Althouse: Is it good for young children to believe they are cute?

May 30, 2005

Is it good for young children to believe they are cute?

This is a belief parents inspire in their kids, some more than others. A lot more.

UPDATE: Oh, good, they're gone.

10 comments:

docweasel said...: The Inscrutable Doctor Althouse; 5/30/05, 1:32 PM
Joan said...: Ha!

My kids know that they're cute, but they also know that being cute on the outside doesn't excuse being vile on the inside, or behaving badly...; 5/30/05, 3:03 PM
Meade said...: Seems to me that believing they are cute can't possibly be as bad as believing they are many of the other things so many children today seem to believe they are -- such as -- the one and only center of the universe.; 5/30/05, 3:21 PM
Ann Althouse said...: When I wrote that post, I was sitting near a child who was acting excessively cute, obviously encouraged by her parents, and utterly incapable of knowing how idiotic she appeared to people who didn't know her. IIn my opinion, her parents had done her a disservice.

It's one thing for a child to believe she's good and lovable, quite another for a child to engage in cutesy behavior because it causes her parents to beam at her. I'm afraid she's going to be quite confused when she discovers that sort of behavior doesn't make new people think she's wonderful.; 5/30/05, 4:34 PM
Jinnmabe said...: Ah, I see you meant "behaving" cute, as opposed to being physically cute. I think my kids are very, very cute physically, but they don't always act that way. I don't know that it will hurt them for me to tell them they are beautiful (while still avoiding the Seinfeld-ish "you gotta see the BAY-bee" with other people).

Could you be more specific as to the age of the child and what exactly they were doing? A one year old can get away with "cute" behavior more often than a four year old.; 5/30/05, 4:48 PM
Ann Althouse said...: It's fine for you to think they're cute. My problem is with parents who interact with their kids in a way that conveys to the kids that they ought to think of themselves as cute.

The kid I felt had been done a disservice was perhaps 6.; 5/30/05, 4:56 PM
Yogo said...: I met a person for whom the comment, "oh, your daughter is so pretty," was not a compliment. It was close to an insult or a suggestion that the girl was less than intelligent.; 5/30/05, 7:20 PM
Bruce Hayden said...: The problem with kids believing that they are cute is that they use it to get away with things that they shouldn't. Obvious, from what all above are saying.

But to continue - part of what I consider good parenting is not letting them get away with this. Not just because what you think is cute in your kid, others most often think is bratty.

But even more, in that it gives exactly the wrong message to the kids - just do cute things when you are bad, and you can get away with them.

I see a lot of parenting as going against your natural inclinations when going with them would be counterproductive.; 5/31/05, 1:39 AM
Bruce Hayden said...: But is this really any different from letting some women get away with a lot, just because they are beautiful?

Add to this, that beautiful children are much more likely to be considered cute by other than their parents.; 5/31/05, 1:44 AM
Be said...: Wandering Mind: In all seriousness, I know of people whose parents have said stuff like that. One in particular's mom told her daughter something to the effect of her making d@mn sure that she learned to use her brains, because she wasn't going to get anywhere on her looks.

I consider that and what Nappy 40 commented on to be two sides of the same coin.; 5/31/05, 9:17 AM