A tip: Set 2 egg timers.
Sex seems to be something like a boiled egg. Got to be at least soft-boiled, and even if you like hard-boiled, don't overcook.
And here's a handy dual timer. Set one side for 3, the other for 13:
April 3, 2008
"Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds."
Noted.
A tip: Set 2 egg timers.
Sex seems to be something like a boiled egg. Got to be at least soft-boiled, and even if you like hard-boiled, don't overcook.
And here's a handy dual timer. Set one side for 3, the other for 13:
A tip: Set 2 egg timers.
Sex seems to be something like a boiled egg. Got to be at least soft-boiled, and even if you like hard-boiled, don't overcook.
And here's a handy dual timer. Set one side for 3, the other for 13:
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91 comments:
"[The] editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine[ ] cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes."
Ah, so it's based on averages and percentages. Well. I've long thought Robert Reich was onto something when he said (in a rather different context) that "averages don't always reveal the most telling realities." Or as Bobby Bragan put it: "Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you should be perfectly comfortable."
"Optimal" - for which party? And sex for 3 minutes doesn't sound optimal unless its really, really bad. Then thats probably an eternity.
Well I never had too much luck starting sex with intercourse although there can be a short transition. I think the proper phrase would be "optimal intercourse" not "optimal sex". Once in the saddle, 3-13 (or 7.3) minutes sounds about right, but unless you're Debbie Stabenow's husband you better plan to stick around for a few, as well.
OK--I'll mention it: Hard and soft (boiled)? I love double entendres. This sounds like an Enzyte commercial starring Bob.
And just wait until Trooper and Titus get hold of this one.
Nothing happens for the first 120 pages in women's bodice busters, according to my best information.
(This thread is more-or-less a mating call for Titus.)
Jeeez Simon, you know that this post is a cry for help. You had the legal post directly below this one to toss the old ipso factos around. You can let the rest of us have a chuckle or two.
Plus I have been busy trying to figure out movie/meals.
Roger, the fun is when you can bring the yucks to a serious topic. This is too much of a set up.
That was my thought, Trooper. Ann has thrown us a high hanging curve ball here.
Trooper, I gave you a quote from a baseball legend, whaddya want? ;)
What if you don't hear the timers?
JohnAnnArbor: isnt there a four hour limit for the guy? you know :....lasting longer than four hours seek medical help?"
In middle tennessee the cow and bull next door did it in less than that. The cows laughed that I said such. The laughing cow became a spokeswoman for the cheese. The humans made lots of money. Though the bull made her eat some some sweetgrass first, which caused a whole controversy in the pharma community, and the little boys stopped laughing, the dish broke and spoon didn't run away, they just sang a song about the underdog.
Don't know about chickens.
Birds, now they are fun to watch. Contrary to popular belief a bird in the hand is not like a bird in a cage is not like a bird on the telephone wire.
The ones that stop in the preserve to put on a show for bird watchers are so dang beautiful. Becareful that they don't make droppings when you are least aware.
Any beach music fans out there? This thread is begging for this old tune:
Sixty Minute Man
Well listen here girls,
I'm telling you now.
They call me lovin' Dan.
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.
And if you don't believe I'm all I say,
Come up and take my hand.
As soon as I leave you go you'll cry
"Oh Yeah, he's a sixty Minute Man!"
There'll be 15 minutes of kissin',
And then you holler "Oh please don't stop!"
There'll be 15 minutes of teasin'
And 15 minutes of pleasin'
And 15 minutes of blowin' my top! MOP MOP MOP!
Well if your man ain't treatin' you right
Come up and see your Dan.
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.
60 (Minute Man)
Well they call me (lovin' Dan)
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.
60 (Minute Man)
There'll be 15 minutes of kissin'
Well if your man ain't treatin' you right
Come up and see your Dan.
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.
Oh yeah! 60 Minute,
Rock'em, roll'em, rammin', jammin' all night long
I'm a 60 Minute Man.
They mention injury, but not the NATURE of the injury, if "more than four hours."
And they don't mention how you're supposed to seek "medical attention" without getting arrested in transit. Overcoat? Open umbrella?
JohnAnnArbor said...
What if you don't hear the timers?
Ya keep on going!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can see those female sex therapists pretending they're Jane Fonda in "Klute". Kind of spoils the fun if you're thinking about the time.
"People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner lasts eight minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,' "
That's a three minute gap of unpleasantness for one or both parties. Mine doesn't work if I know someone's waiting.
a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women in the study were armed with stopwatches.)
While a median time of over one hour was found in another study in which the women were armed with .38 Police Specials.
