Althouse: "Then the shelter-in-place order forced us into co-consuming three squares daily. It was a disaster...."

May 17, 2020

"Then the shelter-in-place order forced us into co-consuming three squares daily. It was a disaster...."

"Worried about shortages, Charlie brought home dumplings, noodle concoctions, matzo ball soup, peanut butter, tuna salad, half pounds of cold cuts, rolls, pita bread — enough to feed a family of 12 in a bunker for months. We were two, one on a strict 1,200 calories a day. This felt like a jarring invasion, ruining the careful strategies that shielded me from my urges and had taken me years to cultivate.... When I found half a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels in his closet, I polished it off and accused him of flagrant insensitivity. 'Your mom sent me those last year,' he said in his own defense. 'I have one a month.'... But I’d wed someone who could eat just one chocolate-covered pretzel per month? We were clearly incompatible.... [M]y obsessive tendencies... gravitated toward food... For me, ceasing entire categories (candy, refined carbs and anything processed) proved easier than moderation. Meanwhile, Charlie maintained his greasy fried fetish, refusing exercise.... Two years ago, visiting my retired parents in Florida, I heard Mom ask Dad, 'What do you want for breakfast, honey?' — followed by lunch, snack, dinner, dessert. Their lives revolved around the dishes she fixed for him. 'Let’s never be like that,' I whispered to Charlie, who nodded in relief. We felt sure that our usual mealtime [eating separately] was sustainable. Then the [coronavirus lockdown] disintegrat[ed] our food boundaries.... ... I saw how blessed we were to (metaphorically) break bread daily. I felt grateful that we could feed each other. 'What do you want for breakfast, honey?' I asked him this morning, echoing my mother... ... I vowed self-control, respect, staying out of his space...."

From "I had a perfect marriage. Lockdown made us fight about food — constantly/It took years to manage my overeating. The pandemic wrecked all our careful routines," by Susan Shapiro (WaPo).

The highest-rated comment over there: "On a serious note - advice to all married people out there. I lost my wife - quite unexpectedly - to cancer 2 years ago. I can now remember EVERY argument we ever had - and I now realize how stupid they ALL were. The ordinary - IS the extraordinary. Never forget it - and Always remember it."

78 comments:

mccullough said...: Who Is Afraid of Lorna Doone?; 5/17/20, 2:47 PM
Kevin said...: I have been on a very low sugar diet and it has been very effective. The self-isolating has torpedoed that a bit, not hugely, but enough to annoy me. It's my fault, I know. I convince myself that "I deserve it," stupidly.; 5/17/20, 2:47 PM
BarrySanders20 said...: I bet her next story is how the covid made her not shave her legs or beav after years of careful cultivation.; 5/17/20, 2:53 PM
Tomcc said...: I'm absolutely not the sensitive, caring NYT reading person that seems to be cultivated there, but I don't see how this event is newsworthy. I'll be disappointed if there isn't something published soon regarding how difficult this pandemic has been for pets and their owners.; 5/17/20, 2:55 PM
JPS said...: Now that's the first "highest-rated comment over there" that made me want to cheer.

Thank you.; 5/17/20, 3:00 PM
curt said...: After my wife and I had a good laugh about this, we wondered yet again what possesses women to publish their pathologies in the WaPo.; 5/17/20, 3:03 PM
n.n said...: Salient comment. Insightful, even.; 5/17/20, 3:07 PM
john said...: God, that's me, that's us. And we never sheltered in place either.; 5/17/20, 3:08 PM
Tom T. said...: Imagine the reaction of a man wrote about trying to manage his wife's eating to that extent. He'd be denounced as abusive.; 5/17/20, 3:09 PM
Wince said...: 'What do you want for breakfast, honey?' — followed by lunch, snack, dinner, dessert. Their lives revolved around the dishes she fixed for him. 'Let’s never be like that,' I whispered to Charlie, who nodded in relief.

If by never being "like that" she means never experiencing a lifetime of love, devotion or happiness, I think she has that one in the bag.

