in Houston - air freighted in from Deutschland on Lufthansa.

7 - Crew cab pickups, especially Fords. But for Texas the other 49 states wouldn't have 'em.

8 - Joe King Carrasco y las Coronas.

9 - ZZ Top.

10 - The utter courtesy of Texan drivers on rural, two lane (but wide) highways. They pull over a bit to the right, to make it easier for you to pass when you're blasting through in your Lincoln Town Car.

11 - No income tax.

12 - place names: Nacogdoches, Waxahachie, Waco, Mexia and Italy to name a few.

13 - The beautiful, untouched and ripe for restoration office buildings in downtown Amarillo. Especially the Santa Fe Building.

14. The variety of Texas license plate designs.; 6/21/14, 9:44 PM
Big Mike said...: @Bruce Hayden, Texas A&M is noted for Aggie jokes, but you'd have to be a pretty lame-brained Aggie to call their team color "purple." Purple is for the Horned Frogs of TCU. The Aggies are maroon.

Typical Aggie joke:
Two Aggies meet on Old Main and one is carrying a wiggling gunny sack.

"What's in the sack?"

"Chickens, and if you can guess how many I'll give you both of them."

"Ah, three?"; 6/21/14, 10:01 PM
Limited Blogger said...: Tito's ... the Austin bats ... the Michael Morton discovery act ... the Guadalupe ... our crazy judges ... the Thin Blue Line ... troopers who revel in conducting unlawful roadside body cavity searches 'cause they're jack-off power-hungry-sand-kicked-in-face-at-the-beach weirdos (but don't worry none -- most of those sums'a bitches got fired) ... and last but not least, the armpit of Dallas, which most Texans in Dallas call the "Frank Crowley Courthouse" instead of the House of Horrors, solely out of respect for Mr. Crowley (still, though, it is a worthy excursion to journey to this desolate place for its indescribable wretchedness and fabulous -- and here, I'm being most sincere -- court staff). But back to Austin: the Capitol is amazing w/gorgeous architecture; the Four Seasons is right across the street.

As one commenter said, the lists about the great state of Texas could indeed go on for hours and hours. It's just not a state big on rights for the citizen criminally accused.

So why, Althouse, do you never tell us Texans you've been here until long after yurr departure? Have you no interest in big hair and big hearts? Or the Texas Two-Step? Girlfriend, you are missing A LOT with your bluejay dive-bombs. No, I retract the bluejay part: they're just darn mean. But ... bluejays do miss an awful lot.

If we knew when you and Mr. Meade were coming, we'd meet up with ya'll somewhere real convenient and central. Ahve seen a bunch of sellehbrities up close in Texas and not once never did I saw anyone ask a one of 'em for an autography. So needn't you werry none about sum kinda mob seen. Just tell us when yure and Meade are comin' so we can polish are boots.; 6/22/14, 12:04 AM
Joe said...: Austin Texas is the most hot, humid, uncomfortable place I've ever been in the summer. It makes Arizona feel pleasant.

A former work colleague grew up east of Dallas and misses nothing about it. His description of Texas is "hot, humid and very windy."

Bruce, Utah actually has more sunshine hours than San Diego. Overcast winters are rare, though do happen on occasion (the last really bad one was in 2001-2002.

While I don't like cold winters anywhere, the northern valley winters in Utah are generally quite mild due to the geography. The daytime temperature on the valley floors is usually about 34-38 in mid-winter--it is rare to have snow on major streets within 72 hours of a storm.

But, I stay because the summers are the best of anywhere I've lived. And I love the mountains.

Oh, and for Arizona (Phoenix) you forgot the lightning storms during the Monsoons, especially when they were in the northwest.

One nice thing with the west, besides the general lack of humidity, is that you can drive thirty minutes and be in the wilderness. On a clear night, you can look up and be awed.; 6/22/14, 1:28 AM
Donna B. said...: Yep, Purple for the Horned Frogs, Maroon for the Aggies.

Though I think the Aggies sometimes overdo that "tradition" thing a bit. I know at least one person who transferred from Texas A&M to William & Mary, who commented that at least "tradition" wasn't such a big thing at W&M.

The sky & star things -- it depends on where you are in Texas. I've seen some in SW Texas that are pretty awesome. And I grew up in Colorado, so I have something to compare them to other than... elsewhere.

That said, the most awesome stars I've seen were in southern Arizona.

I have to agree with everyone who says Shiner is the Texas beer that I'd miss, if I were to miss beer at all.

But if I ever had to move so far away to not be able to buy Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream, I'm pretty sure I'd whine a bit. Not too much because I've got the recipe and can make it myself, but...

I wasn't born in Texas and I don't live there now, but it's different than the other states and it's size has a lot to do with that. It's got the whole southern hospitality thing in East Texas plus the Mexican heritage of south Texas and the influence of many different Indian tribes.

Deserts, mountains, swamps, plains. You don't like the landscape, you just drive another 100 miles or 600, or 900.

No snow skiing though. Can't have everything, right?; 6/22/14, 2:17 AM
John F said...: I left Rhode Island 29 years ago to join the Army and retired in Texas.

24 Things No One Tells You About Leaving RI

1. You don't have to be related to a politician in Texas to get a state or city job, you don't even have to know a guy.

2. The majority of the Representitives and Senators in the State Legislature aren't public employees.

3. It's possible to be more than 45 minutes from the beach.

4. There isn't a Catholic Church in every town...and Anglo Catholics are a minority.

5. Everyone's last name doesn't end in a vowel.

6. Unlike RI indicted politicians most places don't run for reelection and they hardly ever win.

7. There are no cool landmarks like a big blue bug.

8. State Troopers aren't as well dressed anywhere else...and no one calls them Staties.

9. Four real seasons.

10. Del's Frozen Lemonade.

11. People not giving you weird looks when you order a grinder and a cabinet at a sandwich shop.

12. People who know the difference between a weiner (pronounced "weenah" and a hot dog).

13. Saugy hot dogs.

14. Coffee ice cream.

15. The Newport mansions...or as the original owners called them, summer cottages.

16. People speaking French in stores.

17. Italian Restaurants with chefs named Johnnie when you know his name is really Giovanni.

18. A governor who lives in his own house and commutes to the State House to go to work.

19. Towns with 7 volunteer fire departments.

20. Lincoln Woods.

21. Hearing school cancellations on the radio and knowing that there will be no school in Foster/Glouster (Fostah/Glastah).

22. Clam cakes and chowder (chowdah)

23. Hearing Joe Castiglione doing Sox games on the radio.

24. Everyone knows that Bucky Dent's middle name is f'ing.; 6/22/14, 1:36 PM
richard mcenroe said...: "Texas has drive-in Gun stores and Liquor stores."

Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms would make a better store than Federal agency.; 6/22/14, 3:45 PM
Dick Stanley said...: The praise for the 85 mph speed limit is a trifle off base. West of San Antonio on I-10, there is no speed limit. 100-plus is perfectly legal. However, it would help to be driving a big truck with a hardy brush buster for all the mule deer that wander across the highway, especially at night.; 6/22/14, 5:57 PM