"... I will face many perils. I will face the towering metal rear ends of illegally parked postal trucks. I will face hundreds—nay—thousands of glass shards from shattered Miller Lite bottles. I will face potholes deep enough to turn me and my bike into something out of Picasso’s
Guernica. And you will witness me conquer them all in a glorious spectacle of labored breathing and back sweat!... Cheer in rapture as I zigzag between wasp-infested construction cones, mysterious piles of sand, and joggers who think this is a special bicycle-themed running track....Yes, I may be smacked into oblivion by the side mirrors of an F1-50 that’s passing too closely...."
Hey, McSweeney's people, that's really funny, but it's F-150, not F1-50, as a hell of a lot of Americans know. I wouldn't have known it either, but these days, I actually own one — co-own, co-own something that I'd never have selected for myself and would only drive in some hair-raising emergency that, if I worked hard enough at envisioning, could be the topic of a McSweeney's humor piece.
Posts
34 comments:
MsSweeny is RIGHT!
This is a TERRIBLE idea! They should admit failure, and return it back into road. Roads are for cars!
Maybe F1-50 was meant to be humorous - F1 -Formula 1?
The current infrastructure was specifically designed for cars. Therefore, cyclists sharing it is inherently dangerous to cyclists because physics. Complaining about that is like complaining about bear attacks while wearing a meat suit in bear country. I don't have a problem with cyclists, but they need to acknowledge the fundamental disadvantage in safety they incur by sharing the road with cars, and make peace with the understanding that there is precious little that can be done to save them from a drunk or distracted driver who plows into them, bike lanes and bollards be damned. There is a big risk you run when you take your body which is a water-filled-bag and increase its speed by 4x on a vehicle you outweigh by a factor of 5.
The road is a dangerous place for everyone, but especially for cyclists.
he said: ... about as wide as a paper towel roll
i WANTED to see this!, so i went to the link.. and Surprise! no pix of the bike lane ;)
A paper towel roll is ELEVEN INCHES wide
I'll bet that his bike lane is at least five times bigger
Don't give up your day job level humor. They should be on tictoc
Maybe he said F1-50 to joke about the driver racing like a F1 car?
“would only drive in some hair-raising emergency”
I learned to drive a pickup before I learned to drive a car.
An F-150 is a truck. An F1-50 is a truck driven like an F1 racecar, something I used to do in mine own F-150 when the mood struck. That sort of driving was described as "faunching around like a peach-orchard boar" by Lewis Grizzard in one his odes to pickup truck ownership. Find a better description of how a truck strikes fear into a biker, if you dare!
The side mirrors are even farther out on the Super Duty F-250 or F-350.
Around here there are numerous off-road bicycle trails established before the 21st century wave of putting bicycle lanes on the shoulder of roads. Many cyclists prefer to play in the traffic even when the off-road trail is 50 feet away and going to the same place.
It is just a truck Professor. They have power brakes and power steering these days. Unlike the one I borrowed from a friend that was manufactured in the 60s. That was a manly-man truck.
As a former bicycle-rider-on-public-streets-and-highways it is my opinion that riding a bicycle on public streets and highways that lack a sturdy barrier between a bicycle lane and motor-vehicle traffic is very dangerous.
Nearly 1,000 bicyclists die and over 130,000 are injured in crashes that occur on roads in the United States every year.
The costs of bicycle injuries and deaths from crashes typically exceed $23 billion in the United States each year. These costs include spending on health care and lost work productivity, as well as estimated costs for lost quality of life and lives lost.
CDC-Bicycle Safety
A non-profit I volunteer for used to have a "bike ride" every year as a fund raiser. At a meeting for volunteers, the organizer's safety talk ended with, "Two people in this room have been involved in potentially deadly bicycle accidents. Lets make sure there aren't any in our event."
The next year we found other ways to raise money.
Apparently “F-150” once referred to Ford trucks with a cargo capacity of 1.5 tons, but, that was a long time ago (when pickup trucks were work vehicles, and not particularly pleasant to drive). Now it’s branding, and apparently very successful branding at that.
Nonetheless, I’m sure no one would wish to derail Joe Wellman’s apparently desperate need to position himself as A Hero In His Own Mind. Such as, by pointing out that an excessively wide gap between your internal perception and what everyone else sees just might not be good for your mental health. Especially if boors occasionally point it out to you, or reality otherwise intrudes to the point of forcing a painful re-assessment.
As for driving one, I think you’d find it’s not especially difficult even if you used to driving a small car: it’s tough to see over that massive hood, but your high position and those big outside mirrors can provide an expansive view of what’s going on around you. So long as you don’t need to parallel park it on a crowded street (such as Madison’s State St.).
"and would only drive in some hair-raising emergency that, if I worked hard enough at envisioning, could be the topic of a McSweeney's humor piece"
I would read that. Seriously.
Prof Althouse, Ford Truck (Wo)Man!
"people who hate me for no reason..."
If you troubled yourself to ask them, I'll bet they do have a reason.
Some time back, just before a meeting began, I quipped, "I went to a bicycling safety class. I flunked. Came to a stop sign and stopped." Figured that was kind of good for a chuckle. I was surprised--shouldn't have been, come to think of it--at the amount of hostility toward bikers which came out in a general discussion.
"arrogant" would probably cover most of the complaints, some of which related being forced into dangerous situations by a biker ignoring the rules of the road.
If you want to make a friend, be a friend. If you're not being a friend, it means you don't want a friend. Obvious.
I've commuted over 350,000 miles now without conflict. Bike lanes are a bad idea - instead eliminate the line and just have that lane wider for both cars and bikes to share.
