July 22, 2009

The most spiritual squirrel story ever told.

"A squirrel was accustomed to eating from Bhagavan's own hands. It was customary of Bhagavan to feed the squirrel with nuts. One day when the squirrel came for his food, Bhagavan was occupied with reading or some other activity that He delayed in feeding it. The squirrel, perhaps angered by the delay, bit Bhagavan's finger. Amused, Bhagavan said that, as a punishment He was going to stop feeding it with His own hands. Saying so he left the nuts on the window sill asking it to fill its belly. The squirrel was virtually upset. It ran all over the body of Bhagavan as if to plead with Him seeking His forgiveness. Bhagavan, however was unmoved. This continued for two to three days. The squirrel was also obstinate enough not to eat until Bhagavan fed it. Ultimately Bhagavan gave in, feeding the squirrel with His own hands out of His immeasurable compassion."

And let that be a lesson to you!


blake said...

That seems so profound, yet all I can think is "WTF?"

Isn't what really would happen that the squirrel would eat all the free nuts, and continue to snap at Bhagavan?

Naked Surfer said...

It means don’t eat Bhagavan Obama’s nuts from his own hand.

Nor bite him when he feeds them to you.

Or, he’ll quit bailing you out. Until he has compassion on you. And empathy. Again.

Fred4Pres said...

And then the Bhagvan had the squirel's feet made into a fabulous set of earrings and enjoyed a yummy squirrel melt.

And squirrel nutkin cried.

The end.

bagoh20 said...

I'm sorry Bhaga...I mean Ann. Please don't stop feeding me.

You forgot the "testicles" tag.

$9,000,000,000 Write Off said...

Does that mean I'm supposed to smack my kids with an open palm instead of the back of my hand?

AntiBathos said...

I get it.
The squirrel once published a slightly critical article about the Holy Sage. The Holy Sage then refused to spoon feed pure spin to the squirrel who refused to do any independent research or write anything until the Holy Sage once again told him what to report.
Is that it, wise Blog Mistress?

Paul Zrimsek said...

This may have been the guy Shel Silverstein had in mind./

David said...

My two grandaughters just got a bunny. It has now bitten everyone in the family but me. That's because I am the only one who will not pick it up.

Triangle Man said...

From the article..."perseverance as exercised by the squirrel is what is needed to attain salvation."

From the '80s via Oran Juice Jones...
"This is my world. You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut!"

TRO said...

Why is Deepak Chopra posting under your name?

DADvocate said...

I kept waiting for the part where, after gaining the squirrel's complete trust, Bhagavan grabs the squirrel, wrings its neck and grills it for dinner.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

From the article..."perseverance as exercised by the squirrel is what is needed to attain salvation."

I guess it means what they say it means, but that's not what I get from it. What I get is, you may think that it's a nut that you want, but sometimes it's really the relationship with the person who's giving you the nut. So it's not worth risking the relationship to get what you think you want. It's like when people hurt your feelings by asking for something rudely, and they get what they asked for, but now they're upset that you're not smiling like you had been.

Fred4Pres said...

David said...
My two grandaughters just got a bunny. It has now bitten everyone in the family but me. That's because I am the only one who will not pick it up.

7/22/09 1:59 PM

I knew a girl who had a pet bunny. Her grandfather came from Germany for a visit. Grandpa made dinner one night. Everything was going great until someone asked what it was. He replied hase.

Fred4Pres said...

Didn't Bhagvan explain to the squirrel that its suffering was due to its desire for nuts and affection?

k*thy said...

Laura, the salvation is the relationship.

Tibore said...

Would Squirrel have bitten if it were Bullwinkle's finger?

kalmia said...
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LarsPorsena said...
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Michael said...

This is what the great spiritual geniuses do? They feed squirrels?

Just another example of religious people making the world worse, and then patting themselves on the back with ridiculously inflated praise ("His immeasurable compassion").

LarsPorsena said...

"Would Squirrel have bitten if it were Bullwinkle's finger?'

Could Bhagavan be Sanskrit for Badanoff?

Robin said...

This sounds as if the translator is the same guy who emails me asking for the pleasure of my accounts number as that he will please to deposit $100 million pounds sterling for awaiting my happiness.

John Burgess said...

1. 'Glurge' is such a good word

2. Reason why everyone should have a recipe for squirrel in hand at all times

traditionalguy said...

Ah so. The parable about dependency. The squirrel is the one calling the shots by threatening to hurt himself. It is also a parable of my children's generation who blackmailed their parents with the same threats: "give me what I tell you or I will drop out of college and become a bum!" As Hamlet asked, Tis it nobler to bear the stings and arrows of dependent squirrel/children or kick their butts out and end it? We may need need a ruling from Lady Madonna Althouse. Is their a way to wean them gradually, or does it require a sudden reality moment? Our Professor must complete the teachable moment.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Don't bite a man when he's feeding you his nuts, especially if you have a thing for eating nuts, because who's going to let you eat their nuts if you bit the last guy who let you eat his?

