[S]ome parents had the painful and expensive fertility procedure for the express purpose of having children with a defective gene. It turns out that some mothers and fathers don’t view certain genetic conditions as disabilities but as a way to enter into a rich, shared culture....
Mary Ellen Little, a New Jersey nurse with dwarfism, had her first daughter before a prenatal test for achondroplasia was available. For her second child, she had amniocentesis. “I prayed for a little one,” meaning a dwarf, she told me.
The wait, she recalled, was grueling, since “I figured I couldn’t be blessed twice, but I was.” Both her daughters, now 11 and 7, are “little people.”
December 5, 2006
Is it wrong for a disabled parent...
... to want a child with the same disability?
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Is it wrong for a disabled parent to want a child with the same disability?
I certainly think so -- and no coherent argument for the "no" position comes to mind.
Revenant:
I would disagree with you there. Obviously, one can think of some genetic diseases, such as hemophilia, sickle cell or cystic fibrosis in which having the condition can cause a lifetime of more pain than not having it. So in that case I might agree with you.
However, in the case cited, dwarfism is not one of those conditions. During the middle ages perhaps dwarfs were forced to do certain types of jobs, as well as being physically unable to perform other jobs, but in today's world there is no reason to think that Ms. Little's two daughters can't grow up to lead normal, healthy lives.
If anything, maybe we need to reconsider what we consider 'defective.' There was a time, not so terribly long ago, when genes which produced dark skin , or perhaps the lack of a y-chromosome, were considered 'less desirable.' But today we know that is so much garbage.
I guess I don't understand why someone would be considered 'defective' because they are short.
Q: Is dwarfism considered a disability?
A: Opinions vary within the dwarf community. Certainly a number of short-statured people could be considered disabled as a result of conditions, mainly orthopedic, related to their type of dwarfism. In addition, access issues and problems exist even for healthy LPs. Consider, for example, the simple fact that most achondroplastic adults cannot reach an automated teller machine. Dwarfism is a recognized condition under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Information on the ADA is also available directly from the US Department of Justice, which administers the law.
(link)
Nobody said anything about "defective."
Wanting a child to be like you is a common feeling. Why should short people be any different?
yes.
glad we cleared that up.
lets consider the dwarfism case. what do you think being a dwarf does to the likelihood of finding a compatible mate? (hint: the potential pool gets a lot smaller... in more ways than one...)
Obviously, one can think of some genetic diseases, such as hemophilia, sickle cell or cystic fibrosis in which having the condition can cause a lifetime of more pain than not having it. So in that case I might agree with you. However, in the case cited, dwarfism is not one of those conditions.
Dwarfism does not cause any physical pain or suffering, and doesn't necessarily cause further medical problems. But then, neither does Trimethylaminuria. Should we think nothing of it if a mother wants her children to reek of rotting fish?
Oh, but I forgot -- blacks and women used to be discriminated against, which means that we just need to get over our dislike of body odor, or something.
Wanting a child to be like you is a common feeling. Why should short people be any different?
The fact that many people treat parenting as an exercise in narcissism is no reason to excuse the behavior.
Is it really necessary to ask if wishing disability upon a child makes one a bad person? The answer is, always, yes. Yes it does. No ifs, no buts, no exceptions - yes. Yes it does.
There are lots of traits that I hope I don't pass on to my kids, genetically or otherwise.
MadisonMan said...
"Wanting a child to be like you is a common feeling."
I want my son to be like me insofar as I want him to share my value for human life, my intellectual curiosity, my sense of wonder at the universe, and my concern for detail. On the other hand, I certainly don't want him to be like me in that I don't want him to have to deal with crippling bouts of depression, self-doubt and insomnia. Wanting your child to be like you is a universal trait of parents. Being unable to differentiate "disability" from a positive trait, and wishing the former on a child as the latter, should be a person's first clue that they are not yet emotionally mature enough to be a parent.
I know deaf people. And I know they would probably want the same thing. They don't see their deafness as a disability. Deaf people are very proud of their tight knit community. And raising a son who could hear would probably make their life a lot more complicated.
