April 4, 2018

"One of the worst things about being beautiful is that other women absolutely despise you."

"Women have made me cry my whole life. When I try to make friends with a woman, I feel like I’m a guy trying to woo her. Women don’t trust me. They don’t want me around their husbands. I’m often excluded from parties, with no explanation. I imagine their thought process goes something like this: 'What does it matter if I hurt her feelings. She has her looks and that’s more than I have. Life has already played favorites …' It’s kind of like being born rich, people don’t believe that you feel the same pain. It’s a bias that people can’t shake. Throughout my life, competitive, attractive, wealthy, entitled women really hated me...  Men were more loyal friends, but my boyfriends would always say: That’s because they want to get laid. So I’d think: Women dump on me. Men just want to have sex with me. Who am I? My closest friend was a gay man, he wasn’t jealous and he didn’t want to get laid. That might have been my only pure friendship."

From "What It’s Like to Go Through Life As a Really Beautiful Woman" by Alexa Tsoulis-Reay (New York Magazine).

I know what you're thinking: Maybe she wasn't as beautiful as she thought, but her thinking that made her personality awful, and you can tell it from this long list of complaints. She doesn't seem to like anyone too much — except that gay man who probably didn't like her and maybe mostly only wanted to be seen with a woman who had such an over-the-top, first-class, I-am-the-most-beautiful act going on — so it's no wonder she hates them all. She's hateful, the bitch.

Am I right? If yes, then that's why she's right. Gotcha!

118 comments:

Mattman26 said...

I wasn't judging her personality. Just wondering if she was really that beautiful, plain and simple.

Etienne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sparrow said...

There are some really classic tales of the destructive effects extreme feminine beauty has on others ie Helen of Troy or Deidre of Ireland (Legends of Ulster).

The Cracker Emcee Classic said...

I'm not seeing it. Remove the make-up and then get back to me. A naked face is the true test of physical beauty.

traditionalguy said...

Beautiful Woman Derangement Syndrome. Honey, I wish I had your problems. She could try conversation about something interesting. But that would demean her. When you are at the top, there is no way to go but down. Just wait until aging does its tricks.

The Vault Dweller said...

Assuming that picture in the article is of her, she is a very attractive woman. Her lamenting her beauty as a curse seems kinda narcissistic. Her underlying problem isn't her beauty but rather that she never did anything to cultivate a pleasant and interesting personality. There is no rule in the universe that says pretty women can't be interesting and fun as well. I hope she reflects on this and if she has kids she forces them to get out into the world early and frequently in childhood and become interesting.

Also her comment about settling for her husband at 35, who was the last decent guy standing with kind of a drinking problem, sounds like the kind of comment that causes a drinking problem. You should never bash your spouse publicly. I guess privately too, but talking about problems can come across as aggressive sometimes.

Otto said...

Who did you get Ann? Obviously if she was right you would have "gotcha" only women. Actually i think you got yourself.

madAsHell said...

Captain! Sensors detect a tautology closing at great speed!!

Shields up!!

MadisonMan said...

From the end of the Article:

It doesn’t matter how beautiful you were in your youth; when you age you become invisible. You could still look fabulous but … who cares? Nobody is looking. Even my young-adult sons ignore me. The irony is that now that I am older I am a much better person. I went through some suffering in my 40s — raised two kids, dealt with an alcoholic husband, watched my parents get sick and pass away — and I really grew. But as far as the world is concerned? I’ve lost all my value.

Um -- she's complaining that her sons ignore her because she's not beautiful? Adults routinely ignore parents for a whole hosts or reasons unrelated to physical beauty.

Something has warped this woman's view of how the world views her. I guess it might be because of her looks. Or it could be something else.

Ann Althouse said...

I don't think the picture at the link is a picture of her. I think it's a stock photo. Am I wrong?

Etienne said...

I think it's a stock photo also. The hands in the photo look like she is 14.

Ann Althouse said...

"Um -- she's complaining that her sons ignore her because she's not beautiful? Adults routinely ignore parents for a whole hosts or reasons unrelated to physical beauty."

Maybe it they were gay they'd be supportive.

Ann Althouse said...

