"It detoxifies your blood - I'm feeling very detoxified right now. I did it in some woman's house laying on her bed. We did a little sampler first, which is in the belly button.Me, I hate leeches.
"It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you and you want to go, 'You bastard.' Then you relax and work on your Lemaze breathing just to kind of relax.
"You watch it swell up on your blood, watching it get fatter and fatter - then when its super drunk on your blood it just kind of rolls over like it is stumbling out of the bar.
And about all those toxins...
To better understand [the peddlers of "detoxification"], it's necessary to define what they mean by toxins. Are they bacteria? Chemical pollutants? Trans fats? Heavy metals? To avoid being tested, they leave this pretty vague. Actual medical treatments will tell you exactly what they do and how they do it. Alternative detoxification therapies don't do either one. They pretty much leave it up to the imagination of the patient to invent their own toxins. Most people who seek alternative therapy believe themselves to be afflicted by some kind of self-diagnosed poison; be it industrial chemicals, McDonald's cheeseburgers, or fluoridated water. If the marketers leave their claims vague, a broader spectrum of patients will believe that the product will help them. And, of course, the word "toxin" is sufficiently scientific-sounding that it's convincing enough by itself to many people.Read the whole thing, but be careful not to stare too long into that picture of "mucoid plaque"... lest it stare back at you. You may dream of it crawling into your bellybutton and getting "super drunk" on your blood.
ADDED: If you think losing some blood is beneficial, why not donate blood? Why feed a leech (and pay for the privilege)? Donate blood to the Red Cross and donate whatever money you'd pay the leech-wielder to charity. And I should note that there are some legitimate medical uses for leeches. This is an excellent New Yorker article on the subject.
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94 comments:
Leeches are being revived as a medical treatment for revascularization of tissues that have had blood supply cut off. Apparently the blood sucking function of leeches induces vacsular growth to the affected tissues.
Demi Moore and her friends should stick with bloodletting. They used to do that, too for "detoxification."
Amazing. Stunning even!
And we listen to these people when they make political recommendations?
Trey
Well we always knew that Demi Moore loves leeches. After all, she did marry one.
As did Britney Spears.
And Paul McCartney, although he recently had it removed, even though it held on so tight he thought the head might stay affixed to his body. Dodged a bullet there buddy.
BLEH! Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh. Bleh.
Cannot imagine letting a leech touch me, let alone bite me.
Bleh.
As for the detox effect--letting a leech bite me in the belly button would be toxic to my psyche.
I'll settle for a gentle colonic thank you very much.
Quipped Letterman: "Are you sure this isn't just menopause?"
I have a question to all the so called intellectual scientists or pseudo scientists, or people who are not scientists, but play one on TV:
How does one train, let alone hightly train, a leech?
Well all the guy leechs line up behind her and go one at a time. They can just ask Demi. I bet she pulled a few trains back in the day.
A Hollywood actress would eat deep-fried shit if she thought it would make her look younger.
Medical leeches care.
Hillary has just announced a universal leech care program. For the childrens, for the childrens.
I can't wait for the real detoxification fad to begin--probiotics.
Let's be honest! Who doesn't love the leech scene in Stand By Me!?
Best be keepin' those leeches away from the implant zones.
Richard, what I've heard is that it's the anti-coagulant that does the work. The leech bites down and pumps a tiny amount of very effective blood thinner into you. That's why when you pull one off the bite bleeds and bleeds and bleeds.
And synchronicity! I was just considering writing a scene where my romantic heroine is sorting bait (the romantic hero owns a lake resort) and was trying to decide if I could have her touch leeches and get away with it, or if even counting out 10 night crawlers to a container would have too large an ick factor.
I can't go by my own judgment on this because my reaction to ugly crawlies is generally something like, "Hey cool, let me get a closer look."
Like most Hollywood actresses and actors, Demi Moore is or was a heavy smoker. She's also had foreign objects planted in her boobs. I can't imagine she's really that concerned about her body's levels of toxicity.
