Althouse: "They say the clowns live deep in the woods, near a house by a pond."

August 30, 2016

"They say the clowns live deep in the woods, near a house by a pond."

"At the edge of dark, dark woods in South Carolina, children have been telling adults that a group of clowns have been trying to lure them into the cluster of trees...."

43 comments:

Brando said...: A clown is never scarier than when in a setting where it's not trying to perform. You could really scare the crap out of someone by walking around in the woods behind their house in a clown suit. They might shoot you, but it'd be totally worth it.; 8/30/16, 3:01 PM
mockturtle said...: Nothing is so creepy as a clown. Anywhere. But we want pictures. Don't all kids carry cell phones nowadays?; 8/30/16, 3:07 PM
Rob said...: The article refers to "John Wayne Gacy, a serial killer who dressed as a clown." Gacy performed as a clown. To the best of my knowledge, he didn't dress as a clown when he wasn't performing, and he didn't kill people while in his clown costume. The Times is one notch over the Weekly World News anymore.; 8/30/16, 3:16 PM
buwaya said...: "set off a primal warning bell from within our “crocodile brains""

My entire brain is a crocodile brain.; 8/30/16, 3:18 PM
mockturtle said...: Rob, I just finished a book about Gacy and no, he apparently did not dress in clown costume when torturing, raping and murdering his victims.; 8/30/16, 3:19 PM
traditionalguy said...: Send in the dogs. Not sweet Zeus, but two big German Shepards trained to bite off clown parts.; 8/30/16, 3:19 PM
Big Mike said...: I have a feeling that in the end this will be a modern urban legend in the making.; 8/30/16, 3:21 PM
Smilin' Jack said...: "At the edge of dark, dark woods in South Carolina, children have been telling adults that a group of clowns have been trying to lure them into the cluster of trees...."

And the adults reply, "That's what happens when you don't clean your room...."; 8/30/16, 3:25 PM
Rusty said...: Pennywise?; 8/30/16, 3:30 PM
Paul Snively said...: "Float, float... we all float down here." — Pennywise

What really fascinates me is that Tim Curry was asked to dial back his performance a notch. Now I want to see his original footage!; 8/30/16, 3:31 PM
gadfly said...: "The Greenville County Sheriff’s Office says this is the only incident report filed concerning clown sightings."

Don't you love a farce? My fault, I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want, sorry my dear
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Don't bother they're here; 8/30/16, 3:35 PM
rehajm said...: It's a bait and switch story for gun control. To NYT the scary people are not creepy clowns but people with guns.; 8/30/16, 3:36 PM
Birches said...: Did the Green Bay clown move to South Carolina with some friends?; 8/30/16, 3:36 PM
David Begley said...: Not funny!

I know a couple with two small children in that town. But I am confident the police of Greenvile will get to the bottom of this.; 8/30/16, 3:36 PM
David said...: Do you realize how hot it is in South Carolina this time of year?

Only a maniac would wear a clown outfit in that weather.

Oops!; 8/30/16, 3:44 PM
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...: Maybe they can get the Lizard Man to come up from Bishopville for some Clown burgers!; 8/30/16, 3:49 PM
Megthered said...: My children are terrified of clowns. We never went to the circus, but did threaten to send them to the circus when they were very bad. My daughter is afraid of anyone dressed up as someone or something else. She never went near Santa and DisneyWorld was a nightmare for us.; 8/30/16, 3:50 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: Using a Clown Suit to entice children into the woods is cheating.

I am Laslo.; 8/30/16, 4:00 PM
Fernandinande said...: Laslo Spatula said...
Using a Clown Suit to entice children into the woods is cheating.

And, believe me, it rarely works.; 8/30/16, 4:05 PM
Fernandinande said...: Peggy Coffey said...
My children are terrified of clowns.

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." -- Handey; 8/30/16, 4:06 PM
mockturtle said...: Most kids I know are terrified by clowns.; 8/30/16, 4:07 PM
Ann Althouse said...: If you teach your kids the normal safety rules, it's irrelevant whether the stranger is wearing some kind of costume.; 8/30/16, 4:09 PM
J. Farmer said...: This is probably a handful of friends doing a prank. There's a series of YouTube videos from Italy, I think, where they dress as clowns and use hidden cameras to scare the crap out of people.; 8/30/16, 4:18 PM
The Godfather said...: Our two Presidential candidates are Hillary! and Tromp, and folks are worried about clowns in the woods?; 8/30/16, 5:10 PM
I Have Misplaced My Pants said...: yeah hunh. And the devil was sticking pins in the little girls in Salem, too.; 8/30/16, 5:34 PM
Fernandinande said...: I Have Misplaced My Pants said...
And the devil was sticking pins in the little girls in Salem, too.

