IN THE COMMENTS: Dubiousness. From Strelnikov:
An obvious lie. Any man knows he can pull over and pee anywhere along the road. What kind of biker worries about peeing outdoors?And from DanTheMan:
Back when I was a police officer, I heard this one a lot. It's part of the top 3 excuses:
1) Stuck gas pedal
2) Cruise control malfunction
3) Urgent bathroom emergency
If you gave me one of those excuses, you generally guaranteed yourself a citation.
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29 comments:
A motorcycle going 140 would scare the shit out of me, too.
He had better options.
Steve Martin in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzVHR21iExI
An obvious lie. Any man knows he can pull over and pee anywhere along the road. What kind of biker worries about peeing outdoors?
Back when I was a police officer, I heard this one a lot. It's part of the top 3 excuses:
1) Stuck gas pedal
2) Cruise control malfunction
3) Urgent bathroom emergency
If you gave me one of those excuses, you generally guaranteed yourself a citation.
He deserves a citation for not owning a bike that can go off-road far enough to position himself behind a tree.
Hey, Dan: Now that we have your expertise to tap, what are the best excuses?
1. Things you haven't heard before? (Do they have the ring of truth?)
2. The non-excuse of saying you're sorry? (That worked for me twice. I've only been pulled over for speeding 3 times. The other time, when I did get ticketed, I said (truthfully) that I thought I was under the speed limit, but I was confronted with the fact that there was a sign reducing the speed because of a school, and asked if I'd noticed it -- I hadn't -- I wasn't able to move from my I'm-sure-I wasn't-speeding position elegantly enough.)
3. Actually having a reason for being in a hurry. (I can't believe this works. Seems to me the cop will ask you if you are in a hurry, and I've always thought that was a trap, like you're being lured into confessing.)
Fred Imus describes an entertaining prank, your wife has to pee, you stop the car, she crouches beside it, and you pull forward.
He had several wives.
"Officer I was going 140 because I really wanted to go 140"
Strelnikov, what if he had to defecate? That's a lot different than just pulling over and urinating on a tree! I've had a couple of occasions driving home where I really had to go and just barely made it. I know that I was going over the speed limit to get home, although not 140 mph!
"Strelnikov, what if he had to defecate?"
A valid point; however, any man who has spent a significant period of time out of doors has had to deal with this problem. It merely requires better cover. My bother is a life long outdoorsman and currently the head of the Horticulture Dept. at major Midwestern U, which shall remain nameless. He has dealt with this too many times to mention, usually using the local flora as cleaning material. He does sometime resort what he calls the the "$1.50 Poop", which involves using and then discarding your pocket handkerchief.
I've heard that in California, it's technically illegal to pee on the side of the road. At the very least, it's "littering", which is often a $1000 fine, and if you're visible, it's possibly indecent exposure.
Wearing women's undies?
An obvious lie. Any man knows he can pull over and pee anywhere along the road. What kind of biker worries about peeing outdoors?
Ah, a point of order, sir. Any man from the era before the average American became fatter and shorter than the average Scandinavian could. Now, it's a beta world.
"Officer I was going 140 because I wasn't able to go 180."
"Strelnikov, what if he had to defecate?"
Depends™.
SteveR said...
"Officer I was going 140 because I really wanted to go 140"
Always be polite. Always be honest.
LordSomber said...
"Strelnikov, what if he had to defecate?"
Depends™.
This is when you learn the difference between plantain and Poison Ivy.
Hey, Dan: Now that we have your expertise to tap, what are the best excuses?
1. Things you haven't heard before? (Do they have the ring of truth?)
2. The non-excuse of saying you're sorry? (That worked for me twice. I've only been pulled over for speeding 3 times. The other time, when I did get ticketed, I said (truthfully) that I thought I was under the speed limit, but I was confronted with the fact that there was a sign reducing the speed because of a school, and asked if I'd noticed it -- I hadn't -- I wasn't able to move from my I'm-sure-I wasn't-speeding position elegantly enough.)
3. Actually having a reason for being in a hurry. (I can't believe this works. Seems to me the cop will ask you if you are in a hurry, and I've always thought that was a trap, like you're being lured into confessing.)
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Glad to help. :)
1. The best I ever heard was "My brakes aren't working, and I have to hurry up and get home quick before I have an accident!" Great excuse. Here's your citation. Sign here, please.