OK, I think we've all seen enough anecdotal evidence to accept the correlation, but the direction of causation remains in question. Is there something about being a star that damages the brain? Or are mental defects somehow an asset in becoming a star in the first place?
I prefer the IRS...
They started to be used some years ago and the FDA has approved the marketing of leeches as medical devices. They are used for their anticoagulant properties which prevents blood from clotting and pooling in areas that have a damaged or repaired blood supply. They're used a lot in reattachment surgery.
The use of leaches in medicine is facinating and a little creepy. But even more creepy and more facinating is the use of maggots in medicine.
That leech, Robin, is set to host a reality show about celebrity navels, "Lint-styles of the Rich and Famous."
BTW. By medicine, I mean real medicine--not what Demi Moore is doing.
If I'm not really busy tomorrow, Demi could come over to my house, and I could give her some hickeys.
Maggots aren't as creepy as ticks in medicine.
I'm confused (not really), but isn't Botox a "toxin"? Sick it in your face and suck it out your belly button.
Please don't call them maggots, that's offensive. They prefer to be called blood sucking americans.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Submitting to leeches is of a piece with the female propensity to go under the knife. Carve me up Mister Surgeon, they swoon. The deep pleasure they take in the mortification of their own flesh. Why? Even Freud couldn't answer that one.
Bob said...
A Hollywood actress would eat deep-fried shit if she thought it would make her look younger.
Now there is an idea. Let's open a joint and see it it is true. I always wanted to see one of those mornic bobble heads eat shit!
I knew this girl that supposedly dated Sly Stallone between Brigitte Nielsen and his current wife. She worked the desk at a fancy hotel where she met him and they went out for a while. Anyway she said that Rocky's favorite thing to do was to get a blow job and at the moment of climax, he loved to take a dump on her chest. Now that's what's called a Cleveland steamer. I understand the steam part, but what does it have to do with Cleveland. I just can’t figure it out.
There is something most definitely wrong with that!
Too bad they don't suck out the stupid.
Stand by Me
Charlie Allnut: One thing in the world I hate: leeches. Filthy little devils.
(The African Queen, 1951)
I suppose that medical-grade leeches are cleaner than the ones you'd get out of the river, but "highly trained"? That's priceless.
They can have my leeches, but they'll never take my snake oil.
BTW... I might call him other things, but I wouldn't call Ashton Kutcher a leech. I expect his lifetime earnings are right on par with hers.
BTW... I might call him other things, but I wouldn't call Ashton Kutcher a leech. I expect his lifetime earnings are right on par with hers.
I bet I could make a bundle by developing a program of blood-letting as part of a weight loss regimen. Book, videos, do-it-yourself kits.
Steve Martin cracked me up with his skit on SNL about Medieval medicine involving leeches and blood letting, procedures that consistently failed. He steps forward and dreamily address the audience "... could it be we're entering a new age, a whole new age of scientific observation and experimentation? -- a ... a ... a rebirth ... a ... a Renaissance! *pause* Naaaaaah."
She's a high-school dropout from a coal mining town, and both her parents were alcoholics.
She's probably also into homeopathic "medicine", colonic irrigation, qigong, chelation, liver flushes, and iridology.
Like her, George Balanchine went somewhere in Europe for youth elixir injections. As a result, he got Mad Cow Disease from being shot up with sheep brains.
Who will volunteer to cup Demi Moore's breasts?
On a serious note, these modern medievalists are quite dangerous. An ignorance of science and a surfeit of money can be a dangerous combination. I was directed to this article which really made me angry. These people should be forced to live in a sanitarium where they can't endanger anyone else's health with their stupidity.
Geez, Palladian, those are some big hickeys.
African Queen what a great movie
The problem with her breasts is that we saw them before and after the implants. If you saw her in her film debut in Blame it on Rio, she had little peanuts with blunt nips. But then, suddenly she pumps em up big time and in Stiptease shes got melons. Not right.
I always thought Michelle Johnson would have become a big, big star. Naturaly. You never know.
