April 9, 2016

The tea/sex analogy.

An animation from Emmeline May and Blue Seat Studios (note: language warning):

I found that after seeing this version — with a British voiceover — by the Thames Valley Police:

I found that via Metafilter, where people seemed charmed by the Britishness... even though Blue Seat Studios seems to be located in Providence, Rhode Island.


richlb said...

What if you make them a cup of tea, they enjoy it, they tell all their friends how awesome the tea was, but several months later someone convinces them that, well, maybe they really didn't really want tea at all?

MayBee said...

What if you have consensual tea, and you kind of enjoy being hit with the tea bag.
Then you decide you were raped and you carry your tea bag around campus for the next two years. Should you be celebrated by a Senator?

(isn't it funny how the Congresspeople have stopped talking about her? Does Hillary Clinton bring her up?)

traditionalguy said...

Consent never seems to be an issue for an invading Army seeking to conquer a newly invaded territory. In fact, using Non-consensual actions are the basic tools that are used along with other types of force until Submission to allah is total.

Tank said...

Remarkably cute, stupid and ignorant all at once.

traditionalguy said...

This analogy works well because the safe relationship sought is itself a Covenant based on the Breaking Bread Together ritual.

Making sex into a Crime comes from the covenant breaking angle that society will not allow to go unpunished. It seems women want that old society rule back.

rhhardin said...

That explains the tea party.

Humperdink said...

A rather large cup of common sense.

Although somewhat implied, the narrator failed to mentioned what happens when several pitchers of beer are added to the mix.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Monsieur Devereaux, your tea is ready."

"Thank you, Philip. ...Philip?"

"Yes sir, Monsieur Devereau?"

"Is the tea... magnificent?

"Yes, Monsieur Devereaux, the tea is quite magnificent."

"Is the temperature magnificent?

"The temperature is magnificent indeed, Monsieur Devereaux,"

"Is the absence of tea leaves magnificent?"

"I assure you, sir, the tea leaves are magnificent in their absence."

"You understand, Philip, that I require ALL of tea to be magnificent?"

"I understand your requirements, Monsieur Devereaux. The tea is quite satisfactory as magnificent."

"You DO remember that time when the tea was less than magnificent?"

"Oh yes, Monsieur Devereaux, I do."

"And do you remember what happened when the tea was less than magnificent?"

"You made me lick between your buttocks if I recall, Monsieur Devereaux."

"Yes: yes I did. So I ask you again: is the tea magnificent?"

"Indeed, sir. I shant be licking between your buttocks today, Monsieur Devereaux."

"Perfect, Philip. Now take this magnificent tea and prepare my enema bag."

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

Consent to tea does not necessarily mean consent to anal tea.

They forgot that part.

I am Laslo.

Meade said...

Tea? No thanks. And no coffee either. I had your coffee once. Too many clouds in it.

Meade said...

Oh, it's Constant Consent Comment® anal tea? Still,l no thanks. I'm a tee-tee-(stammering) tee total abstainer.

EDH said...

What if they want coffee?

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

Laslo Spatula said...

Meade, you're so vain you probably think this comment is about your 8:03 comment.

I am Laslo.

Tarrou said...

I've seen this. It's pretty dumb. The issues at stake are not whether one should obtain consent, everyone agrees on that one. The issue is whether or not we should completely eliminate civil rights and due process for men should a woman accuse them of not properly obtaining consent.

Laslo Spatula said...

Earl Grey got all the chicks.

But no one consents to Dirty Sanchez Tea.


I am Laslo.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

What about coffee?

Curtiss said...

If I were a young man, I'd require a signed consent and hold harmless document and acknowledgment of video recording prior to any tea drinking.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Ooh, baby, thank you for my tea!
Baby, thank you for my tea!
It’s so sweet of you to be so nice to me"

Bob Dylan, showing how to appreciate consented tea.

I am Laslo.

virgil xenophon said...