"I think it's a stock photo also. The hands in the photo look like she is 14."

Could be even younger.

EDH said...

To her, I say try "lightspeed ugly" for a day.

NSFW

California Snow said...

The comments after the article are just as the women describes. She's still being treated that way.

mccullough said...

Peeved her sons don’t have an Oedipus Complex. Murmur of maternal lamentations.

Titus said...

she is now invisible. how depressing. i would kill myself.

robother said...

Based on my observations of my daughter's life, I would say this is a pretty accurate description. She may be exaggerating the nature of female friendship that even ordinary woman enjoy. Womankind ain't.

Oso Negro said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! A Titus sighting!

Carol said...

My parent used to complain that other women were jealous of her.

At first I dismissed it as egotism. But I see now there always competition, and it's not just a looks thing. If you're a woman their age or younger, you're a threat, somehow. At work, at play, doesn't matter. So you keep them at arm's length.

I think the craziness of the 1970s and 80s made things worse. You never knew was going to jump in bed with your BF.


gspencer said...

We've all heard it, "You can never be too thin or too rich."

I've lived long enough to know that excess in any area is a problem.

The Vault Dweller said...

Having read the article this time instead of just skimming it, I would agree that the image is most likely a stock image of a model. Also I missed the fact that this woman was actually in her late 50's and had raised two sons already. This makes her article that much worse. I had previously assumed she was in her mid to late 30's. To hold this much narcissism and be this resentful of other people at that age is absurd. Does she really think her sister-in-law blocks her on facebook and doesn't invite her to family vacations because she is threatened by her attractiveness? If you spend decade after decade cultivating an assholish personality and generally being an asshole to people eventually people will just write you off as an asshole. Never being able to form close close relationship with another woman or group of women is probably sign that the problem is with your personality and not the world conspiring against you.

William said...

When you're competing for a job on a soap opera or a modeling gig, aren't you competing with other good looking women? She undoubtedly never lost a job because of her looks but I doubt that she won every job she went after or that she won such jobs exclusively on the basis of her looks......If you ponder the issue and weigh all the pros and cons, being beautiful is a better deal than not being beautiful. Great wealth also gives you a leg up. Robust health is also a pretty good deal. Don't believe all that crap you read about Stephen Hawking.

Seeing Red said...

My daughter is eye catching. Jr high and high school were awful. She was bullied and still continues to be bullied by her peers.

I’ve already suggested starting her own business after college because she might never get past the dried up prune vipers who rule HR.

stever said...

I'm not sure she's around any of the type of people who might not fit into her her stereotypes. To some extent, you get what expect.

Larry J said...

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."
- Al Bundy

stever said...

what you expect

The Godfather said...

Where was Harvey Weinstein when she needed him?

Seeing Red said...

TITUS


The vipers in jr high suggested my daughter do that since she was adopted.

They told her her mother didn’t want her, she was an incomplete abortion and she should finish the job.

And people wonder why I hate my sex.

And they shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Too damn stupid.

MikeR said...

I have a daughter who is startlingly beautiful. She has always gravitated to girl friends who are beautiful as well. I guess it just makes things easier.

Paul Ciotti said...

Look at the multiple photos of this woman on Google Images. She is far from beautiful. There were prettier girls in my homeroom in high school. Alexa Tsoulis-Reay may indeed have trouble making friends but the problem isn't her supposedly beautiful face.

Mark said...

Apparently the pic is not the woman in question. But whether she really is all that attractive/beautiful or not, she certainly has narcissistic personality tendencies based on her comments about others.

To view this in a different context, we have a certain nationally-known woman who purports to be the smartest, most experienced and greatest woman ever, and yet was rejected for the job she wanted. And she blames it all on everyone else in the world. And consequently is universally seen as a vicious, mean, angry, hateful shrew.

Inga said...

Meh, one shallow person complaining about other shallow people. Yawn.

As for girls/ women being cruel to each other, it’s not just women that are cruel, men can be cruel too. People who hate their own sex because they have some notion that their own sex is not as nice as the opposite sex makes me wonder about some sort of self hate.

William said...

If you have more choices, then there's more of a chance to make a bad choice.

