July 28, 2010

How beautiful do you need to be to be "most beautiful" on Capitol Hill?

This beautiful.

76 comments:

Seven Machos said...

Some 20 percent of those people are actually remotely beautiful.

My experience in Washington certainly confirmed the wisecrack about DC being Hollywood for ugly people.

c3 said...

What is this phenomenon? First the Daily Beast, then the Daily Caller now this. Is this the "Peoplefication" of media.

Next we're going to have a DC "Top 10 Plays of the day"

El Pollo Real said...

My experience in Washington certainly confirmed the wisecrack about DC being Hollywood for ugly people.

Meanwhile, Hollywood has become politics for ugly people.

Cultural umpolung

LarsPorsena said...

"My experience in Washington certainly confirmed the wisecrack about DC being Hollywood for ugly people."

and the flip side...Hollywood is DC for stupid people.

Synova said...

In Hollywood people are chosen because they are beautiful. In DC they're not, but then they're expected to be beautiful anyway.

Though most of these people aren't on television or in front of cameras anyway but are just regular people with youth on their side.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Holy cow. Look how they photoshop shaved her torso to make her look like a stick figure.

VW: rupes. better than the dollar

Seven Machos said...

Hollywood generates a lot of money and the people are very attractive.

Anyone who scoffs at that combination is pretty weird. If it was me, I'd attack the generally bad layout and the depressing car culture.

MadisonMan said...

8 out of 50 of the most beautiful are married.

Two of the ladies have done weird things to their eyebrows. Why?

The Crack Emcee said...

O.K., I love this:

The Hill has gathered the "50 Most Beautiful People" in the shallow end of the pool - not the "50 Most Productive", or the "50 Most Likely To Get Us Out Of This Mess", or anything like that (as far as we know, they're also Washington's "50 Biggest Fuck-Ups") and they start us off with a doozy:

Alexis Latifi, who is a raw foodist, a bikram yogi, and a jewelry maker who "has enjoyed taking her unique interests to a higher level".

Tell me: what's "unique" about falling for several NewAge fads at once - including using NewAge phrasing like "taking her unique interests to a higher level"? Doesn't your confidence level go up knowing this Newager - who clearly can't spot a scam when it's presented to her - is working in the Capital?

She says "her friends and family back home joke, 'Hey, you’re not so weird anymore," to which I reply, "Yes. Yes, you are."

Of course, she eats from the cultish Whole Foods (AKA "Whole Paycheck") and says she goes there "just to put myself in a good mood.” (Say it with me: cuuultist.) And check out this paragraph:

"When not dehydrating mangos, Latifi is likely striking one of 26 poses in a 105-degree room as part of her bikram yoga regimen. She attends class at a Dupont Circle studio at least three times a week.

'I’m addicted now,' she says. 'I don’t go to things because I have to go to yoga.'"


Yea - and I don't go to things because people have to go to yoga - like on dates with crazy-mango-dehydrating bitches like you.

I just can't fucking stand it. And we wonder why the country's going to shit:

She's why - and I'm 100% positive about that:

Every fucking one of them is a god damned fucking loon.

Susan said...

Those eyebrows will give me nightmares.

At least 50% of the women surpassed the threshold for "cute". Cannot say the same about the men.

Eva said...

Many of the men look weirdly alike to me. Maybe I'm just getting old.

edutcher said...

I have the feeling some of the 'beautiful' people are only viewed as such because of their politics.

A lot of really weird types there.

Treacle said...

Who's the Asian Bella Abzug they're trying to pass off as beautiful?

AJ Lynch said...

Crack:

And the article said she is a Republican didn't it? I call serious B.S. on that.

Richard Dolan said...

My, my. Some people here are pretty grumpy this morning. But if you're truly that picky, you are quite likely to go hungry at life's great banquet.

As a group, those 50 look pretty good to me.

AJ Lynch said...

It's Anna Eschoo [Kasoontight!].

aronamos said...

Jesse Jackson? Ew. Just ew.

The Crack Emcee said...

If it was up to me, I'd take a page from the Democratic Party's History Book, and round up everyone who does yoga and give them a choice:

You can be deported to India or taken out back and shot.

I bet serious money our country's prospects, in multiple areas, would improve in 5 years or less.

Psota said...

Beautiful, but not "Russian spy" beautiful.