After the madness comes postcoital triste
So why keep your eye on the wristwatch wrist?
OK, move over fellow republicans this is my territory.
I generally have optimal sex. Why you ask? Because it is new. A new person every time. It is thrilling, exotic, a little dangerous and it makes me horny.
It's always safe though.
I would say, on average, it takes between 2 and 10 minutes for me to cum with someone.
For example, today I went to the gym and had a really good workout and went to the steamroom and a guy blew me while I wiped the steam from the door so no one would interrupt. This entire experience took approximately 2-3 minutes.
Todays episode is typical of my sexual experiences. I tend to not like to be in a bed with someone because that is a little too intimate for me and I find things I don't like and I don't like cuddling then I lose my hard on.
But whether I am in a back alley, a bush, sauna, steamroom, shower I can always blow it within 5 minutes.
Thank you.
Three minutes for him, thirteen minutes for her --
Ten minutes of, "It needs gas in fourth gear not first, Sir!"
Three minutes for her, thirteen minutes for him --
Ten minutes of, "Hurry Harry, I'm tacking but I can't trim!"
I did do it in the Fenway Victory Gardens in Boston once and it took like 30 minutes. It was very romantic. The lights from Fenway Park were bouncing off are rock hard bodies as we were swinging on someone's chair in their garden.
We had to climb the fence to get to a "private" area. The fence had spikes at the top. It was very dangerous.
But I told the thing I was doing it with I wanted to be as far away from the Yum Yum tree as possible. The Yum Yum tree is this huge tree in the middle of the park where there are literally hundreds of men doing it. The Yum Yum tree has a weird smell and the mose bizarre sounds I had ever experienced. Kind of like a deep moan.
I don't like anyone else watching me do it-I have my standards.
Afterwards, we were starved, so we actually picked the persons tomatoes from their private garden and ate them on our way out.
I know totally tacky.
He was from Texas. He kept on saying, "yea, I am a big republican from Texas". I was like that aint working. Stop talking and open your legs.
One time and this is a true story. I went to the Fenway Victory Gardens and this spic starting blowing me.
He kept on wanting me to take off my pants and I was like no but eventually I did.
When I took off my pants he was blowing me and then grabbed my pants and ran out of the park.
I had to take my shirt off and wrap it around my waste and a cop came by. I reported it to the poor cop and this other guy was there and he told the cop he saw the whole thing. The guy seemed nice and I was happy that he verified my story. The cops then left and the guy that helped me asked me if he could borrow some money-seriously. I was like I don't have any pants bitch, where do you think I am going to have any money?
I had to call a friend, call the bank, DMV and get all new keys.
The cops called me later that week and asked me if I wanted to come to a line up and perhaps identify the guy. They did not know if they arrested that guy that night or not but never find my keys/bank card and cell phone. I declined-I was over it.
The next night when I was there I made sure to keep everything in my sock and will never take off my pants again.
The travails of love.
To make matters worse while waiting for my friend to pick me up the Boston Red Sox baseball game had been completed. So all these drunk Boston Red Sox fans are walking by me as I am sitting on the steps of someones brownstone with a little tankey wrapped around my waist-fun.
made sure to keep everything in my sock
That's what Marines do all the time to keep their legs and butt smooth, just for Titus. Forgot to add that to the purse thread.
I told my parents I got mugged that night but I didn't mention the blowjob or the pants-that probably wouldn't of been too cool.
walking by me as I am sitting on the steps of someones brownstone with a little tankey wrapped around my waist
giving them an eyeful of Titus.
One time I brought a guy back to my place and we were making out.
He was an exterminator. He also took off my pants. After I took off my pants he told me he was hungry. The only thing I had in the house was a frozen pizza so while I was putting the frozen pizza in the oven he went into my pants pocket and stole my license/credit card and money.
He then told me he was going to go out to his exterminator van and get some pot.
He never came back.
I had to fly home the next day because it was my birthday and I didn't have any identification.
That was fun too.
One time I went to a guys house and he had a boyfriend. This was actually in Madison.
I didn't know he had a boyfriend but found out when we got to his house. Both of the guys were big bodybuilders.
I told them I left me cell phone in my car which was at the Gay Bar 10 blocks away.
He made me leave my tennis shoes because he didn't think I would come back.
I had to walk ten blocks in January in Wisconsin with no shoes.
That was fun too.
Every time I would come back to Madison and go out I would see him at the "bar" and ask me if I was missing any shoes.
I liked those shoes too. They were cute little Diesel's.
It's a nice light tonight.
How about meeting me for dindin Althouse/
My treat?
Get your ass over the bridge bridge and tunnel gal and get over here.
