December 28, 2010

A purportedly romantic idea: roasting lobster in the fireplace.

Ugh! And look at the picture! The same blogger — at The Atlantic website — who tells us it will be sexy to roast a big old lobster tail at the end of a stick the way you'd toast a marshmallow also attempts to artfully arrange a photographic still-life depicting said lobster-on-a-stick and includes — in the upper right-hand corner — a sculpted ass. An ass! This romantic snack is ass.

Is the blogger — a woman — suggesting this as something a man would try to get a woman excited about or is a woman supposed to cajole a man into this nonsense? Who is this for? It's quite disgusting. Lobster juice dripping into the ashes. What's that going to look and smell like the next day?

Now that I look at what I've written, maybe there is something sex-related about that last question. You meet someone. You're trying to decide what you're interested in doing. Maybe you ask yourself: What's that going to look and smell like the next day?

62 comments:

Titus said...

You can get deep fried lobster at Supper Clubs in Wisconsin.

Never heard of that before.

They deep fry everything out here and have the waist lines to show for it.

That lobster looks disgusting.

Where we going for New Years?

Titus said...

Although, I am only eating/drinking smoothies lately. They have tons of fruit and protein powder and wheat grass and ginger and really healthy shit.

I want my pants to fall off my waist. Not for style purposes, because I over that shit, just because I like how it feels to have absolutely no stomach.

Titus said...

I am also doing vege and lettuce smoothies so I get lots of roughage.

Smoothies fill you up to.

I would like to be a smoothie spokesmodel.

Got to go to the gym.

Coketown said...

The writer is from Mississippi. I have family in Mississippi. The notion that this recipe is a psychological power play is misguided. The fact is that the writer is a slack-jawed hick who altered her fire roasted possum recipe for a shot at making it onto the Atlantic blog. Moonshine was likewise substituted with Bordeaux.

Jason (the commenter) said...

That is an odd picture. It's like Where's Waldo, but with a lobster tail and a very boring environment to search through.

The meal may sound romantic, but it looks vulgar.

Julie C said...

Food photography should always be left to the professionals. (although I'm not sure a professional food photographer/stylist could do much with this very bad idea). My local community paper has a food column and the pictures are just horrible. The food might be perfectly fine but the amateur photos make it look like slop. Poorly lit slop.

I love food blogs but judge them based on the quality of the food styling first. The Pioneer Woman knows how to photograph food, for example.

Bruce said...

Looks like a crime scene.

chickelit said...

I believe that the heat of the embers and fire would destroy and residual smell of the lobster juices that fell into the fire.

We have both indoor and outdoor fireplaces and a gas grill. We only cook on the grill though (we spit roast turkeys even). I've never noticed and smells or odors.

Pogo said...

Sitting in front of a fire + drinking wine = Romance

Cooking lobster in a fire + drinking wine = Camping

Julie C said...

And you know how to photograph food too, Althouse! Especially those creamy, dreamy looking lattes. And deliciously shiny cookies ...

Joe said...

I hate lobster, so no matter how you photographed it, my reaction would be "ugh."

Mary Beth said...

"For sustainability, best choice is spiny lobster from Florida and the Caribbean or California and Baja. Good as lobster from Maine."

No, it's not. I don't take dining advice from someone who sits their bottle of wine next to a hot fireplace.

New "Hussein" Ham said...

A purportedly romantic idea:

Eating anything with the cow Regina Charboneau that might lead you to want to fuck it.

I mean ... this fat slob hasn't been passing up too many fireplace warmed over meals.

http://media2.natchezdemocrat.com/img/photos/2009/10/14/Regina_t600.jpg?4326734cdb8e39baa3579048ef63ad7b451e7676

veni vidi vici said...

blogger's name is "Regina", which has its own grammar-school-noob sexual undertones; perhaps this is why she wasn't mentioned by name in the post?

Sexually, there's what it'll look and smell like the next day but really, it boils down to what it's gonna taste like the next morning. Because that's when you decide if you're in for a penny or a pound.

E.M. Davis said...

I would have shot a during photo, with the warm glow of the fire to provide the light (and not the hideous flash of the digital pocket Casio XLIM or whatever it might have been.

rhhardin said...

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire

Hot sauce dripping from their toes

traditional

Fritz said...

It's more likely to be romantic to someone from Maine than Wisconsin.

Skyler said...

I think it would stink up the fireplace, Ann, but I hardly think this is your real objection.

I guess your preference is that they be boiled alive, the traditional way.