MayBee said...

Alexa Tsoulis-Reay

That's the interviewer/author.

MayBee said...

I think there are problems with being a truly beautiful woman, but I also believe they are the most privileged people on earth.
If you want to not fall into the pitfalls of beauty, you have to develop a personality and not let your beauty do all the work for you.

BDNYC said...

"Gotcha!"

Um, no. Maybe she's just delusional and uber-bitchy. Her point isn't proved.

Darrell said...

We call that Rula Lenska Syndrome.

Mark said...

One of the wisest things one can do is learn humility.

Bill Peschel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BDNYC said...

@ Bill Peschel

That's the author, not the woman. The author wrote the story as told to her by the woman.

eddie willers said...

Sorta on topic.

Talk about an impossible job. Last week, on the TV show Timeless, our intrepid crew goes back to the Hollywood of old and run into Hedy Lamarr!

Now how would YOU like to be the actress who has to play one of the most beautiful woman who has ever lived?

A thankless' impossible (and futile) job.

Bruce Hayden said...

I live with the problem. It is real. My partner was probably a 12 on a 10 scale when she got married in her early 20s. Before she lost the baby fat in her face. Modeled then, and was pushed hard by her agency to move to NYC. She wanted kids instead, so didn’t, and was happy with her decision. Almost 40 years later, she gets hit on by other guys when I am not there close. To this day, she has no close female friends of comparable age - they are all 15+ years older or younger. A lot of women get jeleous very easily.

madAsHell said...

Rula Lenska

The original Kim Kardashian!!

madAsHell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mark said...

our intrepid crew goes back to the Hollywood of old and run into Hedy Lamarr!
Now how would YOU like to be the actress who has to play one of the most beautiful woman who has ever lived?


I'll grant you that Harvey Korman has a certain attraction, but I would not call him one of the most beautiful woman who has ever lived.

eddie willers said...

If you want to not fall into the pitfalls of beauty, you have to develop a personality and not let your beauty do all the work for you.

There was an episode of House M.D. that touched on this. Our good [but not so nice doctor] (played by Hugh Laurie) is telling Cameron (played by gorgeous Jennifer Morrison) that he picked her because she was beautiful.

She, of course, starts to get all huffy before House explains that a woman of her beauty could get by on her looks with no effort, but that she chose to tackle such a difficult regime showed her determination and drive.

That shut her up quicker than a diamond. (tip 'o the hat to Ron White)

Luke Lea said...

Female competition is real.

Jason said...

ZOOLANDER YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!!

CJ said...

I used to interact with Elsa Hosk - an acquaintance. She is extraordinarily beautiful, perhaps the most beautiful woman in the world. She is also extremely entitled. Never had to do anything. If she said she didn’t want something there were 5 guys backing her up, instantly.

She looks like a ray of sunshine walking down the street. But she knew how beautiful she is and how to use it.

Her boyfriends were always short, average joe club owners. So she has a type.

The woman in the article is attractive, but not attractive enough to write an article like that.

Angle-Dyne, Angelic Buzzard said...

"As far as men, and anyone under 40 is concerned, I am invisible. They do not see me. I could walk across the street naked — it’s that bad.

Here’s the really sad part. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you were in your youth; when you age you become invisible. You could still look fabulous but … who cares? Nobody is looking. Even my young-adult sons ignore me."


I've never understood this "I am invisible" complaint from aging women. What they really mean is "no one is any longer paying attention to me as a desirable sex partner (whether potential or out of their league). And that's the only way I want to be seen, or know how to be seen."

And I imagine that if you're giving out that kind of vibe - frustration, the resentments of injured vanity, desperation, emptiness - people are probably going to pick up on it and actively, even if unconsciously, steer clear. In a sense you're imposing yourself sexually, making sexual demands, on people who aren't interested in you sexually, and that's always repulsive. Don't these women remember how grossed out they were, when they were fresh young things, when creepy men who were too old to reasonably be considered part of one's "potential sex partner pool" interacted with them as if they weren't? I sure do.

