January 7, 2010

Artie Lange stabs himself 9 times.

Howard Stern comments: "Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

That is true, but now we have to see that comedy as part of a whole that includes phenomenal self-hatred and capacity for violence.

ADDED: Maybe Artie, recovering, is reading what people are saying about him. He may arrive here, and so, I want to add that we love you, Artie.

UPDATE: January 8th, he's already out of the hospital.


Meade said...

Very sad. For demon-plagued self-murderers, the punishments rarely fit the crimes.

knox said...

A lot of comedians are just a mess. Not all, but a lot.

Julius Ray Hoffman said...

Gawd, that's terrible. Artie brought such a sharp-edge wit to the show...

SteveR said...

There does seem to be a really dangerous "precipice" (sorry!) that comedians often live on.
It may not be suicidal but depression and anger to a high degree.

Old RPM Daddy said...

Man, that's rough. I hope he can find some peace.

By the way, the comments in the Post story were like a primer on hostile crap not worth reading by people who can barely write.

AllenS said...

Howard Stern drove the man insane.

rhhardin said...

That explains the opening at the Howard Stern show allusions by the comics at Imus this morning.

Freeman Hunt said...

Yikes. That is some extreme self-hatred. I've never heard of anyone trying that that way. Makes me wonder what could make someone hate himself so much.

Kensington said...

Woah! Some suicide attempts are primarily cries for help with relatively low likelihood of success, but stabbing yourself deeply 3 times sounds like he really meant business.

I hope he gets better.

rhhardin said...

Maybe he can use Sid Rosenberg's self-help book (real audio)

Sid has been fired for more reasons than anybody else in the world.

"The Consummate Dirtbag" was the first thought for a title.

Sid is actually Imus's funniest guy, but unfortunately Imus keeps firing him.

traditionalguy said...

Britt Hume may have some good personal advice to offer Artie. Using drugs are usually a self medication for psychological pain, but they only mask the hurt and sadness that needs another remedy altogether. A sex addiction is a self medication from natural endorphins released in multible orgasams, but it too only masks the hurt and sadness.

EDH said...

So, Betty White was almost right when she quipped at Shatner's roast that she'd outlive Lange.

Lange's Jersey shore home was the subject of an episode of DIY Network's Man Cave. Very telling intro.

Titus said...

How sad.

I like the guy and think he is a wonderful sidekick to Stern who I love.

Hope he can find some peace.

Methadras said...

Artie Lange is an angry man. Angry at his life, angry at his addictions, and compulsions, and yet he funneled a lot of that anger into some comedy and bits that to me are legendary. However, the anger and self-loathing are to voluminous with him. Being on Stern with the money and the celebrity only made it worse not better. I bet right now he's thinking to himself, "Fuck, I can't even do this right. What the hell was I thinking?"

In any case, I wish him the best of luck and F jackie.

Lem said...

I'mus Sid Rosenberg purported to get the wrong dry cleaners and instead of returning it and reclaiming his kept the clothes on account that they fit and they were clean.

Lem said...

John Lennon - #9 Dream

k*thy said...

Well said, Meade, tho I would say, 'never'.

Eugene said...

And what do you love about him, pray tell. Maybe the homophobic rant on HBO.

The Crack Emcee said...

Shit, man, that's tragic. Poor Artie.


"Howard Stern drove the man insane."

NewAgers are known to drive each other into that shit and Howard qualifies:

I hate to bust your bubble but, according to his daughter, Howard's a Transcendental Meditation kook.

I'm telling y'all, once you see NewAge as a poison in our culture - and you know who's participating in it - you can almost predict the direction of the entire world.

Freeman Hunt said...

And what do you love about him, pray tell. Maybe the homophobic rant on HBO.

You would hate someone and begrudge him a "we love you" because you think he gave a homophobic rant on HBO?

traditionalguy said...

Crack...Yoga has become a new national pastime in the last year like Racquetball sprung up in the early 1980s. Do you have any experience with that Hindu religion? My wife says it is only a stretching exercise, but at the Health Club that we attend, when the people leave the room so that the spin class can get in next, the yoga people all have glazed over eyes and do not seem to be fully present.

The Crack Emcee said...


Are you serious or kidding?

I'll give you the short answer first:

Yes, I know all about yoga, and your wife is mistaken that it's "only a stretching exercise".

Hit me back, dude.

traditionalguy said...

Crack...Yoga's essence seems to be in the eye of the beholder. My experience indicates to me that it is an attempt to self regulate the body and the soul that may also open one to unwelcome spirtual guests. But I know many good people who are new yoga practicers. When I see them start to get migrain headaches and to get confused easily I wonder what to say. Of course respecting their free will is necessary. But listening to your message is making me bolder.

careen said...