Tasmanian devils evolve to resist deadly [transmissible] cancer; 8/30/16, 6:13 PM
Bill R said...: This is another effect of Global Warming. Scientists have proved that with warmer temperatures, houses deep in the woods, near a pond, begin to spawn deadly clowns.

Sure, enjoy your air conditioning.; 8/30/16, 6:49 PM
Hagar said...: Do not eat any mushroom without specific identification of that particular mushromm.; 8/30/16, 7:06 PM
wildswan said...: On Halloween at the electronics store we used to send a radio-controlled car suddenly tearing down the aisles and whirling round corners while a digital recorder inside uttered maniacal laughs. It would chase children who used to run screaming as long as pursued and then turn and run after it when it went for another group. That wasn't long ago but probably we would be arrested now and appear in the NYT as The Horror Shack. Back then, we got a few mother's-poison-eye glances but overall sales rose. Especially digital cars.; 8/30/16, 7:09 PM
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of New York said...: I want to live in a house by a pond in the deep woods! What went wrong with my life?; 8/30/16, 7:23 PM
Bob Boyd said...: Meanwhile in North Carolina, clowns have been telling authorities a group of creepy children tried to lure them into a cluster of trees.; 8/30/16, 7:50 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 8/30/16, 9:31 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

To begin: I don't like being a Clown, but I do it for The Law...

Sometimes I am a Decoy Clown, sometimes I am an Undercover Clown: it is a Dirty City: Dirty with Clowns and Clown Sex and Clown Shame...

The Hardest is being an Undercover Flame-Haired Hooker Clown: all these baleful men who want to fuck me for forty dollars, then -- when the handcuffs are on -- they are in tears down their untucked shirt. A Flame-Haired Clown fucked them at a Birthday Party, a Flame-Haired Clown fucked them at a Bar Mitzvah: the Clown Shame runs deep. How they stare at my shoes, my oversized Red Clown Shoes....

It is Toughest, however, with The Children: when they are sobbing and snotting and have to point at me Where The Clown Touched Them: I feel for them, and know I'll be arresting them in twenty years...

Sometimes I feel like Clown Disease is seeping into my Soul: I can beat down a dozen crack-addicted hookers, yet I never feel clean...

I am Laslo.; 8/30/16, 9:31 PM
mockturtle said...: Clown-noir.; 8/30/16, 9:33 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

The little boy's underwear in his pocket.

Usually.

I am Laslo.; 8/30/16, 9:41 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

He says the Target bathroom was open to all genders.

Yikes.

I am Laslo.; 8/30/16, 9:44 PM
Laslo Spatula said...: Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

His Clown Make-Up matches the imprint left on the little girl's thighs.

After a Clown Encounter the Smart Parent does not wash the Child before the Police arrive,

I am Laslo.; 8/30/16, 9:48 PM
Michelle Dulak Thomson said...: I've reread It just in the last week, so I imagined I'd be first with a Pennywise reference. But not even second. Drat.; 8/30/16, 10:35 PM
Rusty said...: Don't feel sad Michelle.
They float.
We all float down here.; 8/31/16, 6:04 AM
Brando said...: "If you teach your kids the normal safety rules, it's irrelevant whether the stranger is wearing some kind of costume."

I would guess that in terms of statistics, you're safer among people dressed as clowns than you are among the general population. Probably because if you're up to no good, you don't want to give it away by dressing like an evil clown.

And there's no such thing as a good clown. If you disagree, try to picture finding a good clown under your bed.; 8/31/16, 6:36 AM
JayneI said...: Thanks for all the laughter, delightful commenters!; 8/31/16, 9:07 AM
gerry said...: Maybe they should license clowns.; 8/31/16, 12:06 PM
mikee said...: Amazingly, no mention in the article or in comments here about Juggalos.; 8/31/16, 4:32 PM