Now I'm old and plain as dirt on a wagon wheel, and people, even young men, still seem to be pleasant, charming, conversational, and perfectly well aware of my existence. I've also known beautiful women who absolutely did *not* age into the sad, ugly, empty soul that this woman seems to have become. They had the intelligence and the detachment to "let it go" when the time came. They also had a lot of interest in things and people that weren't themselves.

Martha said...

My sister-in-law once asked me if I hated her because she was beautiful.

I disliked her because she was/is batshit crazy but I could not tell her that.

orthodoc said...

Try being a short, chubby, middle-aged guy for a while. The light leaving from "what a desirable catch" won't reach you for generations.

langford peel said...

I think this story is actually about Stephanie Seymour.

Virgil Hilts said...

From my experience watching my little sister (who was truly beautiful until her mid to late 20s), beautiful girls/young women tend to hang out with other beautiful girls/young women (think Heathers), probably because it is just easier. Why didn't this woman just seek out other beautiful women and become friends with them? It's because she did not that I suspect there may be something wrong with her. Maybe it was the case that she did not want to be around other women who were equally as attractive, and then she projected that same prejudice onto other women to justify to herself why they didn't want to be around her?

Ken B said...

Men hate me for my thirteen inch penis.

They hated me even more before I had the reduction surgery.

walter said...

"When I do the whole makeup, eyelashes, high heels, gown look I am very intimidating."
Well..consider toning it down a bit..

Kevin said...

Next episode: what it’s like to be the smartest commenter on the blog and how people revile you for your insights.

Breezy said...

One of my friends is very beautiful on the outside, equally on the inside, and she has no shortage of friends. Its all about how you handle it -- focus on the beauty of and within others.

Your physical beauty is not something you can really take full credit for, after all.

Angle-Dyne, Angelic Buzzard said...

MayBee: I think there are problems with being a truly beautiful woman, but I also believe they are the most privileged people on earth.

I don't think that's fair. Now, if the age of beauty coincided with wisdom and experience, then beautiful women would be the most privileged people on earth. But the time of being able to take advantage of this gift is also the time of being pretty clueless about life.

A lot of people, young men especially, believe that because *they* are dazzled by a woman's beauty, that her life must be dazzling, and that beautiful young women are detached machiavellian masterminds exploiting their beauty for everything it's worth. But 20-year-olds are generally inexperienced, naïve, and insecure. No matter how good looking they are.

At any rate, I've known beautiful women who, while they certainly enjoyed the pleasures that being young and beautiful can bring, had excellent characters. They were honorable, hard-working, and would have been successful and respected regardless. They also managed to make and keep close female friends, even if a lot of women *are* jealous bitches.

Scott McGlasson said...

My inner-editor saw that headline and immediately yelled that adding "really" doesn't do it a bit of good. Adverbs are a sign of a really lazy mind :)

Unknown said...

Sheesh, get over yourself already. Late in the piece she's bothered by the fact that as she's aged she is no longer scary beautiful but has now become invisible.

Anyone in her orbit that has decided not to engage and be her friend is wise.

-sw

D said...

Maybe she can look up that sweater guy. He appears to be happily married if Instagram can be relied upon. He wouldnt look at her in THAT way. And if he did, well, she could tell him to stick to his knitting.

tcrosse said...

Blogger Breezy said...
One of my friends is very beautiful on the outside, equally on the inside, and she has no shortage of friends


My wife is like that. Everybody loves her except my first wife.

Sam L. said...

She could be wrong; you could be wrong. No way am I going to read her atricle.

Big Mike said...

Well, right now liberal women are loving Stormy Daniels, but hating Melania and Ivanka Trump, so the message seems to be that “pretty good looking” is okay but not drop dead gorgeous.

n.n said...

She has a transgender bent. She's probably just looking for attention in all the wrong places... for profit.

Kevin said...

Is this a Pantene commercial?

JaimeRoberto said...

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Inga said...

“Well, right now liberal women are loving Stormy Daniels, but hating Melania...”

Not me. I am very fond of Melania and I don’t care for Stormy whatsoever.

Henry said...

What I'm wondering about is her relationship with YouTube.

Henry said...

"One of the worst things..."

One of the worst things? How long is her list?

