Althouse: "A girl tries to prove her academic seriousness by writing in her application essay that rather than curtail a discussion with her French teacher, she urinated on herself."

March 23, 2015

"A girl tries to prove her academic seriousness by writing in her application essay that rather than curtail a discussion with her French teacher, she urinated on herself."

"A boy tries to demonstrate his pluck in the face of adversity by writing that he’s undiscouraged by the fact that his genitalia are small."

From a book review titled "In 'Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be,' Frank Bruni Examines College Admissions Mania."

(You can the book here.)

28 comments:

Ignorance is Bliss said...: ...writing in her application essay that ... she urinated on herself.

If Laslo was in charge of admissions she'd probably get a full scholarship...; 3/23/15, 9:53 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: Rather than curtail a discussion about World War II with my German teacher I urinated on my French teacher.

My German teacher then told me that obviously I fully understood the subject.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 9:58 AM
Jane the Actuary said...: #1 piece of advice people should abandon: "Go to the most prestigious college you can gain admission to."

#2: "Buy the most expensive house you can afford" (with "afford" defined as "get a bank to issue you a mortgage for").

Maybe a gazillionaire should game the system: fund applications for the top-ranked colleges, for as many students as wish to apply. They will show up as admitting 0.001% of students, and everyone'll know this is a meaningless statistic.; 3/23/15, 10:03 AM
Michael K said...: The frenzy about admission to Ivy League colleges is puzzling in the way that one might look at animals in the zoo. It does much to explain to oddities one reads about in such colleges, like rape crisis and crazy behavior.

These people are not normal.; 3/23/15, 10:03 AM
bleh said...: I bet you she used the same bogus story when she was applying to preschools.; 3/23/15, 10:08 AM
Hagar said...: Canning the book seems to be good advice.; 3/23/15, 10:10 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: At Laslo University, the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies needs more female students that look like Scarlett Johansson. This is for an Important Study. Of course.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:21 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: Note to female students that look like Scarlett Johansson: nudity is not required for passing the class, but if you want to be a 'C' student all your life etc etc...

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:22 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: One study at the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies compares the range of nipple variations amongst the female students that look like Scarlett Johansson.

Something about 'deviations from the norm', maybe; still working on the syllabus.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:24 AM
Big Mike said...: I don't like to hire Ivy League graduates. Too many of them seem to feel much too entitled, and don't get that they need to prove themselves. They got into an Ivy; too many of them feel that they proved themselves as high school students and they can coast the rest of their lives.; 3/23/15, 10:26 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: At the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies we also welcome students that look like Alyssa Milano. Or a young Phoebe Cates.

This is part of the 'Breast Comparison' curriculum.
Female students that look like Taylor Swift should take the 'Legs Comparison' class.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:30 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: At the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies there is a very fine Arts program. "Scarlett Johansson Interpretive Vagina Painting" is a particular favorite.

Note that this entails painting interpretations of Scarlett Johansson's vagina: female students who look like Scarlett Johansson and paint WITH their vaginas are in another building.

The one with the big windows.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:34 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: The School of Scarlett Johansson Studies is Progressive: for instance, there is a class for examining the Insights of Lesbian Women who want to have sex with Scarlett Johansson. Just because the Insights are Hot does not make them invalid.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:42 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: As an example of its commitment to education, the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies provides mentors for female students who look like Scarlett Johansson.

There are quite a lot of volunteers who want to be mentors.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 10:56 AM
Laslo Spatula said...: Studies show that the vast majority of graduates of the School of Scarlett Johansson Studies achieve their career goal of marrying rich men.

I am Laslo.; 3/23/15, 11:01 AM
Mary Beth said...: Most Ivy League colleges accept around 2,000 students each from an applicant pool that in some cases is approaching 40,000. Yet even such colleges do everything they can to pump up the numbers still more. They encourage applications through social media, extend application deadlines and buy lists from companies that administer standardized tests like the SAT and ACT, then urge the high scorers to apply, though very few have a chance of getting in.

Is there a net profit from application fees after they deduct the cost of reviewing the application? If I were a cynical person, I would think that they try to get more applications so they can collect the fees and not because it gives them a better chance to find the best students.; 3/23/15, 11:27 AM
Brando said...: "Is there a net profit from application fees after they deduct the cost of reviewing the application? If I were a cynical person, I would think that they try to get more applications so they can collect the fees and not because it gives them a better chance to find the best students."

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a net profit--most applications are decided based on grades and SAT scores, and that can be determined in less than a minute. The trickier cases might take a half hour of actually reading through the rest of the application, but I can't imagine more than that.