And that was not "relief" in Charlie's nod.; 5/17/20, 3:20 PM
Automatic_Wing said...: The trials and tribulations of neurotic New York Jews. It's like an episide of Seinfeld, except not funny.; 5/17/20, 3:23 PM
NorthOfTheOneOhOne said...: Well, she sounds like a little slice of Heaven, doesn't she?; 5/17/20, 3:27 PM
Original Mike said...: "visiting my retired parents in Florida, I heard Mom ask Dad, 'What do you want for breakfast, honey?' — followed by lunch, snack, dinner, dessert. "

What with the lockdown and my cooking-loving wife's retirement, I've gained 15 pounds. I'm still thinnish, but have recently started saying "No" before it gets out of hand.; 5/17/20, 3:29 PM
Expat(ish) said...: My rule is to never comment on other people's marriages.

Until I'm in the car with my wife.

-XC

PS - Who would write about their live spouse this way?; 5/17/20, 3:41 PM
rcocean said...: These sort of New Yorker/WaPo/NYT articles always puzzle me. My wife isn't american so she doesn't read them. Do American women read them to feel superior to the writer? Or are the readers like these oddballs, and empathize with them? Or is the female reaction supposed to be "how interesting"?; 5/17/20, 3:45 PM
Jersey Fled said...: I like the comment better than the story.; 5/17/20, 3:46 PM
rcocean said...: BTW, I saw plenty of idiots - like Charlie - in the stores a month ago (fewer today) with their carts full of Cereal, pasta, tortilla chips, Canned goods, salami and pancake mix. Like, we were going to run out of wheat or something.; 5/17/20, 3:48 PM
Sebastian said...: "Women hardest hit"; 5/17/20, 3:52 PM
Bay Area Guy said...: Yeah, unimpressed with seemingly intelligent people arguing over food -- best to be grateful you have food, not be too picky about what you eat, and don't eat more than you're fair share. No need to be a glutton. Or pre-diabetes, Fat boy.; 5/17/20, 3:54 PM
0_0 said...: It's his fault. of course.; 5/17/20, 3:56 PM
cubanbob said...: The highest ranked comment says it all.; 5/17/20, 4:05 PM
bagoh20 said...: I really have not gotten anything positive out of this shutdown. Lots of negatives, including the overeating, but nothing got better, except I spent a little less money, but I made a lot less. Not a fan. Lets try something else.; 5/17/20, 4:08 PM
Big Mike said...: I feel for fellow who lost his wife. For the woman who thinks her husband is insensitive for overbuying food that will last a long time in case of a lengthy lockdown? Not so much.; 5/17/20, 4:19 PM
Jamie said...: I grew up in a house with one member who struggled to control eating habits and portion sizes, and one who believed it would be helpful to the first to dwell constantly on eating habits and portion sizes. I have myself gained (with ease) and lost (with difficulty) the same 20 lb (plus a bit of a dividend each decade). I know - I know it isn't necessarily "just" a matter of saying no, making up your mind, parking farther from the door and taking the stairs...

But. When you are the person who struggles with a problem, and you marry someone who doesn't have the problem, it behooves both of you to figure out a reasonable way to deal with the problem ahead of the need. Married people who choose not to eat together - it seems to me like a short step from there to choosing not to sleep together. I hope they'll be able to learn some lessons from this time.

And I'm glad to have the reminder in that highly rated comment. My husband and I have been, fortunately, enjoying the extra time together during the lockdown, but it's always good to remember to appreciate the person you willingly decided to spend your life with.; 5/17/20, 4:25 PM
Ron Winkleheimer said...: My experience has been just the opposite. My wife and I have plenty of time to exercise, so we have gotten up to walking 5-6 mile a day, according to our Fitbits, sometimes more. In addition, I started doing some of the calisthenics I remember from my army days, and my wife has joined me in doing them. Also, we are eating much more healthily. No more hot chicken or barbecue from food trucks. I've dropped fifteen pounds in two months. Of course keeping up that level of exercise after the lock-down lets up is going to be pretty difficult.; 5/17/20, 4:29 PM
stevew said...: They were living under the same roof but not together. At least he hasn't newly confessed a liking and appreciation for President Trump. That would be bad.

Mrs. stevew and I have spent a lot less money. Not having to travel for work I've been able to get back into a regular workout routine. If anything, I may be drinking a bit more. The only big(ish) adjustment is that my lovely wife has had to get used to me being around all the time. We like each other, so it's all good, but there was some adjustment.

