December 27, 2018

A commenter gets a NYT obituary — because he commented in limerick form in the NYT 13,000 times...

... and as you might guess, many of the comments on the obituary — "Larry Eisenberg, 99, Dead; His Limericks Were Very Well Read" — are in limerick form.

Here's one of the limericks Eisenberg wrote. This is from 2016, after the election:
A mauler, a grabber, abuser,
A do whatever you chooser
Non-thinker, non-reader,
A spoiled-children breeder
An every trick-in-the-book user.


Chris of Rights said...

I'm confused as to which of the lines from the 2016 limerick are about Hillary and which are about Trump. Clearly the first line is Trump, but all of the others are at least somewhat ambiguous, no?

tim in vermont said...

A Tallyrand pay to play user
A beak dipping public trust abuser
Pay my foundation
I'll then talk to your nation
I just don't get why I'm a loser!

Darrell said...

A dipshit, a diva, a loser,
A "hey look at me" boozer
Died recently
And is honored decently
With a blurb in the Times that you're reading.

Fernandinande said...

One dead NYT commenter is a good start.

Shane said...

13,000 limericks?
I am guessing the COD was suicide by pun.

tim in vermont said...

Nobody likes me that's clear
But it isn't affection I hold dear
Its power and cash
that takes out the trash
You take their love, l'll take fear!

Darrell said...

Proshchay, Comrade.
Hope you brought toilet paper with you.

tim in vermont said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike Sylwester said...

Chris of Rights at 7:21 AM
I'm confused as to which of the lines from the 2016 limerick are about Hillary and which are about Trump.

Shakespeare's Lady Macbeth:

.... I have given suck, and know
How tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me:
I would, while it was smiling in my face,
Have plucked my nipple from his boneless gums
And dashed the brains out, had I so sworn as you
Have done this.

If we should fail?
Screw your courage to the sticking place
And we'll not fail.

Howard said...

I prefer haikus, much more Zen Buddhist temple master than the Irish redhead stepchild of white nationalist limerick.

Troubled christmastide
A giant, tiny toad lies
beyond the soda

tim in vermont said...

Caesar took the three parts of Gaul
Mussolini had his North African brawl
And I loved my wars
While Bill Kristol shouts MOAR
Give me the button and soon I'll end all!

tim in vermont said...

My girlfriend's my sweetest temptation
My husband's a rapist by avocation
It's incredibly sad
that Web Hubble's the dad
But at least his dick got hard for me

Paco Wové said...

It's not so hard to knock out thousands of limerics once you get the proper format down:

Trump, Trump Trump, Trump Trump
Trump Trump Trump, Trump Trump Trump, Trump
Trump Trump, Trump Trump — Trump Trump, Trump Trump
Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!

robother said...

Pac Wove:

You forgot the "Harumph" in the punch line.

The Godfather said...

Proof that it’s easy to write a limerick but hard to write a good one.

All the good ones involve a hermit named Dave.

Wince said...

At least he didn't scream "You lie!" when the president promised illegal immigrants would not get free healthcare under his plan.

If Trump made the exact same promise, screaming "You heartless bastard!" would be a profile in courage.

Sebastian said...


Hmm, I thought Hill had only one daughter.

Robert Cook said...

"You take their love, l'll take fear!"

Seriously, though...anyone who would rather be feared than loved is seriously fucked up!

Curious George said...

Larry Eisenberg's limericks suck.
Just a typical lefty cuck.
He must have eaten a lot of soy
Because he was more a girl than a boy.
You know he kinda reminds me of Chuck.

chickelit said...

Larry Eisenberg wrote: A spoiled-children breeder

Hey Larry, at least you sired once and not nonce.
God rest your pie-hole.

tim in vermont said...

I’m known for my friends in high places
Who work hard to keep my good graces
Give me money, wink wink
And they won’t make a stink
And your troubles are gone without traces.

I lost to an oaf and buffoon
whom everyone said was a loon
No matter how hard I lied
He came, saw, I cried
My bender, it lasted ’til June

You can do this all day long. The trick to getting a NYT obit though is to echo the party line, oviously.

tim in vermont said...

I got off for lack of mens rea
When we all know that I’m a playa
I don’t care right from wrong
I am loved like Kim Jong
And justice never had a prayer.

tim in vermont said...

I get jealous when my friends get rich
But I get even, I don’t simply bitch
When Terry McAwful
Sees I’ve done something unlawful
He gives money to kneecap the snitch

tim in vermont said...

I think that going after the kids showed a lot of class on his part, and it was fitting that the New York Times should print that one twice.

tim in vermont said...

I spent the past year in a funk
when I wasn’t depressed I was drunk
They owed it to me
So my drinking spree
Is the fault of that orange haired punk

tcrosse said...

The Godfather said...
Proof that it’s easy to write a limerick but hard to write a good one.

All the good ones involve a hermit named Dave.

Or a man from Nantucket.

tim in vermont said...

No one's heard of Uranium One
It’s the oddest thing under the sun
I just promise the press
I’ll not tear their prom dress
and Scot-free take the money and run.

tim in vermont said...

So I’m Lady MacBeth per the Bard
But the glass ceiling dropped not a shard
While the refugees drowned
I joked and I clowned
But the Dem’s love for me was not marred.

I launched more ships than Helen of Troy
Filled with refugees from my last ploy
They drown by the thousands
Wash up on the brown sands
Of Europe much to Merkel’s joy.

tim in vermont said...

We all know I’m married to him
We know he’s addicted to trim
You would think that one day
Home he might stay
And have a spelunk in my quim

tim in vermont said...

How can you not get bored writing these things?
Maybe I will try an anti Trump one:

His orange hair bespeaks low IQ
His short fingers, I leave that to you
He stuck in a short thumb
And pulled out a plum
Putin something or other then blue.

tim in vermont said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tim in vermont said...

He paid hookers to pee on a bed
Where Obama once slept, it is said
He laughed and guffawed
But his joke was outlawed
That’s not funny, you fucking skinhead!

Yancey Ward said...

Bravo to all above!

tcrosse said...

Higgledy Piggledy, old Larry Eisenberg
Wrote lots of comments in limeric style
He honored the Times'
With his jocular rhymes
Then Trump came and wakened his bile.

rcocean said...

The Never-Trumper song:

Orange Man bad,
That's all I had,
But that's all they wanted,
So MSNBC i haunted
Don't call me Shrill
Just Jonah or Bill.

Bilwick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bilwick said...

Was that Eisenberg limerick about Teddy Kennedy?

tim in vermont said...

Barry come home,
Their’s piss on the bed
Where you slept
now it’s growing cold...

tim in vermont said...

And the lies
from your spies
and your spooks
prying eyes
and a face that belies
the evil you doooo....

Clyde said...

Who knows, if not for the Trump-hatred, Larry might have lived to be 100.

tim in vermont said...

All the good ones involve a hermit named Dave.

OK, I’ll try:

Up north there’s a hermit named Dave
When thumped, his dick makes a wave
The girls all love it
Well, some claim they’re above it
But one offered herself as his slave.

MadisonMan said...

An old man, famous for rhyming
Used verse for some nice social climbing
But he took to his bed
And he ended up dead
And now he can't write a limerick when Trump dies; talk about horrible timing!

MartyH said...

Hillary Haikus:

Lawyer. First Lady.
Carpetbagging Senator.
Lost to Obama.

State Secretary.
What difference does it make?
Trump won. What Happened.