I've never:
1. Gone camping.UPDATE: Steven Taylor accepts my meme here. And, wow, it's amazing what he's never done. Never gone to New York City? And Stephen Bainbridge joins in here. Two of his are wine-related.
2. Eaten egg salad, devilled eggs, or cold hard-boiled eggs.
3. Gone skiing.
4. Set foot on any continent other than North America and Europe.
5. Shoplifted.
6. Watched a pornographic movie -- other than in federal court, as part of a forfeiture proceeding.
7. Called anyone "sir" or "ma'am."
8. Used a computer that wasn't a Macintosh (unless you count things like dedicated LEXIS consoles and ATM machines as computers).
9. Seen the movie "Apocalypse, Now." (It was always "Apocalypse," later, for me, and now maybe it's "Apocalypse," never. )
10. Used cocaine or heroin.
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48 comments:
I once went camping at a ski resort in Norway. We watched porn on our PC, snorted coke, watched Apoloclypse Now, shot heroin, got hungry, stole some egg salad sandwiches, and landed in jail.
I think I called my cell mate "sir." But it could've been "daddy."
Hmm, that's interesting. Either we're opposites or I'm just more like most people than you are. The only thing I haven't done on that list is watch "Apocalypse Now."
I've barely done a couple of the others. Went skiing all of 3 times, hardly enough to be called by the name. Never touched heroin, never "used" cocaine -- tried the powdered kind once, to see what all the fuss was about. It made me feel like I'd been to the dentist, was all. Watched one pornographic movie, ditto. I mean, to see what all the fuss, etc., not that it made me feel like I'd been to the dentist. More like the gynecologist.
Dirty Harry: that was really funny, but why Norway? Last I looked, it was in Europe.
Annie: "It made me feel like I'd been to the dentist, was all." That's the best anti-drug slogan I've seen in a long time.
Irish Guard: If I remade the list into things I've never done and never want to do, the first thing I'd strike is that fourth item.
With you on #2, 4, 5, and 10. Some comments on the rest:
#1 - IMHO, you are missing some fun here. Last time I was in your neck of the woods, was to go camping about 45 min. SW of Madison on a friend's family's farm. Great fun, esp. with the kids.
#3, Well, what can I say. If I ever can figure out how to get pictures to work with blogger.com, my picture will show me climbing on skiis. I was on skiis about 40 days this year. We joke that my next brother practices law in order to ski. He probably does 100 days a year, including making sure he skiis every month.
But I started in 1960 at age 10. And learning that young helps a lot.
#6, You should try it in bed with a committed partner. Men of course are always thinking about sex. But pornographys seems to excite a lot of women if they are already interested in it - it just doesn't seem to get them interested, as it does us.
#7, What is really weird these days is getting called "Sir". I always am taken aback. Sir was someone in my father's generation.
#8, PCs are not that different any more. I build my own desktop machines (currently working on #F), and this isn't feasible with Macs.
I was an attorney at Motorola when Steve Jobs terminated the contracts with all the companies that had been cloning Macs. Motorola had been the biggest cloner, and took a substantial writeoff for this. Probably out of spite, the company switched to Windows, esp. since they had carried Apple since its inception, providing the processors throughout (except that IBM also provides PowerPC now). A lot of Mac fanatics like you were initially quite upset, but got over it quickly.
Ann: Norway's in Europe? Damn those public schools!
I don't mind being ignorant -- in fact I'm used to it -- but when it blows a joke...
?!? not seen Apocalypse,Now? Hell, I do it just to brighten my mood...
I have this notion that the Martin Sheen of Apocalypse, Now is the one who eventually becomes the President on West Wing. "I don't see any method at all...sir."
hmmm...things I haven't done...well, had sex with someone who wasn't a librarian. Sad, huh? But, hey, I've also never had an overdue book notice either...
Dave, I'm guessing you're avoiding the cold eggs.
10. Used cocaine or heroin.
Hmmm...sounds like a tacit admission that you have used weed...guess you won't be running for public office.
Although, if you were in Mad City in the 70s, you'll remember Edward Ben Elson, who ran for district attorney on the slogan "Just obey good laws." Last time I was tempted to vote for anyone.
Smilin' Jack: (Wonder why he's smilin'...) I figured that inference would be made. Keep in mind that at a Democratic debate in the primary season, every candidate but Lieberman admitted to using marijuana. I'll just say that if I ever did use marijuana, it was more than 30 years ago.
I'm having a hard time believing that you've never called anyone "sir" or "ma'am." Even as a child? You've never said, "Yes, sir" or "No, ma'am?" You never wrote a letter to the editor that started "Dear Sir?"
