December 9, 2019

"Go ahead, have a laugh, even if it is just for the camera.... Do something for others, but don't forget about #1. Yes, that is a vibrator. Gaze into your soul, but also stare into the abyss. That's joyful too."



(That was great, in my opinion.)

122 comments:

sdharms said...

Ann thinks GP is "great"? It is impossible to overestimate the unimportance of GP to me.

rhhardin said...

If she had a dog she wouldn't have to go out for company.

Danno said...

That clip is the most exposure to Gwyneth Paltrow I have seen yet. And why is she a star?

rehajm said...

Don’t forget about #1.

Go #1 before you start in with the vibrator. #2 wouldn’t hurt either if you have to...

Big Mike said...

@Danno, she has a pretty face, a decent figure, a dazzling smile, a British accent, and the IQ of a hamster.

rehajm said...

Gwyneth has Hollywood parents. She’s kind of Hollywood royalty. She’s not good at woke so how she hasn’t been dethroned is a mystery.

I kind of like her mix of ditzy and oblivious. It’s fun in a joyless world.

Darrell said...

Gobbledygoop.

David Begley said...

Is she married? If not, why not?

I’m not getting the commercial.

Does her company sell vibrators?

AllenS said...

The ad would have been better, if she had been naked.

David Begley said...

She was great in “A Perfect Murder” with Michael Douglas.

Darrell said...

The ad would have been better, if she had been naked.

That goes without saying.

David Begley said...

She’s been married since 2018. She’s recoupled.

David Begley said...

She’s the vaginal steaming woman.

Darrell said...

Does her company sell vibrators?

Yes. It's a "lifestyle brand" selling things that Gwynnie likes, but made by others. Take vaginal/labial steamers, for example. Or marble pelvic floor exercisers. Like Socialism, things Hollywood stars get bamboozled into trying.

Shouting Thomas said...

Selling sex and T&A and then bitching about being the victim of sexism.

Ain't it great?

Shouting Thomas said...

Men resorting to the use of sex toys, of course, is a threat to women and proof that such men are (as Howard likes to say) "cucks" who refuse to do their duty to women.

FleetUSA said...

I think she was selling The Tennis Coach. Scroll down here https://shop.goop.com/shop/collection/wellness?country=USA

Wince said...

And they called Scrooge selfish?

J. Farmer said...

I just realized Gwyneth Paltrow had a boob job.

Bob Boyd said...

I think she was selling The Tennis Coach.

Looked more like The Red Neck.

Ann Althouse said...

"Ann thinks GP is "great"?"

I said the video was great. I don't know who wrote it or filmed it. I see that she, an Oscar-winning actress, is performing in it. She does a good job of appearing to be an actual woman doing some things.

Ann Althouse said...

Here's something I like about her: She's modeling the natural look, which I remember from the 1960s and am fond of. There are a lot of women these days wearing very heavy makeup, and I don't like it.

wendybar said...

So cute holding her son Moses stocking up after fingering her vibrator!!!

rhhardin said...

Women look better with clothes on. That's what all that styling is about.

It's guys who don't even bother looking good. Guys are the sought-after audience.

Oso Negro said...

How must we understand her slipping an unwrapped vibrator into someone else's stocking? Lelo, a fine purveyor of vibrators always sends theirs in a nice box. Perhaps it is her own used vibrator and THAT is part of what makes it a special gift. But who might be the recipient? Stockings are usually for members of the household or close family members who will be around for Christmas. Is it for her 15-year-old daughter, Apple? Dicey in 2019.

Oso Negro said...

Blogger Ann Althouse said...
Here's something I like about her: She's modeling the natural look, which I remember from the 1960s and am fond of. There are a lot of women these days wearing very heavy makeup, and I don't like it.

12/9/19, 6:16 AM


Yeah, and she's rocking that 70s vibe down under.

Ann Althouse said...

"Does her company sell vibrators?"

Absolutely, yes, and with great style and elegance.

Ann Althouse said...

"The ad would have been better, if she had been naked."

The ad is for women. It's very effective.

Ann Althouse said...

Compare it to the Peloton ad, with the anxiety-faced woman peddling, peddling to nowhere and the husband she needs to please.

This is the complete opposite!

Michael K said...