Anyway she said that Rocky's favorite thing to do was...
For goodness sakes, why would she tell anyone that?
Jeez, all a leech wants is a little blood, an agent, now that's a bite!
It's amazing what you can learn after five martini's at the King Cole Bar in the St. Regis. Better than Guantanmo Bay for truth telling.
I once heard a famous actor talk about how bad his ex-wife's cootch smelt. But that was after she had just married a billionaire and he was kinda pissed off. He could really drink. He came by that ability as a birthright.
Bill Clinton: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Howard Wolfson: God darnit, Mr. Clinton, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Flaming Liberals 2007
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Howard Wolfson: What do you want me to do, maam?
Hillary Clinton: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west to work this campaign I will not lose.. Take this down.
[Wolfson looks for a pen and paper while Hillary talks]
Hillary Clinton: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Howard Wolfson: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, maam?
Flaming Liberals 2007
"but isn't Botox a "toxin"?"
It is, I believe, the most toxic susbtance known WRT humans (at least boutlism toxin is; not sure if Botox is modified in any way).
I don't know if it is the turpentine bath, leeches or young hog but the bitch looks good 45.
I am a big fag and I would have to fuck her-she's that hot.
I go to Bikram Yoga where the room is stifling hot and the Yoga Instructor says we do it because we sweat out unhealthy toxins.
I told me doc and he said that is bullshit.
Still, I am totally going to do some research on the terpentine bath and leeches. I always need to be on top of all this shit.
They're wetlands leeches, not swamp leeches, in any case.
Since fat tends to absorb toxins, any exercise that burns fat would help detoxify, including bikram yoga. Sliding all over the mat from excess sweat adds to that workout.
I need some healthy energy to finish the returns I am working on, so I just had 2 ring dings and a bottle of yoo hoo. That got my Chaka Kahn alined just right.
She's got an amazing body. Beautiful face. Tits of Death. Legs of gorgeousness.
I bet her pussy smells good. I could eat her all out day and drink every drop of her vagina juice.
Leeches? yech!
Had a few on me from swimming in the Ramapo River in NJ. Hate the SOBs. Don't care whether these are a more refined variety or not. Still get the mental picture from the Star Terk flick with the ear worms. yech!
Botox is the most toxic protein known. There are other, more toxic compounds but they are small molecules.
It works by blocking nerve impulses and so muscles are unable to contract. Death is by suffocation due to victims being unable to draw air into their lungs. Treatment is artificial resperation combined with antitoxin and time.
It turns out that wrinkles are sometimes associated with small muscles in the face being permanently tense. This is smoothed-out by minute injections of botox into those muscles.
The dosage often makes the medicine and this is a great example of that. Small targeted dosages give an effect desired by patients. A large dose taken system-wide can be lethal.
titus5678againGodIhopeIgetIt said...
I go to Bikram Yoga ... I always need to be on top of all this shit.
That, we already knew. What we're still trying to figure out is - what does it have to do with Cleveland?
I read a book about Vietnam where a guy had one find its way into his penis while he slept. That's the image I have when I think of them. These are some really sick people.
Agree with Althouse leeches are disgusting. Same with any blood-sucking parasite like ticks, welfare mammies, tort lawyers.
Trooper York said...
The problem with her breasts is that we saw them before and after the implants. If you saw her in her film debut in Blame it on Rio, she had little peanuts with blunt nips.
Trooper is off on an erotic reverie.
I do have a British site bookmarked, "Robb's Celebrities." If they were EVER naked, the Brit pervs that run the site have free photos. So anyone can judge Demi over the years. I do think that when she posed for a defunct Men's magazine at 18, she had a mighty fine, curvy model's bod...no peanuts...Over the years, she has worked hard to keep her looks..leeches, implants, botox, hormones, collagen, abrasion, lifts - beauty is a grim business when a star with no acting ability has to survive...
I have heard that leeches work extremely well in some medical and post-surgical situations. As do *shudder* maggots. All I can think is I'll go with doctor's consensus if it heals me faster, but if it involves leeches or maggots, you give me a pile of good mood-altering drugs in conjunction with that therapy.