I'm obviously old school@72, but I've been around the race track often enough to to know that, in male-female relationships, "no" often means "yes." It being a way in which the female can convince her conscious that she is not being a "slut" before she commits herself to a sexual act she really wants to do anyway. The only sin being the under-performance of the male to the dissatisfaction of the female post coitis. In today's sexual climate that is a cultural and legal death sentence. My own wife was one of those who said "no" and yet we've been happily married for some 43 years now. So much for "rape rape."

Meade said...

If I say yes to your stupid metaphor and then pass out before finishing your stupid metaphor, don't keep pouring your stupid metaphor down my metaphorical throat. I could metaphorically gag on it and it would be your "fault."

Meade said...

Now suppose you're a high school wrestling coach and you've just brewed up a big old pot of tea...

campy said...

Is it tea, or is it tea tea?

Ann Althouse said...

At 0:55, there's the scenario where the stick person says I want tea and the other one goes off to take all the trouble to make tea then serves it only to find that person #1 no longer wants tea. So person #2 accepts that the tea is not wanted and might feel put out by that but you have to go along with person #1's not wanting to drink tea.

But what of the alternate scenario in which, when person #2 brings the tea that person #1 requested and person #1 doesn't want it but feels that since person #2 went to all that trouble on her account, she should go ahead and drink it. She doesn't want it, but she doesn't want to say so, and she just drinks it, not wanting it.

I know: The video doesn't address that. But that's the affirmative consent problem. Is Person #1 entitled to get Person #2 in trouble for that? Should those who may find themselves in Person #1's position be taught -- perhaps with very simple animations -- that they should be aware of their own preferences, confident that they don't have to do what they don't want, and straightforward enough to just say no when the tea arrives?

There's a higher level of human interaction here. Maybe Person #2, serving the tea, should present it with questions: Do you still want that tea you said you wanted? And Person #1 should say: I'm sorry, you know honestly, I really don't want it now, but you were really nice to make it for me.

Meade said...

"Is it tea, or is it tea tea?"

Neither. It's a TT!

Ignorance is Bliss said...

I think we can all agree that high school wrestlers are legally able to consent to both massages and tea ( tea is a diuretic, so will help them make weight ). Does the analogy extend that far?

( Asking for a friend )

Ignorance is Bliss said...

Damn, Meade beat me to it!

rhhardin said...

Where Bentley late tempestuous wont to sport
In troubled waters, but now sleeps in port

- Pope, Dunciad

No tea for the sailor.

Laslo Spatula said...

Meade said...
"Is it tea, or is it tea tea?"

"Neither. It's a TT!"

Funny. The Girl with the Pony Tail on the Treadmill wants that same car.

I am Laslo.

Meade said...

"Damn, Meade beat me to it!"

Well... so to speak.

Laslo Spatula said...

Maybe tea is too old-school to help the people this is aimed for. Maybe they should try a Milkshake.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right, it's better than your's
I could teach you, but I have to charge

I am Laslo.

rhhardin said...

There aren't one-night stands in tea. No permanent relationship is implied.

If your sex is like that, then you have an analogy to work from.

robother said...

Ahh, the wonders of Puritan sexual relations. No wonder their replacement rate is in negative territory.

Meade said...

If the girl with the pony tail asks you to drive her TT and then tells you to keep both hands on the wheel while she unbuttons your jeans and gives you oral sex, don't be a stooge. You have NOT given affirmative consent.

virgil xenophon said...

To extend my remarks, to clarify. If I had tried/been required to obtain formal "consent" in the formulaic & legalistic way that todays Feminista & SJW crowd and government drones in the Title IX Kafka-like bureaucracy demand, we probably would never have had sex in the first place. So exactly WHENCE do these Orwellian types derive their "moral & ethical" right to impose their eyes and ears into the most private of human activities? Wasn't academe supposed to have washed its hands of all things en loco en parentis circa the mid 70s? Isn't that why we have sex mixed dorms, even sex mixed roommates at some universities these days. God forbid that campus administrations suggest that sex-segregated dorms be brought back. Even worse, requiring co-eds (a non PC term now I know) to remain in their dorms after certain hours. GAAAK!!!!!!! But if this were done I can assure one and all of one thing for sure: "Unwanted sexual advances" would become almost as rare as the Giant Dodo bird..

