It's something Arianna cooked up with Alessandra and Nora:
One morning, [NYT tv critic Alessandra Stanley] and I headed off on a long walk down the beach, and we ended up talking a lot about our divorces.Two divorced women went out walking, and what do you think they talked about? Philosophy?
When we got back to Nora [Ephron]'s, we recounted some of our conversation, at which point she told us that she had actually been thinking that HuffPost's next section should be devoted to all things divorce.So, a divorce section, eh? How long do you think they will be able to stick with it?
Over breakfast, Nora came up with the tag line for the section -- "Marriage comes and goes but divorce is forever" -- and Alessandra offered up what has become our inaugural divorce aphorism (the first in a series): "His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!" As Nora says, "far too much attention is paid to aphorisms about falling in love and not nearly enough to those about falling out of love."
Lisa Birnbach says:
Whatever happened to sticking it out? That's what most people did in the 20th century, if they found themselves less than happily married. Preppy couples were discreet, especially if there were children involved.And blah blah blah endlessly, about your divorce. Or maybe not endlessly. Maybe pack it in when it doesn't seem so amusing anymore.
Posts
62 comments:
"Or maybe not endlessly. Maybe pack it in when it doesn't seem so amusing anymore."
Like...now?
Newsflash: That you get divorced does not mean that you are not still married, and certainly not if there are children.
It's not that it's wrong - there's tons of divorce sites - but, considering it's Arianna Huffington and Nora Ephron, it's not to be taken seriously or trusted:
Arianna Huffington is a cultist - not just a NewAger but a known follower in the John-Robert cult - and none of that (NewAge/cultist/leftist even) adds up to marital respect or bliss. Almost all the biggest NewAgers are divorced - driving people to divorce is all they've got - so why should we trust The Huffington Post on anything but how to further destroy the fabric of society? If you're some evil bitch looking to do damage, I'm sure they'll have more than enough advice for you - none of it good for anyone in the long run.
And Nora Ephron? Puh-Leaze. The less said about her the better.
It's amazing how we'll let the most disgusting people prosper in this country of ours.
Hagar,
That you get divorced does not mean that you are not still married,...
Please, oh please, don't start down the road of telling the truth about all this:
Some people can't handle the truth.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what irreconcilable differences means. I think that is to lax of an excuse to get divorce. I think specificity needs to be shown.
I find divorced women treat their divorces like my gay friends treat their sexuality--as though it's the most fascinating subject on earth and of course everyone else is just as interested in it. They fail to realize that life isn't a Seinfeld episode; stupid trivialities don't make good plot devices in the real world. So you're divorced? And you think you can go on and on and on about divorce like Jerry went on about man-hands? Well, you can't. Because nobody gives a shit. Except you. And Ariana. Excuse me a minute while I roll my eyes.
Methadras,
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what irreconcilable differences means.
It means "our society is handling so many cases of extreme immaturity now we can't be bothered with the reasons any more".
And I agree with you:
It's all bullshit.
CS Lewis likened divorce to the surgical separation of a couple (the two as one body).
And as Hagar said, divorce or no, you're still a family. Weddings, holidays, funerals, must all be accommodated to the new paradigm.
There is a "Divorce Magazine", why not a section. If the wedding / bridal industry can keep afloat with all of the new brides entering the market, the divorce industry should have no problem making a buck. They just recycle the same stuff every year or so.
"His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
Well that says it all right there.
Divorce is a noble choice to be all that you can be by screwing up the Love of Your Life's life. This has to be from Baby Boomer central where experiencing all things is the sole purpose in life of Boomers. Put some ice on that says the Boomer jerk.
Arianna, Nora, and Alessandra are such reasonable and charming people! It's shocking to hear all three are divorced. Will they name the Divorce wing "The place to be if you are a liberal, humorless scold"?
As if I needed another reason not to pay attention to Arianna Huffington.
