Would Shakespeare really blow the new SAT? Some Princeton Review people talk about what it takes to ace the new essay section of the SAT.

To receive a high score a student should write a long essay of three or more paragraphs, with each paragraph containing topic and concluding sentences and at least one sentence that includes the words "for example." Whenever possible the student should use polysyllabic words where shorter, clearer words would suffice. The SAT essay will not be a place to take rhetorical chances. Flair will win no points; the highest-scoring essays will be earnest, long-winded, and predictable.

They then proceed to analyze writing samples by Hemingway, Shakespeare, Gertrude Stein (who does particularly badly), and the Unabomber. Of course, the Unabomber's writing style is what the "holistic" graders at the SAT will be looking for. Very amusing, but should we worry that something is terribly wrong with the test?

Some high school teachers will pick up extra pay doing this grading, which is nice for them. Should we see them as dreary drudges, blind to the creativity of the Shakespeares and Hemingways who are taking the test? Please. If there is really a Shakespeare/Hemingway in the mix, he's sharp enough to find and absorb the Princeton Review's advice on how to maximize your writing score and sane and focused enough to easily crank out the requisite material. Anyone who wrote out an "essay" like that Shakespeare speech or that Gertrude Stein passage on the SAT test would be incompetent. Shakespeare and Stein weren't crazy--they knew where they were and what they were doing at any given time. I think they'd notice--perhaps with the sublime awareness of the true artist--that they were taking the SAT.

UPDATE: Sorry about the bad link that was here earlier. It should work now.