I really, really despise the "We're all in this together" messaging. No, we are not. I'm fine and unburdened, economically and medically, during all this. Lots and lots of people are suffering. And I don't count the folks in this article in the suffering category.

Side note: lots and lots of people out and about in my corner of MA this weekend. The increase was quite noticeable.; 5/17/20, 4:30 PM
doctrev said...: So she's enough of a pig to eat her husband's treats and enough of a stone-cold bitch to whine about him having them, while he's a pussy who needs to hide truffles from his sow. Other people needed to read the article to know that Susan Shapiro was hardly going to be the warm and supportive wife her husband pretends to look down on. (HAH!) I, of course, called it much earlier than that.

These people could never, not in a million years, survive a real crisis that doesn't care about wizardry or Manhattan offices.; 5/17/20, 4:36 PM
Ron Winkleheimer said...: By the way, the Field Manual describing those calisthenics can be found at armypubs.army.mil. Its FM 7-22 Army Physical Readiness Training; 5/17/20, 4:37 PM
Otto said...: The article is useless but the comment got to me. I lost my wife to cancer 7 years ago after 49 years of marriage. I never cheated on my wife, never physically abused her, gave her whatever she wanted ( she never asked for much), gave her a financially secure life in the burbs but i was a shit husband in many categories. I can't to this day remember when i last told her i loved her. To me real-time was all that mattered ( from insecurity). I am ashamed and continually ask God for forgiveness.
Jump out of real-time and tell your wife you love her, not by going on a trip or buying her gifts, but by just sit down together and having a serious talk and praying to God for the blessing of having your wife.; 5/17/20, 4:38 PM
LordSomber said...: I have relatives who suffered through the Depression, and even they are nowhere near as neurotic about food as these people.

First World Problems.; 5/17/20, 4:38 PM
Michael The Magnificent said...: But I’d wed someone who could eat just one chocolate-covered pretzel per month?

I resemble that comment. Before we went into quarantine mode, I went shopping to fill my pantry, suspecting a quarantine was coming but not knowing how long it would last. Among the things I bought were five large chocolate bars. I gave one of them to a friend, and given that stores were still open, picked up two more. There are still six of those chocolate bars, unmolested, in my cupboard.

One of two boxes of GS cookies I had pre-lockdown, however, is gone.

The cheap(er) bourbon is gone, as is every box of wine. I still have two cases of homemade wine in the basement. The tequila is getting depressingly low. I have yet to open the bottle of Eagle Rare, hoping to open it once we get some form of all-clear. Fearing that alcohol consumption could get out of hand, I'm drinking less during the shutdown than I did previously.; 5/17/20, 4:38 PM
Lurker21 said...: Most of these lifestyle articles are annoying, but food is a common human denominator - all the more so when the talk is about "peanut butter, tuna salad, ... cold cuts, [and] rolls," and not about things you can only get in Laotian or Eritrean restaurants.

The squabbles and the anger are something they should look into, but obsessing about food seems natural and understandable now, when so much of our usual lives has been put on hold. I'd add that the obsession is universal, but doubtless somebody out there doesn't share our ruling passion.; 5/17/20, 4:40 PM
RigelDog said...: The ordinary IS the extraordinary. Yesterday we sat outside having a long visit with our daughter and son-in-law; the first time we'd seen them in three months. The first time we have had any kind of socializing in three months. Beautiful weather, laughter, love. I came inside for more ice-water partway through the visit and found myself crying--tears of joy for simple treasures, and grief for all that we are losing.; 5/17/20, 4:42 PM
RigelDog said...: " I'll be disappointed if there isn't something published soon regarding how difficult this pandemic has been for pets and their owners."

