June 24, 2009

The "most overtly blow-jobby ad I've ever seen."



Gawker says:
For benefit of those of you who don't "get it," this is what's known as "branding" in the industry. Or something.

But wait, if that's not enough for you, here's the actual text of the ad:
Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled with the NEW BK SUPER SEVEN INCHER. Yearn for more after you taste the mind-blowing burger that comes with a single beef patty, topped with American cheese, crispy onions and the A1 Thick and Hearty Steak Sauce.
The only thing this ad is missing is the disclaimer that you'll actually get fewer blowjobs if you eat these sandwiches, but perhaps that's the "genius" of advertising that we simpletons on the outside just don't get.
Sex sells food and food is a sex substitute. The food doesn't get you sex, but your desire for sex can be channeled into food-eating. I think we know that.

Gawker imagines that it's funny to say that food will make you fat and fat will keep you from having sex. They had to find some way to smirk and sneer. But the fact is, we all need some food, and the ad is eye-catching and the food looks pretty good. Also:

1. The ad is viral. Gawker printed it, and so did I.

2. The undeniably blatant blow-jobbiness is pure comedy, and that makes it cleaner than subtly sexual ads. Let's all have a good laugh. And a sandwich. And a blow job!

3. Burger King has a sandwich aimed at young guys. It's aimed at a young gal in the ad, but it's an ad aimed at young guys. They'll remember this sandwich.

It's a good ad.

ADDED: Note how well they've named the sandwich to promote hilarity at the counter: "Do you want the seven incher?" "I'll have the seven incher." "I love the seven incher." "I need a seven incher." Etc. Etc.

AND: Seven. It had to be 7. They probably thought about 8, even 9, and also 6. But in the end, it had to be 7. That was exactly right. Slightly aspirational, but not intimidating.

82 comments:

NKVD said...

Did Jeremy write that?

Fred4Pres said...

I need to show that ad to my wife.

nansealinks said...

oh please analyze this a bit deeper. fast food is all about quickies. A mouth is more ready than a vagina, so to say.

arby's hat, subway foot long, etc. there is a race to see who can get those most references in in 30 seconds or a print ad.


Fine restaurants do it more subtly.

Yes, we can simplify all things just down to that. Thank goodness, some of us experiment with a few higher thoughts. That mental experimentation might lead to a blow job,


insert another whoop di do

but it most likely leads to something much more fulfilling that blows the sex away too.

You know it when you feel it.

Ann Althouse said...

Don't forget the onion rings!

Original Mike said...

Arby's hat?

pduggie said...

This ad and the Quiznos recent "hot oven, put it in me, Scott" ad make me think that C.S. Lewis was on to something

"The biological purpose of sex is children, just as the biological purpose of eating is to repair the body. Now if we eat whenever we feel inclined and just as much as we want, it is quite true most of us will eat too much: but not terrifically too much. One man may eat enough for two, but he does not eat enough for ten. The appetite goes a little beyond its biological purpose, but not enormously. But if a healthy young man indulged his sexual appetite whenever he felt inclined, and if each act produced a baby, then in ten years he might easily populate a small village. This appetite is in ludicrous and preposterous excess of its function. Or take it another way. You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act - that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you come to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? "

k*thy said...

Do they have an ad aimed at women? I'm guessing not.

John Burgess said...

pduggie: Actually, I picture that taking place weekly, at the hidden dens of PETA and Vegan covens.

Aaron said...

mmm, i am detecting a running theme between this post and the stamp post...

Zachary Paul Sire said...

Shoulda made it 8. "Eight inches" is the standard size people reference when talking about big dicks. Seven is fine, but it's 8 that's great.

And, I hope they have an ad planned with a guy in front of it with his mouth open. If they don't, Burger King is homophobic,

Original Mike said...

And, I hope they have an ad planned with a guy in front of it with his mouth open. If they don't, Burger King is homophobic,.

If they do they turn off more people than they attract. Money trumps inclusiveness.

nansealinks said...

oh i guess you didn't see that six meal reference for the less than visual people.

price enters into the picture as to what you pay.

play all the numbers, ann.

Ann Althouse said...

"Shoulda made it 8. "Eight inches" is the standard size people reference when talking about big dicks. Seven is fine, but it's 8 that's great."

Yes, but you don't want the customer to feel diminished by his sandwich. He may want an 8-inch penis, but he's buying a sandwich, and he doesn't want the sandwich to best him.

nansealinks said...

and the lesbians?

where are they getting their food for thought?

Ann Althouse said...

One questionable phrase is "something long, juicy and flame-grilled."

"Long." Check.

"Juicy." Check.

"Flame-grilled." Aaaaaaa!

nansealinks said...

those of us who are alone,

so funny about inches. and so funny that no one knows the rules of physics and expansion and contraction.

