May 14, 2019

"To get out of this, I’m gonna go like down and to the right. And we’ll come back up over the top and try to take a look at it"/"I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then."

Just what I always wanted to read, the complete transcript of cockpit video recording system in the sky penis plan incident, quoted in "The Navy’s probe into sky penis" (Navy Times)("the inside story of how an EA-18G Growler jet crew drew a penis across the clear blue skies of Washington state in 2017").
“Balls are going to be a little lopsided,” the pilot advised.

“Balls are complete,” he reported moments later. “I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft.”

“Which way is the shaft going?” the EWO asked.

“The shaft will go to the left,” the pilot answered.

“It’s gonna be a wide shaft,” the EWO noted.

“I don’t wanna make it just like 3 balls,” the pilot said....

101 comments:

Nonapod said...

Isn't there some incontrovertible natural law about this? Something like: "If a penis can be drawn on a thing, sooner or later a penis shall be draweth"?

Lucid-Ideas said...

There was a time in the services when something like this would've resulted in reprimand, standing tall before the man with various officers screaming, and the communications team making a good show of contrition for the public. And after it was all over everyone shaking the guys hands and laughing at the newly minted living legends and joking 20 years on at the unit reunion saying "remember that time?"

There was a time. A better time. A time before court martials for sky-penises.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

just like the Mayor of Gotham with the Bat-signal,

the Althouse blog needs something like that for thread topics
that require Laslo's intervention

daskol said...

Legends. This is my favorite military airline "prank."

mockturtle said...

I remember that as I was living there at the time. Hilarious.

Bay Area Guy said...

Why can't we teach expert piloting and gross anatomy simultaneously?

Twofer!

Dave Begley said...

Would drawing a gash been okay?

bagoh20 said...

As good a practice maneuver as any. This has very ancient roots. It was originally described by Emperor Biggus Dickus in 666 BC.

The Drill SGT said...

Lucid-Ideas said...
There was a time in the services when something like this would've resulted in reprimand, standing tall before the man with various officers screaming, and the communications team making a good show of contrition for the public


I seen the scene from Top Gun after the Tower buzzing sequence.

The Drill SGT said...

see not seen

walter said...

Reads like a scene from Top Gun.

exhelodrvr1 said...

In today's military, this is what thinking outside the box gets you.

Yancey Ward said...

Resources were expended to investigate this? We are truly going insane.

Fernandistein said...

Some people think a penis is a type of phallic symbol.

JRoberts said...

"There was a time. A better time. A time before court martials for sky-penises."

There was a time. A better time. A time when individual character was such that all these stupid rules and regulations were less necessary...

Birches said...

This is every guy ever. We were at the beach over spring break. Someone drew a penis in the sand. The guys on The Grand Tour draw penises on everything.

tcrosse said...

Don't let your balls dissipate.

rehajm said...

At least it's an artist rendering of a penis. It's when the army chaps drop cock and balls into otherwise innocent video what causes great unrest.

Laurel said...

Glorious.

stevew said...

“Balls are going to be a little lopsided,” the pilot advised."

Ah, a practitioner of realism then.

BleachBit-and-Hammers said...

Chop em' all off.
end of problem.

Real American said...

looks a bit like an exaggerated 10 gallon hat.

Molly said...

(eaglebeak)

Name me one male human being past toddlerhood who hasn't drawn a penis (and balls) at least once in an elevator, bathroom, alleyway, etc., and I will show you a seriously disturbed individual.

This goes all the way back to the dawn of human history, for Pete's sake.

Why doesn't the U.S. military investigate all those ancient Greek Priapus statues?

I guess the Navy's a bunch of p*ssies now.

Fernandistein said...

US Treasury To Accuse Vietnam Of Manipulating Its Dong

Big Mike said...

Their big mistake was doing this stunt the peacetime admirals in the Pentagon. In wartime it would be the way Lucid-Ideas wrote at 11:02.

robother said...