The best vibrator scene was in the movie "Parenthood."

Ann Althouse said...

"Women look better with clothes on. That's what all that styling is about."

Some women do, some women don't.

The very slender body is excellent for looking great in clothes. It's kind of disturbing naked. The best female nudes are overweight, and they have more trouble looking good in clothes. The designers can't figure out how to dress all the body types and the very slender figure is more like a clothes hanger and needs no special design.

I am an expert on this subject because I've been through hundreds of hours of life drawing — drawing nude models.

Ann Althouse said...

"It's kind of disturbing naked."

As a life-drawing subject, it's boring. Plank-like.

Ann Althouse said...

"The best vibrator scene was in the movie "Parenthood.""

That was embarrassing and humiliating a woman for having a vibrator.

The Goop ad is great for presenting a vibrator as a nice part of living a good life. Nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about. So it's infinitely better than the vibrator scene was in the movie "Parenthood."

Ann Althouse said...

My grandmother had a vibrator, and she didn't hide it!

Ann Althouse said...

She was born in the 19th century.

rhhardin said...

Some women do, some women don't.

Ah but to men. Nude wears off very fast and it's just your wife of gf with no clothes on, part of the unremarkable background.

She can look good in clothes all the time.

Darrell said...

The best female nudes are overweight, and they have more trouble looking good in clothes

You are entitled to your opinion no matter how absurd. Tall, slender, small-breasted women rock. Erections don't lie.

J. Farmer said...

Vibrators used to be seen as medical devices to cure female hysteria. I know a lot of women with a lot of toys, but the Goop selection is probably a little too precious for their taste.

AllenS said...

I have a small heating pad that I use on my lower back after doing a lot of heavy lifting. You know, if I was to duct tape a vibrator on it, I might end up with a very satisfied lower back.

rhhardin said...

gf in the 70s reported going into a drug store and asking for an immersion heater.

"Oh we don't see that kind of thing here," the girl said.

The Crack Emcee said...

"She does a good job of appearing to be an actual woman doing some things."

BWAAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA!!!

The Crack Emcee said...

Oso Negro said...

"Yeah, and she's rocking that 70s vibe down under."

"Everything just seemed so mediocre, and tedious. It was just awful,...everything was Earth Shoes,...and you couldn't get laid unless you were spiritual or gave them some rap about macrame."

Tommy Ramone (of The Ramones) on the actual '70s vibe that driove them to invent Punk.

John Borell said...

I'm posting pre-coffee again this morning...I agree with Althouse, that was a great ad.

Darrell said...

She does a good job of appearing to be an actual woman doing some things.

I originally had fart sounds throughout. They must have edited them out.

The Crack Emcee said...

Ann Althouse said...

"The ad is for women. It's very effective."

Women aren't very bright. Like Darrell said

"Like Socialism, things Hollywood stars get bamboozled into trying."

The Crack Emcee said...

Ann Althouse said...

"This is the complete opposite!"

The idea they're not both gross is hilarious.

The Crack Emcee said...

Ann Althouse said...

"The very slender body is excellent for looking great in clothes. It's kind of disturbing naked."

It's disturbing anyway = like white people get turned on by The Holocaust.

The Crack Emcee said...

Darrell said...

"Tall, slender, small-breasted women rock."

In Auschwitz.

The Crack Emcee said...

Next fom Darrell:

The allure of vericose veins...

J. Farmer said...

It's disturbing anyway = like white people get turned on by The Holocaust.

Oh come on now. That's a bit like saying black people get turned on by Type II diabetes and toe amputations.

J. Farmer said...

Next from Crack:

The allure of cellulite and stretch marks...

Can Of Cheese for Hunter said...

Crack - LOL.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

The ad was hilarious. I had to look it up and figure out what Goop and G-Label is. Not being much into "high fashion" anymore I see it is a Gweneth Paltrow company that pushes some sort of 'natural lifestyle' think.

Sounds like a cult with really really expensive clothing (G-Label)

GP created goop to organize her unbiased travel recommendations, health-centric recipes, and shopping discoveries for friends, and also as a place to get her own questions—about health, fitness, and the psyche—answered.