What a provincial little blog you have. Kind of like TMZ for the fly-over set. I see your picture on this page, and I see Demi Moore's piture, and, honey, maybe you should try the leeches.
I hope you enjoy your time in New York; it's a grand town.
What a gratuitously rude remark ↑
I see your picture on this page, and I see Demi Moore's piture, and, honey, maybe you should try the leeches.
Wanna post your picture?
I did it in some woman's house laying on her bed. We did a little sampler first, which is in the belly button...It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you and you want to go, 'You bastard.' Then you relax and work on your Lemaze breathing just to kind of relax.
Wait, wait...are you sure this post isn't about Eliot Spitzer?
That was rude nals.
You should apologize.
What a gratuitously rude remark
Whats more interesting is why someone like Nals felt the need to attack Ann over such a lighthearted and innane post.
I'm sure we'll see Nals on YouTube soon enough, crying LEAVE DEMI ALONE! WAH!
Please. Ms. Althouse is holding Ms. Moore up to ridcule as well, yet no tears are shed. Blogging's a tough business.
Blogging's a tough business.
Yup.
We're all just wondering whats wrong with you.
Please. Ms. Althouse is holding Ms. Moore up to ridcule as well, yet no tears are shed. Blogging's a tough business.
Ohhh? is there any reason why we should not hold up that babbling buffoon up to ridicule? She and her ilk are the epitome of ridicule. Why would anyone shed any tears over the likes of that silly skank?
Do you ahve some unnatural infatuation with Dummy Moore? Does she inhabit your masturbatory fantasies? Do you wish she were madly in love wtih you?
Again, post your picture? You are a pathetic little squib of a geek. Honey, you should try defenestration.
The honey as pejorative device works only in the middle of a sentence. At the beginning of a sentence, it's contrived and goes against the natural rhythm of language. Think Tallulah Bankhead and 'dahling', not Jerry Lewis and 'hey ladeeee.' That is all.
The honey as pejorative device ...
OK, Maybe, honey, should try defenstration. Happy now?
No wonder you are so miserable.
BTW Nals, Demi Moore is still a skank.
Nals has no Blogger profile,I'm guessing that he is Althouse's pet troll/stalker. Pathetic.
"Is there something about being a star that damages the brain?"
The brain is damaged before they want to be a star. The desire itself is diagnostic. If perchance, they actually become a star, the sychophants supply a daily dosage of large amounts of fed entitlements that push them over the edge.
It is sad really.
Trey
Bob said...
Nals has no Blogger profile,I'm guessing that he is Althouse's pet troll/stalker. Pathetic.
Of course. Anonymous insults are the best. No one can fight a ghost troll. But, we all know that trolls are ugly, scaly, and slimy. Even leech therapy cannot help them.
I was on a canoe trip once where we encountered leeches in the water as we portaged constant log jams. Above the water was swarms of mosquitoes. Either way, you're leaving blood behind.
Good times.
What woman hasn't had a little experience with some leech rolling over and stumbling away drunk?
To Professor Althouse.
Madam,
That an old Correspondant should have fallen away and hardly ever writes could be regarded as a Sign of some Asperity on his part, whose Cause the Recipient may be at pains to discover. You should rest assured, Madam, that my Absence has been occasion'd by none other Reason than the Press of Business. Aside from some brief Remarks on the Mutability of Language and modern Academick Jargon, I fear I have absent'd Myself more than may seem proper for a Friend to both this, your Theatre of Topicks (as I call it), as well as to Yourself, its charming impressaria.
As the Ghost of a Gentleman dead these 250 Years and more, You may imagine the Progress of Physick to which I have been Witness. It would be tedious and disagreeable to describe the Fate of every miserable Human Object that suffer'd by the Inhumanity & Ignorance of Practitioners of Physick & those unskill'd Chirurgeons, who were, as 'twas aptly said, "sent to kill a Man secundum artem." To the Observation of such a One as Myself, the Centuries have produced less Improvement in Mankind than our Optimistick Age might have imagined, and in fact have engender'd a despicable Decline in Morals & Taste; yet it cannot be denied that the Progress of Natural Philosophy, true Science, and the Practice of Physick, has been beyond the Dreams of a Newton, a Boyle, or a Harvey.
