June 12, 2013

Massachusetts Senate candidate Gabriel Gomez brags that he can go longer without peeing than Rand Paul.

This happened during a debate last night with his Democratic opponent Ed Markey, who had praised Senator Paul for filibustering.
Gomez responded that he could have gone longer than Paul, who spoke for nearly 13 hours without urinating.
“I’ve gone lots longer than that in my time on the SEAL team,” said Gomez.
Is politics a pissing contest?
A pissing contest, or pissing match, is a game in which participants compete to see who can urinate the highest, the farthest, or the most accurately.
That's a more exciting game than a how-long-can-you-go-without-pissing contest. "Pissing contest" is an old metaphor used "to characterise ego-driven battling in a pejorative or facetious manner that is often considered vulgar."
Dwight Eisenhower is reported to have said of Senator Joseph McCarthy that he wouldn't "get into a pissing contest with that skunk." Eisenhower's secretary of state, John Foster Dulles, used the same phrase in 1958 when asked why he had not responded to a statement by the French foreign minister that the French government had not been consulted about a crisis in Lebanon....
Consider the potential metaphorical use of a how-long-can-you-go-without-pissing contest. I note that it may work better in 2013 than pissing contest, since the reference is to an activity that — something Dwight Eisenhower and John Foster Dulles probably didn't think about — gives women equal opportunity.

In case you have trouble picturing women in a non-metaphorical pissing contest, Wikipedia — at the second link, above — recounts some Irish folklore:
In the story Tochmarc Emire several women compete to see who can urinate deepest into a pile of snow. The winner is Derbforgaill, wife of Lugaid Riab nDerg, but the other women attack her out of jealousy and mutilate her by gouging out her eyes and cutting off her nose, ears, and hair, resulting in her death. Her husband Lugaid also dies, from grief, and CĂșchulainn avenges the deaths by demolishing a house with the women inside, killing 150.

43 comments:

Ann Althouse said...

No one else's first post of the day is anything like this.

ndspinelli said...

It's a non pissing match.

campy said...

Stream of consciousness?

Pogo said...

Is Althouse taking a piss? ; )

BDNYC said...

The maleness of a pissing contest is sorta the point. It's what dudes do. No need to make it cruelly gender neutral.

It's something women should not want to be a part of. The boys club isn't secretly ruling the world and screwing women over during their pissing contests.

ndspinelli said...

A non shitting match could be won by Cheesehead pols against any other state pol.

BDNYC said...

Regardless, we all know that women are able to hold their piss for about 10 minutes before they begin screeching about needing to pull over at a gas station to pee. Where they also buy another diet coke.

ndspinelli said...

Larry Craig can spread his legs farther apart when pissing than any other US Senator.

tim in vermont said...

You seem to be a witch with a search engine, that's all I can say. I am in awe.

gbarto said...

You think I don't know my own daughter's handwriting?

ndspinelli said...

BDNYC, I did surveillance and would fill up all types of containers w/ pee. However, I had a female PI who worked for me who had to take pee breaks. She would limit her fluid intake but I never expected her to pee in a milk jug or coffee cup. I guess it's possible, but probably quite messy. Women, your expertise?

Scott M said...

That's a more exciting game than a how-long-can-you-go-without-pissing contest.

That depends. (lol puns are fun)

When I was doing remote broadcasts from local taverns for happy hour years ago, we did something we called Bladder Busters.

The draft beer was ridiculously cheap...I'm talking 25 cents a glass cheap...starting at 5pm. For every person that went to the bathroom (we had an intern broadcasting live from inside the bathroom itself, monitoring), the price per glass of draft beer went up a dime.

So...what you end up with is an entire bar, drinking heavily, with immense pressure building up over time not only on your bladder, but from the crowd who would start to scream at anyone that went near the bathrooms about an hour into the event.

The funniest instances, the ones I lived for, were the unsuspecting patrons that would wonder into the bar in hour two or three, wholly unaware of what was going on, and head straight from the entrance to the bathroom.

The panicked looks on their faces, deer-in-the-headlights of an angry mob style, was absolutely prices.

C Stanley said...

Yes, women can't direct their stream of urine the way men can.

Another thing we can't do well is repurpose a Big Gulp cup on long car rides, the kind of car ride where a cranky child finally falls asleep and one suddenly realizes that the Big Gulp was a really bad idea. The point in the long car ride when the crying has finally stopped and pulling off the highway is unthinkable.

Even in these desperate circumstances, it will not work. Do not ask me how I know this.

AJ Lynch said...

Gomez should simply remind the voters that Markey has been in the Imperial City for 37 years and if they are happy with the state of the country, please continue to vote for Ed Markey. If they are not happy, consider giving Gomez a chance.

Titus said...

I have tinkled in coke cans while driving.

Titus said...

I like the work tinkle better.

AprilApple said...

