December 19, 2009

"Tiger Woods Plays Sad Golf at Night."

I thought this was going to be some sex metaphor — with lame wisecracks about holes and so forth — but it's literally true: Tiger Woods Plays Sad Golf at Night.


vbspurs said...

Yes, I read that on Drudge a few days ago. I think the Tiger story has all but played out, no? After reading on the BBC website that Tag Heuer is finally dropping Woods (one of his Big Three advertisers, next to Nike and AmEx), and that Elin is definitely leaving him, there's not much else to chat about.

traditionalguy said...

Tiger is in outer darkness weeping and gnashing his teeth. But like Napoleon he may come out of exile and win the Masters this coming spring.

rhhardin said...

Maybe he likes golf.

Wince said...


(with apologies to Berry, Buck, Mills and Stipe)

Nightgolfing deserves a quiet night

The photograph of the mistress, taken years ago,
Turned around backwards so the internet shows
Every tabloid reveals the picture in reverse
Still, it's so much clearer
I forgot my text on the bimbo's phone
The moon is low tonight

Nightgolfing deserves a quiet night
I'm not sure all these people understand
It's not like years ago,
No fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and women
They cannot see me naked
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday

Nightgolfing, remembering that night
The PGA Tour is coming soon
I'm pining for the majors
And what if I won all four
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest son?
That bright, loose-fitting blazer
Could not describe nightgolfing

You, you thought you knew me
You, you cannot judge
You, I thought you knew me,
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath

The photograph reflects,
Every mistress a reminder
Nightgolfing deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night

Fred4Pres said...

So they are just making it up? What a surprise.

Ron said...

Will Elin's emasculation of Tiger force him into a career of miniature golf? Stay tuned...

kentuckyliz said...

Elin emasculated Tiger?


He is experiencing the natural consequences of his actions. We live in a cause and effect world. No need to demonize Elin. AFAWK she didn't violate her vows.

If I weren't so busy with housekeeping today, I would work up some lyrics to the tune of "I Wear My Sunglasses At Night."

kentuckyliz said...

Tiger should join us (a vast unorganized collection of Christians) for the Chapter of Proverbs A Day in January reading plan. It's better than making resolutions--take your core character into the garage for some tune-up.

G Joubert said...

Who knew that Tiger and Charles Barkley were buddies? That says something all by itself.

Bissage said...

It's just a matter of time before Mr. Woods seals himself inside his own private Xanadu, now that Elin's rosebud is up for grabs.

Lem said...

No, I don't think so; no. Mr. Kane was a man who got everything he wanted and then lost it. Maybe Rosebud was something he couldn't get, or something he lost. Anyway, it wouldn't have explained anything... I don't think any word can explain a man's life. No, I guess Rosebud is just a... piece in a jigsaw puzzle... a missing piece.

Lem said...

Good one Bissage.

Chip Ahoy said...

I'm seeing a market for luminescent golfballs.

Kirby Olson said...

What was it Lincoln said, that most men can handle adversity, but it's power that shows you their character.

Titus said...

I wish Tiger was into the downlow.

I would of totally kept my mouth shut.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe for a moment that Tiger Woods is playing golf at night.

I believe he's banging whores at night three at a time.

Anonymous said...

I'm seeing a market for luminescent balls.

Anonymous said...

And a luminescent cock.

Titus said...

I am also very happy to hear from one of the hos that he is well endowed.

That makes him hotter.

AllenS said...

If he's golfing at night, that just means he's playing holes #19, 20, 21...

Wince said...

Let me tell you a story about Mitch Cumstein.

DANNY: I've just got to win that caddy tournament. I owe it to my folks to get that scholarship.

TY: Why do you want to go to college?

DANNY: I don't know.

TY: Let me tell you a story. I once knew a guy who could've been a great golfer. Could've gone pro.

All he needed was a little time and some practice.

He decided to go to college instead.

He went for four years. Did pretty well.

At the end of his four years, his last semester, he was kicked out.

You know what for?

He was night-putting. Just putting at night...

...with the 15-year-old daughter
of the Dean.

You know who that guy was?

Danny: No.

TY: Take one good guess.

DANNY: Bob Hope?

TY: No, that guy was Mitch Cumstein... roommate.

He's a good guy. Don't be obsessed
with your desires, Danny.

The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote:

"A flute with no holes is not a flute...

"...and a doughnut with no hole is a Danish."

He was a funny guy.

DANNY: You missed just that one.

TY: In one physical model of the universe...

...the shortest distance between two points is a straight line... the opposite direction.

DANNY: Unbelievable!

TY: Thank you very little.

Methadras said...

Titus said...

I would of totally kept my mouth shut.

That's a total oxymoron coming from you.

wv = radstick = Titus' version of a discostick.

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