January 1, 2009

Roland Burris's monument...

... to himself.

AND: For comparison, check out the Howard Stern headstone. They had a "Secret Santa" thing on the radio show, and the guy that got Stern's name gave him that headstone with his picture on it. Hilarious! Howard did not like the gift at all and kept saying that he did not want to contemplate his own mortality.

32 comments:

Ron said...

Looks like he's applying for tenure in the afterlife.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Oh, man. That's one seriously inflated ego.

Perhaps he should add: "Pursued death penalty for one man long after another had confessed to the crime."

chickenlittle said...

He's a regular Dan'l Boone

chickenlittle said...

Hey Ron!
HNY

Palladian said...

Wow, that's... embarrassing. Chicago must be an... interesting place, I'm finding out.

Theo Boehm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chickenlittle said...

Burris = sir rub

As in-self love.

Palladian said...

I think Thomas Gray wrote a perfect epitaph for Mr Burris's monument:

"The boast of heraldry, the pomp of power,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Awaits alike th' inevitable hour:-
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

Nor you, ye Proud, impute to these the fault
If Memory o'er their tomb no trophies raise,
Where through the long-drawn aisle and fretted vault
The pealing anthem swells the note of praise.

Can storied urn or animated bust
Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can Honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
Or Flattery soothe the dull cold ear of Death?"

Ophir said...

S.I.U. Exchange Student to University of Hamburg, Germany 1959-60

But what high school did he go to?

Jason said...

I guess he would make a good replacement for Obama then.

From Inwood said...

"And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Albatross said...

Nice, Theo. An apt quote from Browning.

EDH said...

What do you call that, a cryptorium vitae?

Or just punching his ticket on the way out?

JohnAnnArbor said...

Which is more permanent, Burris's monument to himself or Blago's hair?

BJM said...

Burris's motivation is another chiseled accomplishment on his tomb?

Chicago, is fast earning the phrase:

It's Chinatown, Jake.

Ron said...

Yo, yo, yo Chickenlittle! HNY to you to!

Howard Stern might have accepted his tombstone if there had been some 3D tits* carved into it!



*"cans" in Howard-speak, I believe.

Ron said...

As befitting a media pharaoh, Robin will have to be entombed with Howard, alive or no...

Ron said...

You know we're in a deep recession since even Howard Stern's business can't keep Scores open!

peter hoh said...

Burris hubris.

chickenlittle said...

Ron,
I know it sounds uncanny but think I read that Sirius' debt is exactly equal to Howard's promised salary.

chickenlittle said...

Back on topic.
Who has these monuments made to themselves? I don't know this guy's personal history. Maybe he overcame all kinds of obstacles; and maybe he felt circumstances denied him equal opportunity to be foolish. But somebody has to call narcissistic behavior when they see it, don't they?

Chip Ahoy said...

Narcissism? Not at all. If you want something done right you must do it yourself.

I'm convinced, not by any evidence at all, I just managed to convince myself, the pharaohs originally wanted gigantic stone monuments with roofs, but they were terrible with columns and such and they kept falling in, then finally the chief architect, Imenhotep suggested to Khufu, "Hey, why not build a monument in the shape of a building already tumbled down?" Khufu goes, "What?" Imenhotep elaborated, he goes, "Observe, Your Highness, this here handful of sand." Then he drizzled the sand out of his hands allowing it to form a small mound. "Sir, I suggest, if you were to build your monument in pre-collapsed form, it will have no way to collapse." Imenhotep's original idea was for a conical monument, but Khufu insisted on squaring it off. Cut down on costs.

That's my theory, and I'm stick'n with it.

chickenlittle said...

I say Chip old chap, your theory is just too entropically delicious to swallow.
I cannot fathom why something so simple and elegant was not heretofore conceived--and therefore, on the basis of its frightening originality, I regret to inform you that I must reject your rejection of the theory of narcissism.

John Stodder said...

Howard Stern needs to wake up. The 90s are over.

There is little in politics I despise more than Democrats who want to look "tough on crime," and do so by racing to impose the death penalty on someone.

The former meme that Burris was a harmless stooge is now inoperative. He's an evil, narcissitic menace. A perfect match for Blago.

I get it that Obama is not "implicated" in Blago's doings. But can it be said he's handled the situation particularly well? Where's that deft Obama touch? Has it deserted him?

Synova said...

That was brilliant, Chip. Bravo!

As for monuments... isn't that the sort of thing that a person plans, pays for, and has all set up to be done after they die?

Sure, you're still the one who does it... it's just more seemly.

Balfegor said...

Who has these monuments made to themselves? I don't know this guy's personal history. Maybe he overcame all kinds of obstacles; and maybe he felt circumstances denied him equal opportunity to be foolish. But somebody has to call narcissistic behavior when they see it, don't they?

Do we know he paid for it himself? Perhaps his children bought it to honour their father and their mother (it looks like their mother has already been interred). Or even his grandchildren, since he's in his 70s already. Yes, his monument is a bit over the top, but it's not that unusual to have a tomb prepared when one is in one's twilight years, is it?

My grandfather's tomb was prepared years before he passed away, and, although it doesn't have a list of accomplishments right there on the tomb itself, there's a little informational thing giving his children and his titles, honours, and appointments off by the side. There are spaces for four or five future generations, there, so the purpose served is not so much glorification before the public (it's in the garden of his country house, way out in the countryside, so the public is highly unlikely to see it) as information for his descendants, since he was the head of his branch of the family. I recall vaguely that there's something similar by my great-grandfather's and great-great-grandfather's tombs, although it is my understanding that the markers were refurbished somewhat recently, so they may not have been there before.

RHSwan said...

Personally, I would think narcissism is the reason Mr. Burris put up this monument to himself. After all, he named both his son and daughter after himself.

MadisonMan said...

My grandfather's tomb was prepared years before he passed away

This can be a problem. In the cemetery that Prof. A walks through, there was a husband-wife tombstone. He died in 1968, and was suitably interred, Husband 1905-1968, with Wife 1908-19 -- where they'd fill in the last two years when she kicked off.

Problem is, she died in 2003. Wite-out doesn't work on granite.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

The Chicago Times page wouldn't load completely so I didn't get to see the article.

But....I loved the weather report for Chicago. It said the weather was FORLORN. HA HA weather geeks with a sense of humor

Geoff Matthews said...

So, Howard's tombstone. Is it for his career?

Synova said...

...with Wife 1908-19 -- where they'd fill in the last two years when she kicked off.

Problem is, she died in 2003. Wite-out doesn't work on granite.


At some point my mother realized that her parent's tombstone might have that problem and rushed out to the cemetery to check. Luckily, the carver had left off the 19-.

Grandma died in 2006 on the 4th of July.

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