January 13, 2014

"Tina Fey and [Amy] Poehler tried hard, and sometimes too hard... their jokes about prosthetic penises fell flat."

Writes Alessandra Stanley about the hosting of the Golden Globes last night. Oddly, Stanley attributes the jokes that fell flat to the actresses' effort "to be like the guys and go blue."

I say oddly, because I didn't watch and I don't know what all these supposedly "blue" jokes were, but the one she referred to — without quoting — was about a topic that doesn't seem particularly like a guy thing. Prosthetic penises? That made me think of some medical devices to assist persons who have undergone penile amputations, then wonder whether  "prosthetic penises" is the way you say "dildos" and "strap-ons" in the NYT.

See, this is the kind of question you're forced to ponder when you don't watch the awards shows and you try to figure out what happened the next morning by reading the NYT.

Googling, I figured out that it was a movie thing. Extra doodads the makeup artists stick on are called "prosthetics." So like Kenneth Branagh getting a rubbery attachment for his chin so he could play Laurence Olivier, Jonah Hill submitted to genital appendagement for "The Wolf of Wall Street." Ah! Here's the text of Amy and Tina's opening routine:
AP The Wolf of Wall Street is a big nominee tonight, and I really loved the film, but some of it was too graphic. If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I’d go to one of Jonah Hill’s pool parties

TF Jonah Hill actually used a prosthetic penis in The Wolf of Wall Street, so you have that to look forward to the next time you eat at Planet Hollywood.
I think I get that joke, the joke that the NYT TV writer says fell flat. Correct me if I'm wrong. The idea is that a "prosthetic" really is a  medical devices for someone who has had an amputation, so if Jonah Hill wore a prosthetic penis, his real penis must have been lopped off somehow, and also, it's the mystery meat in the food at a local Hollywood restaurant.

There's more:
AP A number of big movies used prosthetic genitals this year. Blue is the Warmest Colour, The Wolf of Wall Street, Saving Mr. Banks. A lot of people don’t know that, Tom Hanks was wearing one the whole time. He’s wearing one right now – he’s really enjoying it.
So were AP and TF being like the guys? It's inconceivable that a male host on an awards show would single out an actress in the audience and talk about her genitals. If he did, critics would savage him. They wouldn't merely opine that the joke "fell flat." AP and TF were not acting like guys, they were exercising female privilege.

40 comments:

JoyD said...

Glad I didn't watch...trying too hard Is always painful to watch...maybe they should take a break from this gig. Reaching that far down (no pun intended) for humor is getting old.

Pat said...

The prosthetic was in lieu of showing the real thing, and Planet Hollywood displays movie memorabilia.

David said...

I don't think you got the joke. The joke is that the prosthesis in question is now a prop from a famous movie and would become memorabilia to adorn the walls of a restaurant that does that sort of thing.

Pat said...

The prosthetic was in lieu of showing the real thing, and Planet Hollywood displays movie memorabilia.

Hnkn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CWJ said...

AA,

Planet Hollywood has movie props, costumes, etc., like Hard Rock Cafe has rock stuff on the walls.

Presumably, they're referring to the prosthetic penis being on display.

Deirdre Mundy said...

Aristophanes did it better.

Ruth Anne Adams said...

Their later use of genitalia was even better. When they were introducing presenter Leonardo DiCaprio, they said, "Like a supermodel's vagina, please give a warm welcome to Leonardo Di Caprio."

He appeared smiling or laughing as he approached the microphone.

betamax3000 said...

Introducing Andrea Dice Clay.

Xmas said...

Ruth Anne,

Now that's funny.

Something along the same lines: Putin-DiCaprio Alpha stare.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/01/07/when-alpha-males-square-off/

betamax3000 said...

Andrea Dice Clay Robot says:

"I Was Having Sex with This Chick, and by Chick I Mean Guy, But I Was Using a Strap-On. Owhhhhhhhhh!"

CatherineM said...

I get making a joke about the prosthesis (I assume Jonah Hill actually masterbating would be porn, so they use a prosthesis).

I didn't watch it, but I have to say, so many of the jokes these days seem to include vagina and penis/dick jokes. Joking about DiCaprio and supermodel vagina, I get it, but it doesn't have to be so graphic. Childish and lame.

People tell me, follow this person or that on twitter, they are SO funny...and then every joke is a penis or vagina joke.

Krumhorn said...

The George Clooney line was the best of the evening. Perfectly written and perfectly delivered:

"George Clooney would rather float away in space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age,"

That's one of those wish-I'd-thought-of-that lines

- Krumhorn

Tank said...

Didn't Letterman get in trouble (or criticized) for comparing Oprah to Uma? Both in the audience. I thought that was mean and out of bounds, but I think Letterman is mean and out of bounds too.

While he did not talk about their genitals, what he did was much worse: Oprah is obviously no Uma, while a joke about genitals was understood to be a joke, or maybe even a compliment.

tim in vermont said...

I vote the joke was funny, just from reading it here.

Brando said...

Tank, I thought the issue with Letterman's "Oprah, Uma" bit was that it was so spectacularly unfunny that it opened a rip in the space time continuum. Did anyone consider it offensive and mean, or was any potential offensiveness overshadowed by the sheer dearth of funny?