Bay Area Guy said...

Tea for two
And two for tea
And we wii raise a family
A little boy for you
A little girl for me

Doris Day song from the 50s. My Mom used to sing this to me, but I think she got the lyrics slightly wrong.

Nice concept video, logically sound, but PC

Bruce Sprinsteen had it more accurate:

I'm driving in my car
I turn on the radio
I'm pulling you close
You just say no
You say you don't like it
But girl I know you're a liar
'Cause when we kiss
Ooooh, Fire

Laslo Spatula said...

"And Person #1 should say: I'm sorry, you know honestly, I really don't want it now, but you were really nice to make it for me."

Tea Tease.

Now Person #2 is sitting there with blue tea bags.

As it were.

I am Laslo.

Saint Croix said...

My reaction to the person who says, "Fuck yeah, I want a cup of tea! I'm crazy for tea! I want tea right now!" is that maybe you should not have tea. You are way over-caffeinated already. I don't think I should give you tea now. I am sorry I offered you tea!

My reaction to the person who says, "Oh, I don't know, maybe. Do you think I'll like tea? I don't know" is to say, oh you will love my tea. Let me make you some tea, baby. I make the world's best tea!

virgil xenophon said...


The line of reasoning you make is the reason that Orwell made the comment that "there are some things ONLY intellectuals could ever possibly believe in; no ordinary person could ever BE such a fool!"

Your dry, abstract, reasoning is totally detached from the real world of 18 and 19 year-olds of both sexes with raging hormones living and working in close proximity to each other. Such academic logic as you suggest will NEVER be imbibed by the crowd you are directing it towards. Biology trumps all--even that of the logic of the law and academe. You need to walk on over to the biology and psychology depts (and perhaps the human antro types while you're at it) and talk to them for a while..

Bob Ellison said...

Women tend to like aggressive men, and men tend to be aggressive.

We could moderate these tendencies, and then we'd be Europe. Dying, slowly.

Laslo Spatula said...

You know who does not currently consent to tea?

Tim Tebow.

See? Tebow, pronounced 'Tea-Bo". He has Tea in his name but he famously does not want pre-marital tea.

Never mind.

I am Laslo.

virgil xenophon said...

PS to AA.

Look at the armed services. If--with all the powers of discipline, rules, regimentation and punishment via the UCMJ they have at hand--the armed services can't stop or even get a handle on "fraternization" and "unwanted" sexual advances between the sexes, ya think civilian teenagers are going to be stopped on campus? Ya think?

rhhardin said...

For the first time in a couple of years I have no DVDs on order.

Too high a percentage of "you might also like" suggestions were bail-out-early ones.

It worked okay for a while.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

It hadn’t been a day when everything had turned out right –
She called me up and asked me to come over in the night,
To make her cups of tea and listen quietly as she starts
To list the latest list of bastards who have trampled on her heart.

I see her in the nightclubs, I see her in the bars,
At rooftop after-parties, or crammed into friends’ cars,
And we talk about the weather, and how she drowns her pain in drink,
And I nod and never ever dare to tell her what I think.

Frank Turner, A Decent Cup of Tea ( NSFW - Language )

Meade said...

"True" story: Back in college in the 70's, a young woman made me a pot of tea and I said, "no thanks, I don't drink tea" and she said, "try mine, you might change your mind" and I said, "no" again and she said, "DRINK IT OR I'LL CALL THE COPS AND TELL THEM YOU FORCED ME TO MAKE TEA FOR YOU" so I walked out of her apartment saying, "go ahead, make my day" and she said, "and I'm also going to tell them you forced me to make your day!"

Suffice to say we never had a second date.