Too bad it wasn't his boss. Nothing worse on this earth back when he was on regular radio than being young, female and feeling particularly low that day and coming across a Howard Stern show on the radio. Talk about suicidal feelings...just the idea that people like him exist in HORDES enough to make him rich could drive someone to stab themselves - much less having to be subordinate and probably, deep down, knowing that you are polluting the airwaves.

My Stern Hate is unrivaled. He no longer can bother me personally, but I now have a mother's righteous protectiveness about my younger self. No more "oh maybe it's me." I'd kill him if he even breathed on my 11-yr-old daughter.

Matt Eckert said...

After reading careen's measured remarks there can be only one reply:

Baba Booey!

Matt Eckert said...

And Artie if you do really show up here to read this inane comments, please don't give up on your career. You are a really funny guy.

I think you should take another stab at it.

vbspurs said...

A lot of comedians are just a mess. Not all, but a lot.

Real comedy is not hateful, but it helps to hate to be funny.

I'm looking at you, Paul Lynde.

vbspurs said...

I actually have an audiobook of his book, "Too Fat to Fish", a title I love.

Unfortunately, he never struck me as being very funny.

Tycho said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tycho said...

Artie Lange, who is certainly not one of my favorite "characters" on the Show, is a very, very sick individual and I feel bad for him. He has been a heroin addict and an alcoholic for quite a while. He has, evidently, been lying to everyone about the success of his sobriety efforts over the past few months (no matter how unbelievable they were... no one really questioned them in any real, meaningful way). Hopefully, this will be the "rock bottom" or "wake up call" necessary for him to get the help he needs.

If anything, I really must say that I was disappointed in how Howard handled the matter. He basically, never mentioned what happened to Artie until Page Six finally (9 days later?) wrote an article about it (really great job for someone who prides himself as being as "honest" and "open" as possible with his listeners).

On his show today, he was forced to grudgingly admit that there was a suicide attempt and was angry that someone leaked the story to Page Six and that Page Six reported it. In his opinion, it was a family matter and he felt it was a shame that the family had to deal with everyone finding out what happened.

For a man (and show) that, on a daily basis, publicizes and ridicules the personal lives, scandals and miscues of celebrities, this hypocrisy was glaring. If this story had been about Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, they would have taken an hour to talk about and laugh at the story. I appreciate that Artie and his family are "loved" by those on the Show, so it makes some sense why Howard would respond differently to Artie's problems. However, it doesn't make the hypocrisy any less real.

The only person on the show to even - at all- come close to acknowledging the hypocrisy was Robin (surprising bit of self-awareness, from the head narcissist - if you are a listener, you know what I am talking about). But, she stopped short of calling out Howard on his hypocrisy and agreed that it would be best to not even read the story aloud and to move on with the Show. That is not surprising as she rarely, if ever, challenges or contradicts Howard (a parrot could easily do her job).

I like The Howard Stern Show a lot, but I don't really hold Howard Stern on any pedestal like your typical fan. Neither he nor many other people on that show would I personally like to meet or be friends with. Howard is a psychological mess... (I somewhat like Gary and some of the bit players like JD, Richard, Lisa G, John Hein, but cannot stand Robin or Fred) but this was disappointing for me. Perhaps, what is more disappointing is that Stern admittedly has yet to see him or talk with him since the attempt. Supposedly, they are very close (according to Howard).

kentuckyliz said...

"We" love you Artie?

Does AA now speak for her whole commentariat?

I don't even know who this guy is.

But sure, yeah, I'll play along.

I love you, man.

The Crack Emcee said...


It's starting to become apparent, as westerners (especially women) have been tricked into thinking of it as exercise, that there's a religious component to yoga. Actually, it's not a religion but an "open" cult - as opposed to the more well-known "closed" cults - and, through their sessions (or NewAge seminars. retreats, gatherings, etc.) people get "love bombed" while being inculcated with the proper mindset, while also being introduced to the other "movers and shakers" in cultism, who will ready them to wreck havoc on the rest of us. (Check out that last link, Tg) It's cult networking taking place right underneath our noses. They think they're being smart, but only get away with it because everyone else is being so stupid about it all, insisting (as they've been culturally trained) that it's harmless.

I wouldn't be too hot on discussing it with anyone but your wife, or you'll likely be fingered (without warning) for having a "negative aura" or whatever else they can come up with from OccultLand, and then you won't be able to get the chicks when your wife leaves you for not getting with the program.