2. My stepmother made me do dishes.

Inga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Maybe nobody likes her because she assumes the reason nobody likes her is because she's so much more beautiful than everyone else.

I am thinking of one of the most physically beautiful people I ever met, who was a model when I met her. It didn't take long to figure out that, beautiful or not, she's one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. Everyone loved her.

But her roommate - who was also attractive, though not as attractive as she thought herself - was the sort of person who'd say nobody likes her because she's so beautiful. Really, it's because we were all just so appalled at the way she treated other people, and other peoples' stuff.

D said...

Dearest Mother: This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write in my 21 years, but I sense a growing anxiety in you, when we pass each other hurriedly on the high street. Mother, I confess, my love for you has waned, as, inevitably, you slowly turn into a shrivelled former beauty. When you were an absolute stunner, and I was 3, learning how to swim in the backyard kiddie pool, I adored you, not only for feeding me every night and keeping the monster under my bed at bay, but because the other moms looked like sides of frozen meat in a Philly butchershop compared to you in your orange swimsuit. When I was 7, and going to try on new shoes at the mall, I gladly took your hand while you rocked out in a cream blouse and slim fit pants while Billys mom wore pajamas. The looks she threw you made me know that we were the It family on the block.
But that was over a decade ago. Maybe during my teens, when dad was drinking hard, I felt guilty enough to listen to your stories of woe, cause that in turn made me look like Big Hero Guy when I relayed the story to Debbie. But lately: well, I am ok without the calls, and the drop-bys, ya know? It doesnt help that you seemed to have pissed off my new girl - again. I dont need her making any ultimatum, so why dontcha maybe go a little invisible for awhile.
Your loving son etc

Anthony said...

I once asked a friend of mine what it was like to be really, really attractive. I could ask this because we were good enough friends that she wouldn't think it was weird. She's a truly beautiful Asian lady and used to do some runway modeling.

On the plus side, she said it was nice in that she got every man she ever set her sights on. She can use it to her advantage in influencing people, mostly men. It made a lot of stuff easier.

The downsides were that it was hard to maintain and that she also got a lot of unwanted attention for it. Some of the stories she's told me have really been quite creepy.

She never said anything specifically about other women giving her a hard time, but I know she's had that problem. She's very nice though, so I'm not sure how much that has to do with anything.

I'd read the linked article a few days ago and thought it was interesting but kind of shallow. I'd really like to see someone research an article interviewing several people. That would be interesting.

Bay Area Guy said...

You know what they say- beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes deep to the bone.

The combination of a beautiful woman with a good sense of humor always knocks me out.

On the other hand a beautiful girl who's uptight, stuffy and unfunny? No thank you. Gets boring real quick - kinda like the author of this boring article (in contrast to our lovely, insightful blog hostess)

Anonymous said...

"...always competition, and it's not just a looks thing. If you're a woman their age or younger, you're a threat, somehow. At work, at play, doesn't matter. So you keep them at arm's length."

People who choose to compete like to hang out with other people who are playing the same game.

Some workplaces & some industries foster particular types of competition. People who don't play whatever game is rewarded just don't tend to stick around.

I don't think women are more likely to be jealous than men, but I do think they are less likely to know how to channel that energy into a socially approved direction (so that it is ambition - a good trait - rather than just being a jealous bitch). But if women want to succeed in the working world, they should assume it's on them to figure out how to have their competitive drive be viewed as praiseworthy rather than malicious.

Unknown said...

Taller and better looking people get a job more easily and make more money (no I'm not either one). Really beautiful women can land a rich husband. In truth I have seen a whole room full of geeky middle-aged guys act like fools when a beautiful but also geeky woman came in, so the wives aren't wrong to be jealous. If this woman waited till 35 and settled for an alcoholic to marry, she was making poor choices which is not society's fault.

Be said...

This brought to mind my mother's comment to me. "I went to a shrink once. His diagnosis was that I had Borderline Disorder. He was trying to get into my pants."

She was a physically beautiful woman (think Anouk Aimee), with an Ugly personality. The messing with me from childhood really did a number. Fat, old, ugly, and finally back to my natural hair color, I'm learning that, hey, I'm far more beautiful than I was led to believe.

