December 3, 2017

"These Are the 8 Types of Friends You Need in Your Life."

8 types of friends?

I'd be impressed to hear that you just have 8 friends. 8 types?

The headline appears at Time Magazine, which might have 8 types of readers.

I can see why so many people believe in astrology. We like to think there are types.

Yeah, I know: You see what type I am.

The authors of the article would say I'm type 7, "The Mind Opener":
They send you interesting articles. They get you to question your assumptions.... Mind Openers are the friends who expand your horizons and encourage you to embrace new ideas, opportunities, cultures, and people. They challenge you to think in innovative ways and help you create positive change. Mind Openers know how to ask good questions, and this makes you more receptive to ideas. When you are around a Mind Opener, you are unguarded and express opinions aloud, especially controversial ones that you might not be comfortable sharing with other friends. These friends broaden your perspective on life and make you a better person....
Why a better person? What if you're pretty good already and the mind-opener takes you into questioning your values and wondering what this scam of being a good person is really all about? Who benefits from your prolonged, earnest goodness efforts?
My friend Nick never met an idea he couldn’t challenge. We go on absurdly long walks and he responds to everything I say with, “But what if…?” He always makes me think really hard....
I guarantee you Nick does not have 8 friends.


Ann Althouse said...

"Yeah, I know: You see why type I am."

The typo type.

tim in vermont said...

I guarantee you Nick does not have 8 friends.

Years ago, they made a guy like "Nick" drink hemlock.

Michael K said...

Sometimes you get so open minded your brain falls out.

I know a few like that.

BudBrown said...

What was it the fellow said in On The Road?
It doesn't take all types, we just have all

Roger Sweeny said...

There are two types of people: those who divide the world into two types and those who don't.

tim in vermont said...

Sometimes you get so open minded your brain falls out.

That's just another way to say "It's turtles all the way down," which it is.

TerriW said...

Nick is awesome in your teens, okay but not exciting in your twenties, and starting to get irritating in your thirties. By your forties, you only see Nick occasionally, and you're really trying to catch someone else's eye at the party.

Paco Wové said...

Trying to imagine the Time magazine of my youth publishing such a story, as as opposed to, say, Cosmopolitan or Tiger Beat. Not seeing it.

John Lynch said...

I don't believe "Nick" exists.

james james said...

Nick on Trump:

But what if Trump colluded with the Russians?

But what if Trump nukes North Korea?

But what if Trump is unfit for Office?

But what if Trump has dementia?

But what if Trump is Hitler?

But what if Trump grabs them by the pussy?

There are a lot of Nicks out there.

- james james

james james said...

The 9th Type of Friend: the one who will stop being your friend because of politics.

- james james

rhhardin said...

Thurber lists and analyzes the feminine types in Is Sex Necessary.

Francisco D said...

This is useless and intuitive crap.

I did not see any evidence of empirical research that supported these distinctions.

It's this crap (and the 90% of psychologists with the Psy.D. degree) that give my field a bad name.

The good news is that I retire in 21 weeks.

See you some day in Oro Valley, Michael K. We bought a house that is about to be built off the Vistoso golf course.

Fernandistein said...

The authors of the article would say I'm type 7, "The Mind Opener"

LOL. Well, maybe compared to other feminist pop-culture blogs.

Francisco D said...
This is useless and intuitive crap.

I, too, saw "" in the URL.

Michael K pontificated...
Sometimes you get so open minded your brain falls out.

Even people who believe in ghosts and astrology have rudimentary nervous systems which could arguably include a "brain".

I know a few like that.

Apparently so.

John Lynch said...

"Nick" isn't challenging her beliefs. That would be

What if Trump is just another Republican?

What if Trump gets reelected?

If Trump is so bad, why is the economy doing so well?

If Trump is so crazy, why hasn't he started any new wars?

How will the Democrats get enough votes in the House and Senate to impeach Trump?

Even if Trump is impeached, Pence becomes President.

That would be a real "Nick." This one is fake.

Michael K said...

I know a few like that.

Apparently so."

No, I don;t know you.

james james said...

There are a lot of types of people that frequent the bar. Maybe that's not true. Maybe there are only two or three types, and within each type is a factor of eccentricity that makes them seem more different than they really are. But each of these types has at least two types to themselves: how they are when they are sober, and how they are when they are drunk.

You know the main types: the happy drunk, the mean drunk, the emotional drunk. There are others, but those are probably the big three. Oh: and the drunk that just fell of the wagon. But in the space of an evening he will typically pass through all of those three types, and pretty much in that order. So it probably isn't worth splitting hairs.

But there is a type that encompasses all these types. I know: the math is getting confusing. How about: If we add 0 to any number, we will end up with the same number. How about we consider this the default and we will move on.

Anyway: the type that encompasses all these types is the one who will say things he will regret having said in the morning.

Maybe he tells a truth he shouldn't have said. Yeah, I slept with her. Like that.

Maybe he tells a lie he shouldn't have said: yeah, I slept with her.

Maybe he tells something he really didn't want to have said: yeah, I slept with him.

Because he is not gay. No, he's not. He was just drunk, that's all. Really drunk. Not even sure how it happened. Except: really drunk.

Which gets to another type: the one who, when drunk, tells everyone's secrets. As in: John slept with a dude.

The people who hear such things fall into types, too.

The one who won't say anything, because it is no one else's business. And the guy was really drunk.

The one who won't even remember the tale in question. Because he was really drunk.

And the one who, when drunk, tells everyone's secrets. He gets around a lot.

Please don't ask me to diagram this.

- james james

Jon Burack said...