I think it's all about choice and I see this as a positive thing.
- as long as she can tell her kids that when they are adults, that she wanted them to have the stares and inconveniences, all will be fine...
I can understand feeling that way, but anyone who's even close to emotionally mature--as Madisonman said--would firmly set aside those feelings. It's pretty gross to want anything but the best for your kids. A life coping with a disability is NOT the best.
The words "There but for the grace of God go I." were uttered by John Bradford while imprisoned in the Tower of London, when he saw a criminal going to execution.
But parents who intentionally choose malfunctioning genes that produce disabilities similar to their own, turn that saying and outlook on its head.
"Cognitive dissonance" refers to the practice of resolving a conflict between our observations and our beliefs about the world and ourselves.
When prospective parents select for the same disability they have, they're trying to lessen the dissonance they're experiencing. How selfish can we be?
There, by the frail power of man, go I again. And I feel so much better about myself having the same misery accompany me.
Is this so different than wanting your child to have the same religion as you? Or the same politics? Lots of people subject their kids to that kind of stuff at a very young age. I realize there's still an element of choice for the kid, but I think it's just as wrong.
Danny, a hypothetical:
A deaf couple produces a deaf child, whose situation can be altered via a cochlear implant, which doctors etc. recommend. They choose not to do so (for the reasons to which DTL points).
This deaf couple is also quite religious, and of a fundamentalist flavor. They choose to raise their child in that same tradition (for reasons, by the way, that could be described in strikingly similar terms to what DTL used).
Comments?
(By the way, I lied: This is not a hypothetical. I know this family. Added info: One of the parents has also had cochlear implants recommended.)
There is a second child, by the way--who is hearing.
"I know deaf people. And I know they would probably want the same thing."
Which reminds me: Ann Althouse was musing recently on the nature and origins of tribalism.
Revenant wrote: "The fact that many people treat parenting as an exercise in narcissism is no reason to excuse the behavior."
Wow. Excellent point, made beautifully.
There is a type of transference called twinning, in which one person models themselves after an important person in their life. This is typically most powerful among pre and elementary school age children.
It also occurs in therapy, when the patient overly identifies with the therapist for a short while. Here, it seems that this immature identification is being foisted upon children. I prayed that my genetic daughter would not have my ADD, and my prayers were answered. While my way of concentrating and thinking has some advantages, she is blessed with more typical attentional abilities.
Trey
its a stupid desire, and those who desire it are stupid.
Is it wrong for a disabled parent to want a child with the same disability?
What a fantastic question!
I don't think it's wrong. While people with dwarfism certainly have challenges in life most of us big folk will never understand, who among us can claim we are without challenges? Who's perfect? And what human being isn't perfectly human (in the fundamental humanist sense)?
I think it's beautiful that those who are classified as disabled (by their doctors, family, society), don't see themselves as such.
Instead, I think it's sad that people think they have the right to impose their definition of disabled onto others, and wrong to tell people that they are "wrong" to want children with whom they can more easily relate with (and thus be a better parent to).
Again, great question! Ann, I'd love to hear your answer to your question.
I'm back again.
I love this question (like I said), mainly because it's not a simple one--well, for me anyway.
I've thought about it more, I think I have a different opinion about whose who would deliberately bringing a blind or deaf child into the world.
The "disease" of dwarfism doesn't effect the 5 senses, and dwarfs can function and interact in the world around them.
I don't understand anybody would want to deprive a being of hearing or seeing (like the parents who don't want their child to get the cochlear implant). That seems most unfair.
The "disease" of dwarfism doesn't effect the 5 senses, and dwarfs can function and interact in the world around them.
Yes, deformed people can function and interact. They're still deformed. In a just and fair world, people who wished deformations on their children would get cancer and die.
When I used the word, 'defective' I was referring to the original post which says:
[S]ome parents had the painful and expensive fertility procedure for the express purpose of having children with a defective gene.
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