Saint Croix said...

It would be nice if feminists would adopt the tea standard. "That rude man gave me a cup of tea and I didn't want it but I drank it anyway." Not rape, dummy. You're just drinking tea. But if the rude man forces you to swallow tea, if he pries open your mouth and shoves tea in, then it's a felony.

You see the difference?

rhhardin said...

Coke for Tea

You know, Klipshorn was right I think when he spoke of the `blanketing' effect of ordinary language, referring, as I recall, to the part that sort of, you know, `fills in' between the other parts. That part, the `filling' you might say, of which the expression `you might say' is a good example, is to me the most interesting part, and of course it might also be called the `stuffing' I suppose, and there is probably also, in addition, some other word that would do as well, to describe it, or maybe a number of them. But the quality this `stuffing' has, that the other parts of verbality do not have, is two-parted, perhaps: (1) and `endless' quality and (2) a `sludge' quality. Of course that is possibly two qualities but I prefer to think of them as different aspects of a single quality, if you can think that way. The `endless' aspect of `stuffing' is that it goes on and on, in many different forms, and in fact our exchanges are in large measure composed of it, in larger measure even, perhaps, than they are composed of that which is not `stuffing.' The `sludge' quality is the *heaviness* that this `stuff' has, similar to the heavier motor oils, a kind of downward pull but still fluid, if you follow me, and I can't help thinking that this downwardness is valuable, although it's hard to say how, right at the moment. So, summing up, there is a relation between what I have been saying and what we're doing here at the plant with these plastic buffalo humps. Now you're probably familiar with the fact that the per-capita production of trash in this country is up from 2.75 pounds per day in 1920 to 4.5 pounds per day in 1965, the last year for which we have figures, and is increasing at the rate of about four percent per year. Now that rate will probably go up, because it's *been* going up, and I hazard that we may very well soon reach a point where it's 100 percent, right? And there can no longer be any question of `disposing' of it, because it's all there is, and we will simply have to learn how to `dig' it--that's slang, but peculiarly appropriate here. So that's why we're in humps, right now, more really from a philosophical point of view than because we find them a great moneymaker. They are `trash,' and what in fact could be more useless and trashlike? It's that we want to be on the leading edge of this trash phenomenon, the everted sphere of the future, and that's why we pay particular attention, too, to those aspects of language that may be seen as a model of the trash phenomenon. And it's certainly been a pleasure showing you around the plant this afternoon, and meeting you, and talking to you about these things, which are really more important, I believe, than people tend to think. Would you like a cold Coke from the Coke machine now, before you go?

- Barthelme, Snow White

Saint Croix said...

LOL, Meade

rhhardin said...

And who came up with the bright idea to treat rape, that awful crime of violence, to be anything like drinking a cup of tea?

The literalist objection.

rhhardin said...


Old Ocean, with your crystal waves you resemble (by analogy) the parallel azure lines one sees upon the bruised backs of cabin-boys.

- Lautreamont

Laslo Spatula said...

Decaffeinated Tea is a hand-job. If you are lucky.

I am Laslo.

rhhardin said...

Lemon or milk.

rhhardin said...

When life hands you melons, make melonade.

Saint Croix said...

The literalist objection.

Oh man, I got so aggravated with the opening of the video! The narrator's definition of "consent" was so narrow, so ridiculous, that I stopped watching and wrote like four posts in a row.

Then I went back and watched more of the video. I actually like the analogy very much. I think the intent of the video is to train men. If only men understood consent, we wouldn't have rape. It's idiotic, and so damn liberal. Let's combat rape with cute cartoons. Let's indoctrinate the six year olds, and they will grow up to be not-rapists. Maybe it will work!

But now I appreciate the analogy for what it teaches young women. Rape is a crime of violence! Just because you drank tea when you didn't really want tea, does not mean you should call the tea-giver a rapist!