Like Scientology except instead of just taking your money, they want you to give it to them in increments by buying the stuff and ideas that they are hawking. One $400 pair of tennis shoes at a time. Plus...buy some crystals....ooooooom......

Ann Althouse said...

"Ah but to men."

To men, all women look better with clothes on?

To me, I'd rather not look at people naked. It's not that the clothes make people look good, they're just limiting the view of what's either unpleasant to see or a lot of trouble to look at.

To quote Ian Anderson (again) "I'm usually rather put off by naked ladies unless the time is right."

Naked is for special occasions, not intrusions. But I've seen a lot of nudes -- male and female -- in the life drawing context, and I can tell you that well-proportioned overweight women are the best, and you wouldn't know it seeing them with their clothes on. Thin women and men are generally boring, and overweight men are very undesirable as nude models. The person who benefits the most from wearing clothes is the overweight man. Wear a suit!

Ann Althouse said...

"Gaze into your soul, but also stare into the abyss. That's joyful too."

Anyone who didn't find that hilarious, explain yourself.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

She does a good job of appearing to be an actual woman doing some things.

I'm an actual woman. I know other actual women too!

Pretty sure no one wants to see me doing things in a normal pre Christmas day.

Normal day:

Besides all the normal household....at least I don't have to go to work too now. Cooking, cleaning, sweeping. Doing glamorous things in the bathrooms regarding toilets. There is also the exciting sweeping of the decks and shoveling snow. Going shopping with all the other fabulously dressed actual women deciding which brand of butter and if we need more toilet paper or not.

It is even more fabulous and exciting in the summer and spring when I get to spray the trees with copper sulfate and round up the driveways. You should SEE my fashion forward leather gloves long sleeve flannel shirts and breathing masks.

Normal day clothing for the Christmas season:

Jeans or a decent pair of slacks if we are going out, layered sweaters now because it is cold. Doubled up socks in the house because it is 15 degrees at night outside. Boots or walking shoes depending on how much snow or mud there is.

Hell. I don't even have a pair of heels anymore much less stilettos which are torture devices meant to cripple you or at least break an ankle.

Although, in the ad I do highly approve of the vibrator and double handed drinking. IRISH HANDCUFFS

The Crack Emcee said...

Dust Bunny Queen said...

"Sounds like a cult..."

Ann:

"The ad is for women. It's very effective."

Story of my life.

rhhardin said...

To men, all women look better with clothes on?

I'd say so. Sexual interest doesn't last long, and is different from looking good anyway. That's about hitting men's wiring. That's not a nude, it's just your wife with no clothes on.

Not claiming that women ought to look good, just that they seem to like to.

Francisco D said...

The Goop ad is great for presenting a vibrator as a nice part of living a good life. Nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about. So it's infinitely better than the vibrator scene was in the movie "Parenthood."

The vibrator scene had the effect of outrageous slapstick. One was embarrassed to laugh, but laughed heartily.

In my post-divorce dating days, I met a few women who opened up about their vibrators. Every one of them had difficulties achieving orgasm for their entire adult lives. Maybe that is why they bought vibrators, but it likely makes the problem worse because mens' penises do not vibrate. At least mine doesn't.

Paul said...

Gwyneth, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just horny?

The Crack Emcee said...

J. Farmer said...

Next from Crack:

"The allure of cellulite and stretch marks..."

Hey, Crack likes real women, so bring 'em on.

You can have your stick figures.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

If it’s taken as parody, it’s pretty great parody. Reminds me of National Lampoon in their prime (think Deteriorata). But these days it’s hard to tell.

The Crack Emcee said...

rhhardin said...

"To men, all women look better with clothes on?"

I practically turn away from nudity at this point. Aside from the fact adulterers have completely warped my concept of human relationships now, the left has pushed the issue of public nudity so hard, I have little-to-no interest in it, and even feel a bit of disgust at people still indulging in it. They're narcissists, wanting attention, more than anything else - why give it to them?

I can't stand narcissists.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

Sometimes celebrations of excess are indistinguishable from excoriations of excess. It just depends where your gag reflex is.

mccullough said...

Gwyneth is the Oprah for thin white women

The Crack Emcee said...

mccullough said...

"Gwyneth is the Oprah for thin white women"

Ann:

"The ad is for women. It's very effective."