Also, one of the Republicans is named "Bret Manly." Truth in advertising!

Psota said...

Also, there's Republican hunk "Hudson Hollister." It's a name that belongs on Mount Rushmore!

bagoh20 said...

Imagine the power of looks to getting a job in DC. I imagine that good looks is good for 50 points out of a possible 100 before they even consider the resume. I think politicians see their job primarily as a pile of benefits to be scooped up rather than a list of obligations to take care of effectively. Getting elected is hard work and you expect to get a lot of benefits after you win. having good looking people around is one of them. It is also a power move to have hot people under you.

The Crack Emcee said...

Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (who is "still beautiful") "recently read Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now" and he is the co-chairman of the House Members’ Wellness Center where he, too, can do - what else? - yoga. This fucking weirdo "wanders through the members-only space in the mornings to make sure his fellow lawmakers are happy and taking care of their health."

They've got a fucking "Wellness Center"? I will personally pay al-Qaeda to bomb that shit.

paul a'barge said...

First guy on the list:
(1) bald
(2) rolls his sleeves up like a girl
(3) pink tie

I call b*llsh*t.

madawaskan said...

Crack-

You racist-

She's Republican..

T J Sawyer said...

Note the camera's point of view so that we are "looking up to" all these beautiful people.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

As a group, those 50 look pretty good to me.

I didn't go past the first picture since they had photohopped the living shit out of her.

If they can't even present an HONEST photo, why should I waste my time with the rest of this pretentious and ridiculous garbage.

I don't care WHAT they look like, if they would only do their damned jobs and quit fucking around with the country.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

eeerrrrr....that would be photoShopped

MadisonMan said...

First guy on the list:
(1) bald

And they say he's perfectly coiffed!!

Chase said...

Crack,

Take a breath man, your veins (at least the ones we can see) are bout to splode.

Seriously, it's just a bit of fun.

They're all hot in my book.

Here's n my problem - if I was single (and younger), this conservative would probably in every case be attracted to the Democrat women. My main goal is to not be bored - and face it, political discussions can lead to great

madawaskan said...

Dust Bunny-

Jeez-make that "Photolopped

I had to look again-

she's missing her left arm-they completely cut it off.

yuck.

Joe said...

I found them to be remarkably similar in look, not an uncommon phenomenon when making such lists. Unfortunately, my tastes differ from whoever made list list. Apparently I'm not alone since few people find these people anything more than ordinary--certainly not head turners.

I sometimes watch the intros to beauty pageants and am often struck at how similar the women look. In one, they were almost indistinguishable from each other--same shaped face, same smile, same eyes, same hair. The only difference was whether they had implants or not and most unfortunately did. Still every last one of them was prettier and/or cuter than anyone on this recent list.

Trooper York said...

It's a shame Helen Thomas retired.

She would have won going away.

Methadras said...

Fucking nonsense. All of it. This is what it is now to be in DC? The edification of beauty vs. service? This is embarrassing really.

Fred4Pres said...

Oh give me a break. There must be a lot of ugly people on Capital Hill. Yeah, some of those people are attractive. A lot of them are just not completely homely.

But I am sure they are all great folks, once you get to know them. And they are beautiful inside. Really.

What a kiss up article and waste of time that was. Jeez, total vanity nonsense.

Fred4Pres said...

Trooper, thank goodness I did not have coffee to my lips when I read your post. Disaster averted!

Joe said...

I will say that for the women, Senator Gillibrand is the most physically attractive to me by far. (Politically not at all.)

(Going through the list again; I was too generous. Half the people on it are downright ugly. So ugly, they make me look good! Now that's some accomplishment.)

Trooper York said...

Sorry Fred4Pres, I mispoke.

I meant to say we won when Helen Thomas went away.

But you have to admit she is a good looking guy if you like those swarthy Lebanese types.

Fred4Pres said...

crack emcee, spot on as usual.

I am adding ammo, non persihable food and first aid items, and of course quality beauty products to my survvival cabin. Just in case.

I wonder if events in Rome during the decline were this trivial?

Fred4Pres said...

Joe said...
I will say that for the women, Senator Gillibrand is the most physically attractive to me by far.


Kissing up to the 40+ year old cougars I see. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I find women in that age range hot (my wife is in that age range).

Texan99 said...