Sad, sad article by an honest Narcissist.

Portlandmermaid said...

My mother was a truly beautiful woman. She came from poverty; her beauty was the coin of her realm. She wore short black sequined dresses and shocking pink lipstick to parties while the other women wore sensible dresses and red lipstick that looked half chewed off.

She lit up the room. I admired her style and her courage to be herself in the face of resentment from other women, but that was after after I (mostly) stopped resenting that she constantly stole the spotlight.

Be said...

This brought to mind my mother's comment to me. "I went to a shrink once. His diagnosis was that I had Borderline Disorder. He was trying to get into my pants."

She was a physically beautiful woman (think Anouk Aimee), with an Ugly personality. The messing with me from childhood really did a number. Fat, old, ugly, and finally back to my natural hair color, I'm learning that, hey, I'm far more beautiful than I was led to believe.

Sad, sad article by an honest Narcissist.

LisaS said...

My 20 year old daughter is drop dead gorgeous! She has been a model but is now in the military. I can't tell you how many times a girlfriend has told her that they were intimidated by her on sight and figured she was a bitch and then, they got to know her and thought she was was nice and humble etc. She has lived this! Hurts my mama's heart to see her treated badly by other women. The added bonus is that many good guys are also intimidated by her looks and won't make the effort, fearing they will be shot down, so mostly swaggering, possessive, a$$holes will approach her. I am no beauty myself, and until my daughter, I would never have believed how hard it is to be a beautiful young woman.

buwaya said...

She's was in the wrong business - Television! a talk show!
And no doubt her circle of acquaintances was of the same sort.
No wonder. She hung out with terrible people.

Bay Area Guy said...


If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you


"If You Wanna be Happy", Jimmy Soul (1963)

D said...

No references to Norma Desmond yet, unless I missed it.
Maybe not popular on Netflix.

Freeman Hunt said...

I think this is more of a young, unmarried person phenomenon, teenagerhood being the worst. At least, that's been my observation of others. Better to leave oneself, attractive or not, out of it; you could have personality flaws or merits you can't see that affect how you're treated.

One of the best looking adult women I have ever met, maybe the best, is absolutely adored by other women.

In adult world, if people hate you because you're beautiful, you are either not hanging with the right people, or you are doing something to put them off. (Attempting to flirt with other people's husbands seems to be a quick way to make other women find you obnoxious no matter how attractive or unattractive you are.)

cubanbob said...

tcrosse said...
Blogger Breezy said...
One of my friends is very beautiful on the outside, equally on the inside, and she has no shortage of friends

My wife is like that. Everybody loves her except my first wife."

Tip of the hat Sir. That is top notch drollery.

cubanbob said...

I'm so fortunate to have never been good looking in my youth, I don't have the regrets or anger in my old age from the loss of my looks.

cubanbob said...

I'm so fortunate to have never been good looking in my youth, I don't have the regrets or anger in my old age from the loss of my looks.

Anonymous said...

"What did my looks do for me? They got me a few jobs, and a lot of boyfriends … but what else?"

What the hell more do you want, lady?

Anonymous said...

Beauty actually has everyday advantages above and beyond jobs and boyfriends. See:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfvcpHvitjY

Michael K said...

My wife, when she was young and beautiful, used to say, "A party is to a woman what a battlefield is to a man. "

She is in her 70s and has other things to worry about but she is the very happy mother of three boys and one girl, plus three grandchildren.

Women over 50 still worried about beauty have issues that looks won't fix.

My mother-in-law was in the movie business and lots of women friends of hers had gay men friends. They were dress designers and make-up people.

Like "Mr Blackwell."

rcocean said...

I think we're forgetting the REAL victims:

Rich people.

Francisco D said...

Ken B said...
"Men hate me for my thirteen inch penis. They hated me even more before I had the reduction surgery."

Yes. I imagine that is why I have more female than male friends.

LOL!

Ingachuck'stoothlessARM said...

maybe there are other factors involved.
I'm beautiful and everyone loves me, so she must be doing it wrong.

Bad Lieutenant said...

If she were a man she would be a coxcomb. What's the feminine version of a coxcomb?

Scott said...

