April 12, 2011

"I had many love affairs — and a lot of awful lovers. I wasn't into 'sexscapades' but I did try it once. I had three people in one day."

Says Shirley MacLaine. Who were these "people" — as she calls them? Not Jack Lemmon:
'I wasn't attracted to Jack Lemmon. He was a sweetheart. He didn't have that dangerous, complicated sexual thing that I liked helping the man I was attracted to figure out.

"Jack Nicholson had too much of it. He is authentically dangerous."
Authentically dangerous... is too much. Presumably, Lemmon wasn't even inauthentically dangerous.  It's so hard for a fellow to get into exactly the right zone.
I had quite a relationship with Robert Mitchum. And Yves Montand...
So there you have it. That's the zone. Robert Mitchum. (And Yves Montand...)

Song lyric evoked:
Can I have your autograph?
He said to the fat blonde actress
You know, I've seen every movie you've been in
From "Paths of Pain" to "Jewels of Glory"
And when you kissed Robert Mitchum
Gee, but I thought you'd never catch him
You're over the hill right now, and you're looking for love...

76 comments:

Jeff Gee said...

I always heard it as "Pearls of Pain."

Ann Althouse said...

It's "Paths of Pain" and "Jewels of Glory"... evoking "Paths of Glory" -- a real movie -- and humorously misleading us into thinking there must be a movie called "Jewels of Pain."

bagoh20 said...

I think if you look at who comes out best in the long run, the bad boys or the good guys, I'd say they each get exactly what they were after. I think they both regret what they missed out on, but with both, it's all good... for them.

J said...

Nicholson: America's favorite Carny. A millionaire, but carny nonetheless (if not...Mansonite). Joker--that's Jacko . Beneath even you Ann--tho' he'd probably send one of his goons out to solicit ya for a few thousand.

wv-- incesst

The Drill SGT said...

Poor Jack lemmon, the original beta Male :)

Jeff Gee said...

It's "Paths of Pain" and "Jewels of Glory"... evoking "Paths of Glory" -- a real movie -- and humorously misleading us into thinking there must be a movie called "Jewels of Pain."

Jeepers. Few things are as humbling as finding out you've been missing the joke on a regular basis for 40 years.

Quasimodo said...

TMI

Way TMI

chickelit said...

...durch die Seide furzen!

Ann Althouse said...

Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine are wonderful in "The Apartment," in which Lemmon is the nondangerous man. (And the dangerous man is Fred MacMurray.)

Ann Althouse said...

"Jeepers. Few things are as humbling as finding out you've been missing the joke on a regular basis for 40 years."

But somehow you got *pearls* of pain, which are sort of jewels.

MayBee said...

Recently, I had the hair appointment just before her. The people at the salon were very nervous, and prepping the guy who was to blow her hair dry to be ready for her crankiness. She, too, seems a bit dangerous.

You can learn a lot about who people really are at the hair salon.

prairie wind said...

MacMurray played a great dangerous man. It was the eyebrows.

Shouting Thomas said...

An actress who sleeps around?

That's a first!

Lucius said...

Is Warren Beatty authentically dangerous?

Ann Althouse said...

How long must I wait for Crack Emcee to come in here and talk about "new age"? Shirley's all new age and the Velvet Underground song is titled "New Age." I mean, really. What's a girl got to do to get attention from Crack? Anguished bellyaching?

ricpic said...

I find Shirley McClaine unreadable, like her brother.

Chip S. said...

There may have been a charming little French flick about the travails of a lonely baker, Jules du Pain.

bagoh20 said...

Crack is the Shirley MacLaine of Jack Nicholsons.

ken in sc said...

As a teenager, I was a fan of Shirley MacLaine. Later I found out she was crazy and I lost interest.

The Drill SGT said...

Meade,

I'd be on the alert, I think Althouse is seeking abuse from bad bro (can't use boy in this context :) Crack. Maybe it's an S/M thing. I suggest you not forgo the switch much longer...

What's a girl got to do to get attention from Crack? Anguished bellyaching?

Bender said...

"I had many love affairs — and a lot of awful lovers."

I suppose it is beyond her comprehension that there is a connection between the two. When one is whoring around, it really is not "love," for one thing, and whatever one wants to call it, it rarely will be anything other than awful.