I wonder is Alessandra's excessive TV watching factored into her divorce.
"So, a divorce section, eh? How long do you think they be able to stick with it?"
They will keep at it as long as it keeps working. Then, it will be kicked to the curb.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what irreconcilable differences means. I think that is too lax of an excuse to get divorce. I think specificity needs to be shown.
Specifically, I'm bored.
Well, not specifically me, at 37 years married and counting, but that does seem to be the way it works.
wv - fiyzed - comprehensively informed
Who could be surprised that these three elitist naval gazers would devise something like this?
Why does Arianna want to celebrate divorce when she had one of the first gay marriages?
I mean she was really ahead of her time. Just sayn'
Marriage comes and goes but divorce is forever
Better:
"Divorce forever, men whatever!"
The shoe fits.
The shoe fits.
I meant, "fill in the blahniks"
Talking endlessly about your divorce is about as entertaining as discussing in painful details your pregnacy and delivery.
No one cares to hear about those things, yet women seem to think that we all want to hear about it.
(the other kev)
Why is this surprising? Without Huffington's talent for marrying and divorcing wealthy men, no one would have ever heard of her.
Nora came up with the tag line for the section -- "Marriage comes and goes but divorce is forever"
I think Nora was ispired by the Woody Allen line:
"For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have."
Someone I know recently asked her husband for a divorce. She doesn't think he's earning as much money as she thinks he should. He has a job, just not a high income job. She's disappointed in him.
They have two small children.
When I heard this, I just could not believe it. What are we coming to?
Well, as the poet said, reason #4 for writing poetry is "It is cold and lonely here: a) without you or b) with you."
What does "His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!" mean? It means the marriage isn't about us, it's about her. The writer of the "Mysandry Bubble" http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/01/the-misandry-bubble.html would have an interesting take on this. Civilizations had devices such as dowry's to keep men in the marriage, not women. Too many women think their not being worshiped and praised and pampered enough so they want out.
So what are all those divorced women going to do? Do they think the divorced men can't wait to marry them? No. They'll be somebody's girlfriend, and then be dumped. There is no man so low that he can't find a dog and a woman to go lower with him. My ex-wife isn't interested in remarrying because she wants to collect on my Social Security. Ha. Like that's going to be around when she needs it.
I came across an interesting statistic, and I don't know it's worth. But the claim was made that Catholic couples practicing Natural Family Planning had a divorce rate around 4%. If they are practicing Catholics, and practicing NFP, then they have made their families, their children and their spouse, and their God as being more important than themselves. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for something bigger than themselves. Marriage does require sacrifice, but can have rewards.
The Futurist claims that 70% of divorces are filed by the woman, and another 20% are filed by the man but as a result of extreme provocation by the woman. Women want out of marriage. Let them out.
Sorry this went on so, but I was feeling very egotistical, and figured y'all need to read some of it. I don't have an editor helping me out. Well, Ann is editor like. Or editor light.
Hey kids, I know how we can make some money! Let's put on a show! I'm sure Mr. Gregor will let us use his barn...and your little sister could sell popcorn and collect the tickets.
Now all we need is a script that has three princesses in it.
Divorce is the flat out admission to yourself that life could be much more interesting elsewhere. If you find yourself going on and on about your last divorce, I can only imagine that you find life elsewhere much less interesting.
Just saying.
Another echo of "Why in the world would we want to see dirty laundry in public"? I'm just starting my divorce. I never dreamed I'd be here, but I am here. It's bad enough that I have to read about my own problems.
While this time of change can be used to bring in much-needed positive changes, I can't say that there is deep meaning in the experience.
Perhaps that lack of deep meaning is why the proposed slogans are so trite?
"His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
How about:
"Her happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
Do you think HuffPo would get away with that?
More feminist double standards.
Tim;
First there is impetus to change, then there is provocation. You are now apparently in the provocation stage.