You are discussing/arguing over inches and expandability.

when the real satisfaction is the ability to tighten your belt in these times.

nansealinks said...

you also want to note why they decorated the impact type with a splattering.

c'mon ann, there is foreplay in this ad. or did you just see the penis?

ironrailsironweights said...

Gawker imagines that it's funny to say that food will make you fat and fat will keep you from having sex.

Only if you're a man. Fat women get lots of sex, fat men get very little.

Peter

nansealinks said...

sorry, that wasn't impact.

wow, i gave them too much there for the font choice, but i can see the air-ness in choosing this lighter font.

Tibore said...

After seeing that, I don't know if it's a sandwich I want, or a cigarette.

Tibore said...

"Ann Althouse said...
One questionable phrase is "something long, juicy and flame-grilled."

"Long." Check.

"Juicy." Check.

"Flame-grilled." Aaaaaaa!"


So, you're now saying the ad is about emasculation via broiler, is that it?

(*ducks*)

nansealinks said...

don't forget to take your MEDs two.

ironrailsironweights said...

and the lesbians?
where are they getting their food for thought?


If Taco Bell comes out with fish tacos ....

Peter

nansealinks said...

yea and tacos don't come with the seeds sprinkled on top.

now what if i don't get the sex. what if i am strange and cant associate? that thing looks like a book with all kinds of thick hearty pages for me to develop my mind. What if i am getting full on thoughts?

you would call me stupid for not seeing the sex and seeing a pocket book?

not the new jersey kind, or maybe indeed yes.

The River Otter said...

Have you ever seen the packaging for fruit-flavored cigars (blunts?) Wow. "Blows" me away!
(I just know from cleaning up other people's garbage in parks etc- I actually get more excited about finding used condoms. As in, it actually GOT USED.)

SteveR said...

Otter: "mine's bigger than that."

William said...

I certainly hope that this manipulative ad doesn't cause young women to substitute oral sex for their need for healthy food. America doesn't need any more thin women obsessed with giving oral sex.

Beta Conservative said...

Maybe they'll offer a 3 1/2" sandwich on the .99 menu.

Not as satisfying, but better than none at all.

Beta Conservative said...

And you could always order two.

rhhardin said...

I'd think you'd want wider not longer, unless you like cervix jostling. The C-spot.

Bob said...

Only way the ad could have been better is if were dripping a bit of mayonnaise-based "special sauce" from the side facing the gaping maw.

nansealinks said...

the 3.5 incher rounded up to four plays nicely, huh?

sorry, ann, for flooding your post here with my commentary. I don't know what got into me. Must have been latent things left over by my drop out status in graphic design that i had to get off my chest,

and i never he worked far enough to get to the portfolio class where you actually do these evaluations

traditionalguy said...

Their next promotion should be to give away a free condom with the super-sized upgrade.

halojones-fan said...

A: I'd hit it!

B: Actually, the most suggestive food ad I've ever seen was a Taco Bell TV spot for some sort of burrito, which featured a black man with an expression of beatific joy "dancing" while eating a tubular food item. The theme was "Taco Bell is hip and cool like those dance clubs where they play that bippity-boopity techno music!", but it looked like he was fellating a tortilla-based sex toy.

C: As I've said elsewhere, eating and sex are both sensual activities; why not just go whole-hog with that idea? After all, food is often used during sexual activity.

D: Commentors, remember that Ann thinks everything looks like a penis. Even cars--remember when she wrote about the redesigned Audi TT and suggested that it was "boxy and angular, like a penis"?

Penny said...

I feel certain that the cute, young girl in the ad couldn't POSSIBLY eat the whole thing, but she will sure give it that ole college try.

"Could I have some extra napkins, please?"

Big Mike said...

If they don't, Burger King is homophobic,

I don't know, in its previous ad campaign the King always looked like he swung from both sides of the plate.

Penny said...

As for that "flame broiled"...

INFLAMED!

To be excited or aroused!
To catch fire!

Lamar63 said...

She looks like a blow-up doll to me. That plays into the solitary aspect of eating fast food.

Darcy said...

Huh.

Big Mike said...

(I just hope the white stuff in the sandwich really is mayonnaise.)

MayBee said...

IMO, "Tastes Better" is a real selling point.

Joe said...

I'm very dubious that this is a genuine Burger King ad. It could be a viral ad produced elsewhere, but I suspect that it's a parody.

XWL said...

"2. The undeniably blatant blow-jobbiness is pure comedy, and that makes it cleaner that subtly sexual ads. Let's all have a good laugh. And a sandwich. And a blow job!"