Shouting Thomas said...

How long must I wait for Crack Emcee to come in here and talk about "new age"?

How long, baby, how long
Has that evening train been gone?
It's been gone
Since that blood red sun went down.

Martha said...

I agree with Quasimodo. TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Tales of sex told by the aged --major ick factor.

Felt the same way when Barbra Walters outed her former lovers in her autobiography.

Some things should remain unpublished.

Shouting Thomas said...

I suppose it is beyond her comprehension that there is a connection between the two. When one is whoring around, it really is not "love," for one thing, and whatever one wants to call it, it rarely will be anything other than awful.

I've done my share of whoring around.

I'd disagree with both conclusions. Sometimes it is really is love and it's often something other than awful.

Not recommending it. Just telling the truth.

Lem said...

A Beatle Bone.

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

J said...

"...three people in one day"


People? Meaning....men.. and women.
Shirley Mac thus suggests'....splendors sapphic, perhaps? Ahhyeah...keepin' it real at the ....Lezhouse

Alex said...

Nicholson: America's favorite Carny.

Not until the mid 80s. He was a very serious actor through the 70s with classics like "Five Easy Pieces", "Carnal Knowledge", "THe King of Marvin Gardens", "CHinatown", "The Last Detail". Even into the 80s with "The Shining", "The Postman Always Rings Twince" "Prizzi's Honor", "Terms of Endearment".

edutcher said...

The article is "surprised" to learn this?

Considering what a New Agey, Left-wing twit she's always been, they're the only ones who are.

Also sounds like she had a thing for older men.

Ann Althouse said...

It's "Paths of Pain" and "Jewels of Glory"... evoking "Paths of Glory" -- a real movie -- and humorously misleading us into thinking there must be a movie called "Jewels of Pain."

Sounds like one of the tortures in the original "Conan the Barbarian".

William said...

Oh, big deal. A real debauchee would have three men at the same time, and at least one of them would be gay. It's so sad that she lived in such a repressed era and never got to fully express her sexuality.

Shouting Thomas said...

Oh, big deal. A real debauchee would have three men at the same time, and at least one of them would be gay. It's so sad that she lived in such a repressed era and never got to fully express her sexuality.

Bingo! If you're going to be a whore, let it rip!

Carol_Herman said...

Isn't her brother Warren Beatty? What if our sex genes are inherited.

I always thought closets were phony. That if there was anything oddball, or "outlier" in terms of orientation and behaviors ... you'd see that it was there, beforehand.

Heck, Princess Diana had the good looks of her grandmother.

And, recently, when I said William was Charles' son ... but what if Harry was not? My friend shot back, "but Harry is as stupid as Charles." Case closed.

Women, in general,have to learn to deal with their screaming eggs. Which is also part of the source of Shirley MacLane's statement.

How many men remember their experiences with her?

What about Monica? Or Chandra Levy. Teenagers when they start. And,they think married men can fall in love with them. While they strap on kneepads. (Didn't stop Monica from dreaming she was gonna have Bill's baby.)

Shouting Thomas said...

The problem as I see it, Althouse, is that I don't know how your particular itch would be scratched.

I've never been to a whorehouse or an orgy where Dylan was playing in the background.

Although, I'm sure it's happened.

The Drill SGT said...

Martha said...
Some things should remain unpublished.


It used to be that a "Lady" or a Gentleman for that matter would have answered the question with a discrete smile and something vague like, "Jack was always a good man".

Course I'm old enough to remember that my great aunt in San Francisco would not dream of leaving her apt on Sutter without wearing a knit suit, hat and white gloves.

mid-late 60's

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Shirly McLaine =Self indulgent slut.

Shouting Thomas said...

Course I'm old enough to remember that my great aunt in San Francisco would not dream of leaving her apt on Sutter without wearing a knit suit, hat and white gloves.

I lived on Sutter near Presidio in the 70s. About six blocks from Winterland. Not that far from the Haight. Get on the bus right in front my house for the ride to North Beach.

The Wasted Life Blues! Don't you do what I have done.

Shouting Thomas said...

Having known a few self-indulgent sluts in my day, I've got to say that McClaine came up a little short in doing three in one day.

