June 10, 2013

"One-armed woman wins Miss Iowa 2013."

It's Nicole Kelly!
“As I grew up I learned to counterbalance the initial stares I received from people with an outgoing personality that would not give into ‘no'.... This means that I tried everything. From baseball, to dance, to diving - there is nothing I would not try. I found my passion within a world where I was giving people permission to stare: the stage.”

71 comments:

ndspinelli said...

Is she a southpaw?

edutcher said...

If you pull her arm, does money come out?

Seriously, good for her. With all the plastic Kardashians out there, nice to see someone of substance.

Methadras said...

As I grew up I learned to counterbalance

Interesting choice of phrase.

Meade said...

"Kelly was born without her left forearm, according to her biography on MissIowa.com."

Nick, you can quietly follow the links, read the articles and be thought a fool. Or just shoot off your half-cocked comments and remove all doubt.

rhhardin said...

Glamour today is very unattractive.

It lost its etymological link with magic long ago.

Scott said...

You gotta hand it to her.

MadisonMan said...

It sounds like she has 1.5 arms, not just 1.

MadisonMan said...

If she asked me to tell her what happened, I would've guessed she lost it in a farm accident.

Chip S. said...

It's not fair.

The question she got in the interview round was, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Pogo said...

Venus de Midwest.

Pogo said...

Someone alert Dr. Richard Kimble.

Bob Ellison said...

Well, that's a pretty woman indeed.

Bob Ellison said...

Reminds me, though, of the story of Joe McClock.

Chip S. said...

Pogo said...
Venus de Midwest.

or, de Silo

Pogo said...

Venus de Silo is much better.

Titus said...

She's got nice tits but what if her jerky jerky limb is a claw or stump?

That could cause my hog to get a major softie.

Titus said...

Do you think when she gives herself pleasure she uses her stump?

Chip S. said...

de Silo's just a minor variation on an original theme.

stutefish said...

Interesting that the Internet doesn't seem to have any pictures of her missing arm. There's an apparently universal consensus that only her face should appear in photos.

Lem said...

God Bless you, Very useful, Success.

bpm4532 said...

Beautiful young woman.

Ah Pooh said...

Some of these above comments are disgusting.

Ah Pooh said...

Some of these above comments are disgusting.

exhelodrvr1 said...

She should have done wallpaper hanging for the talent competition.

bagoh20 said...

She's faking it.

Lem said...

Some of these above comments are disgusting.

Other peoples choices gave her a leg up.

Lem said...

She's faking it.

I don't know...

Things that could be true:

When she says 'come into my arm' nobody said no because the one arm would not be simultaneously protecting and washing the other.

bpm4532 said...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob

bpm4532 said...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs by the front door?

Matt

The Godfather said...

I think it's a nice story. Can't we just appreciate it and not try to make silly jokes about it? Not one of which is funny, by the way.

somefeller said...

Agreed, Godfather. I doubt any member of The League of Aspiring Gentlemen would make such vulgar jokes.

ironrailsironweights said...

Several boys find out that a new boy has just moved into the neighborhood. They get their baseball equipment, ring the bell at his house, and when the boy's mother answered the door they ask if he can come out and play ball with them.
"I'm sorry, boys," the mother says, "but Timmy has birth defects. He has no arms or legs."
Thinking fast, one of the boys replies "That's okay, we can use him for home plate."

Peter

Pogo said...

It's a feminist post.

That's not funny!!!

Pogo said...

See?

Feminist threadkill.

Astro said...

@ stutefish - If you'd followed the link to the Fox article you would have seen a photo right away showing her partial left arm:
Nicole Kelly

Good for her.
I gotta wonder, though, if she is a supporter of the 2nd Amendment.

betamax3000 said...

A Hand-Job from a One-Armed Woman is Twice as Special.

ricpic said...

Miss Congeniality. That's the way they usually handle the missing limb contestant. That way she gets an award and a complete parts beauty gets to win the beauty prize. A bone is thrown to social justice types while the audience's need for actual justice is satisfied. Everyone goes home happy.

Lem said...

Regardless of which side we choose to validate, the aim here is to look good. Whether it is at her expense or on the back of those we disapprove.

Even I, trying to sound profound, must plead guilty to my own charges.

betamax3000 said...

