Everyone seems to be watching the "Cocaine Bear" trailer. I haven't felt this cultural vibe since the "Snakes on a Plane" trailer came out in 2006.
For those who doubt the "based on a true story" assertion, the NYT has "Yes, ‘Cocaine Bear’ Was Real. Here’s the Back Story. Nearly 40 years after a 175-pound black bear found and ingested cocaine in a Georgia forest, the drug binge has inspired a movie."
The movie does add some things. Here's the barebones original story:
ADDED: From my November 2006 blog post, "It's time for calm reflection about... 'Snakes on a Plane'":
The movie promoted the hype more than the hype promoted the movie. Is this the way things will be in the future, with "instant, mutable, unmoored" doings on the web taking the place of thought-out cultural productions like movies? I wonder.
There's something about getting absorbed into the web that changes the whole structure of your mind, I think. (And I acknowledge the theory out there -- I read it on the web! -- that, in my personal case, I'm simply crazy. So don't go by just me.) I have lost all taste for things that are planned out and long. I no longer want to sit through anything. Once there's a script that's going to be followed, I'm looking around for something to click to see what else is happening.
Ha ha. That was 16 years ago. After 16 more years, how much more instant, mutable, unmoored are we?
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57 comments:
"Beth, we should go."
HA HA HA HA HA
oh Lord
and yes, making a trailer is definitely an art form
no question about it
absolutely an art form
one that's escaped my book
didn't even occur to me
thanks for wrecking my movie book again Althouse!
(put trailers in)
holy shit
Are we going to poll
trailer for Cocaine Bear
versus
#1 movie in the world?
I vote for fun underdog
it IS a Truly AWESOME trailer
Ain't no Casablanca, by the way.
My top 10
1. Casablanca
2. Singin' in the Rain
3. Shall We Dance
4. After the Thin Man
5. On the Town
6. Notorious
7. Breathless
8. The Maltese Falcon
9. A Day at the Races
10. His Girl Friday
These are all old, old movies. The newest one was Breathless and that was 1959, otherwise known as 63 years ago.
My top 10 films were made years, decades, before I was born.
You can guess the skin color and the genitalia of the filmmakers, right?
But the problem with trying to whitewash the past, or make it pretty, or equalize everything, is that before you know it, your politics has overwhelmed your art criticism. In fact you're not even doing art criticism anymore. Your politics has swallowed up your art. (This, in fact, happened to Godard, who was also a film critic).
"When Godard went political, art lost a genius and politics got a moron."
OK, I get it.
You know what happened. The rest is titillation.
Snakes on a plane pale for sheer horror compared to ladies on a plane.
You know what I mean.
The trailer reminds me more of “Lake Placid” than “Snakes on a Plane.” Aside from Betty White’s performance as an old lady whose pet is a 100 foot long member of the crocodilian family, I found “Lake Placid” to be thoroughly forgettable. Can’t imagine “Cocaine Bear” will be any different. Pass.
And, yes, black bears can and do invade houses. Not long ago I saw a YouTube video, probably taken by a nanny cam, where a lack hear turns the door handle with his mouth, enters the front door of a residence, stopping when only his back legs and butt are still outside. The bear looks around, then backs out, pulling the door closed behind it. You can see the door handle turn. That’s one of many videos on YouTube of security cam footage of black bears in houses. For myself, about three years ago I had a black bear up on my deck at midnight, raiding and destroying my bird feeders. Since then I bring my bird feeders in at dusk.
Yes black bears are good tree climbers (it’s grizzlies that can’t climb trees). And despite anything you may have heard about black bears being cowards, they can and do kill and eat humans. Just ask Derah Patel. Except you can’t because back in 2014 they found most of him near a trsil where he and four friends had deliberately gone to take pictures of a bear hat they were warned was acting aggressively. They found the rest of him in the bear’s stomach after Park rangers killed the beast.
OK, I get it.
You know what happened. The rest is titillation.
One day I hope to be in a conference room with a bunch of beautiful Woke feminists.
"You know a word I really like? Titillation. It's a great word! Isn't it? Titillation. TITillation. If I was a baby, I would be like, 'Can I have some more titillation, please?'"
I wasn’t able to get past the paywall, but Yahoo.com had a write up thst’s probably similar. It says that Ray Liotta’s final role was as a drug smuggler in this movie, presumably one of the bear’s victims. Sad that a great actor’s last role would be in a piece of dreck like this. Reminds me that Raul Julia’s last role was in the over-the-top movie “The Addams Family.”
This is me not clicking. I appreciate the sacrifices the rest of you make to popular culture on my behalf.
I'm confused: is the "Cocaine Bear" played by an actual ursine or Ray Liotta?
"For those who doubt the "based on a true story" assertion, the NYT has "Yes, ‘Cocaine Bear’ Was Real. Here’s the Back Story. Nearly 40 years after a 175-pound black bear found and ingested cocaine in a Georgia forest, the drug binge has inspired a movie."
