December 10, 2011

"I meant coke! And fizz! Screw this auto cucumber!"

The Top 50 Fan Favorite entries in Damn You Autocorrect's first year.

I just made a nuisance of myself laughing way too much. Meade thinks most of them are fake. They're not that funny it you think they're fake. So, if you want to laugh, you've gotta believe. But if you do that, don't read them near a nonbeliever, because you will be very annoying.

Via Metafilter.

47 comments:

ndspinelli said...

I can't believe you would ever be a nuisance professor!

I'm just making pithy comments on boring posts so you don't slip into seasonal affective disorder depression...aka: SADP.

EDH said...

I have to agree to anal with Meade on this one.

Teri said...

I'd rather see Word autocorrects. The phone things are almost always juvenile.

This really truly happened in Word 2000: My friend Hammond is a UFO nut. When I typed his name in Word, it suggested "humanoid."

Quaestor said...

I have to agree to anal with Meade on this one.

Now that's cute. The idiom used to be "we're eye to eye". Now its "we're ass to mouth".

These auto-correct gems (mostly paste, methinks) are as nothing to some of the hilarious (and sometimes disturbingly prescient) renderings OCR software can produce.

America's Politico said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
-Peder said...

I was nuisance laughing too. Thanks for this!

DADvocate said...

All I know is that my phone almost nether gets the worm I want.

Indigo Red said...

I don't know if the examples are true or not. I am suspicious that autocorrect allows the right word the second time around rather than continue suggesting the wrong word.

Mary Beth said...

If they aren't fake they're an indication of things the person has typed before. I doubt that "fuckweasel" is in the phone's dictionary.

Freeman Hunt said...

You weren't kidding.

I made a nuisance of myself. Then I sent it to my husband a few feet away. Now he's making a nuisance of himself.

Cheryl said...

Believing.

Laughing hysterically. Thank you.

EMD said...

autocorrect allows the right word the second time around rather than continue suggesting the wrong word.

I tried typing Factorymade (one word ... it's a company) on my iPhone. Took 6 deletions and retypes to finally learn what I was texting.

factory are (with the space) was the most popular. It autocorrected to that 3 times.

BJM said...

Pssst! xnay-the-cucumberray...or some stone age Imam will be calling for a fatwa on Apple.

That's some funny shit, if it's fake the writers are funnier than 99% of what's on TV nowadays.

- said...

You're right Ann, those are funny. X-D

-Pat

Conserve Liberty said...

It helps to read the name of the sender on top (from the phone Contacts) . . . Dadster? OMG

WV: mintsm. Tasty

Conserve Liberty said...

And I was just wondering, "How does one Screenshot an Autocorrect Fail for posterity?

And how long before somebody starts recording Siri Fails and posting them?

Lucien said...

@Mary Beth

We've now had a Heisman finalist called Honey Badger. Can Fuckweasel really be all that far behind?

TML said...

The only one I'd even remotely believe is "vulva" and "Volvo". It's as easy as thinking for two seconds about why autocorrect would EVER correct TO "butthole" or "fuckweasel". No way. Does autocorrect learn these words? Otherwise, no way.

NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...

The shit/shirt one sort of happened to a former manager of mine. She fat fingered an email to the Systems Admin group about "shutting out users prior to backup" ended up saying "shitting out users prior to backup".

Biff said...

I finally bought my first iPhone last month. I've had one embarrassing autocorrect: I wanted to send, "Great job on your tests!" I actually sent, "Great job on your teats!"

Xmas said...

I believe them, the iPhone seems to keep a record of what you've typed in before. So, most of those profanities and such, the user has typed in before. And now the phone helpfully suggests them...

gcw said...

Splendid. This just derailed my morning.

Michelle Dulak Thomson said...

I don't know, Teri; I think "Effervescent Shitstain" is a terrific name for a paint color. Or a band. Though admittedly it's hard to see how Autocorrect got there from "European Sunrise."

That one was new to me, though the one about the big surprise the mom's hungry son would have waiting for him in the kitchen -- "his favorite" -- wasn't. Nor the one about the poor kid who kept trying to say he'd sent a pic of his new running shoes to his pal ...

As for Word (or, at least, MS) autocorrects, the most annoying I ever encountered involved MS Access. At one printed music company I worked for, we were using Access for order records (not really a good idea when you soon have 20K records and the program crashes every other time you try to search for a particular order, but I digress). There's a fairly important 19th-c. violin pedagogue named Jakob Dont; several of his method books are standards in violin teaching. Well, in Access you could not type "Dont" without its being autocorrected to "Don't." Which, of course, was the universal joke when I was a young violin student: "Hey, I just followed the instruction on the cover."

But in Word, you can generally get the program to accept a word as you wanted it spelled. In Access, you couldn't.

Kylos said...

Conservative Liberty, on an iPhone or other Apple device, press the power button and home button simultaneously.

The idea behind most of these autocorrect fails is that certain words when misspelled via fat-finger may be autocorrected to something odd. Thus, vagina for china is actually a possibility since c is next to v and g is next to h; auto-correct may then helpfully add an a (this didn't happen on my phone, but it's possible auto-correct has since been fixed to avoid this particular error).

Other unlikely words may occur because the operator commonly uses them.

But most of these looked too unlikely. Some of the screen shots for certain entries weren't even the right size.

FuzzyFace said...

I have trouble believing in repeated auto-corrects to the same word unless the user is an idiot. The iPhone suggests a word, and if you know it has already messed up, you would presumably be alert to the possibility the second time and just delete it. Don't people look at what they are typing?

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This really truly happened in Word 2000: My friend Hammond is a UFO nut. When I typed his name in Word, it suggested "humanoid."