I think I already saw that, something about "pandemic devastates world" and "hamsters hardest hit."; 5/17/20, 4:48 PM
Wa St Blogger said...: I have been fortunate enough to be a work-from-home person BEFORE the shut-downs, so I am not affected by them much. I have 4 children of working age (16-20), and all of them work at grocery stores. I should be dead by now given that they each work at a different store. They have probably come in contact with every person in the county by now. So we are all doing well despite the circumstances. The good news is that all 4 will be in college next year and I am saving a ton of money right now and they are getting bonus hours and bonus pay.) So maybe we will survive college without much debt at all.; 5/17/20, 5:01 PM
bagoh20 said...: Without the challenges of work to pay for it, we are left with only shopping and eating. Its a horrible existence. Kind of like retirement.; 5/17/20, 5:09 PM
guildofcannonballs said...: sOME, , KNOWING MERE WAYS BLESSED; 5/17/20, 5:13 PM
Equipment Maintenance said...: I remember every argument I've had with my wife. Well, not quite "remember", but I know my record is 38 and 2.; 5/17/20, 5:17 PM
Howard said...: This is the perfect opportunity to engage in pandemic theater. It's just training, not virtual signalling. You people call it that from your emotional feelings of inadequacy which triggers the deadly sinsi vanity pride envy greed gluteny and guilt.

At the start of this thing I laid in about four months worth of food mostly dry although I do have a month of canned goods just in case the power went out. We're eating very low on the food chain. As far as physical training I'm working out 2 hours a day. I've got all the projects I need to get done around the house now I got to get ready to pack up and move. I'm taking all sorts of vitamins and minerals now vitamin D chelated zinc vitamin c bioflavonoids resveratrol. we are holding the NAC and glutathione in reserve in case anyone in the family gets sick.

No sugar no alcohol very little meat between the two of us about a pound a week of flesh. Fresh produce were consuming includes apples oranges celery carrots onions variety of root vegetables bell peppers tomatoes bananas. I'm making all of my own bread and pizza from scratch.

I wear the mask when I'm out of the house, even when I can manage social distancing. I wear it just to be in training to increase my fitness and to be prepared to have to wear it long-term. It takes a while to get used to of course you know that that's why most of your people b**** about having to where I'm at because it's uncomfortable it's inconvenient is too hard. Overall, I'm working to harden myself against the potential of getting this disease, reduce spreading it in case I'm asymptomatic and boosting the immune system to fight it off if needed. I find that going into training mode makes more sense than sitting around stewing in alcohol sugar butterfat, pulled pork butt and self-pity.

It's a game. Just like fucking with you people. As you can tell I am very easily humored.; 5/17/20, 5:18 PM
traditionalguy said...: The Publix store has been open everyday with everything in abundance except for sanitizers and rationed toilet paper, neither one of which I eat. The surprise in “ closed down public life” has been how many people are afraid to interact at all. They are hiding out. They all have their fear to fear.; 5/17/20, 5:19 PM
Old and slow said...: I own Airbnb rentals in Arizona so this WuFlu panic has been a disaster for me. Not so much the government "lockdown" such as it is (was), but just the cessation of travel. This is the first weekend in two months that I've had any work to do.

Anyway, lock-down eating changes: my two teenage sports mad, martial arts training sons have been eating like mad and I'm there with them now for every meal. We've all put on 10 - 15 pounds and added over 150 pounds to our combined 3 lifts (thank jebus we already owned weightlifting equipment). The new poverty lifestyle leaves something to be desired, but I've never been stronger.

Daniel; 5/17/20, 5:20 PM
guildofcannonballs said...: If shit were cool I could imeruce to children that need what gagoh20 has offered. I see theeese gkids he nhust thingss
'wu

We are dooing okay: 20+ our goal end of March.

Endo March tough tought.

March is over.
\
Steyn the Great Mark, best around, talk3e opf4 qnme over how tough April, the cruelest month ought to have been.

Steyn ought unfuck himself and say per Buckley April 2020 has been one of the kindest months.; 5/17/20, 5:20 PM
Tom said...: The great thing about lockdown depression and this new, wonderful thing called panic disorder, is that I don’t want to eat anything.

I have zero interest in even trying to restart my business - it’s utterly wrecked.

One bit of advice for everyone - if you were thinking government can run healthcare, do a test run with unemployment. I paid into the unemployment fund in Ohio for 7.5 years and when I needed it, I was denied.; 5/17/20, 5:31 PM
Bill, Republic of Texas said...: What is it about neurotics, freaks and perverts that attract Althouse so much? Very interesting psychological answer I bet.; 5/17/20, 5:33 PM
Ann Althouse said...: Thanks, Otto. That was very touching. I hope you are doing well.; 5/17/20, 5:37 PM
Ann Althouse said...: I think struggles over food are interesting, and I can relate to the problem of sharing a household with someone who can eat more than you.