"There was a time in the services..."
I knew a lawyer who'd been a Navy pilot in the late 50s-early 60s.. After his first date with the woman he'd eventually marry, a secretary in a downtown office building, he flew his jet straight at the building and pulled up, creating quite a stir, even in a city used to military air traffic. He was hauled before a board of inquiry, but his long-time buddy from Annapolis had some clout and he got off with a reprimand. The buddy's name was John McCain.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

a strong crosswind may cause Peyronie's syndrome

Francisco D said...

The services all do personality testing for officers.

It would be interesting to know how these immature clowns got through.

Nonapod said...

US Treasury To Accuse Vietnam Of Manipulating Its Dong

Is it time to go long on the Dong?

narciso said...

most of his stuff is behind the paywall

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/blogs/tim-blair/our-taxes-now-redefining-reality/news-story/5b430d8200454cab8d564bc41481ea91

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

"Ok...this is not one of those times" -- S. Freud

Mr. Forward said...

There are some legal issues in play, they are and will make me look guilty, a no-hitter, when you get divorced, hoarse shouting, the balls will have dissipated by then.

Arashi said...

As a former Naval Officer - the episode is really f***ing funny. Pilots do this type of stuff all of the time. It normally gets investigated and the pilots normally get some sort of verbal reprimand - unless they make a habit of it, which can result in them getting taken off flying status, which to a Naval Aviator is very, very bad (career ender).

People need to lighten up and stop being so damned puritanical.

Gospace said...

Way to deal with this:
The pilots- call them into a room, tell them to grow up, and send them back to work.
The people complaining: Tell them to grow up and quit whining.

Fernandistein said...

The services all do personality testing for officers.

I liked the way the voice-hearing schizophrenic serial killer passed the psych tests to join the Marines.

Hilarious.

Well, a concerned mother was upset she might have to explain the "drawings" to her kids.

Just to be clear: A. Concerned. Mother. Was. Upset.

And: Kids!

But it turned out that it was all just vaporware.

exhelodrvr1 said...

Francisco D,
They are on that wall protecting you. Just STFU.

BleachBit-and-Hammers said...

I feel violated. I need some sky-tits for balance.

BleachBit-and-Hammers said...

sisterhood!

Arashi said...

BleachBit-and-Hammers - ROFL.

rhhardin said...

It's a lost art.

Fernandistein said...

They are on that wall protecting you. Just STFU.

No shit.

Someone - Lileks? - had a great rant about how the people who enjoy flying hundreds of MPH on what is basically a bomb with wings, and jumping out of helicopters in the middle of the night into enemy territory, etc, might sometimes get rowdy and tired of stupid rules.

AllenS said...

I was in the Army Infantry. All we could do was pee on the snow. The more beer you drank, the bigger the penis and balls.

Francisco D said...

Francisco D,
They are on that wall protecting you. Just STFU.


Yes. I appreciate that.

They are also playing with tens of millions of dollars of equipment and flaunting tens of millions of dollars of training.

This was childish and irresponsible behavior.

MadisonMan said...

I wonder what the investigation cost.

Why would someone look at that and complain. Sheesh.

Arashi said...

The investigation probably did not cost that much. As a division officer, part of your daily admin load was investigating stuff your troops did while on liberty or on base or on duty. And please remember, officers are paid a set wage and the working hours are pretty much 24\7 if need be - its part of the job.

If they had JAG or NIS invloved, that could have detracted from investigating real crimes, but I bet the investigation was done by squadron officers as part of normal administrative tasks.

You have to admit - sky penis with contrails is just funny.

GatorNavy said...

Allen S. said:

I was in the Army Infantry. All we could do was pee on the snow. The more beer you drank, the bigger the penis and balls.

Nobody cares what a "leg" thinks

mockturtle said...

Is it time to go long on the Dong?

Nah, Vietnam. I'd sell short.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

"Tell those JAG-offs it was a cigar. With wheels."

CJinPA said...

When it came to the sky penis, one squadron officer statement in the investigation appears to sum up the sentiment of the command regarding the historic act:

“This was a really bad decision by some really good guys in a really good squadron.”


It says a lot about Current Year America that I am somewhat surprised that common sense prevailed and these guys did not have their careers destroyed.

mockturtle said...

ICTA warns: a strong crosswind may cause Peyronie's syndrome

LOL! Just about spewed coffee on my keyboard with that one.

mockturtle said...