BJM said...

Oh! I get it!!

Obama is Bhagavan, healthcare is the nut and we're the squirrels!

NKVD said...

I wonder how much more spiritual this squirrel story is than the second most spiritual squirrel story. What's that? There is no second place? Bring me the Bhagavan - I must kill him!

Cedarford said...

In other news, Gidget died of a massive stroke and was euthanized.

No, not Sally Field.

Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
"Yo quiero Taco Bell".

The little bug-eyed, squash-faced dog who enraged wise Latino activists and melted the hearts of females conditioned to melt for any baby-like features in an animal.

Gidget - cuter than even a squirrel.
I'd add Sally Field back in. Cuter than squirrel. The 1st NILF, from the looks of the old reruns.....


And from 2008, who better secured "Non-Elitist" credentials than Mike Huckabee? "We'd sometimes get hungry at Bible College, so we'd go out and bag squirrels. Skin and gut them in the dorm bathroom sink, then fry 'em up in the electric popcorn popper."

A God, guns, dorm life, squirrels, popcorn - tag.

Oligonicella said...

Bad story. Nobody learned a damned thing.

Asshole squirrel (normal, that), parental wanted to teach it manners. Squirrel didn't want to learn and stomped its little feet. Parental gave in. Everything returned to the way it was except the parental rationalized that it had actually accomplished something when it indeed was gamed. Squirrel remains an asshole.


bagoh20 said...

"In other news, Gidget died of a massive stroke and was euthanized."

They euthanized a dead dog? Seems kinda overkill so to speak.

Ralph L said...

Squirrel remains an asshole.
You forgot the "all" in front of squirrel. I discovered one had nested in my bathroom wall yesterday when I saw tufts of insulation on the floor. He'd cut a 3" hole in the drywall.

rhhardin said...

We need squirrel health care.

Cedarford said...

bagoh20 said...
"In other news, Gidget died of a massive stroke and was euthanized."

They euthanized a dead dog? Seems kinda overkill so to speak.

Got me!

The correct way would be:

"Gidget was dying of a massive stroke and was euthanized"

"Gidget was dead or dying of a massive stroke and I just stepped on her to end the twitching..."

AST said...

Moral: It is better to be a squirrel in India than in America, where uppity squirrels get what's coming.

Skyler said...

The lesson should be that if you don't shoot squirrels the first time they beg from you, then they will never ever ever ever leave you alone.

Penny said...

I am a sucker for a good story, and a good story teller.

I'm finally wise enough to know that "spiritual" isn't a religious term, nor an historical term. It's just a term for how moved I might be about THIS story, on THIS day.

And hell, I'm moved!

*and scurrying here and there, tail held high, looking for Bhagavan's nuts sold under the "Compassionate" label. Hey, we're "spiritual" here on Althouse. :P

Ralph L said...

Reagan used to feed the squirrels outside the Oval Office. Of course, they were all Soviet spies.

kentuckyliz said...


Michael said...

That's not the most spiritual squirrel story ever told. That would be in Ray Stevens The Mississippi Squirrel Revival


Well when I was kid I'd take a trip
every summer,
down to Mississippi.
To visit my granny in her ante bellum world.
I'd run barefooted all day long,
climbing trees free as a song.
One day I happened catch myself a squirrel.
I stuffed him down in an old shoebox,
punched a couple holes in the top and when Sunday came,
I snuck him in the church.
I was sittin way back in the very last pew
showin him to my good buddy Hugh,
when that squirrel got loose
and went totally berserk!

Well what happened next is hard to tell.
Some thought it was Heaven others thought it was Hell.
But the fact that something was among us
was plain to see.
As the choir sang "I Surrender All"
the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said,
"Somethin's got a hold on me!"


The day the squirrel went berserk,
In the First Self-Righteous Church
in that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!

Verse 2

Well Harv hit the aisles dancin and screamin
some thought he had religion
others thought he had a demon
Harv thought he had a weed eater loose
in his fruit of the looms.
He fell to his knees to plead and beg,
and that squirrel ran out of his britches leg,
unobserved to the other side of the room.

All the way down to the Amen pew
where sat Sister Bertha "Better than you"
Who had been watching all the commotion
with safistic glee.
Shoot, you should've seen the look in her eyes
when that squirrel jumped her garders and crossed her thighs.
she jumped to her feet and said,
"Lord have mercy on me!"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress,
she began to cry and then to confess
to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.

She told of gossip and church dissention,
but the thing that got the most attention
is when she talked about her love life
then she started naming names!

.....and so on.