The Crack Emcee said...

Women don't mind going down "the rabbit hole" as long as no one calls them on it.

The Crack Emcee said...


Sometimes, women don't mind going down "the rabbit hole" even if they're called on it.

The Crack Emcee said...

Women would prefer dragging society down "the rabbit hole" if they could get away with it.

The Crack Emcee said...

Ann:

"The ad is for women. It's very effective."

It's worthless garbage - and only women can stop it - and they won't.

Lurker21 said...

Last week, I found out that the "electric banana" in Donovan's song "Mellow Yellow" was actually a vibrator, after years of thinking that the song referred to smoking banana skins. That information alone was almost worth the hundred grand I paid the artist for that rotten banana taped to the wall.

And Gwyneth has this in common with the president: people you might think are most obviously conceited and arrogant, people who may seem to have the least real knowledge of who they are, actually do have some self-awareness and ability to laugh at themselves. People are complicated and don't fit the boxes we make for them.

This results is in complicated performances that people read in different ways. How deep does the self-parody go with Gwyneth? How much is she the smiling, shallow air-head and how much is she giving a knowing, satirical wink at viewers? Who can say? How deep does it go with anybody?

The assumption people make seems to be that if Gwyneth understood how trivial she was she'd go off and join a monastery or something. If Trump understood how his critics see him, he'd quit and go away. But collapses like that rarely happen. How close are any of us to such renunciations? People do have a healthy sense of self-worth beneath the easily parodiable surface characteristics.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Maybe that is why they bought vibrators, but it likely makes the problem worse because mens' penises do not vibrate. At least mine doesn't.

LOL Maybe.

Yahbut. That vibrator isn't going to bring you your first cup of coffee in the morning with exactly the right amount of cream and sugar. Drive the car for you when you are tired. Take you out to lunch or dinner for no reason at all. Reach the high things on shelves. Tell you you look nice, even when you feel you don't. Give you a kiss goodnight and thank you for just being alive.

Darrell said...

Fuck off, Crack.

It was nice of Althouse to take you back after you wore out your welcome and had your breakdown/relapse.

She might even let you spam your own blog and projects again while you wait for your reparations check.

J. Farmer said...

Hey, Crack likes real women, so bring 'em on.

Why does “real” always mean fat?

mtrobertslaw said...

Maybe Ann can explain why it is wrong for a woman to want to please her husband or boyfriend.

rhhardin said...

"No matter how great she looks, there's somebody who's tired of fucking her."

Reflects that sexual hot buttons don't work for long.

She can still look good, though. Just not the sexual deal.

The Crack Emcee said...

Lurker21 said...

"Gwyneth has this in common with the president: people you might think are most obviously conceited and arrogant, people who may seem to have the least real knowledge of who they are, actually do have some self-awareness and ability to laugh at themselves. People are complicated and don't fit the boxes we make for them."

Gwyneth joined the Kaballah cult with Madonna years ago - they're the target audience for this bullshit.

We know more about these fools than the media reports is all.

The Crack Emcee said...

Darrell said...

"Fuck off, Crack.

It was nice of Althouse to take you back after you wore out your welcome and had your breakdown/relapse.

She might even let you spam your own blog and projects again while you wait for your reparations check."

Oops - struck a nerve...

The Crack Emcee said...

J. Farmer said...

"Why does “real” always mean fat?"

It doesn't - it means healthy.

Skin-and-bones ain't healthy.

The Crack Emcee said...

rhhardin said...

"No matter how great she looks, there's somebody who's tired of fucking her."

Amen.

What you got to say, Honey? Make it good....

The Crack Emcee said...

Pam Greir as Coffy.

The previous link didn't work.

The Crack Emcee said...

THAT'S a healthy woman.

Maillard Reactionary said...

If Gywnnie's products don't appeal to you there's always this:

https://getslove.com/vibrator-2396.asp

Maillard Reactionary said...

AA found this hilarious: "Gaze into your soul, but also stare into the abyss. That's joyful too."

I think we can agree that even if we don't find it hilarious, there are a substantial number of people who can't do the first without doing the second too.

Ken B said...

Anne misunderstands the Pelloton ad, again.

J. Farmer said...

It doesn't - it means healthy.