Matt Eckert said...

Hey Crack, do you know where I can get a link to your blog. This sounds very interesting.

The Crack Emcee said...

Hey - whoever lives in East Rockaway, New York:

You ain't gonna understand a thing I've posted in those links by looking at each of them for 3 seconds.


The Crack Emcee said...


You're a dick, but one of those funny, bent-looking ones.

And let me guess - you live in New York?

cheynemitt said...

artie and i are just alike. we suffer from the addiction and we have thought about how to deal with the pain within. i love you artie, i pray for you everyday all day. i know your dad wants you alive to take care of your mom and sister. reach out so we can help you. your friend jackie b. pembroke pines, florida

Mark Daniels said...

I never heard of this man until I read your post. But I hope and pray he'll be OK and find peace from all that is bedeviling him.

Paul said...

vbspurs said... I actually have an audiobook of his book, "Too Fat to Fish", a title I love. Unfortunately, he never struck me as being very funny.


I got the audiobook too and had the same reaction. I have addicts in my family and was curious to listen to it after I heard him interviewed on NPR's "Fresh Air," where he was funny. His book is not very ell written and overall pretty sad, but it gives you an insight into the relentless self-destructiveness of an addict, which those of us outside the addict-world find very hard to understand.

Artie has attempted suicide before, though not in so gruesome a manner. It suggests an unusual level of self-loathing.

bagoh20 said...

This is simply a man who denies himself nothing if it's easy. Drugs, food, fun. He simply never found the wisdom and strength to say: "no, not today."

I never bought the drugs, food, sex, etc. as self medicating pain or despair. Those things simply feel good and that's all you need to reinforce excess. What's missing is the ability to say no to yourself.

Loneliness, depression or regret simply give you excuses. Many people with everything going for them have the same issues of excess, and others in great physical or mental distress never loose control or recover quickly.

I've done it all myself and I have friends well adjusted and others completely addicted. The only difference is in their ability to see and act on the advantages of self-discipline.

Artie is simply indulgence incarnate, nothing more complicated than that. I'm sorry Artie, but it's just selfish.

traditionalguy said...

bagoh20...Does your reality allow for an alien force that drives men into despair and self murder? That is what many have experienced deliverance from by a greater power that loves them. Can a man be demonized?

bagoh20 said...

"Does your reality allow for an alien force that drives men into despair and self murder?

No. 100% of those I have seen were quite localized in origin. That does not preclude the use of spiritual help. I also believe in the placebo effect, or structure itself as an aid.

AMW said...

I've been a Sirius subscriber since the end of '06. Having caught a lot of Stern's morning shows, it's easy to see that Artie is plagued by anger, confusion, guilt, sadness, and of course substance abuse. All of the Stern Show players have abject vices of numerous sorts, but Lange was perhaps the most glaring example from the very start. I hope he recovers.

Matt Eckert said...

Thanks for the kind words Crack. No hard feelings. Hey heres another link

vbspurs said...

Artie has attempted suicide before, though not in so gruesome a manner. It suggests an unusual level of self-loathing.

Piquerism is exactly what you said, Paul. It's deeply personal to dig into skin and break it. Jack the Ripper suffered from it. Addicts who inject do too. And no offence to anyone here who is, but in my family of clinicians, we've never liked surgeons because of a lingering feeling of distaste about the whole scalpel thing.

CarmelaMotto said...

I haven't listened to the show since he went to Sirius, but I always liked Artie. I don't recall him being an angry guy at all. He had lots of great stories, very funny, he was in great shape, met a great girl (Dana) and then pissed it all away. With the drugs, Howard has been very patient and caring boss, seems to me. Around the time he went to Sirius, I think Artie was back on the wagon after falling off and not going to work for a week.

Anyway, he has to be in some deep, deep pain (not just a lack of willpower as someone suggested) to deeply plunge a knife into himself 3 times.

I feel terrible for his mom. I remember from the show that she keeps his fridge filled - lasagna, etc - and apparently she was doing that when she found him. I wish them the best.

Finn Kristiansen said...

Grew up listening to Stern back in the 7th grade growing up in Queens.

In retrospect, Stern is a light socket, and all those who plug into him get burned.

(I also find it a weird fact of my personal history that churches or religious organizations I visited--like Massapequa Tabernacle and Pincecreat Bible Training Center-- had Stern connections (via Kinison and Hahn)).

Electric tentacles of destruction for those around him.

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Jim Bauer said...

He's obviously a very troubled guy. Anyone in a situation like this needs a very strong, supportive circle of friends, and I think he's got that.