Althouse: "[A] plain wedding band made of titanium, engraved with big block letters on the inside..."

June 30, 2012

"[A] plain wedding band made of titanium, engraved with big block letters on the inside..."

"It appears to be that will imprint 'I'M MARRIED' around your finger."

Because what you want your wedding ring to express is mistrust.

31 comments:

Jason (the commenter) said...: A titanium wedding ring means you don't take your marriage seriously. I suggest an "I'm married" facial tattoo. THAT shows commitment.; 6/30/12, 2:26 PM
edutcher said...: The designer forgot that, for every measure, there is a countermeasure.; 6/30/12, 2:31 PM
MayBee said...: When a tan line just isn't enough.; 6/30/12, 2:52 PM
Moose said...: Nah - it's for gay married men. Sorta like that Dan Savage-esque advertising...; 6/30/12, 2:56 PM
ndspinelli said...: My father-in-law had titanium knees and shoulders..all 4! When he died he was cremated. His son asked the funeral director if he could have the titanium to make wind chimes. You should have seen the look on the face of that poor bastard. I KNOW it was the first time for that request.; 6/30/12, 3:12 PM
Steven said...: I saw this story the other day and had the same thought as Ann.

But there probably is some guy out there swearing to the women he wants to make his fourth wife that he's older and wiser, and really serious about forsaking all others this time. He knows he has earned some mistrust, and maybe he's interested in this kind of thing as a demonstration of seriousness.; 6/30/12, 3:20 PM
Captain Ned said...: After 20+ years it would take that long for the groove in my ring finger to grow back, not that I'm planning on anything like that.; 6/30/12, 3:22 PM
MayBee said...: I do think the "I'm married" imprint could work to send women away. Not because women are so against sleeping with a married man, but that what that imprint really translates to is "either me or my wife is Fatal Attraction crazy".; 6/30/12, 3:38 PM
Chip Ahoy said...: Novelty from thecheeky.com.

weight lifting serviceware
pee splatter hot water bottle
doilies that are naughty
piggy bank that is a real piggy

etcetera

There is an item like along those lines that I want. A piano bench in the shape of a sheep. A convincing sheep with alpaca hair.

Not the fake looking kind, the real looking kind so when you walk into the room you go, oh shit what is that sheep doing in here? oh, it's just a bench. Got me. And that happens every single time.; 6/30/12, 3:46 PM
Jason (the commenter) said...: Moose: Nah - it's for gay married men. Sorta like that Dan Savage-esque advertising...

For a gay couple it would include the number of years of the marriage, and have a rather different meaning.; 6/30/12, 3:47 PM
Mark O said...: Right. So the ring is glued on? Can't be taken off in the bar or on a plane or anywhere else?

Stupid.; 6/30/12, 3:49 PM
Chip Ahoy said...: My other idea is a concrete deer, the kind that goes in a garden. Just put one in a bedroom to freak people out.

My dad asked me what I wanted for my birthday, he had in mind an air compressor, and I told him a concrete deer and that was the end of birthday presents.; 6/30/12, 3:50 PM
Jason (the commenter) said...: Chip Ahoy: My dad asked me what I wanted for my birthday, he had in mind an air compressor, and I told him a concrete deer and that was the end of birthday presents.

Should have asked for a B'Ougar. Much more practical.; 6/30/12, 4:05 PM
Conserve Liberty said...: A wedding band dowsn't stop people from hooking up these days, so why should this novelty?

It actually might enhance the thrill for a certain kind of Bounder/Cougar.; 6/30/12, 4:13 PM
ampersand said...: How about a real commitment? An exchange of fingers. Chop,chop.; 6/30/12, 4:27 PM
Penny said...: Talk about missing the mark, marketers!

This is a GREAT gag gift...but with a way-too-high price point, idiots.

Instead of trying to sell this to some teensy weensy group of jealous brides-to-be, you should be out there targeting the MUCH larger audience of male and female friends attending prenuptial merrymaking, ie bachelor parties and bridal showers.

Good for a laugh! Just not a $500 laugh.

