October 7, 2016

Welcome to The Rat Café.

Your hosts are Dipsy...

Version 8

... and Skeemo...

Version 7

You can talk about whatever you want, but please vote in Round #1 of the Most Loved Rat contest:

I prefer...
pollcode.com free polls


rehajm said...

Round #1?

But I haven't finished my bracket!

mockturtle said...

Recently, a couple of people on this blog recommended The Complete Personal Memories of Ulysses S. Grant. I am reading it now and it is truly one of the most enjoyable autobiographies I have ever read. To whom it may concern, THANK YOU!

MadisonMan said...

Wow -- 50/50 when I voted, 20 each.

MadisonMan said...

Let's go Skeemo!!! Say No to that Dippy Dipsy!

tim in vermont said...

I watched Fox and Friends this morning, for the first time in years, and there was a solid ad against Hillary. I just wish I would see that ad during Red Sox games, for example, and not just preaching to the choir.

eric said...

Dipsy is obviously going to be the winner. Don't trust that skeemo is ahead in the polls right now. Dipsy is a much cuter name and skeemo is ugly.

Plus, dipsy has larger rallies.

rehajm said...

I've seen way more Skeemo yard signs.

buwaya puti said...

You are going to do a Scott Adams when you retire, aren't you?
Probably for the New Yorker.

buwaya puti said...

I want to see the captions.
Skeemo has the punch lines probably.

Roughcoat said...

Skeemo *hearts* Pizza Rat.

Roughcoat said...


I was one of those people. Very glad you liked Grant's autobio. Grant was a great man, my hero.

Laslo Spatula said...

Dipsy is before the Lab Experiments. Skeemo is after.

Skeemo went through Skeemotherapy.

I am The Replacement Laslo.

David Begley said...


In all sincerity, you might want to copyright your rat collection. It worked out really well for Walt Disney, his heirs, successors and assigns.

Michael K said...

I am reading it now and it is truly one of the most enjoyable autobiographies I have ever read.

I read it in college and have a copy in the bookshelf behind me. He was writing it as he was dying to support his family. He had lost everything in the corruption of his administration from which he benefitted not a dollar. Mark Twain helped by editing it. I believe he died a few days after completing the manuscript. You can see how he is hurrying to finish toward the last section. He knew his time was short. An incredibly brave man.

buwaya said...

Laslo, replaced or not, shines again.

coupe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laslo Spatula said...

"Let's go find that cheese, Skeemo!"

"I'm tired, Dipsy. I'm tired of mazes and injections and anal probes."

"Oh, Skeemo. You have to look on the bright side! Maybe you'll be in the placebo group next."

"I'll settle for not being next to the cages of rabbits with the scarred faces and patchy fur from cosmetics testing. Poor bunny bastards: they can't even close their eyes because their eyelids are burned away."

"Skeemo, everything we are subjected to helps people. Think of it as a calling."

"Yeah? Wait until you're a subject in the people's New Improved Rat Poison tests, then we'll see about your calling."

"You are always so negative. I doubled my time in the maze and got extra cheese."

"Lucky you. I was in the maze with the experimental synthetic cheese product made from used motor oil. I shit greasy orange goo for a week."

"You do look a little tired this morning."

"Yeah. They injected me with cancer last night. Again."

"That's tough. I think I go to the mating cage next: they want to see how my children come out."

"I can't have children. My balls are full of cancer. And AIDS, I think."

"Maybe tomorrow will be a better day."

"I think my best days are behind me. How I long for the days when I only tested second-hand cigarette smoke."

"Smoking IS bad for you."

"Yeah. So is cancer injected straight into your asshole. What I would give for them to just leave my asshole alone for a day."

"Just try to stay positive. Food pellets are coming!"

"For YOU, yeah. They have ME eating nothing but pellets made from used car tires. They think it may cure the starvation of children in Africa."

"See? Doesn't that make you feel good to be helping starving children?"

"Fuck starving children. Fuck Africa. Fuck people with ass cancer. Fuck people who want synthetic cheese products. The only thing that keeps me living is the hope that my survival will let them put this poisonous shit out to the people, and they get what they so richly deserve."

""That makes me sad, Skeemo."

"Know what makes me sad, Dipsy? Ass cancer. In rats. Ass cancer in rats makes me sad. Fuck everyone else."

"I think they're coming for me. I heard them say something about paralysis testing: I don't know what that is, but it sounds exciting!"

"Good luck, Dispy."

"Good luck, Skeemo."

I am The Replacement Laslo.

tim in vermont said...

I voted for Dipsy because I suspect that Skeemo is a shrew.

mockturtle said...

Laslo, that's a classic! :-)

Coconuss Network said...

Skeemo looks to be a descendant of Bart Simpson. Just saying.

eric said...

Brace yourselves for a Chuck storm to come in here and gleefully tell everyone he told us so.

This is in regards to the new hot mic moment of Trump. If you haven't heard it yet, it's in that very pro Trump publication called the Washington Post.

tcrosse said...

Dipsy voters are a deplorable, irredeemable basket of Skeemophobes.

Jon Ericson said...

I must say, Skeemo is one handsome rat.
Whereas, Dipsy lacks character.

wildswan said...

Skeemo is trying to tell me something but I can't quite get it. " 'Put the rat food behind the chair and watch Dipsy try to find it' is that it? Why?" "mmbz". "Oh, he can't do mazes and you've had some good laughs and you want to share the fun. Well Skeemo, I just hope you aren't going to eat all the food while Dipsy looks." mmmbbzz. "Oh, 'that's a different experiment.' What, you sit around watching the other rats do their maze-running?" mmmmbzzza. "And learn. I see. And now you are planning an experiment but Skeemo, I just feel you might be a dirty ... what shall I say... - it's the way one eye looks sincere and the other not so much."

Freeman Hunt said...

Dipsy is lovably pathetic.

Ann Althouse said...

Hmm. Why is this so close? I feel like the outcome will depend on when I look at the vote. I should have set a cut off in advance. Round #2 came out so clear. Hmm.