March 22, 2005

Hogzilla was no hoax.

The National Geographic's experts dug up the remains of the beast and have concluded it was real, but only 8 feet long, not 12, and 800 pounds, not 1200.
That wasn't good enough for Ken Holyoak, owner of the 1,500-acre (600-hectare) fish farm and hunting preserve where Hogzilla was shot by guide Chris Griffin.

"I need to stress that they did not have that much to work with, seeing as how the poor beast had been underground for nearly six months," he said Monday.

Holyoak said Hogzilla weighed in at half a ton on his farm scales, and that he personally measured the hog's length at 12 feet (3.6 meters) while the freshly killed beast was dangling by straps from a backhoe.

"As with any organic being after death, tissues will decompose and the body will atrophy, making actual measurements change over time," Holyoak said. "Have you ever seen a raisin after it was a grape?"

Have I ever seen a raisin after it was a grape? Have I ever seen a raisin before it was a grape? While it was a grape? After it was something other than a grape?

Ah, forget about grapes! There are hogzillas roaming the backwoods of Georgia. And the tusks really did measure 18 inches.

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