The proper number is 5 because that is the number of points in a pentagram, which is the sign of the devil.

And, as William says, all 5 should be done at once for the full satanic effect.

The Drill SGT said...

The proper number is 5 because that is the number of points in a pentagram, which is the sign of the devil.

Though it's likely easier for a slut actress to line up 5 guys than the average guy to line up 5 willing sluts

a degree of sexual difficulty thing :)

bagoh20 said...

"Shirly McLaine =Self indulgent slut." = a fun time, a long time ago.

When we get older, some of us feel the need to remind younger people that we were young and wild once and not the old sedate human they see today. It's a bit of vanity and a desire to relate as an equal with the young. That's all this is, and it's perfectly fine.

Mike said...

Well (a) who gives a flying fig who the lady slept with; (b) Surprise, ladies with round heels take notes and compare performances; (c) and not every lad--or every lady-- is great in the sack.

Whatever: I'll keep my own partners and performances to myself.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

How long must I wait for Crack Emcee to come in here and talk about "new age"?

As soon as I saw it was about Shirley MacLaine I figured you were Crack-whoring.

Lem said...

I mean, really. What's a girl got to do to get attention from Crack?

Shirley MacLaine is the AntiCrack.

Lem said...

Antichrist, anticrack..

never mind..

traditionalguy said...

Are you setting up a Crack versus Shirleyzilla match? Shirley really does those occult things that Crack hates so most. Spiritually speaking, Crack is an Elijah/John the Baptist type opposing Shirley's Jezebel/Herodias type.

Amartel said...

People who talk about sex all the time are probably not having good sex. So they have to talk about it. All the time. Searching for answers. Why, sex gods, why??? So tedious. Jack Lemmon, you were wise to avoid this silly old loon.

Lem said...

trad to my rescue..

Lem said...

Wasn't Shirley MacLaine on Oprah yesterday?

To Crack, that's like a NAMBLA convention.

Jon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Windbag said...

Met a playwright once who had written a play about God and Satan riding a subway, discussion the human race. I forget how Satan was portrayed, but God was portrayed as a bag lady.

At the end of the play, as people were exiting the train, someone stopped said to God, "You look like Shirley MacLaine," to which God replied, "Who?"

Robert Cook said...

The young Shirley MacLaine was hot Hot HOT! (I'm thinking of her particularly in THE APARTMENT and the earlier Martin and Lewis vehicle, ARTISTS AND MODELS. Va Va Voom!)

After the very early 60s...eh, not so much.

XWL said...

If any actress was meant to be evoked by the phrase, "fat blonde actress" when this song was written, I doubt it would have been Shirley MacLaine, who was neither blonde, nor fat at that time.

Shelley Winters, however, was fat, blonde, notoriously promiscuous, and on a bit of a downturn in her career (working, but in crappier movies than in her prime), plus she basically played that role in the film Alfie a few years before the song came out.

The Crack Emcee said...

Typical NewAger. Looking for danger, thinking she's going to help a guy like Mitchem "figure it out" by lying underneath him. Insane. The fucking arrogance is astounding. The self-regard is off-the-fucking-charts. She drinks her own urine and imagines she's in touch with U.F.O.s and yet you can count the number of people on this entire planet who are willing to tell her she's full of shit to her face.

Cowards - more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Rush is talking about "groupthink" again - cultism. That thing so many say doesn't exist. Because they can't cop to their own role in it.

Cowards, one and all.

Shouting Thomas said...

Kookie! Haven't heard from you in some time! And, you have something to say about sex!

In the spring, a young commie's thoughts turn to love?

The Crack Emcee said...

Happy now?

Shouting Thomas said...

Talk dirty to me, Crack!

murgatroyd666 said...

Gary Larson once drew a Far Side cartoon of two lizards sitting on a rock. One of them says to the other:

"Whoa! I just flashed on a vision that in a previous life I was someone named Shirley MacLaine!"

The Crack Emcee said...

Bender,

I suppose it is beyond her comprehension that there is a connection between the two. When one is whoring around, it really is not "love," for one thing, and whatever one wants to call it, it rarely will be anything other than awful.

I've thought a lot about why I haven't bothered having sex with anyone and, more than anything else, the lack of love is it. I just can't be bothered. When I dream of "sex" it's a kiss, or the grasping of a hand, something leading to a mingling of spirits.