The only thing that's true is that a smuggler dropped cocaine and a bear ate it. The bear did not go on a killing spree, it died.
"The movie does add some things."
LOL
I believe this movie was the true cause of death for Ray Liotta.
Movie idea:
Meth Parrot - a group of high school kids are trapped in a hillbilly tweaker's remote house after breaking in on a dare. To their horror they find they are not alone. An enormous African Grey has accidentally ingested its owner's stash and is on a rampage. One by one the parrot talks them to death then cleans the house.
"apex predator"
"high on cocaine"
these are great song lyrics!
we just need a musician to help us out.
Bear discovers magic mushrooms.
Not only is the trailer great, but giving the bear its own Twitter account is a brilliant idea.
Good job on Trailer; I'll probably skip movie.
I’d thought there was probably nothing more dangerous than a jonesin’ bear, but that notion was clearly mistaken.
A fitting send-off for Ray Liotta!
“ Movie idea: Meth Parrot…”
How about Meth Monks?
https://www.vice.com/en/article/epz7ke/thailand-buddhist-monks-drug-test-meth
It looks like half-comedy, half-horror movie. Not sure if that will work. Sometimes it does, like with An American Werewolf in London. But probably the trailer will be the best part.
Hope this isn't too off topic, but the mention of Betty White in Lake Placid reminded me of Cloris Leachman's incredible performance in Beerfest.
Not Safe For Work!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkuPhs-Gjdw
Film reviewing is about novelty. So of course, they weren't going to pick Citizen Kane again, or Vertigo, which topped some poll a few years back because critics were tired of Citizen Kane. Criticism in general is all about race, gender, and sexual preference today, so women's pictures are rated higher than they were in the past. And "monotonous" has never been a minus for film critics who want to be thought avant-garde.
There's a contradiction, though, between heroically breaking up "the canon" of great films and expecting us to care about which movies critics think "best." The movie is Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles. I think I tried to watch it and didn't get very far into it. Cleo From 5 to 7 is also in the top 20. It's a better picture. When I read "Cocaine Bear" and "Elizabeth Banks," I thought, "Yes, I would rather watch the boring 1970s feminist film," but then I saw the still of lonely Jeanne peeling potatoes alone in her apartment and decided that if I were forced to choose, I'd have to pick the bear.
"How about Meth Monks?"
The crystal of the Christian Brothers?
Wat tha phuc?
Those monks were going so fast they could meditate for 8 hours in 45 minutes.
Trailers are a very weird art form if you think about it
your mission
should you choose to accept it
get your audience to pay to see a larger work of art
Not enough of a cultural moment for me to care about this. Only way I'd give a shit is if the bear had been a member of the renowned Gambezzi family and appeared alongside his siblings on Ed Sullivan.
Film reviewing is about novelty.
Woke politics is all about new, new, new.
Destroy the past.
Rewrite the past.
There is no biology.
There is no reality.
Destroy the past.
Rewrite the past.
Ideology is everything.
What is bear cocaine withdrawal like?
The way the Sight and Sound poll works, they invite a whole bunch of people to nominate their top 10 films.
And then they count up the votes. So nobody votes on a "best film." You name your top 10. (Unless they changed the voting process, but that's how it's always been done, I think).
The Professor said, "Everyone seems to be watching the 'Cocaine Bear' trailer."
Uh, no.
The Professor said, "Everyone seems to be watching the 'Cocaine Bear' trailer."
Uh, no.
'Snakes on a plane pale for sheer horror compared to ladies on a plane.'
--Screaming babies on a plane.
--Guy hacking up a lung on a plane.
--Man from a country where deodorant has yet to be invented, hasn't showered in months, the outside temperature is in the 90s, and he sits in your row.
--Sitting in the middle seat between two women who both need seatbelt extenders.
Now those are horror stories...
So of course, they weren't going to pick Citizen Kane again, or Vertigo, which topped some poll a few years back because critics were tired of Citizen Kane.
It's vital to understand that these opinion polls are heavily slanted towards the left.
Citizen Kane is a great movie (I rate it #232, an A+). But there are multiple problems with the movie. The hero is actually an anti-hero and you're not supposed to like him. The left loves anti-heroes and it hates heroic people. The left wants everybody hopeless and helpless with no heroes in sight.
Know the left and you will probably despise anybody who says Citizen Kane is one of the 10 best movies ever made. My ass it is. Some clips from my review...
"Did they sell the kid to the bank? I think they sold him to the bank!"
Citizen Kane has amazing cinematography, sound, and acting. But the thing all the leftists love -- the screenplay -- is awkward and silly in places. And the movie is cold throughout.
"It's a negative film about humanity, really, and a sad film. And yet you don't cry for any of these characters. It's a brilliant and cold work of art."
I daresay ordinary people would never call Citizen Kane one of the top 10 movies ever made. (Unless people are blindly regurgitating their lesson learned from authorities!)