A bike lane turns into a gravel and broken glass home because cars never go there to sweep it away (further off shoulder). Gravel and glass move randomly until nobody drives over it any more, so it's safely where nobody ever drives, namely on the side of the road.
Thus, the right place for a bicycle to ride is just at the edge of the gravel line that forms on a lane that's too wide. Everybody's safe. Having no bicycle lane marking serves to mark the bicycle lane.
That's hardly a stunt. Try walking on a college campus sidewalk and not getting run over by a cyclist.
Hey, McSweeney's people, that's really funny, but it's F-150, not F1-50, as a hell of a lot of Americans know.
This can be rectified quickly, across the nation, if you frame it this way:
"Please use the truck's proper pronouns."
"Apparently “F-150” once referred to Ford trucks with a cargo capacity of 1.5 tons, but, that was a long time ago (when pickup trucks were work vehicles, and not particularly pleasant to drive). Now it’s branding, and apparently very successful branding at that."
The F-150 never had a payload of 3,000 pounds. And payloads have been increasing, not decreasing.
"I wouldn't have known it either, but these days, I actually own one — co-own, co-own something that I'd never have selected for myself and would only drive in some hair-raising emergency..."
It's not a tractor trailer. They drive like cars...better because you can see over cars in front of you. I know you have that camper thing but that shouldn't be a big deal. Raises the CG a bit but not terribly.
If he really wants to do a death defying stunt he should do a few laps around a roundabout on his bike.
And I hope this doesn't seem patronizing, but I am proud of you for saying yes more.
"This is a TERRIBLE idea! They should admit failure, and return it back into road. Roads are for cars!"
Why not also for bicycles?
The marketing of American pickup trucks (Ford F-Series, Dodge Ram, Chevrolet Silverado) is virtually identical: 150 or 1500 denotes a light-duty truck, 250 or 2500 medium-duty, and 350 or 3500 heavy duty. A few years ago on twitter someone trolled journalists with a question: “The top 3 best selling vehicles in America are pick-ups. Question to reporters: do you personally know someone that owns one?” Their sputtering outrage over several days was a glory to behold.
My Silverado 1500 extended cab is a bit challenging to park in San Francisco but there’s no smoother, more secure ride on California’s glorious highways.
Since most bicyclists trying to share the road with motor vehicles ignore most basic traffic laws, I have very little sympathy for the bicyclists complaining about their intrusion into roads that were neither designed nor adapted well for them to use.
There was a recent incident in New Jersey involving a local politician who hit a bicyclist and then failed to stop. Note that the bicyclist ran the red light and was thus the proximate cause of the accident. Way too typical set of facts.
Interestingly, all this "humor" piece did for me was remind me how much I miss Dave Berry.
Disappointed in many comments here. Except Rhhardin @ 10:03. Legally, I am allowed to ride my bike on almost all roads. I am not sticking to bike lanes or bike trails because a) I don't have to, and b) I am going from point A to B, not on some exercise jaunt for fun. I am not responsible for idiot riders out there. I am not responsible for your not understanding the bias and irrationality of thinking I am responsible for those riders. If you hit me in your arrogance or rush to save a minute, you will be legally at fault. (As long as I was following the laws.) And my wife will be richer. Drive safely and be considerate.
Eric. Good advice. You taking it? Including stopping at stop signs? One guy told me there's something called a "montana stop", which is apparently like clutching without shifting going through an intersection. No slowing down but it's apparently legal...he says.
Eric. Good advice. You taking it? Including stopping at stop signs? One guy told me there's something called a "montana stop", which is apparently like clutching without shifting going through an intersection. No slowing down but it's apparently legal...he says.
I note he states "Daily humor almost every day since 1998."
This is one of those days he missed.
some old marxist asked...
Why not also for bicycles?
please list for me, the TOTAL amount of road use dollars paid by bicyclists.. EVER?
ps. here's an opportunity, to show you're not just old; but Stupid! You can reply:
I pay LOTS of road use dollars when i fill my car; Therefore i'm a bicyclist paying road use dollars!
(protip, try exchanging the word bicycle, with the word semitruck)
According to the poo-bahs of the WEF, you will not own that F-150. Some corporation will own it and graciously allow you to use it. Be grateful, peasant.
Anybody who bikes on a road with heavy traffic deserves an A+ for bravery. Myself, I don't trust other drivers while I'm surrounded by 3,000 lbs of steel and plastic. I sure as hell wouldn't trust them while I ride a bike.
Gilbar,
Help me out here. I was looking at a map of NYC circa 1900, pre-car, and I noticed all these streets crisscrossing the city. For the horses, bikes, buggies, etc. I am estimating that if a block is 300 ft by 300 ft, 90,000 sq ft, and the road around each block is 40 ft (and charging half to each block and half to the adjacent block. That would be 1,200 ft times 20 ft or 24,000 sq ft. So my question to you is: I understand fuel tax pays for road repairs but who pays for the initial real estate when cars basically confiscated all that property? Who pays the property tax annually on that? Maybe 20% of Manhattan Island. Expensive. Should we go back to Seville style with 5 ft passageways? Perhaps you should allow bicycles and call the roads public good for everyone, without complaint.
And you mentioned semitrucks. Sure. All those cargo hauling vehicles, service vehicles, emergency vehicles. Tearing up the roads but paying road taxes. Are car owners the only people who buy products that require transportation? Don't we all pay, indirectly at least, for all these roads. I will work up a list of road dollars paid by bicyclists while you work up a list of the true cost of the roads that you want for yourself. Combining toll road rates plus fuel tax might give a more accurate number. I-95 Express in Miami area costs a car $10.70 for 7 miles. Plus $0.27/gal fuel tax. Bikes aren't allowed on it.
Post a Comment