January 9, 2016

Fred Armisen in his feminist bookstore persona Candace Devereaux reads "Portlandia Travelogue: The Brussels to Antwerp Express."

Downloadable free here.
A literary train journey on the Brussels to Antwerp Express through the erotic world of European train stations and mysterious faces, by Candace Devereaux (Fred Armisen) from Portland's Women and Women First Bookstore.
It's a reminder that "Portlandia" begins a new season soon.

I'd never noticed that the character had the last name Devereaux. That's significant to anyone who's read the great David Rakoff essay "The Satisfying Crunch of Dreams Underfoot" (found in the collection "Half Empty"). He tells about having to judge a best-unpublished-novel contest and plowing through 2,000 manuscripts:
For the most part we ate our sandwiches and worked silently, all the while, of course, vigilantly on Devereaux Watch. For mysterious reasons, possibly having to do with schlock auteur Aaron Spelling, in amateur writing, Devereaux is the default name for either the president, a ne’er-do-well scion of a powerful clan, an iron-willed jewel-encrusted dowager, or the family manse whose stately fa├žade conceals many dark secrets. There was no prize for winning the Devereaux Watch. Coming upon the first—and by no means only—appearance of the name on a given day’s reading was its own reward, and finding it never took longer than seven minutes.
When did Aaron Spelling start this? I assume it was 1984, the "New Lady in Town" episode of "Dynasty":


Sebastian said...

"A literary train journey on the Brussels to Antwerp Express" Must be a very short book. Good.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Monsieur Devereaux, the girls are waiting for you in the bath."

"Thank you, Philip. ...Philip?"

"Yes sir, Monsieur Devereau?"

"Are these girls... splendid?"

"Yes, Monsieur Devereaux, they are quite splendid girls."

"Each of them, splendid as the rest?"

"Yes sir, splendid are all."

"There is no one girl more splendid than the others?"

"I assure you, sir, they are all equally splendid."

"You understand, Philip, that I require ALL of my girls to be splendid?"

"I understand your requirements, Monsieur Devereaux. They are all satisfactory as splendid."

"It would be quite disappointing if even just one girl was less splendid than the others. Quite disappointing indeed."

"That WOULD be disappointing, indeed, Monsieur Devereaux. Again, I assure you: these girls are ALL splendid."

"And you are sure of this? I will not be disappointed in my appreciation of splendid?"

"Have I ever let you down, Monsieur Devereaux?"

"Once, Philip. Once. And do you remember what happened when one of the girls was less splendid than the rest?"

"You made me suck your cock if I recall, Monsieur Devereaux."

"Yes: yes I did. So I ask you again: are all of the girls waiting for me in the bath splendid?"

"Indeed, sir. I shant be sucking your cock today, Monsieur Devereaux."

"Perfect, Philip. First though, I shall have breakfast."

"It is waiting for you in the banquet room, Monsieur Devereaux."


"Yes, Monsieur Devereaux?"

"Is my breakfast... savory?"

I am Laslo.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Philip, it disappoints me to say that I am disappointed in you."

"I fervently apologize, Monsieur Devereaux! Were the bath girls not splendid?"

"No, they were all splendid, equally splendid, Philip."

"Then what was wrong, Monsieur Devereaux?"

"The towels, Philip. The towels."

"What was unsatisfactory about the towels, sir?"

They were less than... luxurious."

"Oh my. I assure you, they were brand new towels, Monsieur Devereaux..."

"Philip, I am a man who appreciates a luxurious towel. These towels -- new though they may be -- were lacking in luxurious... ness."

"I will give them to the poor immediately, sir!"

Yes, that will do. The poor do not need to concern themselves with luxurious, because they are, after all, poor."

"Well put, Monsieur Devereaux."

"With that said, Philip, I will shortly be taking an exquisite dump. Is the toilet paper... exquisite?"

"It comes from the finest toilet paper artisan in all of France. Each square is individually wrapped in hand-crafted foil."

"Well, I shall put that to the test. You do understand, Philip, what will be necessary if the toilet paper isn't... exquisite?"

"I understand, Monsieur Devereaux. I will be forced to humbly suck your cock."

"It is good we understand each other, Philip."

"Indeed, Monsieur Devereaux: indeed..."

I am Laslo.

Bill said...

Nobody can execute a 180 like Joan Collins.

Birches said...

The Women and Women First Bookstore is one of Portlandia's best bits.

Kate Danaher said...

Blanche Devereaux?


Bobby said...

As it turned out, Dominique Devereaux was actually Dominique Carrington. And not by marriage.

Ann Althouse said...

Spoiler alert!