Perhaps your criteria are different from mine. I'm pretty sure that my own children have never called anyone "sir" or "ma'am," but they are very young and it is not such a common practice these days. For people in our generation, it is inconceivable to me that you have reached this point in your life without having addressed anyone by "sir" or "ma'am."
This reminds me of a party game I played a few times as a kid . . . "I Never." Each player gets a given number of beads and the object of the game is to keep as many as you can. Players take turns saying something they've never done, and whoever has done that thing has to drop a bead in the jar.
It can be a really fun game as long as it doesn't get out of control. We tried playing it at a family reuinion once and it was great until the kids got the bright idea of using it to try to find out their parents' secrets.
Rounds of items like "I've never been in an airplane" gave way to rounds of "I've never seen an X-rated movie" and "I've never taken illegal drugs." Since some of the children present were as young as 5 or 6, the game ended pretty quickly after that . . . but not before a few gasps of, "Mom! I can't believe you did that!"
Of course, no discussion about "things I've never done" would be complete without linking to the lyrics of "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" . . . "and I've never been to Boston in the fall." If you need a chuckle, listen to a clip of the ReliantK rendition in real audio media here.
I just had to add a note about porn . . . the real problem with the stuff is that anyone who has addictive tendencies (which is a large percentage of people) can't use it in moderation . . . it's known as the heroin of the internet. So it's wise not to mess with it.
Check out the pornhurtsfamilies.org website and the Families Damaged by Pornography message board if you want to know the real consequences of abusing porn, or if you know of someone who needs support and help in that area.
The only item on your list that I'm surprised about is #8. PCs have been used by all of my past and present employers -- including part-time jobs in college and summer jobs during law school. Not sure how you have been able to avoid ever using a PC.
And I thought Dirty Harry's comment was funny too. Made me laugh out loud.
I'm almost laughing too much to comment, but here goes. #2 is the one that surprises me, since I've eaten eggs all three ways. (You mean all those thousands of meals and never once...?) I recommend putting hard-boiled egg in tuna salad, salmon salad, chicken salad, potato salad, and chopped liver. (Aha, Ann, you *have* eaten my chopped chicken liver and it contained cold hard-boiled egg.) I too have never skiied (and never expect to), never used a non-Mac, and never used hard drugs. I have probably seen a couple of snippets -- I won't make a bad pun by using a synonym -- of hardcore porn movies and I've been to a couple of strip clubs (once mainly to watch boxing on TV) but they bore me (this relates back to #7 on the list I posted yesterday on my blog). My taste runs more to arty mainstream eroticism -- crotch shots are gross, as my 8-year-old might say. I've gone camping a fair amount and hope to do more; I've spent a month in North Africa (no kif involved); here in TX we say "sir" and "ma'am" till it's coming out of our ears, and I now bristle if I'm not called "sir" in appropriate circumstances. I saw APOLCAPYPSE NOW long ago, so I wonder where Ann was at the time. And as she knows, I've shoplifted, but not since I was 27 or so.
And John, if you can remember all that stuff, I have no worries about you smoking pot.
smilin' jack: #10 is no more a tacit admission that she's used weed (or dropped acid for that matter) than #5 is a tacit admission that she's ever taken a shopping cart that didn't belong to her.
John: Thanks for the correction. I thought Dean jumped in first and Kerry followed, but I defer to your superior memory. I’m sure you’re right. I must just be thinking Dean looks like he would smoke pot.
Joan: I’m not counting addressing a letter “Dear Sir” within my definition of “calling” someone “sir.” And #7 is absolutely true, as far as I can remember. It’s just a very abnormal usage to me, and I was never taught to say it as a child. Addressing a stranger, I would just say “Excuse me.” I was taught to be polite, but not to grovel before authority figures.
Purple Kangaroo: The adults were nutty to play that game with kids.
Tonya: I got out of law school in 1981, and I clerked for a federal judge (as noted in #6). That year the judge’s secretary was just about to get a computer. There were no computers in chambers. After that, I worked for a big Wall Street law firm, and we all had secretaries. The secretaries had “word processors,” dedicated word processing machines. Lawyers were not permitted to have them, lest they look like secretaries and bring down the tone of things. I went from the firm to the law school, in the fall of 1984, and soon after that, I was allocated $3000 to buy a computer and printer. I chose a Macintosh 512 and an Apple Imagewriter. Since then I’ve purchased 8 or 9 computers for myself, all Macs. I’ve also purchased 3 Macintosh computers for my sons over the years (and 2 Dell computers, which I’ve never used). #8 is definitely true. PCs are entirely alien to me! I’ve been offered fancy new PCs if I’d give up my Mac and I’ve always said no.