Yep, I'm with Crack EmCee too.

The Crack Emcee said...

madawaskan,

"You racist-She's Republican."

You're not feeling me at all: that yoga bitch could be my own momma and I'd still turn her in to the Get Right Gestapo for Republican re-education.

Chase,

"Take a breath man, your veins (at least the ones we can see) are bout to splode.

Seriously, it's just a bit of fun."


Yea, that's the problem: Girls just wanna have fun.

Well, guess what, sweetheart? I ain't no girl! Arizona's anti-immigration law just got blocked and where is that fucking RINO? Dehydrating mangos and hanging out in yoga class.

Thanks a fucking lot..

ironrailsironweights said...

Look how they photoshop shaved her torso to make her look like a stick figure

I'll bet there is a lot of shaving going on. And not in Photoshop :(


Peter

edutcher said...

Fred4Pres said...

Joe said...
I will say that for the women, Senator Gillibrand is the most physically attractive to me by far.

Kissing up to the 40+ year old cougars I see. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I find women in that age range hot (my wife is in that age range).


I'll second that. Mid-30s to early-50s has always appealed to me. Anything under 25 always struck me as too whiny.

Jennifer said...

I don't know that she's photoshopped. She's twisted almost perpendicular to the camera, specifically to whittle her waist.

Besides, if they were hyper-photoshopping the bunch, they must have started out with some serious duds.

Freeman Hunt said...

An accurate list.

Joe said...

Kissing up to the 40+ year old cougars I see

She's four years younger than me, so it wouldn't be her cougaring or robbing the cradle. I'm just admiring mature beauty.

(Besides, she's also married and has, shudder, a two year old. Been there, done that.

Just watched my 16 month old granddaughter for a week and was reminded that raising babies is for the young.)

Joe said...

Anything under 25 always struck me as too whiny.

The funny part is when you mention something from your twenties and they say "Who?" or "What?"

My daughter 22 isn't sure if its funny or pathetic when she throws out quotes from The Jerk or Python and have her peers give her blank stares. On the other hand, it's endeared her to teachers my age more than once.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

I don't know that she's photoshopped. She's twisted almost perpendicular to the camera, specifically to whittle her waist.

Nope. Definitely positively photoshopped and not a very good job either. Look at the white space under her right arm, you can clearly see where they shaved off some of her body to make her look thinner. The body is to angular and sharp.

The natural shadow caused her arm and the roundness of the body, which shows normally in the armpit area, suddenly disappears and her torso appears to have been cut from a flat piece of paper with no gradiations of shading showing dept of field.

Beginning at the 3rd dark stripe from the top her torso angles sharply and unnaturally inward.

Her left arm, which is contorted to her back has also been photoshopped removing the fleshy part of the upper arm so that it appears as if she has had her arm amputated at the shoulder joint.
A natural pose would show some of her upper arm below the cap of the sleeve.

Even if she was photographed against a completely white background, there would be some shadows or texture in the background. The entire background, whatever it was, has been totally photoshopped out (along with much of her body) and replaced by a single tonal white background.

Photoshopped to the max.

If I could enlarge the photo to see the pixels better, I would probably be able to see where they also photoshopped her face and neck.

I think Crack is correct and she is as phoney as can be. If I were you guys, I would run like hell if I came across this fake person. She reeks of high maintenance.

madawaskan said...

Crack-

To be quite honest-i had the same reaction as you-and was *shocked* to see that she was a Republican which means she might be sorta interesting or she could be boring as hell.

Anyhoo-I even do yoga, and the netti pot-combats my balance problems like nothing else-but even I'd find her-too much.

I know, I know shoot me.

Hey at least I'm not drying my figs and twisting my noodle@ 105 Fahrenheit.

Methadras said...

For the last time, REPUBLICAN DOES NOT EQUAL CONSERVATIVE or vice versa!!!

Dust Bunny Queen said...

@Methadras

Everytime I see your avatar, I think

"FOR THE HORDE!!!"

I saw that baby photo captioned that way one time and it made me laugh ever since.

madawaskan said...

Jennifer-

I dunno maybe she's doing the-

I Salute Up My Own Moon

Yogi pose.


Talented.

madawaskan said...

And we shall call her-

Runs with Apricots-

*runs-{second meaning]

c3 said...

