September 27, 2013

"8 Things Your Lawn Is Trying to Tell You."

Headline (in Popular Mechanics.

That feels like a challenge to write your own list, so here's mine:

1. "Get off me."

2. "I'm sick of this 'Get off my lawn business.' I am not your lawn. I belong to me."

3. "Why don't you go back in the house, sit down at your computer, and write a 1000-page novel called 'The Lawn' — some Stephen King type thing about a lawn that's trying to tell some guy something, gets a mind of its own, and all hell breaks loose."

4. "Alternate title: 'Mown.' Get it? Moan. I love puns. It feels so good to get mown."

5. "Grrrrr. Ass."

6. "I am the beautiful uncut hair of graves."

7. "The only reason men are alive is to take care of me."

8. "Fascist!"


$9,000,000,000 Write Off said...

"I don't care what you're loaffing and inviting, stop staring at me."

traditionalguy said...

Bob Dylan's Lawn sings:

Every Lawn must get mown.

Lay Lawn lay.

Don't think twice, it alright... when you look out your window I'll be grown again.

cold pizza said...

Sod off! -CP

Ann Althouse said...

More Bob Dylan-inspired things the lawn is trying to say:

9. Don't place your streetcar visions here.

10. True love will make me stand up straight and tall.

Ann Althouse said...

@$9,000,000,000 Write Off

I was working with that quote before I went to #8.

@cold pizza

Absolutely perfect. Wish I'd thought of that.

Meade said...

To live outside the lawn you must be oddest.

Ann Althouse said...



Inga said...

"I'm green with envy".

Peter said...

"I never asked for much
I never asked for your crutch
Now don't cut my hair."

Inga said...

"I am not a weed!"

Meade said...

Though you might hear mowin’, blowin’, trimmin’ madly across the lawn
He’s not noticin' anyone, he’s just landscapin’ on the run
And but for this guy there are no weeds a eatin’
And if you see vague spaces with roarin’ mowers makin' time
In your village green this time, it’s just a ragged clown behind
I wouldn’t pay him one thin dime
It was your rosebush he buzzed over without lookin'

ken in sc said...

Once at Homestead AFB, in south Florida, I was standing on the grass in front of the base chapel. Someone with an obvious Northern accent, slowed down long enough to yell at me to get off the grass. They drove away before I could yell back.

In the South, the grass will grow up your leg and tickle you nuts if you stand still long enough. Walking on the grass is not a problem in Homestead Fl.

Carol said...

It's not weeds - it's Diversity.