I think separate eating is a useful and common strategy. And I’ve worked on losing weight in the last year. Thought I had reached the ideal weight for my height then got curious about the whole bone-size question... you know the way overweight people will decide they are “large boned.”

I did the various tests and on all of them I came out as SMALL boned. That pushes the ideal weight quite a bit lower. I’m still within normal weight, but I have more of a journey to get to ideal weight.

So the low carb method is still in force.; 5/17/20, 5:44 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: The isolation also screwed up our usual way of eating. Now I'm picking fasting days to compensate.; 5/17/20, 5:51 PM
stevew said...: It is interesting to hear most of the experiences recounted here. Otto, your story is especially touching and instructive. FWIW, my MIL lost her husband when they were 53 years old; 35 years ago. She thinks and speaks of him often, but has lived an engaged and, to me, exemplary life since his passing.

"I remember every argument I've had with my wife. Well, not quite remember, but I know my record is 38 and 2."

Nicely done.; 5/17/20, 5:52 PM
BUMBLE BEE said...: One of our fave restaurants is down for the count. Two hard working immigrants with a great menu. My hair cutter is a Ukrainian woman who is supplementing her husband's meager retirement. I haven't heard from her but she's restricted by the lockdown. I tend to stay awake at night worrying about all the millions who've lost their jobs. Starting out in life, or just scraping by pre-lockdown. How many lives are over! Many of my prog friends are thrilled to be "Suppressing the Spread" in their McMansions, oblivious to the world standing still for the 30+ millions. The wisdom to know the difference.; 5/17/20, 5:54 PM
cubanbob said...: I'm a high risk individual. I check nearly every box which is my wife has kept me at home since the middle of March. Amazingly I haven't put on much weight and haven't had any argument worth speaking of with my wife. I have been able to manage my business for the most part from home. Although my business has taken a huge hit (and lost a lot of money so far to date in this pandemic) finally I was able to bring back most of my staff last week and hopefully things will pick up soon enough to break even for the year. I am fortunate enough that I can ride out this storm. I am terribly concerned for those who live paycheck to paycheck. The I got mine so screw you mentality of so many people who are getting paid or have enough resources to get by through this storm is both arrogant and inflammatory and will result in the country getting into bad place. The coronavirus albeit dangerous for the subsection of those who get the serious symptoms nevertheless is not the black plague or smallpox. The hysteria and over reaction is far worse than the virus and tens of millions will pay a very heavy price. It's time to end this madness and let the country get back to work and it's incumbent for people who are high risk minimize their risk. The fortunate thing about this virus if it can be said to be fortunate is the overwhelming majority of high risk individuals are over 60 and most are at retirement age and are more likely to be living off pension plans and social security and can get by without employment. We cannot continue to destroy the economy and therefore destroy the economic future of the young and middle aged.; 5/17/20, 6:10 PM
cubanbob said...: Worried about shortages, Charlie brought home dumplings, noodle concoctions, matzo ball soup, peanut butter, tuna salad, half pounds of cold cuts, rolls, pita bread — enough to feed a family of 12 in a bunker for months."

That is what a single guy would buy, especially if he doesn't cook.; 5/17/20, 6:14 PM
Churchy LaFemme: said...: The Bobs had it right. As usual.; 5/17/20, 6:17 PM
rcocean said...: Answer: Chocolate covered pretzels
Question: What is Something you will never eat?

Small boned? I'll have to look that up. Maybe I'm "large boned" and can gain a few pounds.; 5/17/20, 6:18 PM
cubanbob said...: Ann Althouse said...
I think struggles over food are interesting, and I can relate to the problem of sharing a household with someone who can eat more than you.

I think separate eating is a useful and common strategy. And I’ve worked on losing weight in the last year. Thought I had reached the ideal weight for my height then got curious about the whole bone-size question... you know the way overweight people will decide they are “large boned.”

I did the various tests and on all of them I came out as SMALL boned. That pushes the ideal weight quite a bit lower. I’m still within normal weight, but I have more of a journey to get to ideal weight.

So the low carb method is still in force."

