So, this is gonna sound wacky, but we swear it works. When you're in the bathroom getting ready, say to yourself, "peas and carrots." Photographer Chris Clinton uses this technique on models to amp up the sultry vibe during a shoot. Something about the way your lips move when forming those words feels so pouty and sensual.Presumably, naked people look hotter crazy.
September 2, 2012
Cosmo's "9 Ways to Look Even Hotter Naked."
Even hotter. Here's my favorite one:
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49 comments:
Presumably, naked people look hotter crazy.
You know the old saying --- "Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed."
(Yes, I learned that in Catholic school. Right after my altar boy lessons. Really...)
"peas and carrots" used to be what directors would tell stage people to say when they wanted background crowd noise....
I'm willing to try it and I'll report back.
I always found shaving my girlfriend's name into my chest hair did the trick.
Saying peas and carrots just makes mr remember how gross they look when they're mashed up to feed a baby. Not to mention how they taste.
Take a Stand
Rather than facing your guy front-on, which can make you look square, turn so you're at a 3/4 angle. This accentuates the curves of your breasts, butt, and thighs. And cop an asymmetric pose—for example, bend one knee, or put a hand on your waist and cock your hip out. You'll look playful, shapelier, and way sexier than just standing straight.
Jessica Valenti was unavailable for comment.
I'm surprised.
The list failed to include "turning out the lights".
Wow thank God Helen Gurley Brown died before reading this garbage. Oh wait.
I've heard that next month's Cosmo will include an article on some great sex positions as well as butt-toning tips. I can't wait.
Interesting but not surprising that a magazine written by supposedly strong, confident, cutting edge womyn is full of advice reflecting underlying weakness, desperation and dependence.
"Presumably, naked people look hotter crazy."
Well, they are the ones cheating and having all the "affairs":
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
Everybody knows
Leonard Cohen - "Everybody Knows"
For God's sake!
Watch some porn with your boyfriend!
You won't look any hotter, but he'll think you do.
First, ingest alcohol.
Sorun is completely off the mark.
The next Cosmo is all about "what men REALLY want".
New, cutting edge stuff.
I always found shaving my girlfriend's name into my chest hair did the trick.
Hell of a trick! You got detailed instructions on how to do this?
"You got detailed instructions on how to do this?"
1. Grow chest hair.
I had to google Jessica Valenti.
Of course, google is very accommodating, and they provided images of Ms. Valenti. They also suggested additional searches with images. Our hostess was suggested as an additional search.
I was surprised. There are some very unflattering photoshops of our hostess.
When you're in the bathroom getting ready, say to yourself, "peas and carrots."
Say it over and over and really loudly. That way your partner can hear it and prepare for your healthy vegetable passion blitz.
"'Peas and carrots!' means 'Get ready for action, baby!'"
Deaf lady stands in front of mirror and signs to herself
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
pea and carrot
Turns around away from the mirror and thinks to herself silently for she is a quiet woman, "Oh man, my sultry vibe is totally ready for a photo shoot and now do my lips ever feel pouty and sensual."
You'd have thought this stuff was retired with Helen Gurley Brown.
Well there is something to that carrot signing. It looks a little like a demonstration of how to use a condom.
The problem is most people, men and women, don't look anywhere near hot when they're naked. No amount of vegetable mantras will change that.
Though alcohol probably helps.
I intend to try all of these on myself tonight. I'll employ an empty chair.
I always found shaving my girlfriend's name into my chest hair did the trick.
I tried that, but Wilhelmina couldn't read it when I was finished.
Lindsey Meadows,
I'm willing to try it and I'll report back.
Your vibrator won't care what you say.
Shouting Thomas said...
I always found shaving my girlfriend's name into my chest hair did the trick.
Hell of a trick! You got detailed instructions on how to do this?
Technology.
ALH said...
"...womyn is full of advice reflecting underlying weakness, desperation and dependence".
thou sayethye to myne concypte of womynhood?
weakness? desperation? dependence?
ahhh the dreams of pigs.
are we talkin' two of those little spring peas and the one baby carrot?...
I mean, how..welll..sexually suggestive is that....and to the females, it is our lot in life to deal with tiny "veggie" combinations.....
pass the mayo.
Am SO VERY tired of Insty linking to 10 things about x
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
They are invariable all fluff and
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
are only used to generate ad revenue
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
so I no longer click on ANY Insty links with
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
any kind of "10 ways to X"
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
because they are a waste of my time
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
Bad Insty! Bad!
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
I mean, is there any reason
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[place another advertisement here]
the Vogue article couldn't have fit
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
there 9 ways into one page
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
instead of nine?
[place advertisement here]
[place another advertisement here]
Tyrone Slothrop said...
I always found shaving my girlfriend's name into my chest hair did the trick.
Tried this one. Surprisingly, my girlfriend didn't think Tyrone's girlfriend's name on my chest was hot.
YoungHegelian said...
"You know the old saying --- "Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed.""
I always heard it "red on the head"...
Fire in the hole.
Yep, I'm a redhead. Natch.
Re: shaving your girlfriend's name into your chest:
as long as you're not shaving it into her chest.
These are the peas and carrots, I like.
Yeah I heard that one too, kentuckyliz. I am also a natural redhead (well, auburn), but the gray is starting to multiply.
I have found that if you splash rubbing alcohol all over your body and then light a match, it looks blue flame hot. It's a real attention grabber. Otherwise do it without contacts and after a few drinks with a cialis chaser. I bet inviting the babysitter would really work too.
I myself am red-haired. I have always wondered why red haired women have this sexual mystique that is not applicable to men. Women go with you despite your red hair not because of it.
The most important thing women need to remember:
80% of looking hot naked is just showing up.
It has to be hard to be a woman:
Self-assured women hold their bodies straighter and taller, make more eye contact
All while wearing stilettos:
Skyscraper shoes lift your butt, engage your leg muscles, and give your stems an amazingly slender and long appearance
and coping an asymmetric pose:
Rather than facing your guy front-on, which can make you look square, turn so you're at a 3/4 angle. This accentuates the curves of your breasts, butt, and thighs. And cop an asymmetric pose
while saying peas and carrots, in dim light, and hoping not to laugh at how ridiculous you seem.
It has to be hard to be a woman:
Self-assured women hold their bodies straighter and taller, make more eye contact
All while wearing stilettos:
Skyscraper shoes lift your butt, engage your leg muscles, and give your stems an amazingly slender and long appearance
and coping an asymmetric pose:
Rather than facing your guy front-on, which can make you look square, turn so you're at a 3/4 angle. This accentuates the curves of your breasts, butt, and thighs. And cop an asymmetric pose
while saying peas and carrots, in dim light, and hoping not to laugh at how ridiculous you seem.
Apparently, Cosmo does not watch Super Why. Peas and carrots is the catch phrase of one of the characters.
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