You know what most of us do with our top 10 films? We buy them! If you rate Citizen Kane one of the finest films ever made, but you don't own it and you don't watch it, well, guess what? You were indoctrinated to think that way.
The Godfather also is anti-hero. Vertigo is also anti-hero. Marxists hate heroic people and don't want you to know any or see any.
Ordinary people love heroes.
Criticism in general is all about race, gender, and sexual preference today, so women's pictures are rated higher than they were in the past. And "monotonous" has never been a minus for film critics who want to be thought avant-garde.
This is spot-on. Lots of people might put a Spike Lee movie, or a feminist movie, in their top 10 to round out a list. And if a ton of people do that, then all of a sudden a feminist picture is the best movie ever made by anybody.
Cleo From 5 to 7 is also in the top 20.
That's a legit classic from the French New Wave. I rate it #53.
Also, since we all have biases, you can probably guess mine.
Comedies! I love comedies. My movie book is definitely slanted towards art that makes me laugh hard.
Line from the movie Meth Parrot
The "funny kid who can't get laid" character says to the Parrot, "Polly want a crack whore?"
Pulp Fiction is the best movie ever made, obviously.
A bear came in my house in the Blue Ridge Mts of NorthCarolina. It opened the fridge and left mud and paw prints all over. Threw stuff on the floor, ate yogurt, meats, dumped out milk. I was alone and heard noises the middle of the night but was too frightened to go to the kitchen. Local bears were known to make a regular circuit of the local cafes and dumpsters. After that i remembered to lock my doors.
sorry, 400 Blows was 1959
Breathless was 1960
Bear Cub vs. Cougar
The thing about "Snakes on a Plane" and "Cocaine Bear" and perhaps every "Fast & Furious" movie, and definitely "Zombie Strippers" and many more cinematic masterpieces (I'm looking at you, "Pirhana 3DD"), is that the whole story needs only the two minutes of a trailer to be told fully and well. The rest is just wasted time.
Aside: Dustbunny, kudos for attempting to insert the old Monty Python credits footnote gag of "Moose bites can be serious, a moose bit my sister once" in this comment section. Let's hope we aren't all sacked and replaced by new commenters.
Here's the trailer for The Bear
The director also did The Name of the Rose.
Reminds me of some monster/horror movie I glimpsed at a drive-in back in 1980. It was a double feature, but we weren't there for the movie but to sit in the smoke filled car. But I remember looking at the screen and seeing some alien possessed bear like that photo above. Not really good when you are in your altered state. I tried but couldn't find the name of the movie. It had to be the first 5 months of 1980 because that is the only time I indulged.
Why do I recall the phrase......straight-to-video??
“Cocaine Bear” will be one of the bright spots in an otherwise terrible 2023 box office year.
It will beat “Raiders of the Lost Dentures”, you can take that to the bank.
The trailer was entertaining in a way that the trailer for Snakes never was. I will definitely be seeing this one. It's got a real Tucker & Dale vs Evil vibe.
Today, it would be fentanyl in bear triggers a progressive condition.
Apologies for my Citizen Kane rant at 9:58.
I admit I give it an A+!
It's a legit top 10 pick (obviously).
What I should have said is that it's an elitist top 10 pick, not a populist one.
St. Croix @ 5:54 AM: Lake Titicaca starts so promisingly....
Everyone seems to be watching the "Cocaine Bear" trailer.
Never heard of it until this post.
Not being tuned into the 'latest thing' has its benefits.
My Dinner With Smokey.
Also, Keri Russell still looking good.
Curious George said...
The only thing that's true is that a smuggler dropped cocaine and a bear ate it. The bear did not go on a killing spree
How do you KNOW, that the bear did not go on a killing spree? How do you KNOW, there wasn't a coverup?
Isn't the Absolute LACK of Any evidence of a coverup, PROOF of the Massive conspiracy to coverup?
How do we Even KNOW, that the cocaine bear Died? Just because they 'found' some bear, that they 'said' was the cocaine bear, does Not mean that The REAL Cocaine bear isn't STILL OUT THERE.
And, Still Jonesing for MORE COKE!!!
Ann Althouse said...
"' Movie idea: Meth Parrot…'
How about Meth Monks?"
Ho about Meth Monk Parakeets?
(I live in a part of New England that has a year-round feral population of them. The first time I saw a flock of mid-sized, bright green parrots foraging in the snow, I thought I must have been hallucinating.)
St. Croix @ 5:54 AM: Lake Titicaca starts so promisingly...
and when they get mad
"You need to stop your tittering. Stop your tittering right now!"
"Also, Keri Russell still looking good"
I can't believe she has been reduced to this.
@Saint Croix
Trailers are a very weird art form if you think about it
They sure are. Look at this recent one for the 4K release of Casablanca. I think it's brilliant and unlike any trailer for that movie that I've seen before, but some viewers think that it makes the movie seem like an action piece.
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