September 20, 2009

"I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit."

"I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner."

That's #5 on a list.

I like #11 too. I think it could be a movie:
"Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away. I've done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a quick moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn't so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you'd like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me."
And by the way #14 is not weird. I know exactly what they were doing.


Graham Powell said...

Number 10 may be a reference to one of the Dirk Gently novels by the late, great Douglas Adams. The heroes happened to be using an interdimensional doorway that opened into a stairway and very kindly left if open so the movers could fit a couch through the turn.

edutcher said...

Hate to say it, Ann, but I think you're being awfully Nelsonian about #14. I will be a gentleman and leave it at that, but the man in question said there was no going back.

I also want to meet the guy hawking #16. He must really be old.

traditionalguy said...

Fantasies for sale or rent...# 14 may have been a fantasy come true , but how did the dude explain abandoned dentures in his truck to the wife the next morning? Is that when he tells her not to listen to her lying eyes, and that is his story and he is sticking to it. Craig's list seems to be a Free market for fantasies.

traditionalguy said...

And, the Professor has a point: #11 could be done as an updated Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail type movie script. Instead of Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks they could cast Taylor Swift and Kanye West.

Ann Althouse said...

More like Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline in "French KIss."

vet66 said...

Say what? They walk among us!

Lem said...

#17 "For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house."


edutcher said...

Ann Althouse said...

More like Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline in "French KIss."

You must be a sweet and trusting soul.

Fred4Pres said...

Very funny.

traditionalguy said...

Dear Professor, You are in incurable romantic, and therefore a rare natural resource in Academia.

Ralph L said...

The OJ drinker in #2 is just a couple miles from me. University Drive was supposed to be a bypass, but it's already too developed for easy use.

rhhardin said...

Kate and Anna McGarrigle (Canadian) Petite Annonce.

Je cherche une homme qui a cinq pieds trois
Moi j’suis pas la fille du Roy Ou bien ça va
Ou ça va pas
S’il vous plaît répondez-moi

Qui annonce reçoit réponse
Qui demande a récompense

Qui annonce reçoit réponse
Qui demande a récompense

Moi je n’ai que cinq pieds deux
Pourtant je ne suis pas boiteux
C’est tu trop
C’est tu trop peu
Répondez pour l’amour de Dieu

J’en ai assez d’être seul chez-moi
Ç a crève le coeur et puis le foie
J’éloigne les chiens
J’effraie les chats
J’fais peur aux petits enfants

Je ne fume que du bon tabac
J’aime les souris, j’hais les rats
À deux ou trois
Ou quatre pattes
Vilains ou bien aristocrates

Cinq deux, cinq trois
OEil de verre, jambe de bois
Et surtout du savoir faire

Simon Kenton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Simon Kenton said...

I could help out #20 but only at the risk of causing some more developmental issues - I think 300 stuffed penguins could supply our club's combat pistol matches with semi-reactive targets for months to come. Black side forward for perp, white forward, hostage.

WV: warlec - strutting ground for wizards.

Leather Daddy said...

This reminds me of Folsom Street Fair 2008, but replace bathtub, noodles and one-piece bathing suit with sling, Jeremy and assless chaps.

Oh, Jeremy, the Castro Leather Daddies are saving a sling for you again this year. Until Saturday, dear boy, Happy Crisco!

PatCA said...

I like #17 too, LOL! Sounds like the beginning of a really weird horror movie.

EDH said...

12) Looking for bridesmaids
"So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing."

Evidently that ad didn't work for Althouse, and she and Meade waited until August to be wed in Colorado by themeselves.

blake said...

Oh, I know what they were doing in #14, too, but it's still weird.

You really shouldn't let strangers sleep in your cab, even if you do keep a glass of Effervescent around for their dentures.

Darcy said...

Still not getting #14, and why it's not weird. Maybe it's better to remain clueless on this?