But the way, watching that pornographic movie in the judge’s chambers was very funny. I and the two female student clerks watched one whole short and laughed through the whole thing. My male co-clerk had to leave the room. What were we laughing at? Must have been the male character, a man who hadn’t had sex in something like 7 years. The guy was sort of like R. Crumb. He dialed up some women who came over, had sex with him, then left, and he said, “Well, that will hold me for the next 7 years.” I find it bizarre that the U.S. government is/was involved in seizing videos like that. You’d think they’d have something better to do.
Five Things My Norway Blunder Proves I've Never Done:
1. Gone to college
2. Read a book without a serial killer in it.
3.Watched the Discovery Channel
4. Stopped laughing at my own jokes long enough to Google before hitting "Publish."
5. Expressed an interest in any culture that speaks Norwich.
Richard: I really don't think you put hard-boiled egg in the chopped liver back in the old days, but I will concede that little particles of cold hard-boiled egg have been snuck into foods I've eaten. Also, I saw you eat an awful lot of cold hard-boiled eggs (with mayonnaise) and egg salad sandwiches, and maybe the cumulative effect of all that disgusting food destroyed our marriage.
"Crotch shots are gross, as my 8-year-old might say." Don't take that the wrong way. My reaction to these shots was to think about where the cameras and the lights were and what a difficult task the whole thing must have been for the actors. It didn't seem sexy to me, because it had to be uncomfortable to be trying to do these things for the sake of visibility. It was so stark and anatomical, too, of course. I found it funny. Maybe because I was with two other women and we were making fun of the acting and making each other laugh. Maybe the male clerk left the room because it was disturbing to hear three women laugh at something he took quite seriously.
There's a quote credited to Andy Warhol. Something like:
"After watching a porn movie for five minutes I want to have sex with everyone. After an hour, I don't ever want to have sex again."
I doubt Warhol said it because he made explicit X-rated films like "Blood For Dracula," but it's a good quote.
And I tried Googling but couldn't find it. Found a lot of nasty stuff with those search words, but not that.
OK, Ann, I had to follow your example.
I doubt many can trump my #1. ;-)
BTW, I'm sure this is a dumb question, but what is Apocolypse, Now about?
Well, DH did kiss me on the cheek a couple of times before our wedding . . . and I was kissed on the lips a few times by parents and grandparents as a kid. But I don't think that really counts. :)
I grew up camping, it's cheaper than hotels for families on limited vacation-type incomes, and dad was an Eagle Scout - so we camped like Scouts.
We plucked eggs from the hen-house at my uncle's farm in Nebraska on the way back from India where eggs are often consumed with curry even by Hindu "vegetarians." We ate them raw at the Europahaus studentenheim in Vienna.
Church-group ski-trip to Tahoe we threw a lot of snowballs at the girls and drank smuggled-in whiskey. Skiing was wok, but never quite caught on as much as the expense and time-to-snow required.
Does Egypt count for Africa? Where the hell is Guatemala anyhow - Meso-America?
5,6,
7: "sir/ma'am" - boarding school instills respect (and fear and hatred) towards Authority.
Unix workstations, Macs, PC's they're all just electronic boxes of stuff connected to other stuff. Apocalypse, Now was practically required viewing at CU Santa Cruz, and coke was recreational - wanna buy some mushrooms?
Ann: ah, but the real question is: which of these ten things you've never done will you do first, now that it's out in the open?
I recommend the egg salad. About an hour or so before a crowded faculty meeting. In a small room. With no ventilation.
But, hey, that's just me!
Hey, as I tell my kids almost daily: "You don't know you don't like it unless you taste it."
Purple Kangaroo:
I'm edging forty, been married to a Mexican woman for 16 years, love Mexican food, but there is no way, no how, under any condition I will eat guacamole.
I know I don't like it without tasting it. I mean look at it. Refried beans? Love 'em. That green poo. Nevahhh!
And I'm signing this,
DH *wink wink*
Dave: Back in tha day, we used to do lines of Pepsi...cut with Tab. It was the only way to keep it on the mirror...
Dave: When we were kids, we used to like a mixture of Coke and Root Beer.
And, Dave, you pick up the meme I started but you don't link to me???
Dirtcrashr: I go with the geological definition of continents. Egypt is part of Africa and Guatemala is part of North America. I've gotten into fights with people over this, but facts are facts.
Dirty Harry: Back in the "Blood For Dracula," you could get an X rating for gore. "Clockwork Orange" was X-rated when it came out.