Skin-and-bones ain't healthy.


There are quite a range of sizes between skin-and-bones and morbidly obese.

buwaya said...

I prefer women naked.
Perhaps it is because I am more directly descended from the Cro-magnons.

https://www.thelocal.es/20160526/ancient-art-gallery-discovered-in-basque-country-atxurra-cave-paintings

Do not try confuse me with attempts at camouflage.

J. Farmer said...

I’ll grant you “skin-and-bones” is a particular kind of high fashion look. But are there any current popular sex symbols who can be described as “skin-and-bones?”

The Crack Emcee said...

J. Farmer said...

"There are quite a range of sizes between skin-and-bones and morbidly obese."

First, only you are talking about the morbidly obese, and second, if you can't recognize a woman - because of all this (white) influence and marketing of bullshit - then I can't help you.

I like real women.

rcocean said...

Who buys something because Palthrow likes it? SHe's a has-been dope. Her mother came off as prettier AND smarter.

reader said...

I didn’t care for it. It seemed like something the cool kids in high school would do, “I’m so attractive and perfect that I can pretend to make fun of myself.”

Christmas Day is one of my favorite family days of the year, but it is a bear to accomplish. I want to see her running around in yoga pants, no makeup, hair sticking out at odd angles, a timeline in 10 minute increments...Half our family moved to Boise this year and I am going to miss the perfectly imperfect day of chaos.

J. Farmer said...

First, only you are talking about the morbidly obese,”

And you’re the only one talking about skin-and-bones and stick figures.

But of course, if I have any trouble finding a (White) woman, I can always follow a newly successful black man around.

Fernandinande said...

"Gaze into your soul, but also stare into the abyss. That's joyful too."

Anyone who didn't find that hilarious, explain yourself.


I watched the video with the sound off.

And besides, I'm too dumb to understand peoples' interest in Nietzsche or his abyss statement, except maybe simple fisherfolk - "That fish is staring back at me from the abyss!"

buwaya said...

The result of staring into the abyss is a major plot point of the Warhammer 40K universe.
That is, you cannot do so and remain unchanged.
It seems to have been clear enough to generations of teenage boys.

Swede said...

WTF did I just watch?

And why?

Swede said...

Ok, drank my coffee and watched it again.

It's an add, for the ladies. That's fine. I'm not the target audience.

Agree it was put together pretty well.

Not a skinny girl fan. I'm taller and my weight fits my frame.

I don't want to be breaking anything.

William said...

She had some nude scenes in "Shakespeare in Love". She was okay, but she was no Emilia Clarke.....You could take the nude scenes out of "Shakespeare" and the movie would still have worked. Not so with Emilia Clarke's scenes in GOT. Emilia Clarke doesn't mind dressing up as a Nazi Valkyrie and flame torching little children, but she now claims that the nude scenes made her uncomfortable. What a sad travesty of logic and morality, Emilia Clarke has become.

FleetUSA said...

I agree with AA. Most women wear way too much makeup. Fortunately my wife goes natural but loves French perfume. Economically a zero sum approach.

reader said...

Now I want to see a spoof Peloton vibrator ad (PG13). That could be funny.

buwaya said...

"Emilia Clarke"

She is not quite as pretty as some, but she is very well made.

Howard said...

A Peloton with a vibrating seat. Why do you think women love horses.

Dave Begley said...

I think Paltrow's husband should be angry about this.

Serious question: Would it be appropriate for a married man to give himself a sex toy for Christmas? What if his wife did? Wouldn't that be the reverse of the Peloton commercial? Here hubby; go enjoy yourself.

Sick.

tcrosse said...

She's taking it easy on the makeup because she is blessed with the kind of features that, in their absence, makeup simulates.

rcocean said...

"I am an expert on this subject because I've been through hundreds of hours of life drawing — drawing nude models."

Ooh, sounds kinky.

rcocean said...

Yep, nude overweight men with big bellies are very unattractive. You see a LOT of them at nude beaches.

Unknown said...

How creepy. A 47-year-old married woman, a famous woman, and her vibrator in an ad about the holiday surrounding the birth of Jesus Christ.

Beth B said...

I honestly thought it was a parody of her actual ad and went looking for the original it was ripping on. Is this called beating the internet to the punch?

reader said...