It doesn't seem romantic to me, but I hardly have such a strong reaction as all that.

Christy said...

If we thought about what it would look or smell like the next day, we would have died out before the Dodo birds.

'Sides, roasting lobster is never romantic, eating it is at least erotic. See Flashdance.

Belkys said...

What's that going to look and smell like the next day?
Perhaps, she want him to be like a one-eyed cat, peepin' in a sea-food store

gadfly said...

It won't work in Wisconsin. You need to substitute cheese and brandy in the Badger State . . . but the sculpted ass can stay.

However, when I lived up there behind the cheese curtain, I had a boss from Boston who said that Wisconsin folks spend all their time drinking beer and killing things!

Coketown said...

The "photograph" deserves further critique. She isn't Ansel Adams, and so should leave the rocky crevices in Yellowstone where they belong.

Further, I suspect a neutral backdrop (instead of the chaotic vestiges of the dieing fire) would have better directed out focus to the subject.

Speaking of which, WTF is the subject here? I suppose the half-burnt lobster tail, but there is general pandemonium with bread, wine glasses, wine bottles, and statues. It lacks only confetti to be a true disaster of a portrait.

I propose a shallower depth of field.

bagoh20 said...

I would eat that lobster, drink that wine, rub that ass and tap the other one.

You know you're getting old when you turn down lobster, wine, art, and sex just because they aren't presented like a cooperative centerfold from Good Housekeeping and Playboy magazines.

Just sayin: Happy Holidays, so git some.

bagoh20 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bagoh20 said...

I'll admit the placement of the statue is really trying too hard, but that's just the way it looked until I got there. Then real pandemonium ensued.

traditionalguy said...

A better fireplace food may be fondue forks with shrimp on them for 1 minute and then a quick dip into a spicy tartar sauce to cool them and swallow to see who is first to a dozen. The winner gets to go campimg with The Palins on a rainy day.

Coketown said...

Bagoh: I found the woman of your dreams. And she's single!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1257850/Super-sized-mother-determined-worlds-fattest-woman-years.html

bagoh20 said...

"said that Wisconsin folks spend all their time drinking beer and killing things!"

Well, that's actually just killing things. It's always brain cell season in Wisconsin, and there's no limit.

bagoh20 said...

Thanks Coke. Lighting is everything. There's a reason why dimming the lights is romantic, but, for that girl, I'd need more wine... much more.

ironrailsironweights said...

Lobster is meant to be boiled. Baked stuffed lobster is an inferior but tolerable alternative. No other cooking methods need apply.

Peter

edutcher said...

This is one of those 'milk and Pepsi' ideas better left to die quietly.

Palladian said...

"I guess your preference is that they be boiled alive, the traditional way."

It's the only way. If you put them in the freezer for 20 minutes before (they like cold, and this makes them lethargic) and then drop them head-first into a large pot of rapidly-boiling water, death is instantaneous.

Baking (or roasting over a fireplace) is an easy way to overcook the lobster and turn it from the delicious, sweet, tender treat it is into dry, fishy-scented silicone.

And there's so much good meat in the lobster besides the tail. Why not do the whole thing, the right way?

Tyrone Slothrop said...

The worst thing I ever smelled was a 40-yard dumpster full of shrimp shells fermenting outside of a cannery in Kodiak. I came very close to losing my lunch. You could actually see a heavier-than-air fog of ammonia rolling out of the top of the bin, but I wasn't allowed to puke. I worked for the company that picked up all the cannery offal and recycled it into useful products. I actually deserve some kind of eco-medal.

Fred4Pres said...

There is no screwing around with lobster. Do it right, grilling is a bad idea. It was stupid when Crocodile Dundee did it with "shrimp on the barbie" and it is dumber with something fine like lobster.

I doubt the fireplace would smell much the next day. But that said, most home fireplaces are not made for cooking.

And ditto on leaving the wine next to the fire. Stupid!

Palladian said...

The worst smell in the world is rotting octopus.

Pete said...

Red Wine with Lobster? Redneck, indeed.

Palladian said...

"...a sculpted ass. An ass! This romantic snack is ass"

Actually, a well-sculpted ass is my idea of the perfect romantic snack.

MadisonMan said...

Squid waste on a hot summer day, on the road to Pt Judith RI. We drove over it, not knowing what it was.

What an ungodly stench. I don't know if it beats out decomposing octopus, or fermented shrimp shells, however. But oh my God.

Freeman Hunt said...

Mmmm, lobster. But not in the fireplace. Wonder if that Lobster Gram thing is still around...