And the article said she is a Republican didn't it? I call serious B.S. on that.

OK I'll bite:

What about yoga and vegetarianism is inconsistent with being a Republican?

former law student said...

Whoever did the picking likes the Southern Belle look typified by No. 1. I'm just not that into that -- No. 2 kicked No. 1's pants, as did Gillibrand. But the majority of the women came from south of the Mason-Dixon, especially Florida.

Don't knock Bikram yoga, btw -- though the guy comes off as a bit of a con man, practicing it will keep you in shape. Bikram yoga is the only thing Freda Payne does to stay in shape, and she looks damn good for someone Medicare-eligible.

The Crack Emcee said...

c3,

"What about yoga and vegetarianism is inconsistent with being a Republican?"

She's a NewAger. It's not about yoga, or vegetarianism, per se, but that NewAge is a whole collection of ideas (and proponents) that are anti-American. Notice that she's not just doing yoga, but is also a vegetarian, and probably more. Just as this guy in Wales isn't being hounded by the Scientologists he dissed, but (mysteriously to outsiders) also Homeopaths. Get it?

We're fighting a world-wide spiritual army - just like with al-Qaeda - who appear to be independent but are working together.

The Crack Emcee said...

"Don't knock Bikram yoga, btw -- though the guy comes off as a bit of a con man,..."

There's the problem with this whole country, right now, in a NewAge nutshell:

When are you assholes going to stop giving cover to con men? All of a sudden, you act like people can't get in shape without using a 5,000 year old Indian spiritual practices designed to make you stupid. Haven't you read any of the studies proving yoga doesn't get you in shape? It sucks as exercise.

Useful idiots are what you are.

FormerTucsonan said...

@LarsPorsena:

Hollywood is DC for stupid people.

You mean there's people that are even more stupid than the current gang of idiots on Captol Hill? Do tell!

David said...

Married but dating?

Not one of them?

Shanna said...

If it was up to me, I'd take a page from the Democratic Party's History Book, and round up everyone who does yoga and give them a choice:

I can understand your crusade against flaky new age culture, but a lot of people do yoga who aren’t crazy. Mostly it’s a bunch of stretching. I agree that this particular person sounds way too attached but some nice deep stretching once a week feels good.

Also, “wellness center” is just code for gym.

Some of those people are pretty, some are average and some I have no idea why they got included on that list. The list is stupid anyway. Oooh, a 24 year old hill staffer is moderately attractive. Woo!!! Geez.

I am vastly amused that somebody would put “dehydrating mangos” on their list of hobbies.

Donna B. said...

Yoga defined: Hindu discipline aimed at training the consciousness for a state of perfect spiritual insight and tranquility that is achieved through the three paths of actions and knowledge and devotion.

No mention of stretching or exercise...

Crack Emcee is right.

The Crack Emcee said...

Shanna,

You are wrong, in so many ways, it makes my head hurt:

"I can understand your crusade against flaky new age culture, but a lot of people do yoga who aren’t crazy. Mostly it’s a bunch of stretching."

Bullshit. It's a bunch of people who don't know what they're into, except superficially. If it's just stretching - which Americans have always done - then why don't you just stretch? Yoga is yoga and there's no getting around the difference.

"I agree that this particular person sounds way too attached but some nice deep stretching once a week feels good. "

Except proper stretching isn't supposed to be done "deeply" but each position for 20 seconds, tops.

"'Wellness center' is just code for gym."

O.K., now we're getting good:

1) Why speak in code?

2) "Wellness" doesn't stand for "gym" in NewAge, but for an unattainable kind of health beyond health - think of the Aryan Superman ideal.

3) If yoga is just stretching, or even exercise, then why do people, literally, dedicate their lives to it?

4) Who in their right mind dedicates their lives to such a thing?

5) Why, if they know so much about it, can't believers even decide if it's stretching or exercise - but are sure to claim it's not what it's always been - a spiritual practice?

6) Why is everyone into it compelled to defend it? Shouldn't mere stretching or exercise be self-evident?

7) Why is it most believers don't know about yoga's history of con men, Nazis, and the racism Indians display about using this form of mind control on Westerners?

Dust Bunny Queen said...

If you want stretching and exercise

Garden or clean house. At least you will have something productive to show for the stretching.

bagoh20 said...

