February 14, 2009

"Record nails broken in car crash."

Headline of the day.

Not the worst car accident injury, though possibly the worst fingernail-breaking injury.

And so, my friends, did you survive Valentine's Day? Break any fingernails or anything? Me, I'm out here in the heartland. Wait. I have some photos. Hang on a sec.

ADDED: I wish somebody would bring her the world's largest blackboard.


Laura(southernxyl) said...

Those nails, OMG. How do you ... er ... take care of your personal hygiene?

My Valentine's Day went all right. My spouse remembered that I like turtles (the candy, not the animals) (I guess the animals are all right but not on Valentine's Day). I took the cat to the vet for her checkup and shots. She acts like she's OK about it but she'll probably bite me tonight.

blake said...

What's the beat like out there in the Heartland? Thready? Irregular? Rapid?

Donna B. said...

I'm guessing Ms. Nails did not type or play the piano. Or dress herself.

How did she manage to get IN the SUV?

My Valentine's Day was wonderful, my hubby bought the biggest bag of Necco Conversation Hearts I've ever seen. I love the "Email Me" ones.

~~off to trim my nails~~

Jason (the commenter) said...

I had to work, but the guy I was supposed to work with showed up three hours late and wouldn't answer his phone. I was thinking "I don't even have a date for Valentine's and yet I still got stood up!"

Awful, but I did get a bunch of love gifts yesterday, so I'm happy.

Curtiss said...

"damaged beyond repair"

How much will the insurance company have to pay to make Ms. Redmond whole?

Anyway, for St. Valentine's Day (yesterday, actually), I got my wife a nice arrangement of a dozen red roses in an almost purple vase.

That's nothing remarkable, of course. The important part is that I personally delivered them to her office yesterday so that all her office buddies could see that she received flowers from a handsome and distinguished man (that would be me).

I don't really understand the dynamics of all that, just the importance of it. It's a female thing, I suppose.

Ralph said...

That woman looks scary without the nails.
How does she do anything? Do her sleeves have velcroed seams? Who are her enablers?

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Good. Now she can wipe her own butt.


My hubby BBQued steaks, in the snow storm, what a guy! Then we watched a Will Smith movie on 'pay per view' all snuggled up on the couch muching on popcorn.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Do nails of that length have some flex to them? That could let her function somewhat normally. Maybe.

BJM said...

The lede instantly reminded me of Michele Catalano's first car, first wreck

Clyde said...

I think a Guinness record like that is affirmative action for the talentless. Want to be famous, but you have no special talent? Don't cut your nails for thirty years! Or pop out a litter of octuplets! Easy peasy!

Other than the not being able to wipe your own butt part. We must all make sacrifices.

Curtiss said...

So I'm assuming Ms. Redmond didn't button the jeans she's wearing, nor did she tie the knot in her halter top. And how did she get her hands through the sleeves?

We may never know the answer to these questions.

What about nose picking? (Someone had to ask.)

chuck b. said...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Synova said...

Oh, but I bet it was fun for her to be special. Everyone shouldn't be so crabby. It's sad they broke.

Sure, it's handicapping yourself, but the girls I see with the one inch acrylics have to do all sorts of things to compensate that I'd never put up with. I'm not convinced that longer is all that much worse. You'd still have to do everything with the sides of your fingers instead of the tips.

And isn't it interesting that it was important to note that she was riding in an SUV?

blake said...


Interesting point re the SUV. Just another symbol of her excessive lifestyle.

Deb said...

That picture makes me gag.

fcai said...

Physics apply no matter how long your fingernails are. Use your seatbelt.

How about the world record holder for longest toenails - any word on his or her condition?

traditionalguy said...

When the wife went out on a Saturday morning to get her nails done, she would have been gone a week or more. This sounds like an intervention by friends with nail clippers disguised as an "accident". Dear professor, please avoid this part of the heartland in your journey.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Interesting point re the SUV. Just another symbol of her excessive lifestyle.

In her defense, what other vehicle could she fit in with those nails?

Jeff said...

I got food poisoning. My wife took me out to a seafood restaurant for Valentines.

The company was much better than the meal.

former law student said...

Tudball and Wiggins:

"uh-uh-uh Missus-uh Wiggins...?"


Multiple Monitors said...

Awww, are you ok? I hope so.

AllenS said...

"Ms Redmond suffered serious injuries in the crash, but is expected to make a full recovery."

She was probably impaled by a fingernail.

jeff said...

So she lost the record in Guiness for the fingernails? Does she still hold the one for crazy?

CarmelaMotto said...

I am glad she's OK, but EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW! And she does look a bit witchy.

When I was 7 or 8 I loved the Guinness Book of World Records book. Someone in school was always passing it around. It was a man with the longest fingernails at the time. I remember it reminded me of this sea snake I caught at the beach. Ugg-leeeee.

Then there was the fattest twins, tallest man, smallest woman...Loudest Band - the Who beat out Deep Purple...

JAL said...

Thank you Chuck B.

The men's breakfast group at our church does a Valentine's Breakfast so we went to that yesterday. Some of the guys cooked for the whole group (80!). The ladies each got a red rose. (Guess in case the guy forgot!)

Some of the guys brought their daughters in addition to or instead of their wives. One of our pastor's showed a clip of his favorite lover, PePeLePew http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEdBndu0YUM

He described how passionate his French Canadian grandfather was even when his dear elderly wife had Alzheimers.

He was going to do an adult rated teaching on love (think Son of Solomon) but had to rewrite the script on the fly based on our mixed audience of young and older sweeties.

Nice day.

theobromophile said...

My Valentine's Day? Chocolate and flowers and cards and dancing... and I'm not in a relationship. :) Between gifts from my family and friends (chocolate! chocolate!), and my best (guy) friend's wedding (hence the dancing and the flowers), it was a wonderful day.