You can wish for yesterday or build for tomorrow. The legal process of divorce is a sawmill. It cuts lumber for the pyre or a new life. You make the choice.
Irreconcilable differences could mean that a person's wife/husband cheated on them, stole their life savings to spend on stupid stuff, or anything else or a combination of things that cause you to lose all trust in your spouse.
But you don't want it on public record. This could be because you are either ashamed of what happened or don't want to announce to the world you've lost all faith in your spouse because for the most part he/she is still a good person. Or both.
And so once again divorced American women are urged, by one of the leading cheerleaders for our postmodern popular culture's moral relativism, to abandon their chance for real growth and joy, and instead make a fetish of the hurts, real and imagined, they endured during their marriages. Why encourage divorcees to find some peace by moving on and rejecting victim status, when there is such a great potential for profit in hosting an internet version of a Tupperware party for bitching about what an emotionally shut-off and inconsiderate, selfish bastard he was?
The new HuffnPuffPost site will doubtless attract tons of new members to The Sisterhood of The Miserable.
chuckR said...
Specifically, I'm bored.
Well, not specifically me, at 37 years married and counting, but that does seem to be the way it works.
If that's the case, then why not just say so. Even still could a judge deem that simply being bored isn't grounds for a divorce? Further yet, could a judge deem a married couple incapable of getting a divorce by court order?
Ken said...
Irreconcilable differences could mean that a person's wife/husband cheated on them, stole their life savings to spend on stupid stuff, or anything else or a combination of things that cause you to lose all trust in your spouse.
But you don't want it on public record. This could be because you are either ashamed of what happened or don't want to announce to the world you've lost all faith in your spouse because for the most part he/she is still a good person. Or both.
Then those reasons should be stated for the public record. Divorce should be a shameful event. The total opposite of the happy event that marriage was, divorce should be. The best thing to lawyerdom was no fault and those jackoff (not including you Ann) are the ones that have contributed to the state of marriage we see today with regards to divorce.
LilyBart said...
Someone I know recently asked her husband for a divorce. She doesn't think he's earning as much money as she thinks he should. He has a job, just not a high income job. She's disappointed in him.
They have two small children.
When I heard this, I just could not believe it. What are we coming to?
And yet you probably sat there, dumbfounded and said nothing to this listless moron who in her abject narcissism and selfishness sees her husband as nothing more than an ATM. If your story, of course, is to be believed. am i rite?
As a single guy articles like this make me want to remain very single.
"Or maybe not endlessly. Maybe pack it in when it doesn't seem so amusing anymore."
In other words, give up on discussing your divorce just like you gave up on the marriage.
How meta.
What I want to know is whether this self-reference was intentional or a happy accident.
Hell, as a single woman, this article makes me glad I was too ugly to get married. :)
"His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
OK, I have a candidate for their second aphorism:
"No matter how cute, funny, or sexy you think she is, somewhere there's at least one man who's goddamn sick and tired of putting up with her shit."
I will never forget the day that my darling wife informed me of her view on marriage: that they naturally ran their course, and eventually ended.
This, after 11 years, and me buying her everything she asked for, including a house.
She took half of it and went merrily on her way.
Will I ever really trust a woman again? Unfortunately I can't answer that one. I'll never trust HER again though, that is for damn sure.
Well, does this mean they will get divorced from Big Daddy Gov't?
Let me see how blunt I can make this. Why in God's creation should I place the least bit of value on the opinions on divorce of someone whose introduction to the public debate was as the "beard" of a rich gay politician?
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/e/a/1998/12/06/NEWS5661.dtl
If Ms. Huffington places so little value on either the institution of marriage or her own integrity that she'd participate in a sham marriage in the first place, I really don't see much reason to bother with her prattlings.
"His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom"
What would these women have said, if they saw a piece titled, "Her happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
The prospect of being married to or divorced from Huff must be chilling.
I sympathize with many of the comments here. However,...
...there seems to be little by way of empathy in evidence in this crowd.