And while I approve of the cartoon that attempts to indoctrinate young girls and boys as to what is rape, and what is not rape, I would add that indoctrination only works on children, not on (independent-minded) adults. Violent rapists are not going to be turned from the evil one by your squiggles, you dumb liberals. Kids, yes. Kids are your market for indoctrinating cartoons.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Welcome to Starbucks! What can I get you?"

"I'd like tea."

"Sure, sure. What kind of tea would you like?"

"Hot sweaty tea."

"Hot sweaty tea? I don't think we have that. We have black tea, green tea, iced or hot, sweetened or unsweetened."

"But I would really like you to give me some hot sweaty tea."

"Sir, I'm not sure what you are asking..."

"Oh, I think you do. We're both adults here."

"Sir, like I said: we have black tea, green tea, iced or hot, sweetened or unsweetened."

"I'd like you to make the tea soft and slow at first, then heat it up until you cry for milk."

"So you want a hot tea with milk?"

"Are you offering me a hot tea with milk? Because i would like that. I would like that from you very much."

"Sir, do you want sweetener?"

"Oh, I think you are sweet enough already. I can't wait to savor your tea."

"Sir, I'm getting uncomfortable. Can you please just tell me what you want?"

"What I want is to bend you over the counter and make long passionate tea to you."

"We DO have Passion Tea, but I'm afraid you can't come behind the counter. Only employees are allowed behind the counter."

"So you don't like your tea from behind?"

"From behind what?"

"You are SO coy. We both know you want it."

"Sir, can you please just make your order? There is a woman behind you that I want to make sweet lesbian tea for..."

I am Laslo.

rhhardin said...

Don't forget doilies to protect the furniture.

Ambrose said...

The Rhode Island tag is on a roll.

Johnny Sokko said...

Some people ask for tea, drink it willingly, but then regret drinking it hours, days, or even months later. Unfortunately, there is a title IX campus tea administrator lurking around the tea shop trying to convincing this regretting tea drinker that the decision to order and drink the tea was not consensual.

William said...

I would not use tea for this analogy. I would instead use brisket of beef. Suppose you set up table with a carving board and a side of brisket which you proceeded to slice. The slicing filled the room with the tantalizing aroma of the brisket. Let us further stipulate that the room is being used for a meeting of Weight Watchers. Does a dieter in this room have the right to grab a handful of meat when the slicer is distracted? Alternately, does the slicer have the right to stab the person who tries to swipe the meat? Let us further stipulate that the brisket came from a sacred cow that only the anointed have the right to sup on.........I rest my case. I think I have conclusively shown that you can't argue from analogy.

Saint Croix said...

I actually like the analogy very much.

It falls apart when they get into all the drunk scenarios.

Drunk person wants tea, passes out.

Why are you making tea for a drunk person? To sober them up!

Why do you want to sober up a drunk person? Because they might drive and kill somebody.

I could see an innocent person trying to get a drunk to drink a cup of tea (or coffee), even going so far as to help them drink it.

Saint Croix said...

Alcohol screws up many of our criminal and civil laws. In some scenarios, being drunk makes you a criminal. In other scenarios, being drunk makes you an innocent. You're often not liable for your contracts, if you are drunk. It's bizarre, all the alcohol varieties there are in our legal system. We don't know what to do with our drunks!

And now we have an obviously sexist and man-hating regime on many college campuses. Drunk man = predator, drunk woman = potential victim. He gets the adult standard of being responsible for his drinking and his actions. She gets the child protections of the nanny state.

It's an obvious and blatant double standard for drunk men and drunk women. We still have the ancient (and sexist!) urge to protect women, the baby-makers. But when you add to this a 21st century hostility to men--which is rampant on the left--you get an ugly and unfair separate set of rules for drunk men and women who have sex.

Jonathan Graehl said...

Starbucks tea <3

Michael said...

I am drinking tea at this very moment. Builder's. I made it for myself. Drinking it by myself. Consent all around.

The problem, of course, is that we are having this idiotic discussion

Sydney said...