For every beautiful woman, there is a man who is tired of putting up with her shit..

steve knoche said...

I googled her name for images. She's not that good looking.

tim in vermont said...

I began to question it when she said she wasn’t invited to parties. Everybody invites beautiful women to parties. Sorry, they just do. Then, like steve, I google imaged her and well, she’s fine girlfriend material, I certainly would never have been ashamed to walk with her on my arm, but she’s no intimidating beauty.

tim in vermont said...

Late in the piece she’s bothered by the fact that as she's aged she is no longer scary beautiful but has now become invisible.

You read the whole thing??? One thing I have noticed about beautiful women is that they don’t really hit that wall at fifty, they still get looks.


But it was worth reading the thread to see a Titus comment!


LordSomber said...

Wasn't there an ancient Greek philosopher who emphasized the importance of a woman cultivating character, grace and poise, so that when her looks faded, there'd still be a reason to give her the time of day?

Tibore said...

"Look at the multiple photos of this woman on Google Images. She is far from beautiful. There were prettier girls in my homeroom in high school. Alexa Tsoulis-Reay may indeed have trouble making friends but the problem isn't her supposedly beautiful face."

You and I both missed the introductory paragraph:

"Here, a woman in her late 50s tells Alexa Tsoulis-Reay how being beautiful affected her life, and how she feels about her looks today."

The byline was for the interviewer, not the first person narrator herself. Ms. Tsoulis-Reay says as much in her Twitter feed.

Yeah, I made the same mistake too.

FIDO said...

I never had any trouble getting guys, but I got bored easily and moved on. I should have taken the good ones more seriously. I can see now that they would have been good husbands, fathers, and providers but I’d just drift away on to the next and stop returning their calls.
So I look back over my life and think, What did my looks do for me? They got me a few jobs, and a lot of boyfriends … but what else? I didn’t get married until I was 35 because I didn’t want the merry-go-round to end. One day I realized well if you want to have a kid, you better do it now. Of course all those great guys I didn’t take seriously when I was in my 20s were gone.


This probably had something to do with it.

Bored and refused to settle down. If she had been married, other women wouldn't have had such an issue with her. But her footloose and fancy free lifestyle made her dangerous.

She makes it sound awful but she 'didn't want it to end'. Sounds like she had a lot of fun on the merry-go-round.

NOW she can find some female friends, I guess.

But this doesn't ring true at all. A fat girl, some 'not quite' girls...a lot of them would be happy to wander with her like remoras, hoping to find a nice juicy 'scrap' which she discards but might make wonderful husbands for them.

I would have asked her how many boyfriends she stole. Sometimes it isn't because she is 'just' beautiful. Entitled and easily bored is the problem, not the beauty.

FIDO said...

Not to be a narcissistic bastard but...

I seem to have aged into a moderately good looking male. Maybe it is the interplay of status, money, fitness (the real attention started AFTER the gym. A note for you lazy bastards out there) etc.

I remember talking with a woman and she said 'you know what you look like' with a rather resentful tone.

Well...no, I didn't, but thanked her anyway. I know that in my 40's, female attention has gone way up compared to my callow youth.

So women are beautiful when they are unwise, men tend to age into attractiveness...

Hmm!

Caligula said...

Narcissa, admiring her reflection in the reflection pool.

Then mean old Father Time went and drove a jetski through it.

Maybe her sons ignore her because she's ugly inside. Maybe the reflection of herself she sees in how people respond to her provides a truer image than what she sees in a mirror.

Maybe its her impenetrable narcissism.

FIDO said...

I do find it slightly humorous and ironic that the beautiful lady, saying she is constantly being hated on by people...finds herself being hated on by the people here.

Not that we would admit to hating her because she is beautiful. We find...excuses.

Granted, she does not come across as a particularly good woman in the article but still...she may actually have a point.

Kelly said...

What I take from the article is that beauty defined her and now that she is aging she is invisible even to her adult sons. That’s odd. Maybe she really is just an annoying person who blames her past beauty and lost beauty on the loss of friendships and relationships

Earnest Prole said...

Catty, jealous women and horn-dog men. Remind me again what’s controversial here?

Anonymous said...

