March 10, 2009

False Apology Cards.

F Minus

(Via Language Log.)

28 comments:

Issob Morocco said...

Dick Durbin's got an Apology Card store in the Wrightwood district of Chicago and has a delightful section for Military Apologies (" Durbin went to the Senate floor late Tuesday to offer his apologies to anyone who may have been offended by his comparison of treatment of detainees at the U.S. military base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to Nazis, Soviet gulags and Cambodia's Pol Pot."-Fox News.).

Dick Durbin, before he dicks you.

Parker Smith said...

I'm sorry you believed me when I promised to make entertaining blog comments.

MadisonMan said...

Sold out in Washington DC.

rhhardin said...

Erving Goffman on what an apology is.

Darcy said...

LOL! I knew someone (briefly) who would probably send all of these cards.

And a good reminder not to say "I'm sorry you feel that way". It definitely is a cop out.

Fred4Pres said...

I am sorry you are too stupid to get it!

Kenneth L. Reich said...

I love these kind of cards. It reminds me of fortune cookies. Like "I'm sorry" cards, I hate the meaningless words in them. I always wanted to get a fortune that said something like "You have twelve hours to live-- enjoy yourself!" or "Your mother always liked your brother better" or "You are in danger of losing everything" or "The soup was poisoned"

You get the idea. Anyway, a truthful card would at least give me a laugh since whatever you did to me didn't.

Tibore said...

Goddammit Kenneth! I was going to bring those up!

Mutter mutter grumble, beat me to the punch, bitch moan...

ricpic said...

It's like liberals, who are always saddened by the lack of higher consciousness in the benighted who disagree with them.

Shanna said...

I always wanted to get a fortune that said something like "You have twelve hours to live-- enjoy yourself!" or "Your mother always liked your brother better" or "You are in danger of losing everything" or "The soup was poisoned"

I love the Simpsons when they were out of the “you will find happiness with a new love” fortune cookies and had to put out the “go back to your wife” ones.

Chip Ahoy said...

I made a false pease be upon you card that I never sent. It has several articulations, peas be upon you, piss be upon you, peace be a pond ewe, etc. This variation on the theme is a triple pager.

Chip Ahoy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dbp said...

This is what a real apology sounds like.

ricpic said...

Peace be a pond ewe:
An image of bliss:
Knee deep in water
A lamb taking a piss.

Pogo said...

Sociopaths make the most believable apologies and expressions of regret.

Lem said...

To the group meeting counselor.

I’m sorry I drank over the weekend... as you are about to pea in a cup that he has to witness.

True story.

Paul Zrimsek said...

The old gag of adding "in bed" to the end of your fortune works really great with "Your mother always liked your brother better".

Cabbage said...

you could always give some Mean Cards http://www.juliannaholowka.com)

El Presidente said...

http://www.cardjackers.com/sorrycards1.html

I'm so totally sorry . . .
I used you for sex.

I put you on the internet.

commenter said...

I'm sorry I called it date rape.

Your positive psychology people have already explained:

he was firm and polite, she malleable and unrefined.

veni vidi vici said...

"I made a false pease be upon you card that I never sent. It has several articulations, peas be upon you, piss be upon you, peace be a pond ewe, etc."

And now, "appeasement be upon you."

Lem said...

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."... "I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

Althouse's toaster when Fairbanks tried to put a fork in it.

Penny said...

Blogger Pogo said...

Sociopaths make the most believable apologies and expressions of regret.


They do, Pogo! Of course this is exactly why receivers of these cards need to look for humor instead of psycopathy. I think?

michael farris said...

I'm very sorry I had to spend time, effort and money to get this card to try to appease your unforgiving ass.

Methadras said...

I'm sorry your arrogance, ego, and pretension have driven me spend my hard earned dollars on an item that conveys a sentimentality that I don't mean, much less care to spend in iota of my time to tell you to fuck off in a nice way anyway. Thank you.

AlphaLiberal said...

"I'm sorry your such a conflicted and contradictory sack of shit."

Save the zygotes!
Bomb some country full of non-white people far far away!

Be moral!

Penny said...

Ok, I have to look HARD for some humor in given responses.

Still diggin' though!

Freeman Hunt said...

Bomb some country full of non-white people far far away!

Ha ha ha. A liberal tries the "you don't care about non-white people" line. You mean like thinking non-white people don't want to be free? Or thinking it's cool and authentic when non-white people live in squalor in other countries? Or that non-white people can never be expected to meet the same standards as white people? All those racist, liberal tropes?