April 13, 2009

"If the intention of the Obama administration is to tone down the confrontational rhetoric being used by our enemies..."

"...the effort is already reaping results. This week, in a pronounced shift from its usual theatrical style, the Taliban announced that it will no longer refer to its favorite method of murder as 'beheadings,' but will henceforth employ the expression 'cephalic attrition.' 'Flayings' -- a barbarously exotic style of execution that has been popular in this part of the world since before the time of Alexander -- will now be described as 'unsolicited epidermal reconfigurations.' In a similar vein, lopping off captives' arms will now be referred to as 'appendage furloughing,' while public floggings of teenaged girls will from here on out be spoken of as 'metajudicial interfacing.'"

16 comments:

Jason (the commenter) said...

More rookie mistakes.

It's one thing to be image conscious, it's another to show people you are image conscious.

Peter V. Bella said...

War on Drugs=Hey let's get fucked up!

War on crime=people need to do whatever they need to do in order to survive.

War on political corruption=Corruption? What corruption? I'm from Chicago!!!!

War on piracy=It's a good business model. GM should get on board.

War on terror=There are no terrorists, just political refugees and revolutionaries.

War on...=Make love not war.

Montagne Mointaigne said...

Makes you wish we could go back to that amazing, "my way or the highway" brand of international relations that worked so well for 8 years.

If I know anything about life, it's that if you try something for a couple of months and it doesn't bring miraculous results, it's probably not worth doing at all.

Why can't someone grow a pair and ratchet up international tensions gratuitously? That way we can finally beat the terrorists.

Roadkill said...

There is no question that the new tone in Washington is bringing people together.

Barack Obama's "approval index" as measured by Rasmussen Reports (the difference between those who strongly approve and strongly disapprove of his performance) has declined steadily since his inauguration, from a difference of over 30 percentage points in January to something like 2 percent in mid-April.

It took George Bush years to get it that close.

Theo Boehm said...
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Theo Boehm said...
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Theo Boehm said...

Something's terribly wrong tonight with comment formatting. Sorry.

Quayle said...

I don’t want to be president of the blue states of America. I don’t want to be president of the red states of America. I want to be president of the United States of ……of…………well……under my administration we’re not going to call it America. Our global polling shows that the word ‘America’ evokes very strong emotions and opinions among the various countries. We’ve decided to call it the United States of You-know-what. That way we won’t stir up any unnecessary opposition or contention.

(BTW, do you think the word United is too strong? Doesn’t that seem to imply that we think we can whip some tin horn country in battle? Maybe we should be polling on that? Have David look at that this week, because maybe we need to soften that word too.)

Lem said...

I had a problem on other treads too theo.

Lem said...

Oh from now on it's not Piracy... is a 95% tax. much better.

blake said...

Words mean something.



Please standby to find out what.

Fen said...

Obama: "We are resolved to halt the rise of privacy in that region [Somolia]."

What a Chimp. Oh wait, wrong Pres...

Chip Ahoy said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HAha ha ha ha ho ho ho.
snort
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
OMG,that's funny!
Stop it, Queenan, you're killing me.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Gasp.
Oh no.

He's the thing. Obama can get his government to term things however he wishes. I don't care. He can roll his pants up to the calves, wear suspenders with a belt, don a straw hat and a corncob pipe and it'll be copied by those who wish care to make him look good. He can get most of the media to change their stylebooks since they're so obviously already in the tank with him, and he can get most professors to change their language, they are the very font of liberalism, after all, he can even change dictinaries, as they're so largely descriptive over prescriptive, but he will not dictate the language I use. Period. In fact, I'll use language that's archaic and anachronistic to his Orwellian Newspeak™ just to piss people off. I'll even put prepositions at the end of sentences if it sounds more natural to me, like I just now with the word "off." That's right, I said it, "off" at the end of a sentence.

War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror War on Terror

Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber Suicide bomber

Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists Aggravationists

Bye ya'll. I feel another laughing fit coming on.

jdeeripper said...

Sea pirates - Somalis.

Land pirates - lawyers, bankers, politicians and ex-wives.

Without the threat of death they will continue in their wicked, wicked ways.

mrs whatsit said...

Well Chip, you know what Winston Churchill would say to THAT.

Oh, you don't? Sorry. He'd say, "This is the sort of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put."

rhhardin said...

It's the decline of Joe Queenan into tedium. I got the joke a lot faster than he assumes.

I hope he'll be remembered for his finer efforts, like the account of walking the wrong way around the NYC Central Park jogging path smoking an area-clearing cigar.

I remember it from some long-ago interview on Imus.

Of course you couldn't do that today. The weirdos run the police.