Fernandistein observes: Some people think a penis is a type of phallic symbol.

Yes, I'm sure that includes our dear hostess. She thinks everything is phallic.

Xmas said...

"Navy's probe into sky penis".

Thanks for reminding me that 'sounding' is an actual thing.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

This was quite a feat.

Feats dont phallus now!!

mockturtle said...

ICTA's on a roll!

rhhardin said...

There's no crosswind once you're in the air.

The Drill SGT said...

exhelodrvr1 said...
Francisco D,
They are on that wall protecting you. Just STFU.


The best version of this was maybe by Orwell.

"Gentle folk sleep peacefully in their beds at night, because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf"

- a Former Rough Man

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

yeah, well when Althouse throws red meat into our cage...

we promised to restrain ourselves after the Garlic-In-Vaj episode,
but this is just torture.

The Drill SGT said...

GatorNavy said...
Nobody cares what a "leg" thinks


IIRC, Allen S was an Airborne Infantryman...

watch out that he doesn't take umbrage at your slur, find you, rip your head off and piss down your neck...

Darkisland said...

Now this ain't no shit:

Cruising the Mediterranean in 1969 aboard the US Great Sitkin 1969. Nice afternoon, nothing but clear blue sky and smooth blue sea. Ambling along at about 12 knots.

A bunch of us guys hanging out on deck aft.

Someone sees a spec out on the horizon aft.

We all get up to look and

ZOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

An A-4 comes screaming by at a high rate of speed. About 50 feet to starboard and below main deck level. We could see the top of the wings.

He gets to the front of the ship and goes vertical and is quickly out of sight.

Scuttlebutt was that it was one of the skipper's buddies. Skipper was a Naval Aviator.

Very impressive.

Since we were an ammunition ship, loaded to the gills with highly explosive ordinance, including nukes, scary as Hell to think if the guy's hand had slipped and he had hit us.

We would have made a VERY impressive hole in the ocean.

John Henry

Arashi said...

Gee - isn't an airborne leg still a leg? Asking for a friend.

Darkisland said...


Blogger Arashi said...

which to a Naval Aviator is very, very bad (career ender).

Calling a Naval Aviator a "pilot" may be even worse!

And you, a former Naval officer!

John Henry

Arashi said...

While stationed on the USS Midway in the Persian Gulf (think Jummy Carter's mid-east crisis), we were having a slack day when we got a call from a flight of 6 Vulcan bombers out of Oman (British military pilots) asking if they coudl do a fly-by. Since we were not engaged in flights ops, the Captain said sure, why not. The six approached from aft in formation, broke into two formations of three, one prot and one starboard- and then proceeded to do said fly-by below flight deck level, throwing rooster tails with the jet blast from their engines.

It was very impressive. And funny.

Darkisland said...


Blogger Fernandistein said...

US Treasury To Accuse Vietnam Of Manipulating Its Dong

When you're president they let you do it.

Fish in a barrel.

John Henry

Arashi said...

John Henry - I was Surface Warfare Officer. Naval aviators were always pilots to us when we were ships company. No love lost on either side.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

Sky-agra

"Should you experience contrails lasting more than 4 hours..."

Darkisland said...


Blogger Arashi said...

While stationed on the USS Midway in the Persian Gulf

So we gonna tell sea stories? OK.

Now this ain't no shit

Once, on that same cruise we were rearming a carrier, could conceivably have been the Midway. So the carrier is idling along about 16 knots while we are struggling and straining to keep up.

We have transfer lines between ships fore and aft. In other words, we are tied together, 100 feet apart.

And the carrier launches a bunch of jets.

It was a really impressive sight.

I suspect it was some aviator on the carrier that was a buddy of our aviator skipper wanting to impress him.

John Henry

Darkisland said...

BTW, for the non-nautical, the way you tell a sea story from a fairy tale is that one starts off "now this aint no shit" and the other starts "Once upon a time"

John Henry

Bay Area Guy said...

"I need some sky-tits for balance"

Thread-winner!

walter said...

kinda sorta sky tits:
https://images.app.goo.gl/BP5KBH3jTBvX4BCQ8

exhelodrvr1 said...