A Hand-Job from a One-Armed Appalachian Woman is Six Fingers of Magic.

ErnieG said...

Theresa Uchytil — Miss Iowa 2000-2001 was the first Miss Iowa with one hand.

betamax3000 said...

One-Armed in Iowa:
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.

betamax3000 said...

One-Armed in Iowa:
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.
Husk the Corn.
UnHusk the Corn.

Joe said...

Was the outcome in doubt? This story is as predictable as hell. No judge is going to vote against the crippled girl.

Titus said...

I would not mind using her stump for some hoing of my vegetable plants.

That stump could cum in handy.

chrisnavin.com said...

A disarming choice

betamax3000 said...

With One Arm Missing She Had a Leg Up on Her Competitors.

betamax3000 said...

Arms are -- After All -- Appendages. Would a Woman Missing Her Nose Even Have a Chance?

The Grindstone is a Brutal TaskMaster.

betamax3000 said...

If she were Missing a Leg she could have Married a Beatle.

betamax3000 said...

Re: "I found my passion within a world where I was giving people permission to stare: the stage.”

If a Stripper In The Same Circumstances had Said This I would Still Tip Her a Dollar.

betamax3000 said...

I Guess that was a back-Handed Compliment.

Bob Ellison said...

I went up to an Army recruited and said "I have epilepsy and I'm not young, but maybe the Army still has use for me."

He said no.

I told a friend about this exchange, and he said "He could've said 'We could use you for target practice.'"

betamax3000 said...

Sure, One out of Fifty is Missing an Arm. No One Makes Such a Deal That -- of the Fifty States -- Forty-Seven Contestants are Missing a Penis.

Double- Standards.

betamax3000 said...

Miss Hawaii's Penis is HUGE.

betamax3000 said...

A model has filed two police reports for harassment on former Duke University point guard and #1 NBA draft pick Kyrie Irving.

Miss Hawaii, real name Jessica Jackson, claims to have a video of Irving masturbating on Skype.

betamax3000 said...

I would Like to Think of Miss Iowa 2013's Arm as Aggressively Circumcised.


wholelottasplainin' said...

FTW? Did Ace of Spades send his morons over here to comment??

Hilarious, but not too classy!

betamax3000 said...

I wanted a Seventies Van Cafe, but Will resort to bad Disability Jokes if Need Be.


Good Night, Wisconsin, and All Points East and West.

Lem said...

If she were Missing a Leg she could have Married a Beatle.

Ono hart beat.

betamax3000 said...

One More:

What Tape does a One-Armed Beauty Pageant Contestant Play in a Seventies Van?

A Four-Track.





Vodka and candy Cigarettes, baby.

MadisonMan said...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg? Irene.

Chip Ahoy said...

She almost didn't make it. The sign at the airport said NO FLUIDS was missing its U.

Chip Ahoy said...

Entrance fees were an arm and a leg.

Lem said...

The Red Sox were an arm short tonight. They had to tap a fresh arm from the starting rotation.

They bat in the top of the 14th.

Lem said...

Inga is missing.

Shouldn't she be here defending her sister... in arms?

EMD said...

We are all Shecky Greene.

Lem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Craig Landon said...

I recall an event in college (about 1967) where several of us NROTC types were asked to escort women with various degrees of disabilities in a 'pageant'. I was paired with an attractive young woman in a wheelchair with a malady I don't recall. What I do recall, is that I thoroughly enjoyed doing it with her, and that I was too freaking stupid to follow up on seeing her again. About the only thing I remember/regret from college.

Craig Landon said...

Fast forward to 1982 or so when I met a woman who had lost her left forearm in a gun accident. She was and is a wonderful person, and we are still friends today.

I wonder why more women in similar circumstances don't go on Match.com or some such. There are some prudential measures that need to be applied, depending, by friends or family, but they might beat the hell out of the kayaking, mountain climbing, horse-riding 60 year olds on there now.

Craig Landon said...

AAK!

In my first post, "doing it" refers to the pageant.

MB said...

And I thought the comment that came to mind was in poor taste:

"...there is nothing I would not try"

Juggling?

Methadras said...

If we can't make fun of people with infirmities, then who the hell can we make fun of? Democrats?