Ha! I wonder if Time Magazine has any "Mind Openers" on its staff. If they do, I bet those Mind Openers do not have eight friends at Time Magazine.

tcrosse said...

There are 8 types of friends, but 50 ways to leave your lover.

Henry said...

Reading this, the friend I need is Ambrose Bierce.

1. The Nag
2. The Flatterer
3. The Drudge
4. The Mark
5. The Salesman
6. The Drunk
7. The Jerk
8. The Enabler

james james said...

"There are 8 types of friends, but 50 ways to leave your lover."

And there are 99 problems.

Of which a bitch ain't one.

But there are probably 8 types of bitches. I imagine.

- james james

Henry said...

This actually reads like a marketing campaign for a social media dashboard:

1. Pinterest
2. Fitbit
3. Reddit
4. Facebook
5. LinkedIn
6. Instagram
7. Steam
8. Google

Henry said...

Matt Groening used to do lists like this. From his "Life is Hell" series, I give you The 9 Types of Girlfriends:

1. Ms. Nice Guy
2. Old Yeller
3. ...

You get the idea.

Unknown said...

Reading this article it would seem I've been doing this friend thing all wrong. I have plenty of friends, a subset of which that I would describe as best or close friends. We do stuff together that we mutually enjoy - activities like hiking, biking, golf, cooking & eating, going to parties together, traveling. We're not trying to improve each other.

The friend types the article describes are all about doing something for you that helps you and makes you a better person. The only person in my life like that is my wife, and I'm that friend for her (at least I try to be).


Portlandmermaid said...

I would have enjoyed a lot of these types when I was younger, now they sound insufferable.

Simon Kenton said...

The Nicks I have known are lower-order compared to the apotheosized Time Version:

"Now just let me play devil's advocate for a minute here."

A salesman friend doing a group presentation encountered, and was repeatedly interrupted by, one such. So he stopped his presentation and said, “We need a vote here and we need to agree to be bound by it. All those who want to listen to him raise your hands. Now, all those who want to listen to me.” He won, of course; it was unanimous. Not one of the man’s colleagues wanted to listen to him. Perhaps many such people would become better persons if they knew how loathed their regular persona is.

EDH said...

How Many Friends

I'm feelin' so good right now
There's a handsome boy tells me how I changed his past
He buys me a brandy
But could it be he's really just after my ass?
He likes the clothes I wear
He says he likes a man who's dressed in season
But no-one else ever stares, he's being so kind
What's the reason?

How many friends have I really got?
You can count 'em on one hand
How many friends have I really got?
How many friends have I really got?
That love me, that want me, that'll take me as I am?

Suddenly it's the silver screen
And a face so beautiful that I have to cry out
Everybody hears me
But I look like a fool now
With a cry and I shy out
She knows all of my friends
But it's nice to find a woman who's keen on living
Now I think I've reached the end
I wonder in the dead of night - how do I rate?

It's all like a dream you know
When you're still up early in the morning
And you all sit together to watch the sun come through
But things don't look so good
When you could use a bit of warning
Then you know that no-one will ever speak the truth about you

When I first signed a contract
It was more than a handshake then
I know it still is
But there's a plain fact
We talk so much shit behind each other's backs
I get the willies
People know nothing about their own soft gut
So how come they can sum us up
Without suffering all the hype we've known
How come they bum us up said...

'I guarantee you Nick does not have 8 friends.'

Lol! That's gold.

I love this blog. :)

Dust Bunny Queen said...

@ Unknown ...sw

The friend types the article describes are all about doing something for you that helps you and makes you a better person. The only person in my life like that is my wife, and I'm that friend for her (at least I try to be).

Those are my exact sentiments about my husband. Best friend, support system, rock steady companion and I hope that I am the same for him.

Friends are something that I didn't develop much when I was a young child because we moved so many times. I would had gone to 4 or more schools in various parts of the country in the early elementary school years.

While I was as a child and am, as an adult, a fairly social person in that I can get along well with other people, I just never have developed very deep friendships. What was the point? They were going to be gone in a few months and we would have moved far away. Rinse and repeat for years. Why bother making deep connections with people who were just passing through your life?

I'm better at being friends now, but still don't feel the need to have deep, long lasting and, to me, intrusive relationships.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Added: I mean 4 or more schools in ONE school year. I remember 5 in 3rd grade. Los Angles, Ann Arbor, Chicago, someplace in Mississippi and Washington. Seriously. How can you possibly have friends? Why even try to be more than just passing acquaintances?

mockturtle said...

There are really only two types of people: Those who put their shopping carts away and those who leave them out in the parking lot.

Howard said...

The list consists of the psychological support group every Millennial requires to avoid eating selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors by the handful.

Valentine Smith said...

Were there 8 types of friends in Lord of the Flies? Cuz that most closely resembles my childhood friends. Come to think of it, that's still true.

mockturtle said...

Every boy should have a friend like Dickens' Steerforth or Hughes' Flashman so long as he knows that such friend will surely meet with a bad end.

Megaera said...

So according to Time you need absolutely one-dimensional friends in order to complete your full set of 8, they can't do category overlap? (I confess I didn't bother to read the actual story, but the writer's thesis, as described, was so bizarre I just couldn't be bothered to go there.

Megaera said...

Further to my previous, would like to add that, like others above, my Spousal Unit seems to fill most presumptive Friend categories. Maybe not Enabler, exactly, and given his fairly stringent code of ethics he might not be up to supporting me in an actual criminal enterprise, but I do believe he'd find (and pay for) the best criminal defense lawyer available for me if I were under arrest.

Jim at said...

You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend:

Those with loaded guns and those who dig.
You dig.

Pete Malloy said...

or just 8 readers