And if you are lucky I may even show you a little of the hog.
Then we can go to a fabulous lounge for expensive drinkies.
The post is meant to contrast the timeless feeling of sex, with the actual time taken, a sort of comic perspective on what seems to take a person into eternity (the better part, not the boring part, of Forever).
Just saying, since no one seemed to understand this.
"Just saying, since no one seemed to understand this."
We understand Kirby, but we would rather make jokes and listen to stories about the time Titus met Manny Rameriez in Fenway Park.
I think these numbers are correct if the subjects are 60 years old. If you're 20 years old, I think that the measurement should be 13 hours, not minutes.
Trooper York said...
"Just saying, since no one seemed to understand this."
We understand Kirby, but we would rather make jokes and listen to stories about the time Titus met Manny Rameriez in Fenway Park.
You are taking the Red Sox suck to a whole new level. Cold Trooper, cold. But, cool.
I really can't compete in this arena with Trooper and Titus and should not even try but:)
The only sex and speed joke I know goes like this.
There was a young bull munching grass next to an old bull as they slowly moved up the hill. The young bull spotted some 2 dozen heifers over across the valley.
The young bull says to the old one: "Let's run over there and f__k a couple"
The old bull turns his head and leers: "Let's walk over and f__k'em all"
thus speaks the experience of age :)
Kirbette we know what the post was about I just wanted to share-hope that's ok.
I am little scared a dead guy just wrote to me.
To Titus.
Sir,
As the Ghost of a Gentleman dead these 250 Years and more, I may tell you that the Dangers of removing one's Breeches in an Act of illicit Love are not new to this Modern Age.
Here you may see Mr. Hogarth's very just Engraving of the Idle 'Prentice in a Garret with a common Prostitute, depicting such a Situation. She seems to have a Fondness for Watches; altho' I do not think she was keeping Time, however much she had the Measure of her Bedmate. A Brace of Pistols would open the Way for our Whorologist to a new Branch of her Profession. In the end she betrays her passing Paramour, who in the sturdy Fashion of my Age, hang'd for his Trouble.
Trusting that neither You nor none of this Audience will find themselves in such a Predicament,
I am, Sir,
Your humble & obt. Servant,
Sir Archy
Here's some little-known Manny Ramirez trivia from Wikipedia the sometimes fact-free encyclopedia:
In 2007, Ramirez requested and received permission from the Red Sox to arrive late to Spring Training for family reasons. It was later revealed that during his absence Ramirez was scheduled to appear at the Kansas City Rare Hog and Pork Auction. It is unclear whether the appearance was scheduled before or after the family situation. A Pot-belly Pig that Ramirez had put up for bidding at the auction did not generate a high enough bid to be sold because it was thought to have been lackadaisical and ridden with parasites. However, it was wearing an adorable little knitted jacket, MP3-playing sunglasses, and no pants.
Before writing Who Moved My Cheese pop management guru Spencer Johnson wrote a series of best-selling books for people who had little time to spare outside of their usual tasks: The One Minute Manager, The One Minute Sales Person, even The One Minute Mother and The One Minute Father.
The one book that didn't sell so well? The One Minute Lover.
It just goes to show you that Manny is all about the hog.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The One Minute Zipless Hog by Spencer Johnson with Erica Jong
Slow and steady is the way. Speed kills:
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning" Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
I love Manny. I would do him in a heart beat.
"Manny just being Manny"
I bet Manny has a nice uncut Dominican Hog.
I would love to pull on his hair while I fuck him.
Woody Allen
That was two o'clock in the morning, and I get my date back to her apartment, and the two of us are alone, and we're going pretty good. I have to explain this very delicately, 'cause it's really tentative. As I... as I am an inordinately...passionate...man. Volatile. Sensual. In general a stud. When making love...when making love...in an effort...to prolong...the moment of ecstacy...I think of baseball players. All right, now you know. The two of us are making love violently, she's digging it, I figure I better start thinking of ballplayers quickly. So I figure it's one out, the ninth, the Giants are up. Mays lines a single to right, he takes second on a wild pitch. Now she is digging her nails into my neck. I decided to pinch-hit for McCovey. Alou pops out. Haller singles, Mays holds third. Now I got a first-and-third situation. Two out, the Giants are behind one run. I don't know whether to squeeze or steal. She's been in the shower for ten minutes, already. This is too...I can't tell you anymore, this is too personal. The Giants won.
Hang on.
Must stop laughing.
There.