2. Sincere apology: This is far and away your best chance. Start with the words "I'm very sorry.I didn't realize that i was (going X mph, rolled the stop sign, etc.) Do not add "but" or "if" or any other weasel words. Be sincerely sorry. Say something like "Would it be possible for you to give me a written warning instead of a citation?" If he declines, you can politely ask that he reduce the violation, if you were going say 16 over the limit, to 9 over, which generally saves you points and money on your insurance.
In that same line of thought, don't plead that the fine will be a hardship when you're driving a new Lexus, OK? :) If you are driving a 64 Impala station wagon with five kids dressed in ragged clothes, that might get you a warning.
3. I *always* asked speeders if there was a reason they were going so fast. I *always* wrote down what they said on the officer's worksheet that goes to the judge. :) Unless you are bleeding profusely or about to give birth and on your way to the ER, I'd go with "I guess I just wasn't watching my speed closely enough".
All of this applies to general patrol police. If you get stopped by a dedicated traffic unit, save your breath. You're almost certainly getting a citation....
The one time I was pulled over, I got a ticket, and I chose to go before the judge (rather than just mailing in the fine), just because I was curious how traffic court went.
You can't believe the ridiculously transparent stories people try to sell. I just said, well, I was on my way to breakfast with my mother-in-law (true story) on Mother's Day and didn't realize I was speeding.
As a straight line, it's a pretty good one, and the Judge took it. The fine was reduced (I think they often are if you trouble yourself to go) but I still had to pay I think $85. (35 in a 25 zone).
The best I ever heard wasfrom an elderly lady: "This neighborhood is dangerous." Gave her a break.
I got a warning after driving through a red light (not really running it, under the circumstances) as follows:
Drizzly day, wet roads. Dry weather tires on a light car. City cop was right behind me (which I noticed) as I approached the light.
Light goes red earlier than I expected, I brake to stop but slid into the intersection about a car-length. It's a very broad intersection, and I can see all the traffic, so I elect to proceed through. Cop lights up and stops me on the other side.
She (relevance?) says something like "What happened?"
I say "When I slid into the intersection I made an incorrect snap decision to proceed through."
After some minor back-and-forth I got a warning.
Other data: I was driving a Toyota Corolla, with my teenage son in the passenger seat.
I got a warning after driving through a red light (not really running it, under the circumstances) as follows:
Drizzly day, wet roads. Dry weather tires on a light car. City cop was right behind me (which I noticed) as I approached the light.
Light goes red earlier than I expected, I brake to stop but slid into the intersection about a car-length. It's a very broad intersection, and I can see all the traffic, so I elect to proceed through. Cop lights up and stops me on the other side.
She (relevance?) says something like "What happened?"
I say "When I slid into the intersection I made an incorrect snap decision to proceed through."
After some minor back-and-forth I got a warning.
Other data: I was driving a Toyota Corolla, with my teenage son in the passenger seat.
"Sorry," and, "I should have been paying better attention," or, "You're right. I should have been going slower," seem to go over well.
Nowadays peeing in public can put a man on the sex offender registry.
In 40 years of driving, I've only had one moving violation (and it was well earned). I was pulled over once back when I was a young enlisted man in Nebraska. I was driving an old Ford van that was a hunk of junk.
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Me: "Honestly, I'm not sure. None of the guages in this thing are accurate." That was a true statement.
Officer: Looking again at the van and then at me: "Well, slow it down a bit."
I was in uniform and many cops are vets, so maybe he just cut me a break. That, or he was sorry for me driving such a sorry vehicle.
How about "I'm diabetic, and I dropped (and broke) the vial of insulin for the shot I was about to take? And I just came from a high carb buffet, so I need to get to a pharmacist (or home) fast!"?
Or how about "I inadvertently took a shot of fast acting insulin rather than slow acting insulin five minutes ago. I need to get to a donut shop fast!"
[Both excuses I have been tempted to try!]
Largo,
I arrested a guy one night for DUI... too drunk to walk, much less drive.
I took him to jail, where he blew all zeros on the breathalyzer!
We found a Medic Alert card in his wallet... he was diabetic. The fire rescue guys showed up and gave him some orange juice.
5 minutes later, he was fine.
He was the first guy I ever un-arrested.
"140? Hot damn! Can you clock me again, I want to try for 150!"
DanTheMan,
That is the first time I have seen a persuasive argument for wearing a Medic Alert bracelet rather than just carrying a card.
It also makes me curious. If someone is being compelled to allow himself to be taken to a jail (police station) for breathalyzer analysis, or was manifestly incapacitated, what would be the appropriate action at the scene vis a vis checking the guy's wallet. Do any police codes address such a thing?
//
Ann: are there any interesting 4A issues that might be relevant?
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