It's never the act. I see enough of that in the day-to-day. They force it on me in advertising - the idea of it anyway - to such an extent, and in such a way, that it's gross. I don't want those women. I don't want those ideas. I don't want their version of love, or sex, or even human contact. They make me want to vomit.

Shirley MacLaine is their representative.

The Crack Emcee said...

Shouting Thomas,

Talk dirty to me, Crack!

I can go there. You want me to go there? I know you, ST:

You're a dirty girl,...

DADvocate said...

Robert Mitchum was a folk hero where I grew up for his role in Thunder Road which was loosely based on an incident in my home town. Mitchum definitely had the dangerous, cool aura. Shirley McClaine - not as much in my book.

JAL said...

Shirley MacLaine is still somebody?

I thought she was last seen standing in the ocean suffering from terminal solipsism, calling out joyfully "I am god!"

Trooper York said...

Shirley is no big whoops. You meet sluttier bitchs at the bar every night.

Now Vanessa Del Rio....that's a slut!

Trooper York said...

Vanessa did the definitive five on one scene in "Lips,Lips,Lips" to show you sluts how it is done.

Trooper York said...

And the blonde in the song is either Shelly Winters or Joan Blondell.

I love Joan Blondell.

Robert Cook said...

"Kookie! Haven't heard from you in some time! And, you have something to say about sex!

In the spring, a young commie's thoughts turn to love?"


Shouting Thomas packs more than one mistaken assumption into his brief remarks.

Robert Cook said...

"I love Joan Blondell."

The sex bomb of all time!

Darcy said...

Uh huh. I agree with Shirley, at least about Mitchum. He appeared to exemplify sex on a stick.

reader_iam said...

I always think of her in those old Rat Pack photos, for example this one.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Crack MC:
(Oops. I was going to say that Shirley had been called out in public by her sister, but then I remembered that that was the Redgraves, not the MacLaines. So I guess you are correct, sir.)

vw: ingsfeco - Spanglish for what you don't want to hear from your doctor a week after that one-night-stand.

SukieTawdry said...

Marilyn Monroe had a thing with Yves Montand, too. He always went back to his wife, Simone Signoret. Marilyn was quite put out about it. I believe she called Signoret a cow.

The Crack Emcee said...

Fred Drinkwater.

What a cool fucking name,...!

ooonaughtykitty said...

>>Reader Jam
Good find!
Shirley was definitely a part of the Rat Pack.

Shirley was HOT after Dean Martin. Love of her life ... if only he would have left his wife.

I believe Shirley was present when Dean and Frank had their big falling out. Frank dumped a bowl of spaghetti on Dean's head... they never spoke again.

Kirby Olson said...

She's just like her brother in terms of being over-sexed.

Phil 3:14 said...

He appeared to exemplify sex on a stick.

That phrase could go wrong in so many ways.

David said...

Sounds like Shirley isn't getting any any more.

harkin said...

How can she say Professor Fate was not dangerous?

Harry Phartz said...

My favorite example of TMI was really an effort at TMI which failed due to not enough credible/verifiable information. It came in the mid-1980's when Eve Arden made an appearance on The Tonight Show to push her autobiography “The Three Phases of Eve”. She comes out, talks with Johnny Carson and he pitches her some softballs about the golden age of Hollywood, yada, yada, yada. In order to gin up some controversy in her book, which otherwise would (and, in fact, did) sell terribly in the mid-1980's, she emphasized the insinuation that she had relations with Clark Gable. She describes to Johnny how Clark Gable had attended a party with her back in the 30's or 40's and that they got drunk and he drove her home. A few pauses were left in her description to allow you to fill in the blanks, but Carson was not picking up the bait. It really was not believable, based on her coy description of the circumstances, and it just seemed pathetic that an old woman (then pushing 80) would resort to such tactics to sell a book. When she passed away ~5 years later, everyone who attended her funeral was given a copy of the book. They had deep inventory remaining unsold.

ampersand said...

FTA ‘It was on a political campaign, where everybody was doing the same thing,’ she added, laughing. ‘I just didn’t want to be left out.’

It was Jefferson, Burr and Adams,but that was many many lives ago.