The problem with low carb is that eventually you just can't take it anymore. But then that's true for almost any diet. If you are within normal weight you are where you need to be. Depending on your health history and that of your parents you may already be where you need to be. Too low is also not good. That is for you to discuss with your doctor. Sometimes better can be the enemy of the good.; 5/17/20, 6:20 PM
Mr Wibble said...: I've lost over twenty pounds so far during quarantine. Fasting three times a week, no carbs for two more days, and eating whatever I want on the weekends. Plus some moderate cardio and dumbbell exercises.

Yes, the lockdown can screw up your good routines. It also screws up your bad ones.; 5/17/20, 6:26 PM
Jake said...: She sounds awful.; 5/17/20, 6:35 PM
Anonymous said...: My wife and I are very compatible regarding food. Been that way for 35+ yrs. A good thing.; 5/17/20, 6:53 PM
stephen cooper said...: what Bumble Bee said, times thirty million or so.

I seriously want there to be war crimes trials for some of the politicians who declared martial law based on their low-IQ views of "science".; 5/17/20, 6:55 PM
bagoh20 said...: My plan is simple: fast tomorrow. It's not working.; 5/17/20, 6:55 PM
stephen cooper said...: what Bumble Bee said, times thirty million or so.

I seriously want there to be war crimes trials for some of the politicians who declared martial law and who destroyed the livelihoods of tens of millions based on their low-IQ views of "science". Not to mention the killer governors who sent coronavirus victims into nursing homes with NO EMPATHY AT ALL FOR THE OLD PEOPLE THERE OR THE POOR YOUNGER PEOPLE WHO HAD TRUSTED THAT THEIR BELOVED PARENTS WOULD NOT BE KILLED THAT WAY.

Those politicians wanted to declare martial law, fine, now they can be court martialed.; 5/17/20, 6:57 PM
DavidUW said...: American woman, get away from me.

Seriously.

Also, not commuting means 2-a-day workouts and not missing any work time. I'm in the best shape of the past half dozen years.; 5/17/20, 7:01 PM
RK said...: I stopped fasting once COVID hit. I thought I should keep my immune system in top condition at all times, just in case.; 5/17/20, 7:11 PM
MadisonMan said...: Now that we're getting our box each week from our farm, our vegetable consumption will go up. That's a good thing.; 5/17/20, 7:18 PM
gilbar said...: WOW! this poor lady is suffering! MORE THAN ANYONE!
she's Locked Down, with more food than she can eat!

That's SO MUCH WORSE, than any one else has to deal with!; 5/17/20, 7:41 PM
Susan said...: My husband and I eat very differently. We are both 60 but I have cancer an MS and I am on a very restricted doctor ordered diet. Hubby can eat whatever he wants. I have a job where I've been working from home and he is essential (and not just to me) so I am doing the cooking.

Because I love him more than life itself it is a joy to cook his favorite foods even though I don't partake. I make my own food and eat that. Until I read this post it never occurred to me to think that he was somehow responsible for my eating habits.

It is very tough to not eat the dishes that used to be our favorites but that is only a small part of life.

People who want to have successful marriages need to take responsibility for their own actions and not blame the spouse for their own shortcomings or whatever. If you have an eating disorder you need to be responsible for that. You have to change yourself. He can't do it for you. Same with alcoholism or anything else.; 5/17/20, 7:42 PM
Bob Smith said...: So you eat and get fat. WFC.; 5/17/20, 7:44 PM
Anne-I-Am said...: Not sure about the size of the bones thing. I am certainly "petite," even though I am 5'7" and, in my mind, feel HUGE. My wrists are so small that no watch ever fits; I can't wear most bracelets, etc. When I have been at the upper reaches of "normal" for my height, I think I look very heavy.

My younger sister, only an inch taller, easily carries 30 lbs more than I, but looks pretty darn good. AND her wrists are the same size as mine. What is different is her build--her hips are wider; her shoulders are broader. She has more surface area on which to hang the weight.

I have run with women shorter than I, but far more muscular--built like pit bulls. (Also very fast!).

I guess my take is figure out what looks good on you--no rolls of fat, no jowls, no hanging fat off of your arms, and forget the tables.

Come up with a diet that you can live with year after year, knowing that every body is different. Low carb works for you. Fabulous. I gain weight when I go low carb, higher fat/protein.