Lem said...

The combination of a sculpted ass and a roasting lobster are considered second hand smoke by Mayor Bloomberg ;)

Pogo said...

I never got to wear a lobster bib.

Did I miss out?

Kirk Parker said...

edutcher,

You just made the Coke and half-and-half come out of my nose.

Synova said...

I'd rather have crab than lobster.

So what is romantic then, if a little meal in front of the fireplace is not? I'm agreeing with the "not" by the way, but mostly because my knees are going and sitting on the floor is too uncomfortable to be romantic.

Marcia said...

You need a tag for "bad photography."

Lauderdale Vet said...

Florida lobster. Split the tail, grill it (shell side down) with a little mojo criollo dribbled over the meat as a marinade. Serve with drawn butter with a pinch of chardonnay smoked sea salt. Fantastic flavor and snazzy presentation. Highly recommend.

Fireplace skewers? not so much.

wv: nocia

Suburbanbanshee said...

Apparently a lot of people oven roast or pan roast lobster. Also, many people cook lobster tail as a campfire foil dinner.

I imagine that the shell would tend to protect the meat somewhat, as if you were wrapping the meat in banana leaves, especially since the lobster would have so much moisture inside.

This time of year, if the wine isn't directly in front of the hearth, there will be a giant cold spot on either side of the fireplace. So she could probably keep the wine at a reasonably stable temperature, if you assume nothing is as it appears in the picture.

Chip Ahoy said...

Photoshop can do amazing things, but some photographs cannot be salvaged.

But speaking of disasters, I had a food-related disaster today too. I posted it to serve as an object lesson for all humanity to benefit from an individual's mistakes, if you care to see another disaster.

Penny said...

Can you imagine how many lobsters were thrown back into the sea before some brave soul decided to eat one?

Bet there was a lot of whoopin' and a hollerin' around the fire that night.

Penny said...

Speaking about "whoopin' and a hollerin'", we do know this story is about the FIRE place. Right?

Lem said...

Maybe if you wrap the dumplings in hojas de platanos (banana leaves) instead of the square parchment..

Although pasteles en hojas are meant to cook all the way through..

What you ask might be only possible for a star trek food replicator ;)

Lem said...

We Didn't Start The Fire.

Kirk Parker said...

Chip,

That's hilarious! Way more deserving of space in the Atlantic than the lobster mess.

AllenS said...

Off topic--

Did anyone notice the performance of Michael Vick's poor attempt at playing quarterback last night against the MN Vikings? Only a couple of days after Obama heaps big piles of love on Vick, he fails miserably. Which goes to show, anything that Obama touches, turns to shit.

WV: dense

WV could even see it coming!

Leland said...

Smells like fish.

Richard Dolan said...

It's the unopened bottle of Chambolle Musigny, next to the filled glass, that caught my eye. What kind of romantic would save the good stuff and serve the house wine?

AST said...

I love the smell of burnt lobster shell in the morning.

Kurt said...

Darn, I guess Chip Ahoy won't be photoshopping that picture of Kathy Griffin in the bikini over the behind of the statue in that picture after all. That would turn this from unpleasant into horrific!

Blue@9 said...

Over regular firewood? Nice, enjoy your pine-soot encrusted lobster.

Frankly, I'm tired of this over-the-top boojy foodie trend. Effing posers can just go die in a fire.

Locavore? Fine.

Lobster in a fireplace? Go Die In A Fire.

Rockeye said...

Here's my worst smell tale. I'm a nurse, so I have an occupational advantage over most in this realm. I once had a patient whose medical power of attorney (she was mentally incompetent) decided that she would no longer have any medical treatment more aggressive than pain medicine (death panels, anyone?) Anyway, she developed gangrene in her leg and through diligent nursing care (I'm ashamed of myself) she managed to live for almost three months with a dead lower leg, rotting the entire time. Imagine what a dead fish on a hot, hot, beach smells like after about three days. I had to stick my face less than a foot away from that every night to apply new dressings, all the time waiting for chunks to fall off. The worst half-hour imaginable. I kept her filled with every bit of pain medication I could coerce her physician to prescribe, so she never was as uncomfortable as her body wanted her to be. Horrifying way to die.
Anyone who can beat that, I truly feel sorry for.

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FIFA-Viruts said...

The food might be perfectly fine but the amateur photos make it look like slop. Poorly lit slop.
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Anthony Colón said...

Maine lobster is the finest luxury in the world. Why treat it with such disrespect? What do you think?