You and your Readers will know that I have often remark'd on the Persistence of Fashion & Habit from my Day to This, whether it be Politicks, Religion, Opera, or even Ladies' Shoes; yet in my wildest Fancies, never would I have imagin'd that Bloodletting by Leeches would still find Favour over Three Hundred Years since my Birth. In my Youth, most Gentlemen knew Periwigs were a Monstrosity, yet wore them because of Custom & Fashion. So 'twas with Physick; even among those who were Pious in Medicine, as the French would say, everyone knew that the Practitioners had few Cures, and that the true Causes of Disease remain'd for the Future to Discover; yet they ever sought out Physicians, Apothecaries & Chirugeons because of Helplessness & Fear.
Bloodletting was meant to restore the Balance of Humours among the two Biles, Phleghm & Blood. An excess of Blood and its Accumulation in the extremities was understood as the Root Cause of many a Distemper. That Mrs. Moore should describe the Effects of Bleeding in such Terms as I might in my Youth have read in the Papers about such-and-so a Physician who had perfected the Cleansing of the Blood of Gross & Impure Accretions, is a piece of fantastick News that gives me Hope that, in Truth, I may have never died. What can explain this charming Lady's Words, express'd in the very Way I would have expect'd her to say them, except that it remains the Year 1738, and everything since has been but a very disagreeable Nightmare?
If I may be permitted to quote from my Memory an Item that appear'd about the Year 1712:—
ADVERTISEMENT.
For the Good of the Publick.
Within two Doors of the the Theatre at Hay-Market lives an
eminent Italian Chirurgeon, newly arriv'd from Venice,
of great Experience in private Cures.
He maintains a Variety of Italian Leeches,
of Great Usefulness in Refreshing & Cleansing the Blood
of Impurities & Restoring Vigour to Those suffering
from the Gout, &c.
Venienti occurrite morbo.
N. B. Any Person may agree by the Great, and be kept in
Repair by the Year. The Doctor draws Teeth in the neatest Manner.
Well may have the Italian Doctor brought his Leeches with him, as these noxious little Animals were near to vanish'd in Nature because of the great Want of them for Physick. You may, to this very Day, yet still see the Place where Leeches were collected in Yorkshire, and visit the little House where they were prepar'd and sent to London and other Cities.
'Tis no Surprise that Mrs. Moore would prefer Leeches to the Lancet, or to the other horrid Practices of Scarifying, Blist'ring, &c.; for she is an Actress who has expos'd most of her Skin to Publick View, and Leeches are known to cause the least Disfigurement. Mrs. Moore may be beyond the Age when further Exposure of her Person would accrue to her Renown, so she perhaps would not mind some small Marks. I should wager her Vanity would not allow such things, no matter what Refreshment she may derive from Bloodletting.
Mrs. Mirren has said that what Mrs. Moore does is not acting, a Remark not unknown in my Day between Actresses of rival Companies. Mrs. Mirren may be the better Actress, but still She did not forbear to remove all her Cloathes in several of her Roles, including one when She was at a very Mature Age. Perhaps Mrs. Moore aspires to such a pluck'd Swan Song, and so may be intent upon maintaining her Person unblemish'd.
Finally, I should like to close this over-long Letter with some Lines of Mr. Addison, writing in the 195th Number of The Spectator:—
Physick, for the most part, is nothing else but the Substitute
of Exercise or Temperance. Medicines are indeed absolutely
necessary in acute Distempers, that cannot wait the slow
Operations of these two great Instruments of Health; but did
Men live in an habitual Course of Exercise and Temperance,
there would be but little Occasion for them.....Blistering, Cupping, Bleeding,
are seldom of use but to the Idle and Intemperate; as all those
inward Applications which are so much in practice among us,
are for the most part nothing else but Expedients to make
Luxury consistent with Health. The Apothecary is perpetually
employed in countermining the Cook and the Vintner.
