July 30, 2010

"American Idol" will never find a true replacement for Paula.

Ellen is out. She was nice, but she didn't know much about music and preserving her reputation for niceness (and comedy) trumped any dedication to judging the contestants. Now, there's talk of bringing in Jennifer Lopez. Does Lopez bring niceness to the judge's table? She may have Paula-level musical expertise... but will she project the love and the crazy that Paula gave us? No, they will never find another Paula, though they may one day understand how subtly perfect she was for their impossibly popular little TV talent contest.


MayBee said...

Nigel Lithgow is back. Maybe Paula will come back, too.

Or maybe, just maybe....Mickey Kaus?

traditionalguy said...

Paula was fantastic as a Judge. I never understood the motive behind the criticism that was thrown at her.

Unknown said...

Her sex life notwithstanding, Ms DeGeneres was always pretty lame, even before we knew her secret identity.

rhhardin said...

Natalie Tran does the genre.

bagoh20 said...

Get Lindsay Lohan, and I will watch.

DADvocate said...

How about Amy Winehouse?

Anonymous said...

Hasn't Paula been signed to another Simon Cowell-related show for next season?

I liked her, sometimes despite the loopy behavior and sometimes because of it.

Chase said...


9 AM, West Coast:

Kara DioGuardi fired from American Idol

Scott said...

How about RuPaul?

Or, in the same vein, Wendy Williams?

The Crack Emcee said...

"Ellen is out. She was nice, but she didn't know much about music,..."

Are you kidding me? Ellen? But she dances (badly) on her show, and gets her guests to dance (badly) on her show - including Obama!

jr565 would argue that, alone, qualified her to be there, because she's got her taste, and "it's all subjective" you know.

What is the world coming to?

DADvocate asks:

"How about Amy Winehouse?"

She would definitely "bring the crazy", but she's also made compelling music, which appears to be a disqualifier. How that works, exactly, I don't know.

I vote for Lady GaGa. Like many of the contestants, she thinks music is about what you're wearing, so she would seem like a perfect fit.

Ipso Fatso said...

Helen Thomas Baby!!!

Roux said...

Ellen sucked.

AllenS said...

How about Lindsay Lohan, when she gets out of the joint.

GMay said...

"...Paula-level musical expertise..."

I laughed.

JohnG said...

Courtney Love!

Trooper York said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trooper York said...

I think you should apply for the job.

I always thought of you as the Paula Adbul of the Internets.

Just sayn'

Republican said...

The only replacement who could deliver the same level of knowledge, style, niceness, and crazy, is:

Cyndi Lauper

LordSomber said...

Don Rickles.

Michael Haz said...

Charlie Rangel is going to be an AI judge. It's part of the deal his attorney's cut with the House Ethics Committee.

American Idol was a show about Simon Cowell. Cowell has left; the show will last one more season, and then be cancelled.

Geoff Matthews said...

what haz said.

Anonymous said...

If they're going to bring in Jennifer Lopez, I would prefer that they skip the actual J-Lo, and instead placed either the Jennifer Lopez as channeled by the go fug yourself girls, or, if that falls through, the Jennifer Lopez as channeled by Cartman's hand.

Cedarford said...

Courtney Love? Well, she would sure bring the crazy..Love is also an accomplished artist and a very, very good actress. (A natural).

Don't think she was on anyone's list though, because:

1. While Paula's idea of crazy was acting daffy, under the influence of something, and proclaimations of love and some utterly incoherent non sequiters - Courtney's is to announce she said "fuck you to the corporate suits" one more time.
2. A common thought would be that Courtney would rather do back alley blowjobs to pay for smack than sell out as a plastic corporate Idol artist paid to shill dishonest judging dreck.

knox said...

They really did screw up when they let her go.

knox said...

Paula, I mean.

But I too agree with Michael H. Don't see how the show can make it without Simon.

The Crack Emcee said...

"Jennifer Lopez as channeled by Cartman's hand."


Cedarford said...

Michael Haz - "American Idol was a show about Simon Cowell. Cowell has left; the show will last one more season, and then be cancelled."

Cowell was an unknown when cast and when the show became a massive hit, it was more about the Kelly Clarkson and other fine performers rising from nowhere, the crazy and the good and bad that were seen in auditions, what people thought was extremely entertaining Paula interactions with Randy and Simon.

Randy wasn't a caricature of himself yet. And Cowell was still building his "witty, cutting lines" with help of writers that gave other talent show judges in the traditional "last, most ascerbic and wittiest" judge on other talent shows since the 60s in the US and Europe their lines.

No one was tuning in for an hour and a half just for 16 seconds of good Simon bon mots.

Cowell was phoning it in the last two years. Once they went to 4 judges, they lost much of the entertainment value, with Abdul going, even more. In the end, Cowell was the guy paid 45 million to do a month of auditions work, then down to do 3 hours of work a week once the herd was culled. And do it with an attitude the whole thing was now boring and beneath him.