Cause then, you know. The joke would be on you.; 6/30/12, 4:59 PM
kentuckyliz said...: A wedding band won't stop a lot of hoors.; 6/30/12, 5:19 PM
Bender said...: You know, labels like "married" and rings and the vows that the couple said to each other really are not determinitive here. What matters, under the Roberts Rule, is what some judge arbitrarily says, and if the judge says they are not married, despite EVERY indicator that they are, then they are not.; 6/30/12, 6:01 PM
Steven said...: It's not like there's any particular point to marking your partner as married anyway. There are plenty of people out there who specifically go after married people, because they want validation that they're so attractive the married person would be willing to cheat to have them.

Either your partner is the kind who will cheat, or not.; 6/30/12, 6:36 PM
Rusty said...: Why titanium? There are a lot more metals easier to make that sort of thing out of than titanium.; 6/30/12, 7:58 PM
Ralph L said...: Not the fake looking kind, the real looking kind so when you walk into the room you go, oh shit what is that sheep doing in here?
There's a great Saki story on these lines, about a cow in a drawing room and a frustrated artist.

For a while in the 80's, we had a 6' inflatable Godzilla in the far corner of the living room (obviously, no women lived there). I always felt someone was standing there when I walked in the house, despite being able to see it from outside.; 6/30/12, 8:35 PM
Michelle Dulak Thomson said...: Ralph L,

The Stalled Ox.

It's not so much about a frustrated artist as a sort of tame one, whose exclusive specialty has been painting placid cows at rest under trees. One day a neighbor finds an ox in her morning-room, and implores him to get it out; after all, he paints cows, so he must know something about oxen. Right?

In short, he ends up painting "Ox in a Morning-Room, Late Autumn," and it turns his career around. His latest sensation, at the very end of the story, is titled "Barbary Apes Wrecking a Boudoir."

wv: sentryP; 6/30/12, 8:50 PM
n.n said...: They should be shackled to one another and imprisoned away from the temptation of competing interests. That's the only way to ensure a significant level of "trust."; 6/30/12, 8:57 PM
Christy said...: I thought titanium rings were discouraged. They can't be easily cut off if injury causes the fingers to swell. Or maybe that's the end game?; 6/30/12, 9:26 PM
Jason (the commenter) said...: Christy: I thought titanium rings were discouraged. They can't be easily cut off if injury causes the fingers to swell. Or maybe that's the end game?

This isn't one of "those" rings.; 6/30/12, 9:41 PM
Ralph L said...: Jason, I was going to ask if the ring came with a little bag for the husband's nuts, but I think you've covered it.

Michelle, thanks for the correction. I should have remembered it started in a morning room. No lady opens her drawing room windows in the middle of the day.; 6/30/12, 10:24 PM
Anonymous said...: My future son in law will have a titanium wedding band, wonder if there will be an inscription?; 6/30/12, 10:28 PM
Penny said...: "Why titanium? There are a lot more metals easier to make that sort of thing out of than titanium."

My point, made differently, Rusty.

When you pick a price point of $500, it better SEEM expensive.

Joint replacements are titanium, and they're expensive!

Not so much because of the materials that go into those fake joints, but mostly because of the craftmanship of the doctors who put them in place...PRECISELY.

But after awhile....

And given enough time....

"Value" is about marketing, and mental connections that we assume people will make...correctly or incorrectly.; 6/30/12, 10:46 PM
Penny said...: And I've got not ONE bad thing to say about "precise" marketers either.

It's their craft. It's what they DO well.

These guys? FOXES! ha ha

They've got their own special thing going on.

HARD to be born "crafty".; 6/30/12, 11:13 PM
DEEBEE said...: Mistrust? Nah that would be a penalty. The engravng is just a tax; 7/1/12, 7:02 AM
Rusty said...: Penny.
It's just that the stuff is so damn hard to work. It has a melting point of 3100 geg F 1000 deg more than steel. It's abrasive as hell to cutting and forming tools. Honestly. Gold would be cheaper.
It is biologically inert.(good)It has ten times the compressive strength of alum. at half the weight.(good)It is easy to cast.(good); 7/1/12, 8:25 AM