June 30, 2010

"... Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."

A lengthy and ravenous kiss on a dark and stormy night.


Chip Ahoy said...

Hahaha, that's good.

john said...

It seems like they are tending to award more run-on type sentences lately. There were some really great short ones a while back, like:

"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

And my favorite (tell me if you heard this before):

"Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

traditionalguy said...

The runner-up in Historical Fiction, about the pre-humans, sounds like a perfect Journolist's description of The Tea Party.

Fred4Pres said...

john's picks are better. Still, they are all so bad as to be great.

Paul said...

@ Fred4Pres said...

Nothing personal, but isn't "Fred for President" now "Fred for Reverse Mortgages"?

I think that as much as acknowledges no future political ambitions, perhaps less so than when Bob Dole decided it was worth his while to become the spokesman for erectile dysfunction.

P.S. I still think that was his passive-aggressive way of torpedoing his wife's political ambitions.

themightypuck said...

Of the category winners, I think this beats the overall:

The blazing equatorial sun beat down on Simon’s head and shoulders as he dug feverishly in the hot sand with the ivory shoe-horn his mother had given him before the homecoming game with Taft, when the field was so wet that he’d lost his low-tops seven times in the cold sucking mud.

I also realize that I'm definitely a middlebrow as I kinda like "It was a dark and stormy night..."

shoutingthomas said...

I nominate this bit, from commenter Palladian:

I suppose it's good to have a handy reference thread like this one, so I can remember which commenters are mentally-defective toads who apparently harbour genocidal fantasies about eradicating homosexuals like me from the face of the earth, all the while taking the most embarrassing pleasure in writing graphic descriptions of homosexual activities. Typical warped, fag-obsessed fascist thugs.

Only one comment before, Palladian pulled out the atomic weapon of purple prose: He compared himself to a black person suffering under Jim Crow.

I think he wins the purpose prose contest hands down.

shoutingthomas said...

I think he wins the purpose prose contest hands down.

Should read: I think he wins the purple prose contest hands down.

Of course, a case can be made for "purpose" prose as well.

meep said...

For those who think the regular contest makes it too easy, when one can write a paragraph of awfulness in a single sentence, check out the Lyttle Lytton contest:


edutcher said...

I notice none of The Zero's deathless prose.

Surely, there must be a prize waiting for TOTUS.

halojones-fan said...

I dunno. This whole thing seems like the "World's Ugliest Dog" competition. When people are intentionally crafting entries that are "bad" specifically to win a bad-writing competition, then it isn't really fun anymore; like how WUD has become the Chinese Crested Fan Club.