Click through to the blog, Forgotten Bookmarks, and scroll. I liked this one, a handwritten letter to David, found in "Remains of the Day," and containing the sort of prose that maybe someone who likes that book would like:
... I hope you understand that I do and will care deeply for you and that I have every bit of confidence in the beauty of your unique David-ness. I am just selfishly at a point in my life at which I can not make the sacrifices and take the risks that are necessary to make any relationship that we would have work. We are both at such profound transition points in our lives, and our situations are too unstable to offer the foundation necessary upon which to build the tremendous life changes that we idealistically believed possible.Wow! Raise your game, kiss-off-ers!
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Here's what I found inscribed inside the cover of a copy of Mein Kamph I bought at a Madison bookstore years ago:
My Darling,
Mein Kamph has come to mean something special during the past weeks for I have anticipated the time when I could write on this cover a few chosen words of my love and devotion for you, Corliss(?).
Darling, seven years of college education have just closed their covers to you. However, the knowledge, open-mindedness and wonderful memories are yours forever -- to be retained from those marvelous years.
Now, darling, you will read this book and between each line you should be able to feel the love, sincere and strong, deep and intense, tender and constant that I have for you.
May you receive an enjoyment from this book as I have in giving it to you[sic], on this day June 20, 1959.
Corliss, darling -- I love you
Barbie
It's not you it's me has never sounded so magnanimous.
This cries out for Sir Archie to point out that even the kiss-off to David pales in comparison to kiss-offs of long ago.
When I return a book to the library, I double check to make sure no stray paper is left inside. I would never give away an old book (me, the packrat), so I'll never have that problem with old books.
I did like that kiss-off writer returned the family heirloom necklace to David. Classy.
If there is no copywrite on this, I am going to reccomend it for my Divorce clients who want a nice easy split-up.
While it must have been very painful for Dearest David to read through that brush-off letter, no woman has ever ended a relationship with me without first bringing up the fact that I have a tiny, little penis.
Translation:
Dear David,
I like you and all, but you turned out to be too much work.
The woman writing that letter sounds tremendously full of herself. Could anyone be more tedious?
David: Here's the necklace. It won't work. See ya.
It says the same thing, but in a tenth of the time.
Wow, and Susan has a tender conscience.
If I ever recieved a kiss-off letter like that, I'd say, "Thank, God! I could have been stuck with a self-centered phony. Or, at least, stuck with someone with a thought disorder."
@Meade, she's looking around for exemplar kiss-off letters. Not good, my friend, not good. :-(
Bissage -
That just means all of the nerve endings are closer together, leading to more pleasure (for you).
Translation of letter:
Fuck off David, you bastard.
Mein Kamph? Ha, ha. Made me think that maybe JD Salinger wrote a parody of Hitler's more famous Mein Kampf.
Or, Mein Kamph - my struggle with acid imbalance.
My translation:
David, you are too weird. I can't deal with it now (or probably ever).
Or, is "Mein Kamph" a canny way of avoiding the surveillance state erected under the previous administration?
Dear David,
I always envisioned my boyfriend floating on the backroads by the rivers of my memory (or however that goes) but my relationship with you has been like dating a jackhammer.
your David-ness
oh hurl!!!
Bissage, tiny penises are welcome in the gay community, but it helps if you're swarthy and have a British accent
Bissage, if a woman ever says that to you again--horrid bitch!--
"Well, my penis is bigger than your clit, so nyah nyah!"
(You know a penis is just an overgrown clit, and a clit is just a primarily internal penis. Anatomically speaking.)
As the Forgotten Bookmarks guy, thanks! Glad you all enjoy it as much as I do.
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