I took an art class in Los Angeles during the 1980’s. Kinky wouldn’t be the descriptor, much closer to icky. The majority were extremely thin. I swear they picked them up off the street with the lure of a free meal.

penelope said...

If ever there were a posting crying out for Laslo ....

Leslie Graves said...

I choose to believe that the final scene, where she throws her coat over her shoulders as she prepares to make her graceful exit, is a shot at Robin Givhan.

The Crack Emcee said...

J. Farmer said...

"Of course, if I have any trouble finding a (White) woman, I can always follow a newly successful black man around."

Only if your ideas about black men are stereotypical and outdated, which they are. I told you:

Pam Grier in "Coffey".

Rick said...

Compare it to the Peloton ad, with the anxiety-faced woman peddling, peddling to nowhere and the husband she needs to please.

This is the complete opposite!


If you need to believe women's exercise insecurity is due to their husbands then women's need for fashionable clothes should be read the same way. They're both offering to solve your insecurities if you just part with enough money.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Great might be a stretch.

If you want great: Ricky Nelson - Garden Party

But it's all right now
Learned my lesson well
You see ya can't please everyone
So you
Got to please yourself

J. Farmer said...

Only if your ideas about black men are stereotypical and outdated, which they are.

Nah. Half of them pass the brown paper bag test. But perhaps you can explain when black men's preference for lighter-skinned mates became "outdated."

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Ann Althouse said...
"Gaze into your soul, but also stare into the abyss. That's joyful too."

Anyone who didn't find that hilarious, explain yourself.


It's cutesy but not hilarious. I'll take this as a prompt to think deeply...

Neitzsche thought a lot about the self and what a person does to make themselves themselves. There could be some nice surface-level/shallow equivalencies to be made between the self-improvement inward-focused solipsism of GOOP and Neitzsche's concept of making onself as a positive act (of will, as art, etc)...but that cutesy quote gets those possible resonances entirely backwards.

Neitzsche warns about monsters and the danger of pursuing them--part of that idea is that we have to restrain ourselves and our impulses lest we corrupt our identities and make ourselves imperfect (while trying to correct imperfections). The GOOP better living-through-buying-self-affirming-luxury goods ethos is in direct opposition to that warning!

If she understood what the original quote was trying to convey it would be easy to say that self-reflection and the yearning to improve oneself and one's world can be achieved through the purchase of her overpriced faux-soulful goods, that it's important for spiritual growth, etc...but it's not "joyful" and it's not in opposition to "gaz[ing] into your soul."

I don't find it hilarious in part because it betrays a lack of understanding of the thing she's using as comic fodder, and relies on her audience similarly not understanding the error her cutesy joke makes.

That, Professor, is my explanation.

J. D. Canals said...

She's not that hot.
https://www.heart.co.uk/lifestyle/beauty/most-memorable-red-carpet-looks/gwyneth-paltrow/

J. Farmer said...

Nobody tell Donald Glover how outdated he is.

William said...

Women have a dark, atavistic need to wear uncomfortable and unflattering clothes. Beneath every attractive blonde there is a prude struggling to get out and put on a muumuu or a burka. Women like to deny that this savage sense of prissiness is not part of their make up, but the historical record tells otherwise.....I congratulate Paltrow for including a vibrator on her Christmas registry at Bonwit Teller. I also congratulate her for not disavowing the nude scenes in her past movies. In this area at least, she is the moral superior of Emilia Clarke and Helen Mirren who have gone over to the dark side.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

MY vanity and self-interest is empowering and beautiful; buying myself expensive things is good for my soul. I should be praised.

YOUR vanity and self-interest is disgusting and contemptible; every dollar you spend on yourself kills the planet and vulnerable communities of good people. You should be jailed!

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Self involved, self centered, hedonistic narcissism is in a sense a full embrace of nihilism--of the abyss itself. Celebrating one's debasement isn't "joyful."

Bill Peschel said...

"are there any current popular sex symbols who can be described as “skin-and-bones?”"

Natalie Portman. Saw her in "Hotel Chevalvier," the short prequel film Wes Anderson shot for "Darjeeling Limited."

n.n said...

Sex trolls: to mock a Christmas Holiday and Tradition.