As to your point number two, I do patronize a variety of fast food joints throughout Southern California (and sometimes Southern Nevada), and without a doubt, the establishments with staff that I'd most wish to offer me oral favors along with consumables happens to also be the place with the best food (they give me 'quality you can taste', so only fair that I give some back in return, I suppose).

(I think it's partly the white uniforms, and the red aprons fastened with comically oversized safety pins, oddly erotic)

EDH said...

This ad may be a bit more explicit.

I don't know, in its previous ad campaign the King always looked like he swung from both sides of the plate.

What is it about the Burger King and blow jobs?

Beta Conservative said...

I'm having nightmares about my ex-wife doing a Vienna Sausage ad.

She was always a tough out.

bagoh20 said...

""Flame-grilled." Aaaaaaa!"

G.Gordon Liddy does this and he gets chicks.

knox said...

I'd think you'd want wider not longer, unless you like cervix jostling. The C-spot.


"Cervix jostling." LOL What's with all the body-parts stuff on this blog lately? It's cracking me up.

Kev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kev said...

(the other kev)

I think I still prefer Hardee's/Carl's Jr.'s 'Fist Girl' for out-and-out porniness, but at least BK seems to be moving away from the guy in the creepy psycho killer mask.

Beta Conservative said...

Maybe McDonald's will offer an 8 inch "McCervix Jostler".

Not sure what the ads will look like.

Ophir said...

eating and sex are both sensual activities; why not just go whole-hog with that idea?

George Costanza was way ahead of you.

Cedarford said...

William said...
I certainly hope that this manipulative ad doesn't cause young women to substitute oral sex for their need for healthy food. America doesn't need any more thin women obsessed with giving oral sex.
.

Sarcasm tags lacking, William!

I have to admit I don't get the homoerotic Quiznos ads marketing. Deep male voiced toaster oven talking to a nubile boy about "how much we both enjoyed!" him cleaning out the oven. Now it is time to stick that long sub right in, for even more pleasure......

Male homosexuals are less than 2% of the demographics. The average young male will tend to be repelled at a product tied to backroom homo hanky-panky. Unless the message is targeting females - "that since gay men and toaster ovens make Quiznos...why gays have such refined taste.. that we women should suggest our group goes to eat there..."

------------
Another one I don't understand is Red Lobster. Where for 3-4 years, every new product or special is announced accompanied a gospel-like chorus of several "down-ghetto" black women moaning as if each Red Lobster entree` gives them total sexual pleasure.
It seems to be branding Red Lobster as a place mainly for blacks...the men to take their oversexed, horny black women for some orgasmic shrimp, southern-fried golden catfish with lobster sauce....Purely apocryphal - I noticed a shift in clients at a local one to more blacks, less whites and hispanics. Less people eating there overall...

traditionalguy said...

The lowly hamburger as a dildo is a new twist on "sex sells". Now its flavor comes from a Thick Sauce, and it's shape blows your mind. The thin, short hotdog has been replaced.But will a Foot-Long Thick and Meaty Dog reclaim the lust food crown? This is a competition that customers are winning. Over at Hooters the waitresses are nervous already. Will the breast in show restaurant win again or lose by a nipple?

Issob Morocco said...

Let's name it the "Half a Holmes".

Wilber said...

"ADDED: Note how well they've named the sandwich to promote hilarity at the counter: "Do you want the seven incher?" "I'll have the seven incher." "I love the seven incher." "I need a seven incher." Etc. Etc."

Somehow I don't thing many guys at the bar will be joking about getting a seven incher.

"America doesn't need any more thin women obsessed with giving oral sex."

Umm, we could deal with it.

BJK said...

(I just hope the white stuff in the sandwich really is mayonnaise.)


That's the thing that draws my attention about the ad (in conjunction with the orality...if that's not a word, it should be). There is nothing in the description of the sandwich that should look like mayo...unless A1 started making a white steak sauce. On the other hand, I can't believe that they'd leave out the chance to tout their creamy white sauce, given the context of the ad.

Also...seven inches...why so small?

nansealinks said...

overheard truth in a men's locker room support group;

"if all our penises were hung on a line, you would take yours and i would take mine."

gads, this inch envy is really funny to me as a woman because i have never seen confidence in a man, as in the way a man walks and talks to relate to any bulges in pants. The data is allover the map on that.

Roy Lofquist said...

Two guys in a bar.

What do you have in that suitcase?

A twelve inch pianist. Opens case. Out jumps a little guy with a toy piano. Starts to play.

Amazing! What else?

This lamp. Give it a rub.

Genie appears. One wish!

Ah, ah, a million bucks. The bar is suddenly filled with ducks.

WTF?

You don't think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist, do you?

Tibore said...

"BJK said...

Also...seven inches...why so small?"