"No love lost on either side."

Unless we were telling stories about the Air Force

mockturtle said...

Sky-agra

"Should you experience contrails lasting more than 4 hours..."


Another ICTA gem!

ALP said...

I see I am not the only one that thinks it looks more like a tall ten gallon hat than a penis. Living in WA state I remember seeing this when it was news and thinking "ya really have to WANT to see a penis".

gerry said...

I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then.

Never before has this been said.

No make it go away.

GatorNavy said...

Drill SgT said:

GatorNavy said...
Nobody cares what a "leg" thinks

IIRC, Allen S was an Airborne Infantryman...

watch out that he doesn't take umbrage at your slur, find you, rip your head off and piss down your neck...

Yawn

Army doggies sink instead of swim because of all the rocks in their heads...this is known

Jim at said...

Unless we were telling stories about the Air Force.

Hey now!

AlbertAnonymous said...

This is a great thread! I can hear my Airborne Ranger brother’s voice with each post (story) I read.

Thanks to you all for your service!

tcrosse said...

Flying jet aircraft off the deck of a ship at sea is sheer madness, so the shy well-behaved type need not apply.

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

somehow this got us binging on Sky King reruns

ceowens said...

A WW II naval aviator of my acquaintance posited to me once that a night landing on a carrier was similar to placing a postage stamp in the middle of your living room floor and trying to lick it by diving off the sofa with your hands behind your back and your eyes closed, in the dark.

mockturtle said...

Tcrosse observes: Flying jet aircraft off the deck of a ship at sea is sheer madness, so the shy well-behaved type need not apply.

But the new F-35, like the Harrier, can take off straight up and land straight down.

tcrosse said...

But the new F-35, like the Harrier, can take off straight up and land straight down.

This must take a lot of fuel. I wonder how it impacts the time-over-target, as opposed to letting the ship catapult the plane into the air. In any case, even a very large ship looks very small when out in the middle of the drink.

LarsPorsena said...

Navy pilots have always been a cocky bunch.

SgtDad said...

Making the word "cockpit" in to a double entendre.

buwaya said...

"But the new F-35, like the Harrier, can take off straight up and land straight down."

Only one variant of the F-35 can do that. Most models can't. This is a specific requirement of some of its users.

Gospace said...

Francisco D said...
The services all do personality testing for officers.

It would be interesting to know how these immature clowns got through.


Naval aviators and submariners (I'm one of the latter) are psychologically screened. I often tell people they're not testing us to see if we're sane. They're making sure we have the right kind of insanity needed to do the insane things Naval aviators and submariners do. I've had combat vets who've been shot at tell me they would never serve on submarines- it's too stressful.

I agree with tcrosse. Normal people don't land aircraft safely on a target moving in 3 dimensions, then criticize each other for missing the 3rd wire or being 6 inches off center. Story goes that a bunch of high powered executives watched an after flight ops debrief session to see how they could get people into a room and perform the same sort of after action critiques to improve performance. Afterwards when asked, they all said no way in hell would they institute such sessions- they would lead to bloodbaths.

mockturtle said...

Only one variant of the F-35 can do that. Most models can't. This is a specific requirement of some of its users.

The ones at the Marine Corps Air Station in Yuma, do.

Arashi said...

And just remember, the target on the carrier is an 18" square centered on the number 3 wire. You don't have to be crazy to land on aircraft carriers, but it most certainly helps. The only people crazier than the fixed wing types are the folks who fly the helicopters and deliver you and pick you up from a DLG (guided missle destroyer), which has NO helo pad, and the target area at the stern has the rotor blades less than a foot behind a rather substantial antenna. The crewman operating the hoist tells you not to look down, but of course that is the first thing you do - and then you wonder were the hell is the destroyer, and there it goes to the right, and the left and for part of the time its actually under you.

Then you stop looking and say a little prayer - and then remember in four days you have to go back to the carrier.

SgtDad said...

Arashi: Think about this is an LZ filled with MG fire. And you’re the grunt helping to carry a casualty up the tamp.

Arashi said...

SgtDad,

I'll take the helo ride from the carrier and back. My uncle, retired Colonel in the Army Rangers was that guy. All my respect to all of those folks.