I have to admit the Fey/Poehler jokes quoted here seem pretty funny. Sure, they take advantage of a double standard (remember the uproar Seth McFarlane got after his jokes at the Oscars?) but then I've always thought more should be "in bounds".

William said...

Put wings on it, and then those overdressed narcissistic bastards can all go home and take a flying fuck for themselves. Except Jennifer Lawrence. She's really nice.

Bruce Hayden said...

Sorry to be the downer here, but I just can't get into a bunch of TV and movie celebrities patting each other on the back. Seems a waste of air, and air time, though not sure what else they preempted for this extravaganza. Maybe it is my age, but I haven't watched one of these things in decades, and don't expect to start anytime soon.

EMD said...

How can you have not heard of Planet Hollywood?

EMD said...

Both in the audience. I thought that was mean and out of bounds

He was comparing their stupid names.

EMD said...

Both in the audience. I thought that was mean and out of bounds

He was comparing their stupid names.

betamax3000 said...

The Obvious Line Should've Been "Tina Fey and [Amy] Poehler tried hard, and sometimes too hard... their jokes about prosthetic penises went limp."

Fen said...

Ann, Bruce is expressing his boredom with the topic. Time to frontpage and slime him. Maybe you can misrepresent his opinion of Tina Fey.

jacksonjay said...


I hear that Lena was ravishing! Word is, she kept her tits covered for the entire show.

Johanna Lapp said...

A prosthetic isn't necessarily a substitute for one that's been lopped off. It might extend the length or girth of one that's just naturally puny.

Larry J said...

Bruce Hayden said...

Sorry to be the downer here, but I just can't get into a bunch of TV and movie celebrities patting each other on the back.


What, Bruce, you don't like watching a seemingly never ending series of awards shows where the most important message is AREN'T WE WONDERFUL!!!".

Me, neither. And from the reported ratings of most awards shows, most other people don't watch, too.

MayBee said...

Are you trying to make a joke in your explanation for the joke?

EMD said...

What, Bruce, you don't like watching a seemingly never ending series of awards shows where the most important message is AREN'T WE WONDERFUL!!!".


Or you could live-tweet along as I do with a heavy dose of snark.

Julie C said...

There is a gender difference in the way men and women talk about their bodies. It's perfectly acceptable for a man to jokingly tell another guy he's fat (or whatever) but no woman would ever tell another woman that, even in jest. She would be more likely to put the knife in subtly. I realize I'm speaking in generalities here, but having grown up with 3 brothers, and having worked in very male-dominated industries, I saw men much better able to take a joke about physical appearances.

I watch the Golden Globes primarily to see the clothes. But Tina and Amy were very funny. Not all the jokes were winners, but I think that's pretty common among comedians.

El Pollo Raylan said...

I get making a joke about the prosthesis (I assume Jonah Hill actually masterbating would be porn, so they use a prosthesis).

Hey, they don't call it "air time" for nuttin'.

I'm glad Bryan Cranston got his due. And Jennifer Lawrence. She rocks!

Anthony said...
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Julie C said...

Agreed about Jennifer Lawrence. She is really cool. I loved her in Winter's Bone (the first time I saw her). She is electrifying in American Hustle. She's one of those people who just light up the screen. Watching her and Christian Bale in their fight scene was so much fun. I could see that movie a dozen times.

Oclarki said...

Really why does using a hyper realistic prosthetic rather than the real thing make it any less explicit? Jonah Hill masturating is still Jonah Hill masturbating

Oclarki said...

Really why does using a hyper realistic prosthetic rather than the real thing make it any less explicit? Jonah Hill masturating is still Jonah Hill masturbating

MayBee said...

I doubt it was to make it less explicit. It was to make it so Jonah Hill didn't have to pull out his penis and masturbate for 35 takes in front of 200 extras.

Plus, they can make it whatever size they want it to be.

Biff said...

Old guy (me) says:

When I was a juvenile, penis jokes were things I shared with my juvenile buddies, but we wouldn't think of sharing them with adults, nor would adults (aside from that one guy's creepy uncle) think of sharing them with us.

Also, when I was a juvenile, we'd watch awards shows to see how sophisticated adults at the top of their professions would act, and perhaps we would dream of following in their footsteps.

Now, I twerk, therefore I am.

Harrumph.

JoyD said...

I harrumph along with Biff. Juvenile is the right word. That's fine when you are a juvenile and you're amused by Beavis and Butthead .... We raised three boys, so believe me I know. I was never a prude, and we laughed right along with them, because after all, the mainstream media never went too disgustingly far. But that was then. And where is the humor here for actual grown-ups?

Denise Warner said...

Without fail, Tina Fey always has penis jokes. She thinks just saying the word is hilarious.

She needs to hire some new writers.

LordSomber said...

The days where I could watch a TV awards ceremony with my parents without becoming uncomfortably embarrassed have long gone...

Idalis De Leon said...

I thought they rocked it. It's very difficult to host an award show and please everyone, be edgy but not to edgy, make everyone laugh and carry the show. Very Very hard. They did a brilliant job, just the right temperature.