Yeah, but it's a really girthy sandwich.









... what??

Rob said...

"c'mon ann, there is foreplay in this ad. or did you just see the penis?"

Today's Wednesday and Althouse hasn't seen Meade since Sunday.
She's horny, the little devil.

Separation makes for hot weekends unless, of coarse, you're republican.

traditionalguy said...

Like crackerjacks, the burger King combo pack for this sucker will have to include a pearl necklace favor so that all of your friends will know that you have beaten the Burger King Super Seven.

nansealinks said...

oh i don't care about political affiliations, nor do i vote

with my hands or feet

i might have misunderstood the whole ad. i miss too much sexual inuenda because i don't go to movies, don't have a tv, nor newspapers delivered or read on the internet. Obviously haven't had a multitude of sexual partners. I'm also straight and was raised Catholic. i am sure the sexual therapists would have a field day with all my problems and the experience of all the others dwarf my knowledge.

I am quite strong and quite limber, however, so it may just be a terrible thing that these blatant ads turn me off. never know, but i do know what i am waiting for and it aint fast food.

Revenant said...

Is this ad really aimed at young guys?

I mean, there's a world of difference difference between "our product will make women want your penis" and "our product is a big penis". This ad conveys the latter. Now, call me homophobic, but I've never once thought "hm, I think I'll have a great big penis for lunch today", even subconsciously. :)

To get the whole "this sandwich will make women want to have sex with you" vibe that 95% of beer ads use they should have had a guy at least holding the sandwich. Showing the sandwich and woman by themselves doesn't work.

chickenlittle said...

Nice plug XWL!

Alex said...

What they didn't say is the sandwich has 2000 calories and will make you very, very FAT. You will become very un-hot and Titus will not want to shtup you.

MayBee said...

Have you all seen the Quizno's Toasty Torpedo?

Tibore said...

You know, something's wrong here: We got a whole thread insinuating fellatio, yet not a single peep out of Titus.

What gives? Too easy, perhaps?

NKVD said...

Titus beclowned himself talking about Iranian pussy and his sweaty balls on the thread about Neda being shot.

He will be back - afterall, nothing is more important than Titus to Titus.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Have you all seen the Quizno's Toasty Torpedo?

Yes, that's in your face homosexuality! "Put it in me Scott."

Weird how you can go after a young male audience with either blow jobs from girls or a homoerotic toaster oven.

Don't tell Original Mike, it will blow his mind.

Ann Althouse said...

Don't be mean to Titus. He's sad because one of his dogs died.

Alex said...

Ann Althouse said...
Don't be mean to Titus. He's sad because one of his dogs died.

June 24, 2009 10:20 PM

Ah that excuses months and months of vulgar, narcissistic behavior. Nice to you have such high standard Althouse!

Ann Althouse said...

In fact I do have high standards, and Titus is one of the best commenters ever, possibly even *the* best.

Alex said...

Ah, especially the part when Titus went on and on about Iranian pussy and hogs. Ok.

Revenant said...

Ah that excuses months and months of vulgar, narcissistic behavior.

He's entertaining. That's all the excuse anyone needs.

Alex said...

Entertaining is doing it once a week. But thread-jacking every single day is just gluttonous behavior. Sorry, but Titus can go to troll hell.

Jason (the commenter) said...

It's probably only 5 inches long and if you complain they'll say something about shrinkage.

amba said...

An Italisn guy who'd had a butcher shop in the Village for decades, maybe generations, drove a delivery truck around the streets that had this legend on it: "Pat LaFrieda says: 'Eat my meat.'"

NKVD said...

Ann, that narcissitic mother-fondler Titus carries on about how often he works out in the gym, how strong he is, and so on, and yet after overfeeding his dog for years, when the dog was crippled by morbid obesity and unable to walk, he claimed he was too weak to carry it. What a pussy. And by pussy I mean asshole, just like Steve's use of the word.

So, he is a weak, habitual liar, an animal abuser, a self centered wanker and the best commenter ever. Nice.

Ann Althouse said...

"So, he is a weak, habitual liar, an animal abuser, a self centered wanker and the best commenter ever. Nice."

You're only giving him depth.

Alex said...

Althouse - I'm speechless. so if the Iranian dictator thug was a clever writer, you'd be singing his praises too.

NKVD said...

You are correct, if by "depth" you mean "shallowness".

Hey, it's your blog, you love Titus, for reasons that escape me, so let us all enjoy reading about feces, animal abuse, unprotected anonymous gay sex and other equally deep subjects.

MadisonMan said...

I did not realize a clumber died -- I guess I should be reading here more often.

Titus has probably left this thread, but he has my sympathy. I still miss the Great dog we lost to old age 6 years ago.