Unfortunate analogy. If sex were like boiled eggs it'd never actually boil, just approach the boiling point then be removed from the heat and covered for 13 minutes, more or less. But before that, you'd have to lay on your side overnight or for at least for a few hours, to center your yolk. Wouldn't do to end up all off-centered. Then when you're done with not ever actually boiling, you'd have to douse yourself in ice water to prevent unsightly iron from forming around your center. And finally, you'd require a good cracking and a thorough peeling. No mention of harnesses, slings, handcuffs, ball gags, etc. Pffft.
I have a roundish toy of a kitchen timer painted as a chicken. Its entire body rings, and loudly. Karen named it Isabel because it ... wait for it .... is a bell.
"I think these numbers are correct if the subjects are 60 years old. If you're 20 years old, I think that the measurement should be 13 hours, not minutes."
Shows how little you know.
Grandparent sex can be quite good, and go on for a considerable amount of time (no distractions).
A little respect please.
My parents still have sex. My dad is around 72 I think and my mom is 70.
They are in great shape. Work out, golf, tennis, swim, mom does Curves.
When I go home my bedroom is next to theres and I here them fooling around.
It's kind of gross but as soon as I start jerking off to it I forget about it being them and just imagine it is someone else.
My dad says things like "your mother was getting choked by the lizard last night" to me. My mom is there when he says it and she just laughs. It is a little uncomfortable.
Maybe that is why I have a different view of sex from many others.
I think I get it.
Three minutes the first time.
Thirteen minutes the second.
But what about the third (etc)?
Sometimes my dad will grap his hog when he sees an attractive women on tv and says, "I got something that she would enjoy". My mom, again, laughs. I sit there wondering if this happens in other families.
One time we were having chinese food and a pretty lady walked by and my dad raised his chopstick and said, "you know what she is doing to me".
One time I dropped food on my hog and my dad said, "what are you trying to do, feed it?"
My mom laughed.
To Mr. Middle Class Guy.
Sir,
You may know that one of the Hobby-Horses upon which I am wont to ride is the Topick of how certain Things are little chang'd by the Centuries between my Age and this. I may tell You that I never expect'd a Jest to survive intact from the Year 1712, when I first heard it in the Army, to this Day; except the original Quibble was, "He would be alive yet, had they not begun to Ring the Change!"
Assuring You, Sir, that the Old Ones are indeed the Best Ones,
I am,
Your humble & obt. Servant,
Sir Archy
My dad used to make me pick up the paper by him and then fart in my face.
What happened to Katherine Harris?
I loved her.
When the fuck did this blog turn into Penthouse forum?
" Simon said...
(This thread is more-or-less a mating call for Titus.)"
Dude, from what I can see, linoleum is more-or-less a mating call for him.
Katherine Harris had nice tits.
I love the picture of her riding the horse.
Or her flirting with that other republican while some Ct. republican was giving an important speech about 9/11. Oh the republican she was flirting with was Rick Enzi-I think he is going to be going to jail. That's sad, he is kind of hot and a true family man.
That was amazing.
I like sex.
I would have to say I am the most interesting commenter on this blog.
Kay Bailey Hutchinson isn't bad either.
I would pork her.
I woudn't do Barbara Mikulski though.
She's kind of nasty.
Is she a lezzie?
Olympia Snowe-sure, why not.
Pretty Greek Lady.
I would do her.
Maria Cantwell-yes
Patty Murray-no
Barbara Boxer-sure
Diane Feinstein-no way
Harvey Milk-no
Dan White-no
Most of the Kennedy's when they were young, not the old Kennedy's.
Dan Abrahams-definitely, he is hot.
Anderson-natch.
Deval and Obama in a heartbeat-nice little ice cream sandwich.
Tibore said...
"Dude, from what I can see, linoleum is more-or-less a mating call for him."
Not only true but also an excellent Buffy reference. Well played.
Titus - what about Mary Landrieu? I'd think you'd be into Marys.
You like sex?
I like sex!
We should totally hang out!
Do you like money? I like money! A lot!
Definitey do Mary Landrieu.
I would be interested to see if the carpet matches the curtains.
She has a weird tick though but we could possibly use that in a positive way during our sexual escapade.
I would not do Oren Hatch. Or any of the southern male republicans-most of them are gross and I bet they smell like mothballs.
Thad Cochran-gross
Jeff Sessions-nasty
Sambly Champlis-disgusting
Richard Shelby-awful
You know they have all lynched a blackie or two in their youth.
Tom Coburn-ick
Jim Inhofe-how bad is he?
John Cornwyn-pure slime
Oh I would do a three way with Mark Pryor and the women senator from Arkansas.
Definitely Russ Feingold-in a heartbeat.
No to Kohl though.
