February 13, 2016

"Long guarded by aides vigilantly limiting his exposure, Rubio has abruptly morphed into a freewheeling raconteur..."

"... in front of a press pack that he has kept at a distance since launching his presidential run last April."

Writes Sean Sullivan in WaPo, theorizing (aptly) that Rubio is desperate to undo the framing Chris Christie imposed on him in the last debate. He's got to prove he's not scripted and robotic.

This could be very funny. It's like the set-up in a sit-com. In the next episode of Rules for Rubio, Marco, earnestly making a point, repeats one phrase 4 times, causing his friends to mock him as "robotic." Determined to prove that he's not robotic, Marco decides to abruptly morph into The Freewheeling Raconteur:
MARCO: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I did everything they told me to do and it came out so wrong.

ADVISER: Well, here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of repeating all those talking points you learned, say something you just think up right there on the spot, something right from your actual brain.

MARCO: Yes! I will think of ideas, using my own brain, sending thoughts straight out of my mouth. Spontaneous! I'm not a robot, I'm a man. I'm a freewheeling raconteur!
But if it were a sitcom, Rubio would get into much wilder trouble, saying the wrong things. In Sullivan's article, there's really very little to support the "freewheeling raconteur" characterization. I'm willing to believe that Rubio's manner seemed different to the reporters who spend hours and hours traveling about with him, but where are the funny quotes? Yes, he said something about the coldness and hardness of Twix bars and there's that "pussy" conversation we talked about yesterday, but this reader can't see the abrupt morphing into freewheeling raconteur I read about in the opening paragraphs.

It's like Sullivan made me DVR an episode of Rules for Rubio and it really wasn't that funny.


robother said...

Yeah, plus I smell B.S. in the phrase "freewheeling raconteur." Like Hillary's handler requiring that the reporter describe her speech as "muscular" as a condition to getting a copy, this has the savor of an Beltway access quid pro quo.

traditionalguy said...

The genitalia tag is on this one. Are you saying Rubio is a dick? By that I meant a Richard.

Seinfeld now has its characters in politics in Rubio and Sanders. It also has the star of Veep on HBO playing herself. What's the world coming to? Oh , yeah, nothing.

Bob Boyd said...

Poor Rubio doesn't know whether to wear a headscarf or high heels.

Meade said...

"Poor Rubio doesn't know whether to wear a headscarf or high heels."

...or a ball cap that reads: Make Me Command An Enormous Penis Again!

Ann Althouse said...


Love the comments that collect elements from other posts.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Sure, I repeated the same phrase a few times -- I was trying to make a point..."

"Marco, sometimes you don't have to obsess on making a point. You need to let people see the real you, then they'll warm up to you."

"The 'real me' -- I can do that."

"Let's try an experiment: how would you describe yourself, when you are not campaigning?"

"Well... I like piƱa coladas..."

"See? That's something people don't know about you! A bit quirky, even. What else?"

"I like getting caught in the rain."

"Okay, that shows people you're not uptight. Go on."

"I like the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne..."

"The 'ocean' part is good, but I'm not sure about the 'champagne' -- that might come across as elitist."

"I also like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape..."

"Okay -- that might be TOO much information. Maybe something a little less... real."

"I'm not into yoga. Or health food."

"That could definitely connect with some of Trump's supporters. How about something inspirational?"

"Well.. If you get caught between the moon and New York City the best that you can do is fall in love."

"I don't know: sounds like that whole 'New York values' thing -- I'm not sure if we want to go there."

"Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and the wind to carry me and soon I will be free."

"Um. I think that's possibly Kennedy-ish, which is good, but it also might make people think of Ted Kennedy, which is bad. Maybe something a bit more down to Earth, perhaps."

"Summer breeze makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind."

"That sounds like you're appealing to hippies. It is good to reach out, but I think Bernie has them all sewn up..."

"Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good. Brown Sugar, just like a young girl should..."

"Is that... a 'Cuban' thing? I'm not sure how that will play across rural America -- it might pose some problems."

"I'm from rags to riches nigga I ain't dumb. I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."

"Appealing to the urban youth? That might work..."

"Fuck the police coming straight from the underground, a young nigga got it bad cause I'm brown. And not the other color so police think they have the authority to kill a minority. Fuck that shit, cause I ain't the one for a punk motherfucker with a badge and a gun to be beating on."

"Oh God. I see what you're doing. Please stop."

"Cruisin Down The Street In My Six-Fo'', Jockin The Bitches, Slappin The Hoes..."

"Marco, No..."

"Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo, domo..."

I am Laslo.

Bob Boyd said...

"...or a ball cap that reads: Make Me Command An Enormous Penis Again!"


Meade said...


tim maguire said...

But if it were a sitcom, Rubio would get into much wilder trouble, saying the wrong things

Sure, but if it were a sitcom, it would also end with him winning the election.

Bob Boyd said...

Dang. I couldn't get that to play.

Michael K said...

Marco needs another few years until he looks older than 15.

Wince said...

Marco should unbutton his shirt to his navel.

Virgil Hilts said...

I repeat my prediction. Rubio makes a comeback; he manages to loosen up and the shellacking by Christie proves just what he needed. Not saying he will catch Trump just that he will start doing better rather than fading. America likes a comeback.
Call me a shallow male, but he did manage to land an NFL cheerleader (he started dating her in High School), probably not by being a robot. Time for that same charisma to reemerge.

Ann Althouse said...

If you haven't played that video, Meade's comment is awfully strange.

Michael Fitzgerald said...

Between the robotic and repetitious Rubio, and the almost human-like Hillary2016, this election has me pining for the return of Betamax3000.