What a weird and wonderful species we are! Everyone slightly different--and with the brain power to contemplate it.; 5/17/20, 7:47 PM
Lurker21 said...: I had an epiphany: all these lifestyle articles are Erma Bombeck for a more stratified, more neurotic society.; 5/17/20, 7:57 PM
Lewis Wetzel said...: Normally I am gone from home at work twice a month for five days at a time. I have two cats & I have a feeder that gives them a half-cup of dry food twice each day. When I am home they eat better. I give them the little crunchy cat treats that they love two or three times a day.
Now that I am home all the time they get their cat treats all the time.
So they are getting fat.; 5/17/20, 8:20 PM
Anne-I-Am said...: Your Self on Goop.

And then, they go to Gwyneth, Lurker21.; 5/17/20, 8:26 PM
RigelDog said...: Otto, your love for your wife rings out in every word of your post. Love is more action than words; I think she must have known and felt your love in the deepest ways during your 49 years together.; 5/17/20, 8:30 PM
madAsHell said...: It's a game. Just like fucking with you people. As you can tell I am very easily humored.

How absolutely be-clowning of you!; 5/17/20, 8:53 PM
Martin said...: That highest rated comment is right. There are 2 rules for a good marriage:

1. Argue when necessary, but don't go to bed angry over little things.

2. They are all little things.; 5/17/20, 9:20 PM
Joan said...: So many of these slice-of-life stories make me sad.

I have a saying, food is love. When I first married my husband back in the Mesozoic era, if he got home from work before me, he'd fix himself dinner without even thinking about it. He had lived on his own for quite a while, and he wasn't used to being part of a family again. I explained that I wasn't his room-mate and one thing we should always try to do, whenever possible, is have dinner together as a family. He agreed, and it has been a constant in our marriage, and when the kids arrived, family dinners were given priority. I know families that never eat together because the kids are all at sports practice or whatever, but we managed to avoid that, mainly because my kids were not that interested in sports. Obviously as the kids grew up and became more independent, they would miss a dinner here or there, but I'd say in the typical week we usually ate dinner together, all of us, at least 3 or 4 days. (Note my husband and I have also reserved one night a week as "date night" for more years than I can remember, for just the two of us.)

At this point, the two boys are home and working, saving money, and we still all have dinner together most nights. When my daughter is home, we have a blast cooking together and putting a nice meal on the table. Everyone has to eat, so why not enjoy it? All three of my kids are decent cooks and have spent enough time in the kitchen so that if they really want to impress someone with a meal, they can do it without breaking a sweat.

The preparation and eating of food is such an integral part of family life I can't imagine purposefully denying it or denigrating it the way this woman does. It's a giving of self because it involves time, thought, and effort to produce something that can be shared. Eating together gives you a space reserved for being together without other distractions (no phones at the table!). We stay connected to each other this way. I could go on, but by now I'm (re)stating the obvious. Food is love.; 5/17/20, 9:56 PM
LA_Bob said...: 0_0 said, "It's his fault of course."

No, it's Trump's fault.

If only Trump had gotten on the phone with China when this first started making it clear we need to be in their country to know what's going on. And insisted on it!

There will be one more divorce in America because Trump didn't talk tough to China!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuUj75QvmJU; 5/17/20, 10:23 PM
Tina Trent said...: Otto: your wife knows how much you loved her. She knew then; she knows now. You sound like a brave and decent man.; 5/18/20, 1:34 AM
Nichevo said...: Joan,

The preparation and eating of food is such an integral part of family life I can't imagine purposefully denying it or denigrating it the way this woman does. It's a giving of self because it involves time, thought, and effort to produce something that can be shared. Eating together gives you a space reserved for being together without other distractions (no phones at the table!). We stay connected to each other this way. I could go on, but by now I'm (re)stating the obvious. Food is love.

With you all the way.

Bill, Republic of Texas said...
What is it about neurotics, freaks and perverts that attract Althouse so much? Very interesting psychological answer I bet.

5/17/20, 5:33 PM

As I was just saying on the next thread: Isaiah 5:20.; 5/18/20, 6:59 AM
Mike said...: I empathize with the problems in this piece.

Some people think things like "food is love" and it's "the way to a man's heart."

While other people view cooking as more of a hobby.

It's tough to reconcile those two positions within a household.; 5/18/20, 12:06 PM