I have to say, the American version did not improve on the British version by substituting "Fuck,yeah!" for "Oh, my God, yes!"

Ken B said...

The smug mindset always thinks, it's so simple, let me explain it in words of one syllable . Hence cute but foolish cartoons like this.

tds said...

People who should SOOO watch this:

- female schoolteachers,
- wifes,
- protesters at Trump's rallies

The Elder said...

The problem is people who want tea, agree to drink tea, but seven months later decide that they didn't really enjoy the tea, so someone else must have made them drink it.

Actually, that just shows how inappropriate this analogy is. Whoever heard of "tea assault?"

The Elder said...

On the other hand, if it's a golf tee, I say you should go ahead and hit it!

Saint Croix said...

The other strange aspect of this analogy is the idea that sex involves a servant and a consumer.

Of course there is sex difference. Woman is the one who can get pregnant. Sex for her might mean a 9 month or an 18 year commitment. For a man, on the other hand, the commitment might be as short as 15 minutes. This is why woman are the deciders. They are the ones who say, yay or nay. And it's why men are more comfortable with promiscuity. Biologically speaking, a man wants to spread his seed around to make sure he's reproducing. A woman, on the other hand, knows she's reproducing. Thus she wants to make sure she is having sex with a good man, who will provide for his children.

Sexual desire is based on a biological urge to reproduce. It's why we have a sexual desire! (It's weird to me that so many liberals, who claim to love Darwin, fail to grasp this).

It is wrong for men to think, "sex is for me," or for women to think, "sex is for me." Sex is far better if it's a team effort! And if you're aware of the baby you might be making, it's not only passionate, but far happier.

Contrast this biological reality--human reproduction--with the attitude in this video. The instruction manual is that sex is one-sided. There is a consumer, the one who imbibes the tea, and a servant who provides the tea. I think of the consumer as female, since in both cases she is the one who will be receiving liquid refreshment. So to speak. And the instruction manual is for the servant. This is how you approach a person and offer them tea. It's a lesson in chivalry. That (of course!) only men need.

If we see men and women as equals (separate but equal!), how does this video fail? It suggests that one party has only one obligation--to enjoy sex. And the other party has many duties and obligations, which of course makes sense, if you're defining that party as a servant, as an inferior.

Note that Christianity urges us all to be servants to one another! And yet this call is hardly limited to only one gender. So yes, it's fair to note that men are different from women. But surely that does not mean that only one participant gets to enjoy sex, while the other one has to prepare for it and clean up afterwards. Is this equality or a new kind of chauvinism?

Stephen A. Meigs said...

I don't know, sometimes a girl might like a guy to beg for something and want to give into him if she loves him enough to want to please him and it's really easy for her to imagine herself totally not wanting to give in to someone else who it is really easy for her to imagine begging her for something that would be somewhat analogously pleasant for him. There are actually a few good things males can appropriately want just for the sexual fun of them. A guy can want them because they are beautiful and not love her as well if she is less beautiful, thereby appropriately encouraging his getting of them, or he can love her better for giving them to him just from the sexual fun of them, also appropriately getting them, or he can sort of split the difference and beg for them for sexual fun but love her for giving them because they are beautiful, also appropriately getting them. British girls look like they do close friendships with other girls particularly well—it tends to be what especially makes them interesting and beautiful—which I suppose might make them less into splitting the difference and less into male begging—not as necessary. On average, mostly everyone on this side of the Atlantic (except Native Americans and African Americans) has willingly emigrated once more than the ancestral British over there, and people majorly into friendship just don't tend to be the sort to get up and emigrate or to have as many ancestors who tended to do that. But it feels like girls who mostly are only swayed by a lover when he is seeking beauty also could use intimacy with girl(s) who may ultimately enjoy him begging (and vice versa), (as well as intimacy with girl(s) appropriately controlled for fun).

Joe said...

The analogy doesn't really make any sense. Drinking tea is not a mutual activity in that one person can stop drinking tea without affecting the others enjoyment of it.