Carl Levin-yikes
Deb Stabenow-no way-poor thing.
I might do that graveling talking senator from Ohio though.
And I would do Jack Reed and the other RI Senator if it was late and I was drunk.
Amy Klobacher-don't think so, she seems nice but has a fat ass.
Norman the jew from minnesota-no
David Vitter-sure, why not, he's a whore.
Larry Craig-no way.
Bob Byrd-if I knew he was going to die immediately afterwards and we changed his will and he was rich and I got everything-otherwise absolutely not.
Mitch McConnell-he is butt ugly
Jim Bunning-he is insane
Blanche Lincoln I think it the Arkansas senator-I would do her.
Who's Utahs' other senator Bennett? I would not do him either.
I would do the republican senator Smith from Oregon.
Bob Casey-sure
I would do Rick Santorum too especially if I could cum in his eye.
Jay Rockefeller-same as with Bob Byrd.
Tester, Baucus, Allard, Kennedy, Lieberman, Dodd, Kerry, Schumer, Dorgnan, are all no's.
Murkowski, Stevens, Anoka and the other Hawaiian senator no
Jim Webb-yes, he might be fun and rough me up a bit.
Spector-no.
The George republican guy from Ohio-no.
Neither of the ones from Tennessee Lamar or the other weasel.
God no to Mel Martinez-he is awful.
No to Bill Nelson
Chuck Hagel-yes
The other Nelson senator from Nebraska-no.
Domenici-no
Mccain-no
The other Arizona senator no-he is butt ugly and evil.
I don't even know who the ones are from SC but you know they are horrible so let's just say no.
The republican from SD yes the one who had a stroke no.
Harry Reid-no
John Ensign-on a bad night
Liddy Dole-God know, she has had more work than Priscilla Presley.
Claire Mccaskill-no
The other republican wingnut from out there in Missouri who can't stand up straight-no
No to Brownback and the other one from Kansas-Roberts, although I would do Kathleen Sebelis.
Durbin-no
Harkin-no
The republican from Iowa-no
Baye-yes
Lugar-no
Sanders-no
Leahy-no
neither of the republicans from NH, although I would do their governor John Lynch
Voinovich-that is the Ohio republican-no
Wicker-no
I have no idea who the republicans are from Wyoming but it's probably a given that it is a no.
Same for the other senator from Idaho-no
Excellent! I printed out the study and put an egg timer on it as a paperweight for my wifes perusal.
Annotated:
Study shows optimal time limit for me going down on you is 3-13 minutes. From now on, you will have to work on your punctuality...
Titus, my other senator, Richard Burr of NC, ain't bad looking, particularly if he's kept the weight off that he lost for the last election. He took Edwards' seat.
Althouse: You've certainly allowed Titus to inflict way more than 13 minutes of this crap on your readership. How much longer?
And for Titus: Why don't you let your father pay his own karmic debt?
As far as I know, there is no theory available in physics on what governs the speed of an hourglass.
With the newly available crop of unemployed string theorists, perhaps some talent can be put on it.
If the guy needs more than three minutes, it's proof that he doesn't love you, but if he doesn't want more than three minutes, that's also proof that he doesn't love you.
Just thought you women should know.
Heheh. As if love has anything to do has anything to do with it.
from the linked-to article:
"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually,"[said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Maryland]. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."
Or even as exciting as people themselves think they are.
The definitive musical comment on this subject: http://tinyurl.com/2gpe7u
Ah, so it's based on averages and percentages
Well, mark me down as way above average.
What if you don't hear the timers?
My timer has never had any trouble at all in letting me know when opitmality is being achieved.
While a median time of over one hour was found in another study in which the women were armed with .38 Police Specials.
LOL. Just gotta pay attention to the correct timer, I sez! :-D
Isn't the whole point of non anonymous users to be able to easily ban posters like everybody knows who? He should get his own blog and find out for himself exactly how interesting he is.
He proves the adage "All bores are deaf."
1. Ann posted regarding sex practices
2. Titus is interested in sex
3. Titus commented here regarding sex -- big surprise.
4. No one is obligated to read his or any other comments. In fact, why read about sex at all if the topic is offensive?
The first hard evidence - so to speak - that I had that I wasn't a normal male was when I was chewing the fat with some other guys. The wine was flowing, the beer likewise, and we got to talking.
I was flabbergasted, totally astounded when the general agreement was that it took less than 15 minutes.
Quite seriously, after 45 mins I was barely getting warmed up. 2 hours was about average, though I never had an O.
It turned out I was Intersexed. But we only found that out later. Since things normalised, it's a lot better. Tiresias was right.
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