HAD he not gone, with the 2 years of ratings drops with him as the highest paid staff, doing nothing to fix the bad judges chemistry?

Any talk of a need for a clean swee by canning non-performing judges would have started with Cowell and his 45 million for a lot of nothing.

Trooper York said...

They can bring it right back by using Katy Perry in the Simon role and Bret Michaels in the Paula role. A little sex reversal is in order.

Katy can be tough and acerbic as shown in her stint as a guest judge this past season. And Michaels can be loveably goofy as he evidenced on the Celebrity Apprentice.

Trooper York said...

I an much more interested in the cat fight that is coming up next week between Snookie and Angelina after they both bang Vinny on Jersey Shore.

John Stodder said...

What's funny is that, supposedly, when the camera is off, Ellen is not even remotely "nice."

Speaking as someone who has watched AI maybe three times, I think they ought to change things up for real and put a quality pop musician up there.

I would watch the show if, for instance, Ray Davies could be a judge.

Or how about Joe Cocker?

If it's a woman they are looking for...Lucinda Williams? Or maybe Chrissie Hynde.

Chrissie Hynde AND Ray Davies. For a handful of pop music fans, that would be an awesome reality show (since they have a kid together).

Another way to go: Renee Fleming. She's looking for some pop cred to go along with her dominance of opera.

J-Lo would not get me to watch. She's insipid, and her music career is a big nothing.

Jennifer said...

I had heard rumors that Jessica Simpson was in line. She could bring the Paula crazy, but not as well.

Trooper York said...

You know John Stodder that you are one of my favorite commenters even though you are a Dodger fan. Chrissie Hynde and Ray Davies would be perfect.

If they want to do a remake of the Lawrence Welk show.

Joe said...

Cowell was an unknown when cast and when the show became a massive hit

To US audiences maybe, but Simon Fuller knew exactly who he was hiring because Cowell was a name in the UK.

Simon was an instant hit in the US version of Idol. By the time the got to the top twelve, he was a household name and the reason to watch.

Eric said...

How about Amy Winehouse?

She would certainly bring the same element of... well, drunkenness. But will she sleep with the contestants?

Leland said...

Kara is gone now too.

PatCA said...

I fear we are seeing the denouement of AI.

Paula was just IT for AI and it never recovered.

Sic transit gloria. :)

Jim said...

Cedarford is DEAD wrong about Cowell. Cowell wasn't some unknown they plucked out of nowhere. He has a long history in the recording industry that goes back decades.

I will grant that he is much more of a public name and "star" than he ever was before. But to say he was just some nobody before American Idol is either dishonest or ignorant.

Jim said...

Paula's instability gave the producers no choice. She became progressively more and more incoherent and added less and less to the show as time went on.

Kara has been a disaster from the get-go. Her ego and competetiveness with the contestants (remember her feud with "Bikini Girl"?) should have been embarrassing to her. The fact that she helped write that abomination of a song for the previous season finale should have been reason enough to dump her last year. Her departure is long overdue.

I agree that we're looking at the denouement of American Idol. Dropping the minimum age of contestants down to 15 is going to kill the audience for the most desirable demographics (Ford, one of their biggest sponsors, isn't exactly trying to market to kids who don't even have driver's licences after all.) And the competition of The X Factor which will reunite Simon and Paula is going to be, at the very least, a curiosity draw which will dull audience appetites for yet ANOTHER singing competition.

jamboree said...

Maybe it's time to stop watching that trash?

Omaha1 said...

I thought J-Lo demanded that lesser beings not make eye contact with her. Wouldn't that be a bit of an obstacle in judging all of the amateur performers?

I think Britney Spears would make a good Paula substitute, but maybe her career is not dead enough yet.

jr565 said...

Crack Emcee wrote:
jr565 would argue that, alone, qualified her to be there, because she's got her taste, and "it's all subjective" you know.

What is the world coming to?

No, she shouldn't have been there because she's a celebrity, whereas the other judges are all in the music biz. BUT by the same token it depends on how entertaining she is as a judge, which might make her lack of music biz experience less important. But what are the judges doing? THey simply state THEIR OPINIONS about what they just heard based on taste (ie. they like their music to not be atonal for example). If people failed it's because, in the opinion of the judges they didn't make it. Now, how many times have you heard an opinion from a judge that you disagree with? WHat then?
After the judges make their opinions known they take it to the people, who odn't have music degrees and they give their opinions about what they just heard.

jr565 said...

But also, Crack,
maybe Paula shouldn't have been there. She may be a "musiciian/singer" only she's not in the pantheon. And how good was her singing anyway? IF she was crap should that disqualify her from judging, since by extension she wouldn't have put out crap if she actually knew what crap was. And if she put out such crap, can she judge things that are not crap. Or when she thinks something is good, is it by extension crap, because Abul thought her stuff wasn't crap?