"Not that we would admit to hating her because she is beautiful. We find...excuses."

You need to work harder at being passive-aggressive.

The original claim - that everyone who refuses to accept her claim(s) hates her, and the motive for that hate is because her beauty brings out less beautiful peoples' character flaws - this "works" on so many levels.

You can do better.

Tinderbox said...

The image used for illustration is presumably some model. Look up Google images for actual pictures of the author and you'll see nothing over a 6. She is delusional.

FIDO said...

indiana118

Right out of the gate, Ms. Althouse writes a piece hating on this woman. Many of the people here who admit to not reading the article...are hating on this woman.

All the speculation revolves around 'why do we hate this woman' or 'why is this woman hatable', with the assumption that she IS hateable.

We hate her because of her privilege.

We hate her because her beauty twisted her soul.

We hate her because she is a shallow beautiful person...just like all the stereotypes say.

NO ONE admits that maybe they hate her because we are shallow jealous beings. SHE is always the problem. Not anyone else.

And honestly, I don't see anyone 'dispute' her claim, except the nitwits who are not particularly good at reading comprehension. Alexis is the author. The woman is 50. The photo clearly says 'stock footage' and is NOT directly attributable to the model herself.

The default assumption for most of the readers is 'yeah she's pretty...but we hate her for X.'

Which is frankly the reaction that the lady describes. And unless you yourself have been staggeringly gorgeous, how can you know what she lived with?

Would, for example, Ms. Althouse have the hubris to state that she knows what it is to be black, to be a homosexual man, what it is to be a Muslim in the West?

No. These folks would engender a very humble assertion of empathy without any kind of guess as to the ACTUAL circumstance of their lives.

Not with this woman. I am doing it too, but I am at least admitting that there may be a touch of fire in that smoke cloud.

tim in vermont said...

She's not nearly as pretty as she claims. Google image her. Why the hate for pointing that out?

tim in vermont said...

I say she's culturally appropriating the problems of women who actually are beautiful. Attributing her own flaws to the imagined jealousy of others.

FIDO said...

tim, here is the problem.

We don't know the name of this woman. She is NAMELESS. We have the name of the reporter...but not the SUBJECT of the interview.

The footage at the top of the page is a stock pic of someone pretty.

So any speculation at how amazingly gorgeous this woman is and isn't is purely the artifice of the commenters own mind.

tim in vermont said...

Whatever. I am not buying it. I know a couple of beautiful women, and their beauty causes them problems, but not getting invited to parties is not one of them.

Not being able to be nice to guys is one, for sure. Jealousy? Sure, but there's different people in life. Rich people have problems of whom to trust, who really likes them, or just likes to be invited to the gorgeous summer house or the sweet boat, etc.

There are lots of people with far worse problems who get a lot less sympathy. And in my experience, genuine beauty holds up after fifty. If she is really bothered by being invisible, she should look around at the supermarket.

Anonymous said...

"Right out of the gate, Ms. Althouse writes a piece hating on this woman. Many of the people here who admit to not reading the article...are hating on this woman."

Your first mistake is assuming that not buying her BS claim equals "hate". It does not. Hence my claim that she is being - and you are being - passive aggressive: she makes this ridiculous claim and if you do anything except accept it uncritically, that is taken as proving the point. But this is incredibly dishonest: it proves nothing except that the person making the claim is a game-player. The available evidence suggests the reason people don't like her is because people have good reason to not like people who exhibit this sort of behavior.

What is interesting about this essay to me is how we define "beauty". I think of beauty as being natural gifts - high cheekbones, clear skin, well-formed lips, big attractive eyes. She talks about how she loads herself up with signifiers - makeup, shoes, clothing. That's "intimidating". Why is it intimidating? Because those are SIGNIFIERS. Her definition of "being beautiful" involves MAKING A STATEMENT.

Imagine that: thinking that it's horrible, just horrible, that people think they can know something about who she is and what sort of person she is just by what sort of statement she chooses to make with her signifiers.

Anonymous said...

"I know a couple of beautiful women, and their beauty causes them problems, "

I think this could be said of any type of success.

Covetousness works pretty much the same way for everyone.