DanTheMan said...

As I recall, the song goes something like...
(tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)

One day I buzzed the runway with another happy chap,
We flew a tight formation with his wingtip in my lap.
But now we have a new rule and we'll have no more of that,
The Force is shot to hell!

Damn the flying regulations,
Read them off at every station,
Crucify the man who breaks one
The Force is shot to hell!

Darkisland said...

Blogger Gospace said...


I agree with tcrosse. Normal people don't land aircraft safely on a target moving in 3 dimensions, then criticize each other for missing the 3rd wire or being 6 inches off center.

Not only do you have to hit that 18 in square, you have to do it with a hook that is 20-30' behind and 10' below you that you can't see.

In 1990, my son and I were learning to fly ultralights. I mentioned this to one of my students, a Naval Commander who had done a couple of tours in Vietnam in Phantoms. Carrier qualified, of course.

He thought I was absolutely nuts! No way would he ever go near one of those things. They scared the crap out of him.

I also had a roommate in the Navy, in the 70's, MM1 who was a submariner. He had once done a 180 day patrol. He was heartbroken when they sent him ashore on a normal rotation. All he could talk about was his boat and how he wanted to go back to her or at least some other SSN. Great guy, extremely competent, but absolutely nuts.

And a heavy drinker, as I was at the time too. The 2 of us would polish off a full quart of scotch or rum pretty much every night. The Navy helped. Don Q was 90 cents a quart. J&B was $1.25 in the Navy package store.

John Henry

DanTheMan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DanTheMan said...

>>All my respect to all of those folks.

You better check with Francisco first. He's apparently been appointed to determine what is acceptable behavior from our warriors.

He's determined that fighter pilots (no matter what the Navy calls them!) should behave like wimpy accountants and schoolmarms. Their rectitude and PC behavior will strike fear into those who would attack us.

exhelodrvr1 said...

arashi,
"The only people crazier than the fixed wing types are the folks who fly the helicopters and deliver you and pick you up from a DLG (guided missle destroyer), which has NO helo pad, and the target area at the stern has the rotor blades less than a foot behind a rather substantial antenna. "

You have to have absolute trust in the crewman in the cargo door giving the directions. But I had the most respect for the rescue swimmers we flew with. "Jump out of the helicopter, literally in the middle of the ocean, into (possibly) jet fuel or (possibly) sharks. We'll be over there about twenty yards away, and we'll come back and get you in a few minutes."

Gospace said...

Forgot to add about carrier landings. Not only is the carrier moving in 3 dimensions, the plane heading in for a landing is travelling at a few hundred knots- AT FULL POWER to hit that tiny target it needs to hit to land safely. Why full power? If the wheels hit the deck, the plane loses speed. And if the hook misses the wires, the plane needs to have enough air speed to get aloft before it runs out of carrier deck. Because without the wires, it's not going to come to a stop before it runs out of carrier deck.

tcrosse said...

Quiteapart from the mechanics of take-off and landing, the whole point of the exercise is to go into harm's way and engage with the enemy. It helps to be aggressive.

Fen said...

No better sound to a Marine's ear than Naval CAS arriving on station.

Laze and blaze baby!

SgtDad said...

Fen: Well said. Semper Fi.

Narayanan said...

Thanks guys.

Before, I only read about what Miles and Ivan did flying in the Dendarii mountain canyons on Barrayar.

L Day said...

I graduated high school in 1969 and started dating a girl who's father was an air force fighter pilot nearing retirement. He once told me of the time he was out on a round-robin training flight between two or three major east coast cities. I think one of those cities must have been Washington, DC because he figured he had enough fuel to take a slight detour and fly over his rural Kentucky home town. He said he came straight down main street, just above the tree tops on full afterburners. Just his way of announcing that the local boy had done good, I suppose. Anyway, it caused quite the stir, including a minor panic that the "Russians are coming". Anyway, he'd heard that the old men who sat on the bench in front of the courthouse, whittling and trading pocket knives, still talked about the day Bill H. flew his fighter jet down main street. It puts a smile on my face every time I think about it.

L Day said...
This comment has been removed by the author.