You ain't gonna get none of these chicks home by telling them you're into "stretching". Sure, you just stretch, but Yoga, that's involves passion, dedication and sophistication. That makes you way more sponge-worthy. You might even know some Tantric Venus butterfly thingy to blow her mind. Who said "con man"? I resent that.

bagoh20 said...

As my avatar proves, I've been doing yoga sex for a long time. I know many secrets of the love making.

The Crack Emcee said...

Shanna - one more thing:

Most people who get caught up in that "flaky new age culture" are highly intelligent, have money, and think, because of that, they're too smart and/or sophisticated to ever get caught up in a cult. That's their weakness as people. That's what's used against them.

Cults sell them the clothes and mats. Cults keep the history secret. They keep the dangers secret. Everything's a secret.

Meanwhile, they've got you fools all running around talking about how open it all is.

You're being Punk'd.

Like I said, useful idiots.

Methadras said...

In my martial arts training I remember my sifu being very determined to express the usage of Chi as the focusing force for calming the mind while you are moving through your forms and katas. I would just roll my eyes every time he mentioned it. One day he saw me doing the eye roll and asked me in front of the entire class what I was rolling my eyes about. So I told him that I thought that the concept of Chi was bullshit. Have any of you ever heard a collective gasp before?

Crack and I are on the same page when it comes to NewAge bullshit. It's all bullshit, every last bit of it. Never in my life have I seen such a nefarious infestation of the mind like NewAge beliefs and practices. In the east county of san diego, in a town called El Cajon, there was a couple of people that started up the Unarian Society. Basically a collection of space idiots who believed that we are space aliens or the product of space aliens and they NewAge belief that we can seek enlightenment in the light of space men. We used to goof on the originator who used to drive a '74 fleetwood with a spaceship on the roof and she owned a big plot of land out in the styx waiting for the saucers to land. She and her devotee's would go out there all the time waiting for the landing of their space brothers. Human being can be so embarrassing in their stupidity sometimes.

Check it out and have a laugh. By the way, this shit didn't just start yesterday, this has been going on since the 50's if not earlier.

http://www.unarius.org/store//index.php

Trooper York said...

Hey don't do any stretching man.

It leaves marks.

Peano said...

I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I live on Capitol Hill, and I can go out any day at lunchtime and behold a lot more beauty than anything in that parade of (largely) homely souls.

Ralph L said...

I used to drive a 74 Fleetwood. Great car, until it became unreliable.

No one wants to abuse her for eating raw foods? Maybe that's why she's so thin--parasites.

Synova said...

When I took martial arts I understood chi the same sort of way I understand feng shui... as useful shorthand for something useful and not at all mystical.

Uncluttered space and color and whatnot affect mood. And in martial arts the center of balance is essential to power. In the Fight Science series they showed how power traveled up through the body of the fighter beginning at the feet... talk of chi from the ground and that's what you get.

Of course a believer doesn't leave it at that.

Paul said...

They left out Hillary's mysterious right-hand woman, Huma Abedin.

Now she's hot. Way to go, Hillary!

I stopped looking at the photo slide-show when I got to Judy Chu and I realized that people were going to be included who are not actually attractive.

The Crack Emcee said...

Paul,

"I stopped looking at the photo slide-show when I got to Judy Chu and I realized that people were going to be included who are not actually attractive."

What are you talking about? This guy is George fucking Clooney!

jamboree said...

Wow... they look *old* for majority 20-somethings. They look like attractive 40-somethings, except they're...

in their 20s.

Is this a DC thing?

Weirdly Scott Brown, 50s, looks better than most.

Fred4Pres said...

When are you assholes going to stop giving cover to con men? All of a sudden, you act like people can't get in shape without using a 5,000 year old Indian spiritual practices designed to make you stupid. Haven't you read any of the studies proving yoga doesn't get you in shape? It sucks as exercise.

I was watching Sopranos last night, season two, and Richie Aprile was doing yoga with Janice.

And I agree, most new age stuff is just nonsense. That said, I have the kids in karate (which is really quite old school) because the martial arts are part of a good education.

Kelly said...

Most of these people look like most of the rest of us: normal, reasonably attractive in an average sort of way, but improved by a good hair cut or nice clothes or, for some of the women, good make-up. There's nothing ugly about most of them, but very few are more "beautiful" than the average American of the same age.