Laslo Spatula said...

"...in that one person can stop drinking tea without affecting the others enjoyment of it."

Tea Necrophilia.


I am Laslo.

Ron Winkleheimer said...

But what of the alternate scenario in which, when person #2 brings the tea that person #1 requested and person #1 doesn't want it but feels that since person #2 went to all that trouble on her account, she should go ahead and drink it. She doesn't want it, but she doesn't want to say so, and she just drinks it, not wanting it.

In that situation person #2 is consenting.

Suppose someone convinces someone else to get a tattoo but on the way to the tattoo parlor they decide that they don't really want a tattoo, but also don't want to look bad to the person who convinced them to get a tattoo, so they get a tattoo that they didn't really want, because they are an insecure idiot.

Did the person who convinced them to get the tattoo in the first place force them to get the tattoo?

Ron Winkleheimer said...

I mean in that situation person #1 is consenting.

Charlie Currie said...

What if person #2 makes a pot of tea and sets a cup of tea on the table in front of person #1, and then person #1 picks up the cup and drinks the tea? And then person #2 refills person #1's cup with more tea, and person #1 picks it up and drinks it?

Person #1 was never asked if they wanted a cup of tea, yet when presented with a cup of tea they drank it. And when presented with a second cup of tea, they drank that one, also. Did person #1 ever give affirmative consent? Was the question even asked, or just implied?

Where does an implied request and an implied consent come into play in the moronic cartoon? Or am I now expelled from the professor's blog for five years?

Sam's Hideout said...

Joe & St. Croix make some good points.

Here's another analogy: Cheerleading.

The woman is supposed to be tossed into the air by the man and then caught. She should want to be tossed before he tosses her, but at some point changing her mind doesn't make sense, if she's on her way up, I suppose he could not let go but that could cause her to slam into the ground, and definitely once she's in the air. After she's back on the ground, is it reasonable for her to retroactively withdraw her consent? Even if he dropped her?

Rusty said...

What your saying is, if you're invited up for coffee at her door and you go up and you get a cup of coffee you should probably put your dick away?

JAORE said...

"Don't slurp your tea."
- Mom

Melissa said...

@virgil xenephon

People are different. Maybe some women say "no" to mean "yes." But I *can* say "yes," and when I say "no" I mean "no" and I dated men who absolutely did not get it, including one who date raped me despite the fact that I said "no" about a million times. I gave him a ton of s h*it about it. We got though it and are still friends more than 30 years later but over the years I have talked to two other women with whom he was inappropriately sexually aggressive (short of date rape) - *after* he dated me - and of course that could have happened to many other women, and sometimes I wonder if talking it through and forgiving him was the best thing to do from the point of view of protecting other women's safety. On the other hand, what else to do? Reporting date rape may sometimes be useful but without going into detail it definitely would not have been the useful thing to do in that situation. But I did experience a *lot* of depression afterwards, was suicidal for a time, and slept around more than I would have otherwise to keep "no" from becoming an issue, so it was as very negative experience for me overall.

When I met my husband and we went to his apartment for the first time and were close to becoming intimate, he said to me, "Do you feel safe?" I can't tell you how much that meant to me and how sexy it was. Nearly 20 years into our relationship it is still one of my favorite memories and still feels sexy to me.

It's interesting to me that some of the popular romantic literature around today, like Twilight (which I wasn't into but I read because I had a tween daughter at the time) is basically consent porn - the guy absolutely insists on a formal "yes" of some sort before he agrees to take things further. This is in contrast to that type of literature when I was young where the guy ususally turned a "no" into a "yes."

One generalization that held true in my life....I'm 52. When I was young and single, it was the guys my age and older who tended towards believing "no means yes." The two younger guys I dated - one became my husband - both understood that "yes means yes."

BTW, my husband and I both think that the tea video is funny, awesome, and right on, and we've showed it to our teenage son who was embarrassed but I think the message still got through.

