Althouse: "What I Hear You Saying Is..."

December 4, 2012

"What I Hear You Saying Is..."

#5 of 15 Phrases That Build Bridges Between People.

I'd like to write a screenplay with a comically unlikeable character who continually used all 15 of these phrases.

20 comments:

edutcher said...: Starring Rowan Atkinson, no doubt.

Seriously, 1 and the last 4, particularly 13, will open more doors (and minds) than anything else.; 12/4/12, 6:30 AM
Clayton Hennesey said...: "What I hear you saying is..."

you're a fucking cyborg, and I should probably jam this screwdriver sideways under your left armpit, right into your power nexus.

There. Good. No more robot talk, thank God.; 12/4/12, 6:35 AM
Paddy O said...: "I'd like to write a screenplay with a comically unlikeable character who continually used all 15 of these phrases."

Tell me more.; 12/4/12, 6:36 AM
virgil xenophon said...: Well played Paddy O!; 12/4/12, 6:56 AM
Chip Ahoy said...: Ta. It's amazing how far those two little letters go. In Britain.

That's a nice necklace. Yeah, I saw them on eBay so I bought four and tore 'em apart for the leaves to use on hummingbird feeders. <-- this goodwill phrase is still being crafted.

The following are well proven:

After you, spoken as a chipmunk
in-dube-i-tidly, spoken as a chipmunk
Oh no, after you spoken as a chipmunk
But I insist, spoken as a duck. Psych!; 12/4/12, 7:14 AM
Shouting Thomas said...: This sort of crap is fodder for a new Dilbert strip.

Today's strip is just about right on target.; 12/4/12, 7:18 AM
Rusty said...: "I'd like to write a screenplay with a comically unlikeable character who continually used all 15 of these phrases."

The devil could use all of them in my play about Chicago politics based on 'The Master and Margarita"

"Olga Puchinski had just stuck her head in the folding door of the Michigan Avenue CTA express when for some reason the driver closed the doors, decapitating her. Her expensive bottle of olive oil fell out of her tote and broke in the street."; 12/4/12, 7:18 AM
KCFleming said...: These phrases abound at my work.

Part of my secret bullshit bingo game, along with "champion", "let's take that offline," "toolbox," and "data driven."

And Ann?
Thanks for all you do.; 12/4/12, 7:20 AM
rhhardin said...: You go, I'll cover.

Use it in your next gunfight.; 12/4/12, 7:58 AM
john said...: "I'd like to write a screenplay with a comically unlikeable character who continually used all 15 of these phrases."

Done already. Its called "The Office".

Especially nos. 6, 7 and 8. Although 7 could be (and is) a typical government bureaucrat response to nearly any interaction with the public.; 12/4/12, 8:14 AM
Anonymous said...: The omission of "I won" is puzzling.; 12/4/12, 8:40 AM
Wince said...: "I'd like to write a screenplay with a comically unlikeable character who continually used all 15 of these phrases."

Working Title: Hillary Clinton.; 12/4/12, 8:45 AM
Anonymous said...: I think it was Peter Kreeft who wrote that in Hell, people will address each other with "What I hear you saying is . . .".; 12/4/12, 12:25 PM
Kirk Parker said...: "What I hear you saying is..."

What you see me doing is reaching out to strangle you.; 12/4/12, 12:36 PM
Fr Martin Fox said...: "What I hear you saying is..." can be a very useful approach to a very contentious conversation--that is, if you want to lower the volume instead of raising it.

One of the things I was taught in the seminary was that when someone is upset, and offering a complaint--about you or someone else--what comes out first is frequently not the real issue. Sometimes, the real issue is the second or third thing that's brought up. Maybe some of you are different, but when someone comes in, yelling or crying or both, hot about something, keeping ones cool can be very hard to do. But very helpful.

Also, when someone to a priest, a lot of times s/he isn't clear on what s/he really wants, beyond talking to me.

Again, one of the useful things I learned, in helping folks, is to let the person who came to me, tell me what it is s/he needs or wants. Don't assume. What comes out, clearly, is that some people don't really know what they want from me--other than to have me listen to them.

This may seem really obvious, but: I will always ask people, who seek a meeting: "what do you hope to accomplish with our meeting?" (That is, if they haven't made that clear already.)

You'd be surprised how hard a question that can be for some folks.

I had a man come to me, "to talk." After listening for about 10 minutes, I said, "what do you hope I can do for you?"

After a full hour, he still couldn't tell me. He kept describing his troubles, I listened, asked a few questions, but came back again: what do you hope I can do for you? Or some variant of that.

At the end of the hour, I called our meeting to a close, and I said: we can meet, but I'm going to ask you again what you hope we can do with these problems. We met again; and about 20 minutes in, he finally was able to say what he wanted from the meeting with me.

Until the person wanting help tells me what help s/he wants, I can't really assume.

A lot of the time, when I ask--after hearing someone complain about something--"what is your question for me?" or "What do you hope I can for you?", the person will pause, his or her eyes will widen, and s/he will say, "actually nothing. Thanks for listening!"

No problem!; 12/4/12, 12:38 PM
Saint Croix said...: I'd like to read that screenplay!; 12/4/12, 2:06 PM
Saint Croix said...: "You are so hot" should be on that list.; 12/4/12, 2:11 PM
Saint Croix said...: There's a radio ad for some kinda military outfit that says "we've got your back" multiple times. Really, really annoying.; 12/4/12, 2:13 PM
Saint Croix said...: I love "I'm on it," though. Somebody ought to run for office on that shit.; 12/4/12, 2:17 PM
Crunchy Frog said...: "I trust your judgement."

But if this goes south it's your ass, buddy.; 12/4/12, 2:33 PM