Althouse: "Sexual salamanders" — "They’re like endurance athletes. Some of them could walk for two-plus hours straight without tiring themselves."

December 21, 2016

"Sexual salamanders" — "They’re like endurance athletes. Some of them could walk for two-plus hours straight without tiring themselves."

"That’s like a person lightly jogging for 75 miles before wearing out."

How far would you lightly jog for sex? How valiantly?

23 comments:

Wilbur said...: When Wilbur was (much) younger, he once drove 3 hours through a blizzard to Chicago for some. It was worth it.; 12/21/16, 6:04 AM
rhhardin said...: The Time to Tickle a Lizard,
Is Before, or Right After, a Blizzard.
Now the place to begin
Is just under his Chin,—
And here’s more Advice:
Don’t Poke more than Twice
At an Intimate Place like his Gizzard.; 12/21/16, 6:19 AM
David Begley said...: Post is a setup for Laslo.; 12/21/16, 6:23 AM
JAORE said...: At my stage in life it isn't how far to lightly jog for sex.

Rather it is a choice of lightly jogging or sex.; 12/21/16, 6:51 AM
David said...: How old am I at the time the question is being asked?; 12/21/16, 7:27 AM
Ann Althouse said...: @David

You can give 2 answers: 1. Now. 2. In your prime.

Remember, if it's not 75 miles, you are less intensely sexually focused than a salamander.; 12/21/16, 7:38 AM
Ignorance is Bliss said...: They’re like endurance athletes. Some of them could walk for two-plus hours straight without tiring themselves,” Denton said.

That’s like a person lightly jogging for 75 miles before wearing out.

I'm really interested in meeting this person who can lightly jog 75 miles in two hours.

That's about triple the world record marathon pace for three times as long. Lightly jogging.; 12/21/16, 7:40 AM
bagoh20 said...: Sounds like nobody actually saw them walk that far, and six miles seem impossible. They are only inferring from other evidence, and I'm suspicious. My alternative theories involve careless salamander call girls, Uber, mail order, and very tiny turkey basters - all more reasonable than stubby walking 6 miles. Yea, I'll say it: I'm a stubby sex denier.; 12/21/16, 7:53 AM
Bob Boyd said...: If you have to lightly jog 75 miles for sex, you might as well stay home. By the time you get there she will already have left with another guy who at least has a car.; 12/21/16, 7:58 AM
Wince said...: "That’s like a person lightly jogging for 75 miles before wearing out."

How about while pushing a piano up a hill?

I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same; 12/21/16, 8:11 AM
MadisonMan said...: I was always thrilled to find a salamander when I camped as a kid.

If you're having to jog lightly for 75 miles to find a sexual partner you're living in the wrong place.; 12/21/16, 8:16 AM
Bill said...: Adorable (Sorry, I get sentimental. But not about these).; 12/21/16, 8:57 AM
mikee said...: As a college student, I once jogged 10 miles from my house to the university, through six inches of a rare SC snowstorm, because I knew one day I'd have kids who would object to going to school. Yeah, really. So, theoretically, sex at some future time was considered in making the decision to jog that far.; 12/21/16, 9:08 AM
tcrosse said...: An old Navy buddy of mine used to say of a particularly attractive woman that he'd drag his dick through thirty miles of broken glass just to throw stones at her shit.
Or eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from. A guy could get mighty horny at sea.; 12/21/16, 9:08 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: I would never jog a far distance merely for sex, but I would always have done a full-bore hill sprint, so maybe that explains what's been going wrong all these years.; 12/21/16, 9:18 AM
n.n said...: The Salamander's SlutWalk.; 12/21/16, 9:41 AM
dbp said...: "“They’re like endurance athletes. Some of them could walk for two-plus hours straight without tiring themselves,” Denton said.

“That’s like a person lightly jogging for 75 miles before wearing out.”"

I don't think so. Usain Bolt can hit almost 27.5 miles per hour and this would not be described as lightly jogging. Even at that pace, Mr. Bolt would travel only 55 miles in two hours. I would describe lightly jogging as 5-6 miles per hour, so 2 hours is 10-12 miles. Would most men go to that effort for sex? Yes, I would say most would go to that effort for even a 50% chance of intercourse.

The real question is whether the salamanders could have gotten laid without going so far, or if the long walk was purely to get some "strange"?; 12/21/16, 10:13 AM
Ann Althouse said...: Is there a scientific reason for equating salamander time to human distance?

Some of you are talking about how a man couldn't lightly jog 75 miles in 2.hours, but maybe there was a sophisticated reason for translating from time to distance.

Also, to the commenter who doubted that a salamander was observed for 2 hours, it was. They made a treadmill for it.; 12/21/16, 11:21 AM
Peter said...: "Dispersal – leaving the birthplace for a new habitat – is a key element of keeping a species genetically healthy, he said." And so is exogamy important in maintaining genetic diversity within a community and thus making that community more adaptable if/when its environment change.

BUT it profits an individual salamander naught to die trying to enhance group survival. If a trait doesn't enhance an individual's probability of propagating itself, then why would natural selection select for it?; 12/21/16, 11:35 AM
Ignorance is Bliss said...: Peter said...

If a trait doesn't enhance an individual's probability of propagating itself, then why would natural selection select for it?

The key is not to look at the individual, but to look at the gene. If a population only breeds locally, then any genes unique to that population can die out due to a local catastrophe, such as a forest fire or a wetlands drying out. But if a gene causes some members to breed with other populations, then the gene is more likely to survive, because that gene's eggs won't all be in one, local basket.; 12/21/16, 12:20 PM
JAORE said...: They made a treadmill for it.

Unless the salamander was using the treadmill to reduce his muffin top, jogging on a laboratory treadmill is a poor way to meet lady salamanders.; 12/21/16, 12:34 PM
Unknown said...: I'd jog a mile for a camel toe.; 12/21/16, 6:45 PM
mikee said...: JAORE, if you were a salamander, who after all are among the most polite of all creatures, and some people made you your very own personalized treadmill, would you not use it at least once while they watched to let them know you appreciated their thoughtful gift?

Sure, put it in the basement when the scientists leave, but using it once doesn't hurt. And who knows, with this new skill of treadmill jogging, maybe you can outcompete the other non-fit salamanders for the hot amphibian babes. It never hurts to delete Facebook, lawyer up and hit the gym.; 12/22/16, 10:06 AM