You don't know you don't like a food until you taste it? Not so! If you don't like the smell, you don't like it. No reason to put it in your mouth. Revulsion is a natural reaction. It's good to be in touch with these feelings. They mean something.
"Dawn of the Dead" too. I still remember the commercial making sure we Milwaukeans knew that it was playing at the Pussycat Theatre downtown because of violence, not sex.
Like "Clockwork, a great movie.
Dave: Mr. Pibb was an OG thang. Yeah, I'd admit to a little Old Skool Yoo-Hoo cuttin' but since I got my bracelet, I gotsta stick by the Tab story...
I aint neva hang wif no Smokin' Pibb-head, and I certainly do not wish to entertain such an audience now!
Ann: Mixing was a favorite of myself as well. The worst experiment was Rock-and-Rye + Nestles Quick...
Guacamole has no smell. It just looks the way it does. Like something cleaned from an alien litterbox.
Not all foods taste the way they smell.
When I was a kid, my mom used to make this thing (I can't even remember what it was called--probably something with "impossible" or "suprise" in the name--with noodles, hamburger, some kind of reddish-brown sauce, and cottage cheese.
It looked and smelled terrible, and every time Mom served it, we'd all look at the steaming pile on our plates and insist we didn't like it. But we had a rule in our house that we must eat at least one bite of everything, so we'd steel ourselves and choke down a bite.
Then we'd eat the whole plateful and want seconds. It tasted fabulous if you could get past the aesthetics.
Speaking of hard-boiled eggs, I have a dilemma.
I cooked up a pot of hardboiled eggs a couple of nights ago and then filled the pot with ice water to cool them off faster and left them on the stovetop to cool.
It was DH's turn to clean up the kitchen and put away the food, so I left them for him to put in the refrigerator.
About 6 hours later I came down and found them still sitting on the stovetop. The water wasn't even cold any more, but I threw away the one that had burst open and put the rest in the refrigerator to decide about later.
Do you suppose they're still good, or is it too risky?
Thanks, Dave.
Kangaroo: They were inside the shell, so they were never room temperature and exposed to bacteria. I'd test one on DH and see how it goes. If he's okay the next day, they're fine.
Ann: That's kind of what I was thinking . . . I know people pack hardboiled eggs in the shell in unchilled lunches all the time.
As for testing them on DH, I doubt that would tell us much. Anything that would make him sick would probably kill anyone else. He has a stomach of iron because of the things he ate growing up.
One time I saw my MIL come home from the store with two roasted chickens, set them on the counter and say, "These don't need to go in the refrigerator . . . we're going to eat them tomorrow." She would have heated them briefly in the microwave the next day and served them to guests without thinking twice about it.
Then I'd say take all six eggs, make a giant egg salad sandwich and have him eat the whole thing.
Are we trying to make DH sick or just trying to keep the kids safe from possibly contaminated eggs?
There are 4 of them . . . I think I'll ask DH if he wants them and if not, I'll probably toss them. They only cost about 7 cents each, and it's not really worth the suspense. :)
Speaking of porn, recently one of my nieces fell in love with a guy who is a cameraman for a porn website. Not everybody in the family knew this, so she sort of confessed it over her blog. It definitely shook up everybody's stereotypes of the sleazy porn-industry type, especially since those who have met Nate really like him. Apparently the website he works for is all women masturbating, all the time.
Ten things I've never done? Even with the examples from you, Purple Kangaroo, and Dave, I can't think of ten things I've NEVER done... That's why my back's a mess!
Larry the cucumber's list didn't give you some ideas, Old Patriot? LOL.
There's some more inspiration for you here in the comments, old_patriot
I find it amusing that peopel associate Sir and Ma'am with authority figures--I just think of them as polite terms of address. Of course I use them with authority figures, but I also use them to address strangers--cashiers, people in line, etc.
Sam: I agree the terms are just normal, respectful terms that you should use for everyone if you use them at all, but I was never around anyone who used them growing up and I could not say them without feeling phony. BTW, a lot of women do not enjoy being called ma'am.
Haven't done 4, 5, 9, or 10. Had IV morphine with a kidney stone, though.
I find your lack of 1, 2, and 3 most surprising, I guess. Certainly done all of those.
Number 7 as a matter of course. Raised in North Carolina; I'm only 26, but I was certainly taught to say "ma'am" and "sir" to adults and strangers. Y'all Yankees are weird. Of course, I knew that already. It took me quite some time of being in Ithaca to lose a bit of the feeling of people constantly being rude everywhere, at least enough of it to not get angry about it. People in Michigan also came off as rude in my experience. It is all about expectations, though.
It's one reason why I enjoy studying Japanese; the culture makes sense, unlike that of you Yankees. ;)
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