Markey(D) praised Senator Rand Paul. What a hack. Doesn't Markey understand how scary tea party tax payer Rand Paul is?

Meanwhile, the laughing stock and official White House court jester Joe *hiccup* Biden, stood in front of the a crowd of scared blind faithful democrat donors and bemoaned the fact that the GOP is 'run by Ted Cruz and Rand Paul.'
LOL

Booga Booga!

Bob Ellison said...

When it goes Olympic, there will be categories, much as in gymnastics:

* Forego pissing while jumping up and down

* Forego while drinking coffee (like pole-vaulting: most coffee drunk wins)

* Ditto for beer

Eventually there will be a Seniors' Tour. That'll be a whiz.

AprilApple said...

from the linked article..

"My job has been fighting the tea party Republicans,” said Markey.

EEEEEK! Tax payers are so scary! Tea party slaves should be rounded up and placed in camps... or at least spied on and harassed by the IRS.

Right Markey(D)?

Mitchell the Bat said...

Take care of the bladder and the bladder will take care of you.

Titus said...

I also like to say tinky winky woo woo when I tinkle.

Scott M said...

Anyone else heard that the feminazis in Europe are pushing measures to force men to sit will peeing in public bathrooms?

edutcher said...

As long as he stands when he does it.

bagoh20 said...

I've heard that the Irish only manage to survive as a race because they sometimes accidently have intercourse while fighting.

rhhardin said...

Jean Shepherd witnessed a record-breaking ballgame beer consumption without bathroom break at Shea, he reported, remarking that nobody keeps track of the real world records.

Women can probably pee farther than men if they know the trick, for which google peeing standing up tricks for women, since the pressure loss in their shorter urethra is less.

Aim is a little chancier but distance is probably theirs.

The intra-gender variability in architecture would make it a good olympic event.

bagoh20 said...

I wonder what the EEOC would say about using pissing contests to screen job applicants like I do. It doesn't matter who wins - I just hire any woman who's willing to do it. That's how you can tell the good feminists who really believe in equality.

Fernandinande said...

What's Gomez without Morticia?

The Drill SGT said...

The dirty little secret of surviving as a SEAL in a wet suit in frigid waters is to save your piss until you enter the water.

Without piss, a knife blade of frigid water shoots up your spine inside your wet suit. Hehe, they call them wet suits for a reason. eventually, the icy water in suit the suit warms some, but the smart SEAL pisses in his suit and enjoys a 98 degree buffer against hypothermia.

There are few enjoyable things in BUDS training. This is one of the few.

I.AM.NOT.KIDDING

edutcher said...

Fernandinande said...

What's Gomez without Morticia?

Better him than Lurch.

Dale Light said...

LBJ was really into pissing. http://boingboing.net/2012/08/16/lbj-liked-to-piss-on-his-bodyg.html

Chip S. said...

Why doesn't Gomez just come out and say it? "My dick's bigger than yours."

That could replace height as the best proxy for electability.

YoungHegelian said...

In the story Tochmarc Emire several women compete to see who can urinate deepest into a pile of snow. The winner is Derbforgaill, wife of Lugaid Riab nDerg, but the other women attack her out of jealousy and mutilate her by gouging out her eyes and cutting off her nose, ears, and hair, resulting in her death. Her husband Lugaid also dies, from grief, and CĂșchulainn avenges the deaths by demolishing a house with the women inside, killing 150.

Ah, the good old days! The things we miss out on now that everyone watches TV or does Facebook in the evening.

OnWisconsin1987 said...

I always thought a pissing contest was about drinking, see eg, Tubthumping by Chumbawamba. In any event, no one beats Tom Hanks's marathon effort.

Insufficiently Sensitive said...

Gabriel Gomez is a piker. The world's record for pissless endurance is Comrade Tito presiding over Yugoslav Communist Party banquets.

edutcher said...

I thought that was Fidel making a speech.

Howard said...

Drill Sgt: Every man, woman and child who surfs or dives in Nor Cal pees in their wet suit. It don't take SEAL expertise.

Here is how to win the non-pissing pissing contest:

http://www.mypilotstore.com/mypilotstore/sep/2632

Mary Beth said...

Ann Althouse said...

No one else's first post of the day is anything like this.

6/12/13, 8:19 AM


Or, most likely, their second, or third....

Strelnikov said...

My always said that the only advantage men had over women is that we can pee in a coke bottle.

Strelnikov said...

Insert "Dad" where appropriate.

The Drill SGT said...

LOL,

Howard, I'm not a SEAL, but when I dove for abalone it was near Pt Reyes :)

richard mcenroe said...

This is not an advantage in a job where your main responsibility is pissing on the voters...

richard mcenroe said...

Howard-- It does if you can use it to accelerate.

kentuckyliz said...

Catheter and collection bag...the latest filibuster fashion. Should we start an office pool?

Don't piss in the pool.