Anthony Kiedis, now 49 years old, responds:
It was a different era. My father rebelled ferociously against his conservative upbringing where his father physically abused him. When the ’60s came, my dad swung that pendulum so far, but it was not tempered with any kind of sense that maybe a child has to be a child. Still, we were probably closer than any of my friends and their fathers, who would come home, get drunk on martinis, read the newspaper and never engage their children. As a father now, I wouldn’t do what my dad did, because it left me feeling emotionally unstable as a kid. But he didn’t do the things he did out of selfishness or malice....ADDED: What great 10 words that a 12-year-old doesn't know yet would you bestow upon your 12-year-old?
For all of the things that seem difficult to accept, he also would sit me down at age 12 and say, “Here’s 10 great words that I think you should know,” or “Here’s Ernest Hemingway,” or “Here’s pop art.” His idea was: If it’s good for me, it’s good for my son.
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32 comments:
The frontman of the funky, funky daddies has depths most don't know about. His help after bandmate John Frusciante's near-implosion over drugs is an inspiring story.
For all of the things that seem difficult to accept, he also would sit me down at age 12 and say, “Here’s 10 great words that I think you should know,” or “Here’s Ernest Hemingway,” or “Here’s pop art.” His idea was: If it’s good for me, it’s good for my son.
I can certainly identify with this. While constantly trying to keep age-appropriate material in mind, my 7-year-old is simply so bright that I'm constantly astonished at her grasp on concepts and I keep wanting to show her things I think are "cool".
"If it’s good for me, it’s good for my son."
Such a bad premise in the first place.
Restraint, dignity, modesty, moderation, politeness, charity, selflessness, respect, pride, humility.
It may be a typo or a transcription error for 10 great works he should know.
"What great 10 words that a 12-year-old doesn't know yet would you bestow upon your 12-year-old?"
10 words from both my parents:
Mother: "Travel as much as you can."
Father: "Get it in writing."
He is still the power behind the red hot shitty peppers. Nothing new. He's one of those punk asses that I knew and grew up with in that era.
I'd have to leave him 10 important phrases: nanny state, federal tit, genital mutilation, gaming the system, income tax avoidance, emigration, sham marriage, atheism, vasectomy, die broke.
"Never cry over spilt milk. It could have been whiskey.
"Pappy" Maverick
Unfortunately, that era is still going on.
LordSomber said...
If it’s good for me, it’s good for my son.
Such a bad premise in the first place.
Maybe so, (I had the same problem with my dad) but a lot of people go by the idea that they don't want their kids to make the mistakes they made and that the things that worked for them must be good things for everyone.
Ann Althouse said...
What great 10 words that a 12-year-old doesn't know yet would you bestow upon your 12-year-old?
Look it up.
Learn all you can.
Don't be afraid.
(that last is the tough one)
Sounds like he is forgiving his father, from that passage.
Ten words, not off the top of my head, but probably words that are no longer used or have lost meaning.
"Doesn't know yet" strikes me as the operant phrase.
Geez, I read the lead-in and thought it was a Kennedy speaking....
My word would be humility. We need an antidote to all the solipsism and narcissism of the Me generation.
Couldn't his dad have provided those pearls of wisdom without exposing him to the vices mentioned?
Certainly, people are a package deal and we have to take the good and the bad together. But that doesn't mean we need take the good and bad as being equally necessary or beneficial. Otherwise, we reach ridiculous cases where abusive people are given a pass because they occasionally do a kind thing.
Sounds like the 1960s rebels taught their kids what they knew. So honoring your father and mother is still good advice. Just remember to also learn from others a less warped mind set.
I can't express how happy I am to hear a celebrity say something like this:
Maybe my upbringing accelerated my addiction, but I don’t hold him responsible. People always want to blame somebody else when it comes to addiction. It’s like when Whitney Houston died, everyone was like, “If she had never met Bobby Brown, she wouldn’t have that problem.” I disagree. I think people either have that in them or they don’t.
How true! People's choices are their responsibility. Never use your parents as an excuse for your behavior.
Here are my 10 words:
Liberals really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really suck.
Addiction is not a choice you make, it's a disease at the top of your spinal cord in the primitive part of your brain. Use and abuse are choices made in the cerebral cortex. You can be born primed for addiction, or you can prime yourself for it through heavy use.
If our choices aren't at least somewhat attributable to our parents, then what is the point of good parenting? Why bother?
But I agree with the larger point. As adults, we all bear responsibility for our actions.
The love that motivates a gesture can mitigate some of its stupidity or clumsiness. The coldness that motivates another gesture can subvert its wisdom or grace.
AKA, how to raise a heroin addict.
They need something to kill the pain
If I had to bet money, I'd say his father never gave him 10 "great words". My bet is it's a fantasy that ever happened.
I just can't imagine a man who asks his girlfriend to take his son's virginity at age 11 and snorts cocaine with him at 13 is the kind of father whose very inteested in exposing his child to deeply intellectual new words.
If it did happen, that kind of father surely wants his 12 year old kid to know what bestiality, necrophilia, pedophilia, and so forth mean.
I once watched a show on Jim Jones and the Guyana cult/suicide. He had two sons, one natural and one adopted, that survived the mass suicide because they were away at a basketball tournament. They both said they still loved their father.
Any time I hear some malarky such as Kiedis', I remember Jim Jones' sons and write it off as a strange psychological phenomena similar to Stockholm syndrome.
You can't tell a child anything...they know it all, already.
Ten words:
Son, there is no statute of limitations for child abuse.
Addiction is not a choice you make, it's a disease at the top of your spinal cord in the primitive part of your brain.
Giving in to your addiction is a choice you make.
Maybe what some people need to consider is, "If it's not good for my child, it's not good for me."
I recently watched the movie "Funky Monks" about the making of "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" at "The Mansion" a famous house once owned by Errol Flynn.
Kiedes plays coy for most of the film but then suddenly, towards the end, he gives an interview where he recounts his own hitting bottom. That scene alone sort of redeeds the rest of the movie which was otherwise very Monkees-goofball.
My 10 words:
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch, ever.
Except for the sex and drugs his father sounds like mine, though I wasn't reunited with him until 13, and only periodically. But, then, I got a seemingly unending lesson in high art and philosophy that I can only describe as ferocious. He'd describe architectural works, in detail, late at night - over the phone. And when I stayed at his house, it was like visiting the coolest museum or library on the planet, holding every major idea man ever had, with my own personal highly-motivated, yet slightly intimidating, tour guide to wherever I wanted to go.
I miss him. I really do. If there was anyone who could've helped me cope better with all I've been through, it was him. He had an answer for everything and accepted people, generally, couldn't keep up. I cut through bullshit alright, but his mind was truly a sword in flight. Ann, for instance, has ideas - he had answers.
And, boy, do I need some now,...
I should've edited that.
Sorry.
My dad was an orphan--he grew up on the streets of South Boston in the 1940s. He was also pretty notoriously the strictest, harshest, most demanding parent in the neighborhood.
He never gave any of us a break, but he never gave himself a break either, and devoted himself entirely ($, attention) to his family.
I think that's the reason why our family was always close, friendly, and genuinely affectionate, back then and as adults.
People make mistakes. Parents make mistakes. As a daughter and a mother, I can't help but think that kids notice if you put them first, and they notice if you're a selfish asshole, and that's pretty much the only thing that makes a difference.
Crack Emcee, that was very nice what you posted.
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