For most people, even those huffpo addicts, divorce is very painful, and each person copes with it as best they can. If having a column on huffpo helps someone survive their day or brings some solace to a hurting invdividual, I am happy for them and thankful the column exists.
Are many of them (and us) vain? Yes. Are many of them (and us) silly? Yes. Are many of them (and us) hateful? Yes. Are many of them (and us) belittling? Yes.
Do you _really_ think any of us are that different from the posters and commenters on huffpo?
If you do, I respectively suggest you think again.
Indeed, there is no "them". We are all "us".
I'm not surprised that the Huffington Post would have a section on divorce. It's Huffington's thing, let her do what she wants with it. I don't care because I never read it.
That said, Ann, are you aiming for Glen Reynold's wife's audience?
Seems to me that there are a lot of commenters here assuming all divorces are due to evil feminists.
Goodness, Ann, you are a good enough writer that you should not find it necessary to pander to a bunch of men who appear to belong to the He-Man Women Haters Club!
All too common Lily. In the early stages of it myself. Lawyer, 2 kids, 4 bdrm house paid off, no debt, 2 vacations a year = not good enough cause others have more.
Methadras said...
I'm still trying to wrap my head around what irreconcilable differences means. I think that is to lax of an excuse to get divorce. I think specificity needs to be shown.
It can be translated to mean: "I'm not happy - and damn it, I was promised I'd live happily ever after! - and I want half of his stuff.
Talking about your divorce is like talking about your fantasy sports team. No one else really wants to hear about it, and it makes you sound like a loser.
Steven,
Do you _really_ think any of us are that different from the posters and commenters on huffpo?
If you do, I respectively suggest you think again.
Indeed, there is no "them". We are all "us".
Funny but - when I consider that "us" and "them" thing - all I can think is I never joined a cult.
They are, most definitely, "them".
Never married anyone gay either. Talk about faulty wiring:
Arianna Huffington takes the cake.
"His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!"
I think a lot of people are reading this the wrong way. It's supposed to mean that the woman has grown tired of sticking around to make her poor husband miserable, and figures it's time to enjoy her freedom, even if it means her husband can start enjoying his life again.
No, really. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Honestly, Squid, that was the way I read it, too.
I knew that couldn't be right, but I was 1/3rd of the way through the thread before I realized they meant the opposite.
"and Alessandra offered up what has become our inaugural divorce aphorism (the first in a series): "His happiness is a small price to pay for my freedom!""
Which explains, in a nutshell, why Alessandra is divorced -- she never gave a damn about *his* happiness.
These women treat marriage like it's a social club they can just dump when they get bored with it. And they're either too dumb to know the damage they cause to society, or too callous to care.
I'm going to be a millionaire. I just bought stock in a company that makes vibrators. Divorce away babes.
Ann,
Would you care to reflect on what Pennelope would have said in response to Arianna's, Alessandra's and Nora's comments.
Imagine how different our Western civilization would have been if Odysseus had returned home to an empty farm. No Argos to greet him. His son and wife gone. Only a note in her handwriting,to tell him that the local lawyer has the divorce decree and settlement agreement.
What a selfish time we live in today.
I just saw an article from the NYTimes where the find that the achievement gap between , young White males and young Black males is greater than can be explained by poverty alone. Children need their Mom and their Dad. End of story. Women who are too willing to dump-the-dad are inviting trouble for themselves and their children. Financially, women tend to be worse off after divorce than men. Do we need to ruin our country to figure this out? I believe in the sanctity of marriage and am dismayed by how we have such a divorce industry to promote it.
Milwaukee said... "Civilizations had devices such as dowr(ies) to keep men in the marriage, not women."
Yeah, sure. That's why if the female ran off the dowry her family had pledged was forfeit to the husband she abandoned.
On her deathbed, Jill Clayburgh's last words were: "Divorce is easy; chemotherapy is hard."
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