Althouse: "We suspect this is the kind of dress that leaves you sore for hours after wearing it."

May 1, 2017

"We suspect this is the kind of dress that leaves you sore for hours after wearing it."

"We say 'dress,' but this is clearly just the beams and girders of a frock yet to be constructed. Hard hats should be worn in the area surrounding this dress. When you walk past this dress, little men will make crude comments and tell you to smile."

32 comments:

chickelit said...: When you walk past this dress, little men will make crude comments and tell you to smile.

To say nothing of the little men in boats.; 5/1/17, 9:30 AM
Matt said...: She's approaching 50, isn't she? That outfit is J-Lo's WHCD "I'M STILL RELEVANT!!!"; 5/1/17, 9:32 AM
Caroline said...: oh Good Lord screams DESPERATE; 5/1/17, 9:33 AM
Freeman Hunt said...: "She's approaching 50, isn't she?"

I had to look it up. 47. Wow! She looks great.; 5/1/17, 9:36 AM
JAORE said...: I expect such nonsense from youthful, hopefuls trying to make a name for themselves. They are in desperate "look-at-Meeeeee!" mode in an attempt at separating themselves from the herd of wanna be stars.

Jennifer Lopez, a beautiful, successful, established star by any standard should know better.; 5/1/17, 9:36 AM
exiledonmainstreet, green-eyed devil said...: That dress really does look uncomfortable. I didn't think of construction when I saw it. It looks more to me like what a sci-fi comic book villainess would wear as she's plotting how to destroy Superman.; 5/1/17, 9:36 AM
Freeman Hunt said...: I don't mean the dress. The dress is strange. But the person, she looks like she sidestepped out of time.; 5/1/17, 9:37 AM
rhhardin said...: The feminine operation is concealing that there is nothing to conceal.; 5/1/17, 9:39 AM
Sprezzatura said...: Using CAD to design and manufacture clothes seems viable. Software can take 3D designs and convert them to a set of 2D pieces that would be made, and then assembled to form the 3D dress.

Presumably there are computerized looms (or whatever) that can kick out the 2D pieces when following tool paths based on the CAD.

This dress could be such a thing.

Could probably make a well fit suit for a dude. Why not all the underlying clothes too--beyond shirts, why settle for off the rack socks. Need a laser scan of your body, maybe that's easier said than done.

The better the fit, the more ya gotta stick w/in a tight fitness range.

I dunno.; 5/1/17, 9:39 AM
David said...: Try to grab that pussy without permission and the dress will chop your hand off.; 5/1/17, 9:40 AM
rhhardin said...: Philosphers never worry about breasts. They worry about balls of wax.

How do I know it's a ball of wax? I don't see all of it. I really see only a front surface....

The important thing for a philosopher is that there be no interest in the object.

There are lots of known tests for breasts and the issue doesn't come up.; 5/1/17, 9:41 AM
rhhardin said...: There's the essay "Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown" (title swiped for a book of essays), that this dress might be a finite-element approach to.; 5/1/17, 9:42 AM
Ann Althouse said...: I don't consider it desperate. I think she has a sense of humor and just plain fun about what she is doing. It's in the wonderful tradition of Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" dress and Cher's winning-an-Oscar dress. And Carmen Miranda.; 5/1/17, 9:46 AM
YoungHegelian said...: Jenny, you’re too fabulous to be pulling from Kim’s playbook.

Do T&L inhabit a parallel universe where J-Lo is the doyenne of some sort of fashion that doesn't involve lots of female equipment out on display?; 5/1/17, 9:50 AM
CStanley said...: What I find oddest about it is the way it makes her hips appear to jut out at strange angles. You can tell that her real body is much more beautiful than the illusion that the dress creates. It just seems if you're going to go to these lengths then the overall appearance should enhance and not detract.; 5/1/17, 9:52 AM
Anonymous said...: I think her g-string should've been black too.; 5/1/17, 9:55 AM
MadisonMan said...: Those shoes. My feet hurt just looking at them.; 5/1/17, 10:08 AM
Otto said...: Just remember this women has been screwed by more than 1001( my guess) men.; 5/1/17, 10:26 AM
Anthony said...: I don't consider it desperate. I think she has a sense of humor and just plain fun about what she is doing. It's in the wonderful tradition of Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" dress and Cher's winning-an-Oscar dress. And Carmen Miranda.

I agree. It's a stupid red carpet, where you can be outrageous. She looks awesome. Put it out there and have fun.

But yeah, the g-string probably should have been black.; 5/1/17, 10:28 AM
JohnAnnArbor said...: Otto, why would you assume that?; 5/1/17, 10:31 AM
Earnest Prole said...: What's not to like? I just hope she has a license to operate that (magnificent) thing.; 5/1/17, 10:37 AM
Professional lady said...: I hope the air conditioning wasn't turned up too high - it would be freezing in that dress. But then, I'm always cold.; 5/1/17, 10:47 AM
William said...: When you consider the time and trouble that women put into waxing their vagina, it seems a shame to keep this attractive feature covered up. I hope J-Lo will be a pioneer in the struggle against this last remaining area of repressive modesty. I think if she takes to wearing open crotch dresses at red carpet events, it will be a liberating statement for women everywhere.; 5/1/17, 11:04 AM
Earnest Prole said...: What I find oddest about it is the way it makes her hips appear to jut out at strange angles.

One person’s strange angles is another person’s biological imperative.; 5/1/17, 11:07 AM
chuckR said...: "Presumably there are computerized looms (or whatever) that can kick out the 2D pieces when following tool paths based on the CAD."

That's so 19th century. Joseph Marie Jacquard invented the eponymous loom in 1804. A few decades later, Ada Byron, Countess of Lovelace, and Charles Babbage, used insights from Jacquard loom programming in their pioneering work on computers in their work on the difference engine and analytical engine. While it took more than a century of advancements before computers became practical, practical CAD took somewhat longer.; 5/1/17, 11:26 AM
Christy said...: When Lopez is 80, she will look at those shots and smile happily.; 5/1/17, 11:37 AM
Krumhorn said...: Baby got back!

I admire the woman. Not only has she built an impressive career as a performer, she has an equally impressive career as a producer. Most folks don't realize how much TV programming she owns...and more is on the way.

I always thought Angel Eyes was her best movie. Years later, she produces Shades of Blue and plays that character. Not many pop culture figures can point to that kind of versatility and success. You would have thought that she could wait for the construction of the dress to be finished before slithering into it.

She's not my type, but if I looked like that......

.....this is why women are REALLY in charge.

- Krumhorn; 5/1/17, 11:50 AM
J2 said...: It looks like she's been consumed by a lawn chair.

She's beautiful.; 5/1/17, 12:09 PM
Doug said...: "
But yeah, the g-string probably should have been black." Nah, the g-string should have been tan with a vertical pink stripe.; 5/1/17, 12:13 PM
Birches said...: Cher's winning-an-Oscar dress

I was thinking of Cher's music video on the Navy ship.; 5/1/17, 1:29 PM
Leslie Graves said...: I like the idea of the "Kingdom of Kardashia". It would be fun to construct that.; 5/1/17, 2:56 PM
FIDO said...: My thoughts, after the initial 'Of Hell no!' which comes from seeing this dress goes in a totally different direction.

I do not like Jennifer Lopez. I find her grating and irritating and that diva thing is just so offputting.

So my bias inclinations go totally against her.

Do you have any idea how much work it takes to be able to wear something like that? I DO. And to look that way at her age is maddening.

And she has to look that good almost every day!

So kudos to her for her discipline and her work ethic. Still don't like her but I have to honestly give her props for her hard work; 5/1/17, 6:09 PM