Laslo Spatula said...

The Japanese Tea Girl in Knee-High Socks and Mr. Laslo.

"Would you like Tea, Mr. Laslo?"

"I would like tea very much."

"Would you like tea-tea or Shimmy-Shimmy tea?"

"Shimmy-Shimmy tea, I think."

"Would you like me to keep on my Knee-High Socks when we have Shimmy Shimmy Tea?"

"Yes, I believe I would."

"Would you like me to put my hair into pig-tails when we have Shimmy-Shimmy Tea?"

"Sure, yeah. Okay."

"Would you like me to have my girlfriend join us in Shimmy-Shimmy Tea?"


"Not like THAT, Mr. Laslo. She is a girl who is my friend, and we can all have Shimmy-Shimmy Tea together. She wears knee-high socks, too."

"That sounds wonderful, yes."

"Now meet Kira. Together we serve you Shimmy-Shimmy Tea."

"Uh... This is just a cup of tea...."

"Is it not to your liking, Mr. Laslo?"

"I was just expecting something a bit... more."

"Ohhhh, Mr. Laslo! We not that kind of girls!"

"Then what makes it Shimmy-Shimmy Tea?"

"The addition of palpable Sexual Frustration."

"That costs extra?"

"That is the cost of Everything, Mr. Laslo: that is the cost of Everything..."

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

I don't want this Post to ever end.

I am Laslo.

Rusty said...

JAORE said...
"Don't slurp your tea."
- Mom

"Don't slurp your mom."

virgil xenophon said...


Yes, it is very much a generational thing. But understand that "no means no" and its variant "no means yes" was very much a situational thing even then (and still is today) and required some sophistication/judgement to understand when one case applied and the other did not and visa versa. HOWEVER I also very much believe the females of my generation were made of somewhat sterner stuff than todays snowflake generation and understood that the old adage "in for a dime in for a dollar" applied to sex as well as a multitude of other things. This short video--however funny--smacks of a totally artificial construct/universe not even remotely connected to the real world most of us inhabit, i.e., one almost impossible to consistently practice/"operationalize." The only difference between 1962 and today in sexual/hormonal desires between the sexes? Forty plus years of unceasing feminist propaganda that has practically ruined male-female relationships, e.g., the increasing numbers of young males eschewing relationships with real women and becoming totally absorbed in the artificial world of computer gaming as an alternative. And just wait until artificial robotic and/or computer sex is perfected. Women will be lucky to find a male humanoid within a thousand miles in any direction with whom to "date." And the "feministas" who are driving todays young males into this sexual escapism safe from the police, lawyers and hordes of bureaucrats worshiping at Kafkas alter are doing so all by their lonesome and have only themselves to blame. I find this whole discussion an intellectual dead-end anyway; having nothing to do with reality or life as real people actually live it.(Please see my add comments from my original comments@9:31am , 9:22am if you missed them)

gadfly said...

@rhhardin said...
That explains the tea party.

A party in an English tearoom serving tea and crumpets, perhaps?

Then there is the TEA Party which, of course, stands for Taxed Enough Already.

gadfly said...

In the old days, communication was much simpler and straight to the point.

"Hey! You want some?

Yeah, lets do it.

pdug said...

What about if you already drank so many Long Island Ice Teas that when you say "yes, I'd like plain tea please" your brain is unable to form memories because you have blacked out from conscious decisionmaking, but give no indication you are not consenting.

But you 'come to' and find tea being drunk by you, and you don't remember sitting in the chair, or picking up the cup.

Or getting the tattoo

Or wearing the lampshade on your head

Or nodding, going into his bed, stripping of your clothes, and starting to have sex.

Bay Area Guy said...

The key for young men is to stay away from LeftWing women, even the good looking ones. No tea for them.

Apolitical chicks or dare I say, conservative ones only. The LeftWing chicks may be easier, but major problems will soon abound (See Matress Girl, Columbia; Coakley, Jackie at UVA)