In the Realization that I shall never again need the Apothecary, nor, sadly, the Cook nor the Vintner,
I remain,
Madam,
Your most Humble & obt. Servant,
Sir Archy
Sir Archy,
Bravo!
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
...Henry David Thoreau
Hers is the not-so-quiet desperation of a middle-aged woman.
When I read the headline, I half-expected it to say "Demi Moore admits to bizarre beauty secret: 'I suck the blood of virgins I keep in my basement."
Demi and her crowd are dragging their feet to slow the circles down, but the carousel always stops.
Whenever a patient begins to tell me about their detoxification methods, my brain switches off their speech (usually a long speech) and shifts to menial tasks like e-mail and stray lint. Some seem to want to shock me. The audacity of ignorant hope! (I am shocked only by the prices.) But actually, I couldn't care less. Leeches? Colonics? The Yeast Connection?
Fine. I lay out the risks and give my opinion; it's their choice. I like choice. I am struck however how ungracefully people age, having replaced God with the worship of the youthful body.
But as Dylan sang, you're gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed.
"The audacity of ignorant hope!"
David Brooks could serve himself by hiring Pogo as his executive editor.
The amazing thing is that even today, Theodoric of York could make a very good living in Hollywood.
Trained leeches? Somebody tell me she was trying to be humorous. I know she's an actress and probably doesn't spend much time worrying about logic, but nobody trained those leeches to do something other than what "swamp leeches" do - drink blood, pure and simple, no special attention to anything IN the blood. . . .
Cedarford, I think Blame it on Rio was Demi's first screen appearance and certainly the first one in which she is topless. I refer you to the scene where she is walking down the beach topless with Michelle Johnson as they approach their fathers, Michael Caine and Joe Bolgonia. She has her long hair covering what I am sure were her original tits, before any enhancements or surgeries. Most disappointing. Watch it seven or eight times, and you will be able to tear yourself away from Michelle Johnson long enough to check out Demi. It's not easy and will take a few tries.
(I have made a hobby of breasts in cinema, if you haven't figured that out yet)
To Dr. Pogo.
Sir,
That You should chuse to pick Lint whilst your Patients chirrup on about purifying the Blood, &c. is a fine Jest upon this Age; for indeed there were many rational Persons in my Day who were most sceptickal of such Operations as Bloodletting, with or without Leeches. For the Rest, there were far too many Instances of what you call, "the Audacity of ignorant Hope;" which is, Sir, a fine Phrase that sums up the Issue neatly.
I must tell you that as impious as my Age was, there were many God-fearing Persons who would have done as Mrs. Moore has done and more, in that ignorant Hope of preserving Youth & Vigour. Who can blame the Mass of People, who may lack the detach'd Calm of Philosophers, when the Depredations of Age daily remind Them of that Appointment with the Grave that is the Fate of all Mankind? A belief in the ultimate Beneficence of the Creator may ease the Minds of the Credulous; but I may tell You as a Ghost myself, that neither the Doctrines of Rome, nor Geneva, nor Benares, or even Lhasa, are adequate to the Matter, and that the Progress of the detach'd Spirit is indeed through a Pathless Land.
Hoping that your Medical Training was better manag'd than we see in this Anatomy Lesson depicted by Mr. Hogarth, I remain,
Sir,
Your humble & obt. Servant,
Sir Archy
To the Readers:
Please accept my Apologies for too many Deletions. The damn'd Link to Mr. Hogarth's Engraving refus'd to work, but has now been repair'd.
Thanks, Sir Archy!
I am honored.
I hope we may meet when I have at last shuttled off this mortal coil.
I myself have few attractions in my appearance to warrant any effort towards everlasting youth. I am more a first draft of something better, needing to be crumpled and tossed in the wastebasket, and let The Editor have another try at it.
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