The other thing is the more applications they get, the lower their acceptance rate is (and therefore, the better their "competitiveness ranking"). So they absolutely want more applications they can reject.; 3/23/15, 12:13 PM
JAORE said...: Jane naile it. Ooooooh they got 40,000 applicants but only picked 2,000. They MUST be the best.

Or perhaps they have 1,500 legacies and a hell of an advertising program.; 3/23/15, 12:13 PM
Julie C said...: Having just been through this process a year ago, I can say for sure that colleges encourage applications for the sole purpose of rejecting students and thereby demonstrating their selectivity.

Keep in mind, too, that the published acceptance rate includes those admitted because of sports. I have several friends whose kids got into one of the Ivies because of sports. Now, they can't be complete idiots or anything -- their grades have to meet the school's standards, but they get fast-tracked through the admissions process.

I'm not sure how much legacies count anymore at many schools. I've heard too many anecdotal stories of smart, accomplished kids with double-legacies not getting in. Now, if you've got enough money to put your name on a building, then you're in.; 3/23/15, 12:35 PM
Titus said...: My company, as me a it's HR person, only hire students from top schools-ivy, little ivy (Middlebury, Haverford, Ct. College). Also if they went to Exeter, or Choate etc for Boarding School that would be preferable. Waunakee High School is not a helpful high school education.

We will hire from Stanford, Georgetown, MIT and BU too!

The only state schools we hire from our UW, Berkeley and Michigan.

All applicants have to have a minimum of 3.5.

When I worked in biotech for 10 years we preferred northeast elite colleges-but GPA's were not as important.; 3/23/15, 12:49 PM
rhhardin said...: "If you cannot weep with your eyes, weep with your mouth. If this is still impossible, urinate. But I warn you, some sort of liquid is needed here"

Maldoror; 3/23/15, 1:10 PM
southcentralpa said...: And now for the long disquisition on the (unlinkable) OED's entry for "can" that shows she really meant to leave out the word "buy" in that last sentence ...; 3/23/15, 1:46 PM
southcentralpa said...: (And in the whole German teacher/French teacher matter, we had on our school's faculty a German teacher who taught a few sections of French and a French teacher who had left France with her family about a half-skip ahead of the Nazis. (Yes, I'm that old.) It was always a little unsettling for her that some of her students spoke French with a German accent. He always claimed he didn't teach them that on purpose ...); 3/23/15, 1:53 PM
Larry J said...: Big Mike said...
I don't like to hire Ivy League graduates. Too many of them seem to feel much too entitled, and don't get that they need to prove themselves.

My company doesn't discriminate against Ivy League grads but we don't discriminate for them, either. They have to prove themselves just like everyone else.; 3/23/15, 2:24 PM
MadisonMan said...: Titus, it kills me that you write of how good your company is, and then throw in an apostrophe catastrophe.

Tit's.; 3/23/15, 2:25 PM
Drago said...: Titus: "When I worked in biotech for 10 years we preferred northeast elite colleges-but GPA's were not as important"

If you were HR, then you definitely did not "work in biotech".

You were simply HR.; 3/23/15, 3:46 PM
madAsHell said...: Lakeside is a school here in Seattle. Bill Gates went there. Here's how they play the admissions game....

1. Accept the kids of rich people because someone has to pay my salary.
2. Accept all real brainiacs. They actually might help the rich kids get their homework done. Bonus: the brainiacs don't really need good teachers anyways.
3. Accept some outstanding athletes because we want to have something to cheer about.

It's not that the school produces a superior product. It's that they only accept those that have shown extra-ordinary capabilities.

(Yes, being a rich kid is an extra-ordinary skill because Mom and Dad can write large checks)

I'll assume this is also done at Ivy League schools.; 3/23/15, 7:01 PM
orthodoc said...: "Having just been through this process a year ago, I can say for sure that colleges encourage applications for the sole purpose of rejecting students and thereby demonstrating their selectivity.

"Keep in mind, too, that the published acceptance rate includes those admitted because of sports. I have several friends whose kids got into one of the Ivies because of sports. Now, they can't be complete idiots or anything -- their grades have to meet the school's standards, but they get fast-tracked through the admissions process."

Yup, yup, yup. The more applications you turn down, the more selective you are, and the higher you rise in US News.

Basically, highly selective schools do the following:
30% legacies
30% athletes
30% visible minorities

The remaining 10% is for everyone else.; 3/23/15, 8:24 PM